Never Be Game Over

Video games! They allow us to make the impossible a reality. To throw us into worlds we could never previously have imagined. To make us experience things far outside the realm of our own lives. To allow us to distract ourselves from our job as a…forklift driver by…playing darts?

Happy birthday, Mario! Yes, as the title declares, superb Mario is now 64 years old, and much like Tom Cruise in a Mission: Impossible movie, he’s still throwing himself around with the reckless abandon of a 20 year old. Join us as we discuss one of the most important video games of all time and prepare yourself for some truly preposterous scoring on the part of Sam, the new wildcard.

Let's face it - sometimes someone does something, says something, something so outrageous, so beyond the pale, so unnacceptable, that your only recourse is to give them a good hard public slap. Just so they know that that shit is not cricket.  So join us, as we ready up our strikin' palm, and let you know which game characters are most cruising for a very public bruising.

Goddamn, get ready to go on a journey with this one, dear listener. Two of the hosts of this podcast are sane, rational men willing to have normal responses to things they encounter. But only one is able to stake out the position of describing encountering a game that he has come to love dearly that he also considers to be almost unplayable. Join us - and reveal the maniac in our midst.

Endlessly trot back and forth for bullshit trinkets? Throw you into a battle that you've been given scant instructions for? Literally stab a baby? Let's be honest, games have made us all do some terrible things in our time, both inside of them...and sadly sometimes outside of them. So join us, dear listener, as we turn over the rock and peer into the abyss of wriggling, crawling indignities and ask - what is the worst thing a game has ever made us do?

Suit up, me ‘owd Tenno and get stuck into that fight - time to frag some Gringotts! Yes, dear listener, you’re in for a wild ride this week as we dive into Warframe - the game that features the absolute biggest delta between the amount of time that we have spent on it and our almost complete lack of understanding of what is happening within it. Grab your gleep-glorp, engage the neutraxaliser and get ready to do battle - for the glory of the Tekkens!

*saxophone music begins*  Oh, heyyyy there. Be careful with this one, listeners. Let’s be honest, people love the podcast, they say it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to them. But if we hear one thing again and again about the pod, it’s that it’s not quite SEXY enough! Now, it’s pretty sexy. But is it SEXY enough? If even one person called it into question, we’d have to do something, and we have - by spending a whole episode letting down our families, our loved ones and indeed ourselves, as we try and get to the bottom of the eternal question - WHO is the sexiest non-human in video games?

Ah, the good old days! When men were men and CEOs tested their child’s business acumen by throwing them off cliffs. When you could put on a fighting tournament and there were none of these snowflakes complaining about fairness, bleating about ‘what do you mean I have to fight a robot man’ or ‘wait, that other robot man has a sword’. Join us, won’t you, as we return to those halcyon days of the late nineties and plunge into the richest Game World that we’ve yet encountered

He’s the hero we deserve, but not the hero we need. More immediately recognisable than Mickey Mouse. Alleged gorilla jailer. Eternal simp. Endless fountain of optimism and excitement…or is he? Simply put, when we peek behind his constant whooping and hollering, his somewhat fixed grin, his seemingly heroic desire to rid the world of evil, what do we find?    To be frank, is Mario happy?

Oho - shit’s getting serious now! After ‘SpideyMans PS4’ made such an impact on our scores last time, we’re not making things any easier for ourselves by diving into a game that, rumour has it, did quite well upon its release a hard-to-fathom five years ago. This episode has it all, Nintendo devotees, Nintendo sceptics, and one man’s quest to deal with the terror of lifting up a rock and finding a tiny, but very alive, screeching leaf man who offers you his…poo?