Explosions. Machine guns. Hurdling rocks. These are all things too expensive to use in a live podcast recording. But listen and be amazed as Nixon vs Kennedy takes to the stage once again to dazzle you sound effects so realistic, your ears won’t believe all that intense action is coming from our own mouths. But tell your ears to shut up and listen, because its going to be a wild ride. That’s right, it’s the thrilling conclusion to our live stage performance at the NoisePicnic Podcast Festival. Tune in laugh with a live audience, cry with a live audience, stare helplessly at your screen while you try to figure out why Becky is screaming and wonder if she’s alright with the audience. Its the most action packed adventure of fun for the whole family after dark of the summer. Can’t get enough of our live sketch comedy adventures? Well, then stay tuned because we’ll be back with episodes LIVE from Indiana at the Crossroads comedy Festival. Until then, stay up to date by liking us on Facebook and following us on Twitter. —— Sketches written and performed by: Mike Trost – Can’t watch action movies because he gets gas Becky Wilkinson Hauser – Punched a guy for saying his favorite Bourne movie was “The Bourne Supremacy” Lauren Schwein – Has never been in a theater at night. Damian Johnson – Once lost a friend because he said, out loud, “The best action movies are in your mind!” Theme music written and performed by: Taylor Donskey – Prefers the audiobook version of most movies.

In every episode of Nixon vs Kennedy, we like to have a bit of a theme. Something that strings the sketches together, giving it a feeling of cohesion. This week’s subtle theme is: LIVE! Eagle-eared listeners will notice that this episode of NvK has an “Audience”, capable of real human laughter. To keep in line with our theme of “LIVE!”, we performed for a great crowd of living people, who en-live-ned our performance. We hope you agree that we de-live-red a night of fun and laughs. This is only part one of our performance from the NoisePicnic Podcast Festival, so be sure to check back for the exciting conclusion. Its gonna be weird. Truly, there is no drug greater or more addicting than the sound of laughter (except, of course, superweed). Which is why we are very excited about our upcoming show at the Crossroads Comedy Festival in Indianapolis. Well be performing at 4:30 on Sunday, October 16 at the Theater on the Square Cabaret. More information on their website So, if you’re in Indianapolis, come say hi! And if you’re not, how about you just like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter! —— Sketches written and performed by: Becky Wilkinson Hauser – Tips well, but doesn’t shut up about it. Lauren Schwein – Doesn’t tip, has an aquarium. Damian Johnson – Is French, has never had a manicure. Mike Trost – Went to Boston for their steak tips. Doesn’t get what the big deal is. Now baked beans! Those are something to travel for! Theme music written and performed by: Taylor Donskey – Tips like an average human American: Begrudgingly.

First days on the job are hard. They’re even harder if you’ve got 4 jaded comedians with histories of working for temp agencies writing the sketch that you’re in. Try not to sympathize with the characters too much! They’re just an amalgamation of all of our years wasted in white collar jobs micromanaged by people who take the break room bulletin board rules too seriously. If our first sketch on wacky office politics gone awry don’t settle the stress molecules in your brain, then strap in for the second sketch! Ghosts, excessively wordy prose, sloppy makeouts, that word that Mike can’t pronounce, it’s got it all! Now I know what you’re thinking, “…but NVK, I already know all there is to know about ghosts, why would I want to listen to this sketch?” Well it’s simple. Listen to it anyway! And after you’re done listening, you can check us out on Twitter or Facebook! Then after that! Check out the NoisePicnic Podcast Festival, August 28th and 29th at the Phoenix Theater. Tickets are on sale now! Sketches written and performed by: Becky Wilkinson-Hauser – Just three dogs covered with a trench coat. Lauren Schwein – Thinks raccoons “have it out for her”. Damian Johnson – Can only grow hair on his right leg. Mike Trost – Hosts a family of baby birds in his hair. Editor and Producer: Nathanael Lew– Studied ballet at Julliard. Theme music written and performed by: Taylor Donskey– Can’t stop honking.

Warning: This episode contains brief spoilers for movies that are over 40 years old. If you’ve been meaning to watch the “Classic Film” section of Netflix, we suggest you get on that and then come back for some hilarious and topical comedy! Sharing is an important way to let people know that they are important to you; it is also a neat way to let people know that you’re better than them because you have so much stuff that you can just give a huge chunk of it to other people and it doesn’t bother you at all since you still have a so much stuff left over. Oh, look at Karen, she doesn’t need a dozen donuts so she’s giving 11 of them away, isn’t she a freaking saint! What a wonderful way to look like a good person while feeling morally superior I SEE THROUGH YOUR LIES, KAREN! Anyways, today’s episode of Nixon vs Kennedy is all about sharing: sharing your food, sharing your feelings on gender politics——which are in no way influenced by your gender——and sharing your opinion about a particular film even when you haven’t seen the whole thing to make a complete judgement. Speaking of sharing, why don’t you share your thoughts with us on Twitter or Facebook! Sketch written and performed by: Becky Wilkinson-Hauser – Gave up a profitable singing career for the glamorous life of a blackjack dealer. Lauren Schwein – Gave $13,000 to charity, was later arrested for a bank heist. Damian Johnson – Gives thumb ups to hitchhikers and drives away, feeling good about himself. Mike Trost – Gives off the familiar aroma of a 1960’s drive-in theater. Editor and Producer: Nathanael Lew– Doesn’t give a hoot if you swear in front of him. Theme music written and performed by: Taylor Donskey– Gave the film Free Willy 5 out of 10 stars and is no longer allowed in our film club.

Life is full of misunderstandings. You might give someone the false impression that they’re an interesting person, or you misinterpret what actually constitutes theft. Perhaps it’s something as simple as asking your wife to pick up bread from the store, but she comes back with 17 Andalusian horses she bought using the deed to the house. It’s a breakdown in communication, WE’VE ALL BEEN THERE. Of course, these misunderstandings can lead to gossip, secrets, distrust, anger, aggression, war, even death. But they can also lead to Comedy! Here at Nixon vs Kennedy, we aim to translate the misunderstandings that cause personal and global tragedies into non-stop laughing. Travesties and terrors? More like Comedy of Errors! Speaking of effective communication, you can receive further communique from us on Twitter or Facebook! Sketches written, performed, and produced by: Damian Johnson– Tells people he went over Niagara Falls, neglects to mention it was in a plane. Becky Wilkinson Hauser– Has never owned a TV, or any electronics of any kind. Lauren Schwein– Knows the multiplication tables, and also where the Ark of the Covenant is. Mike Trost– Used to have a stutter, and also a human heart. Gordy Toler– Can’t say the word oysters without giggling, also cant eat them without dying. Editor and Producer: Nathanael Lew– Fought a bear once. He lost, but they’re still buds. Theme music written and performed by: Taylor Donskey– constantly confuses Paris, France for Burnsville, MN.

In a futuristic wasteland, society has been divided into 2 different factions: those who are alive and those who are dead. And then there’s a third faction I forgot to mention that is made up of robots. Sexy Robots. The year: who knows? The month: who’s keeping track? The day: It’s got a real monday feel, ya know? In this dystopian universe, Jordan Donovan realizes that he alone has the power to save humanity from the grips of evil. Can he and his young, charismatic and sexy partner Ashleigh save the world from a dating app that’s divorced people from reality? Or will they screw everything up and end up dying gratuitously gruesome deaths? Or will it be some third option that I purposefully didn’t tell you about? There’s only one way to find out. The thrilling conclusion to our three-part sketch: This is… APPocalypse. (It’s a pun. Like, its an apocalypse brought on by an smartphone app. And no, its nothing like that Stephen King book about cell phones turning people in to zombies, shut up.) Sketches written, performed and produced by: Damian Johnson – Believes one of the trees in his yard is secretly an Ent. Becky Wilkinson Hauser – Can’t get enough of them Cocoa Puffs. Seriously, Becky, we’re worried about you. Lauren Schwein – Original passenger on the Titanic (a raft she made out of her neighbors firewood). Mike Trost – Hasn’t been seen or heard from in, nigh, 7 years. Editor and Producer: Nathanael Lew – Lover of all things warm. Music Written and performed by: Taylor Donskey – In the witness protection program, please don’t tell anyone.

Guys. We’re so excited to release today’s episode of Nixon vs Kennedy. We’ve received some pretty optimistic praise about our first two episodes so far. “I didn’t hate it”-Taylor Donskey “How would I know if I have iTunes?”-Lauren’s Mom “I’ll listen to it after I finish Serial. Do you want to talk about Serial?”-Karen in Sales. Needless to say we’re feeling pretty good. Karen’s kind of a trendsetter around the office despite her Dansko clogs. So tell your family you’re going out for groceries, drive the car to a nearby abandoned lot, and fire up the only podcast in the world that promises total and complete serenity*. Sketches written, performed, and produced by: Damian Johnson- eats bugs Becky Wilkinson Hauser- keeps submitting fake obituaries to the newspaper Lauren Schwein- not a member of the Daughters of the American Revolution like she claims Mike Trost- can’t tell the difference between dogs and cats Gordy Toler- RIP Nathanael Lew- editor, producer, all around good guy Music written and performed by: Taylor Donskey (he’s all right) *serenity may include the same feelings of anxiety you experience on any normal day

“One year anniversary?” you say to yourself, “but this is only their second episode”. Shut up. We know that. But one year ago today three of us got together and said, “hey, you seem neat and unlikely to kill me in my sleep, want to start a sketch group?” And history was made, and because of us “Nixon” and “Kennedy” are household names. You’re welcome. Sketches written, performed, and produced by: Damian Johnson- professional Elvis impersonator Becky Wilkinson Hauser- says she’s been to Oregon and totally hasn’t Lauren Schwein- eats more cheese than she’s willing to admit Mike Trost- don’t ask him about his theory about Pez dispensers Gordy Toler- has a monkey’s heart Nathanael Lew- editor, producer, all around good guy Music written and performed by: Taylor Donskey (he’s all right)

Welcome to Episode 1 of Nixon vs. Kennedy. We’re a Minneapolis based sketch comedy podcast group of some really attractive people. In this episode we look for our country’s armed forces, make out a lot, and realize that we’re badly injured. Nixon vs Kennedy is comprised of: Mike Trost is a human male with hair of gold. His smile stuns birds out of the sky and his wit induces paralysis. The only thing he can’t do? Nothing. He is perfect and untouchable. Damian Johnson once walked into a bank said no words and they handed him a bag of cash. He didn’t intend to rob the place, but he didn’t give the money back either. If you ask him about it he gets real shifty. He also collects buffalo nickels. Becky Wilkinson Hauser has three names so she’s basically a God. She flies to work on a California condor named Kevin. Kevin said that the reason he didn’t vote in the last election was because he didn’t register but it’s really because he was playing Grand Theft Auto and forgot. Lauren Schwein walks a fine line between adorable and curiously deviant. She’s on the board of directors of 6 different Fortune 500 companies because no one is brave enough to tell her that she doesn’t belong there. She ate a wasp once for sport. Gordy Toler moved to California without our consent. He is dead to us. Nathanael Lew edits all of the Nixon vs Kennedy podcasts. He is eight feet tall and participates in Civil War reenactments where he plays a really bored guy from the future. Music written and performed by: Taylor Donskey (he’s all right)