I’ve made an episode on self abandonment before, but this one focusses more on how to recognize the consequences of self abandonment in your own life. Chances are, if you are abandoning yourself, you may not realize you’re doing it. Rather, you simply feel the consequences and feel unhappy in your life. When we are unhappy in life, or don’t like the way things are going, we can often blame it on other things. While outside stressor can certainly contribute to being unhappy, it ultimately your choice how you react to them and how you take care of yourself. All of this is to say, it could be argued that the consequences I list in this episode could come from many different things and you may even feel yourself pointing your finger anywhere but within. If you’re doing this, it’s okay, taking responsibility for your life and your happiness can be hard and scary at first. After awhile, though, it becomes liberating to know that only you can make you feel a certain way. So, if you find yourself not ready to take responsibility yet, that’s okay. But, if any of the consequences I list in this episode really resonate with you, take some time to notice that and question whether you could lighten your own burden simply by refusing to continue the cycle of self abandonment. IG/Tiktok: @mindfulatmidnightWebsite: www.mindfulatmidnight.com

Today we’re discussing values: what they really are, how they influence us, and what it means when we have different values from another person. In short, to me, values are what you’re going to prioritize in your life. Of course, because we’re human beings, it’s not always as simply as valuing something and making it happen. Sometimes, we have values that we are unable to bring into fruition due to our own limiting beliefs, and that’s what can cause internal conflict. Our values can also help us determine what types of people we want to have in our lives. Chances are, no matter how much you like or love someone, if your values aren’t aligned, the relationship will never work out. In this episode, I’m going to discuss the overall importance of values and how you can begin to come into alignment with yours.

As a woman, it has taken me many years to release the internalized misogyny that was unfortunately bred into me. I have been taught to view other women as competition, as unsafe to confide in or be close to, and as people always “out to get me.” Even though I knew that I wasn’t doing these things to other women, somewhere along the way I became paranoid they were doing it to me. While I’m sure there are some women who don’t have the respect and consideration it takes to build a same-sex community, I’m not here to focus on them. What I’m talking about today it cultivating community with other women and the importance that can have in your healing journey if you also identify as a woman. Much like expressing your struggles with mental health can help you realize you’re not alone, I believe creating a community of women to discuss experiences can have the same benefits. You will probably find, more often than not, that they have been in similar situations to you. Or, maybe they even have advice on how you can work through things yourself. I’m on a mission to become more woman-centered, rather than looking for validation and connection from men. While there is nothing wrong with that, I am personally ready for a season of my life full of wholesome connection, and I think a lot of girls are. The dating scene is rough right now, and a lot of women have been going through it, so let’s band together for a bit and explore what sisterhood really means.

There are a couple of key signs to look out for when you think you might be ready for growth or changes, which I outline in this episode. The most important thing to remember is that growth can happen at any time and it can happen in many stages. Growth is not linear, so don’t lose heart or worry that maybe you’re “stepping backwards.” There really is no such thing. There are only lessons upon lessons. In this episode, I also go over how to gauge that someone else may be ready for change so that you can know how to respond in some relationships. However, know that while you may be able to determine whether someone is ready to grow or not, you can never make someone grow and take the steps they need to. That comes down to every individual. Take a look at where you stand in your life, and look for the main factors listed in this episode to determine what level of growth you’re actually ready for. Happy healing my friends.

We’ve all been there: giving our opinion when it wasn’t asked for, or sitting and listening to opinions we didn’t ask for. If you find yourself here often, I have some news for you: it’s because you lack boundaries. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to hear other’s opinions but, if you’re a people pleaser or someone who is afraid of stating your boundaries you’re bound to listen even when you’re done hearing what someone has to say. Each time you do this, you are saying to yourself that what this person has to say is more important that what you have to say. That their beliefs are more important than yours. And that it’s more important to keep them happy and comfortable EVEN WHEN it’s hurting you, than it is to stand up and tell them no. It’s okay to tell people you aren’t looking for their opinion. It’s okay to stop sharing with people whose opinion you don’t care to hear, whether this comes to decisions in your own life or anything else. In today’s world, so many people freely share what they think as if it’s the most important thing without ever bothering to see if anyone asked them. It’s okay to discuss your beliefs, of course. What I’m getting at here is when these opinions are about your personal beliefs or actions and you DIDN’T ASK what they think. Let’s normalize telling people no one asked them, in the first place.

Our feelings can be great indicators of what our bodies may need in any given moment, but you don’t need to let your feelings dictate your actions. No matter how you feel you can still make conscious decisions about what is most helpful/healthy for you and follow through with those actions. There are three main examples where I discuss the importance of not letting your feelings dictate how you act. Those are: letting fear keep you from making major changes in life, letting “negative” emotion stand in the way of being present enough to experience joy, and letting lack of motivation be the reason you don’t keep up with your routines. Learning to differentiate between your feelings and actions will help you with self discipline, confidence, and becoming a better person to yourself and others. In my opinion, cultivating this skill is a key component to a successful life and can really determine the path you take in you career, relationships, and health. Learn what is good for you and stick to it, regardless of how it might make you feel. This means doing the thing even when you’re scared. It means working out even when you have no motivation. It means allowing yourself to experience joy in the midst of a difficult situation. It also means setting boundaries even though they don’t always feel good. Life isn’t always about only doing what feels good, it’s also about being brave enough to do what feels uncomfortable and face your difficult emotions so that you can blossom into all that you are capable of.

Obedience comes in many forms, especially if we are looking at it from a religious point of view. But, in my opinion, one of the most important forms of obedience comes from following your intuition and listening the whispers of your soul. When we are manifesting something big in our lives, or praying for something, it takes more than uttering the word and waiting for it to be true. The action it requires from us is usually going to come in the form of intuition or ideas being planted in your mind. These unexplainable things are ways you need to be obedient in order to receive the blessing or manifestation you’ve been waiting for. For me, this happens when I am inspired to make content about certain topics for life coaching, or even for this podcast. Because I am currently manifesting self-sufficiency in my business and being able to help people, the ideas I have point me to take steps in the right direction for those things. The obedience comes in the form of me acting on those ideas (creating the content). If I wasn’t being obedient, I would procrastinate and let the idea be pulled from me and given to someone else. Obedience also means allowing certain relationships, situations, locations, etc. to end. This is showing up in my life right now as I am moving to Colorado. Even though it’s scary and hard, I can feel that it is the best thing for me and, therefore, I will be obedient towards it.

As I have been diving more into my faith as a Christian and into my work as a life coach, I can’t help but notice certain similarities between the two things. In the episode, I explain my take on manifestation and prayer in that, to me, they are one in the same. There may be different language used, but ultimately the purpose is to align yourself with something you desire. There are a few steps to this. First, you have to know what it is you even want. You can’t pray for or manifest anything if you don’t know what it is to begin with. An important part of this is also thinking about how said thing will make you feel once you do have it.Next comes actually asking for what it is, in detail. Visualization can help a lot here. In the meantime, while you wait for your prayer to be answered, you can ask yourself what you might be able to do in the meantime to create the feeling previously discussed. In the realm of manifestation, the is called “acting as if you already have the thing.” In Christianity, it’s called being obedient and aligning your heart posture with all that you seek.

We’ve all seen the “That Girl” routines and we see people sharing their habits on social media all the time. Even as a coach, I often feel like clients come to me expecting me to give them a perfect routine that will make all their problems go away. In this episode, I break down the way our habits really work to influence our self esteem and explain that there is no such thing as a perfect routine. What it really comes down to is choosing what works for you personally. We can watch people’s morning routine videos as a way to inspire us, but it actually does more harm than good if you consume this sort of content only to shame yourself about what you think you “should” be doing. There are two types of habits: those that are helpful towards getting us where we want to be, and those that aren’t. What those specific habits look like for you is something only you can know. What helpful habits you do isn’t what matters. What matters is that you are consistent with those habits and you build self trust by showing up for yourself every day.

I’m exploring a topic today that one of my friends introduced me to a while ago. She told me that whenever she feels like she’s in a bad mood or just isn’t thinking in the most productive way about herself or her life, she checks in with her “plant needs.” This means before she allows herself to spiral into a pit of negativity, self criticism, or self pity she asks herself these questions:Have I had anything to eatHave I had anything to drinkHave I gotten outsideHave I gotten enough sleep These four simple questions can help us to stop identifying so strongly with our negative emotions and, instead, recognize when we simply need a little self care. Pausing this way and identifying your plant needs will help you pause before entering that spiral or “tornado mind” as I like to call it. Give this a try next time you’re feeling overwhelmed.