Shay Doran, a men's coach specialising in helping men overcome sexual performance issues, shares insights into the challenges he faced and how he transformed his life. Initially, on the surface, his life seemed great, but he struggled with a bad relationship with porn and sex, thinking it was normal for every guy. It took years for him to realise the destructive impact on his life.Discussing the escalation of porn usage, Shay highlights how it affects the mind differently from real-life sex. The hyperstimulating nature of porn, instant gratification, and constant exposure lead to a chase for a dopamine high, affecting real-life sexual experiences.Shay emphasizes that men often face performance challenges in the bedroom due to various factors beyond porn, such as external pressures, stress, and anxiety. He points out that addressing these issues requires understanding the context of the situation and seeking help through coaching or therapy.He encourages men not to accept performance challenges as permanent and stresses the importance of having open conversations about them. He acknowledges the vulnerability and fear associated with these conversations but emphasises the potential for transformation and a fulfilling sex life. Finally, Shay underscores the negative impact of prolonged performance challenges, leading to self-doubt, shame, and potential mental health issues.Shay also addresses the problem of young men and boys having easy access to pornography and the negative impact this can have on their perceptions of sex and suggests a useful website Fight the new drug 'How to discuss porn when talking to your kids about sex': https://fightthenewdrug.org/ To contact Shay visit his website: https://shay-doran.com/ or his YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@shay-doran.

In this episode, I am joined by Andrea Newton, who is on a mission to provide men with a better understanding of menopause. If, like me, your knowledge is slim and you feel out of your comfort zone anytime the word ‘menopause’ is mentioned, then this episode is for you. With over 30 years’ of experience helping thousands of men and women have important conversations, Andrea’s approach is down-to-earth, and straightforward. This episode will be useful to any man who wants to offer support in a way that is helpful and appreciated. It examines the impact this life stage can have on relationships, careers, and life in general, helping you and the woman you care about move forward with knowledge and positivity.Andrea shares her own experiences which highlight the more serious effect that menopause can have on mental health and discusses what’s going on, why it matters, and how it can impact life as you know it. Most importantly, Andrea will help you have useful conversations that show that you care and that means your head isn’t ripped off after a clumsy (but well-intended) question. Andrea has written a book for men entitled: ‘Could it be Your HORMONES Love? (and other questions not to ask a menopausal woman)’ which is available to buy online.You can also visit her website for lots more resources and information: https://confidentconversations.co.uk.Key information about menopause: Menopause is a natural process that affects 51% of the population.The symptoms of menopause can range from mild to severe and can affect a woman's physical and emotional health.Women are often not well-informed about menopause and their GPs may not be well-trained to treat it.The psychological impact of menopause can be significant, with some women experiencing suicidal thoughts.Men can play a supportive role during menopause by being understanding, encouraging women to seek help, and advocating for them with their doctors.Divorce rates are higher during the perimenopausal and postmenopausal years, and 62% of divorces are instigated by menopausal women.The symptoms of menopause can affect relationships, including sexual intimacy.Women are often at the peak of their careers during menopause, and the stress of managing both work and home life can exacerbate the symptoms.

In part II, of this episode, I continue my discussion with Paul Bayliss, who experienced job-related depression when undertaking a massive transformation project for a large public sector organisation. A combination of the demands and high-pressure nature of the role with a toxic working environment and culture proved to be unsustainable. Finally, Paul was diagnosed with depression and signed off work but that was the beginning of another battle to acknowledge the condition and deal with his perceptions of failure and the impact on his career. Paul explains the importance of separating work and personal identity and emphasises the need to develop your own interests outside of work, whether it be going to the gym. hiking or charity work. When work becomes your only point of validation and identification as a person, when work isn’t there or something changes, everything comes tumbling down.He shares his recovery process and how it involved therapy and lifestyle changes. He stresses the importance of being aware of the impact of external or environmental factors on your well-being and how maintaining a sense of self-awareness and being mindful is important to achieving a good work-life balance and is also crucial for mental and physical health and personal growth. 

In this two-part episode, I am joined by Paul (Drew) Bayliss, an accomplished professional with a long and successful career, who shares his experience of job-related depression when he was working for a large public sector organisation in a high-pressure and demanding transformation role. Depression in the workplace is a common issue among professionals, often attributed to long hours, demanding targets, and volatile bosses.  Often, it is an organisation’s culture and leadership that creates toxic working environments where employees can develop symptoms like fatigue, insomnia, problems with memory loss, and lack of concentration which in turn can contribute to depression. Like Paul, sometimes it is difficult to accept that you are suffering from depression feelings of failure, and embarrassment, and that your career is over all exacerbate the situation. Paul discusses the importance of overcoming the stigma of mental ill health and how the role of friends, family, and therapy is critical to recovery and the provision of a positive support system. Unfortunately, surprisingly few men actively seek help acknowledging and tackling depression which can often lead to more severe consequences if left undiagnosed and unmanaged.  

In this episode, I welcome back Octavian Constantinescu who last time talked about how he was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. This time, he describes his experience of living with anxiety, which he initially mistook as a normal way of living. Octavian constantly felt a sense of dread and had difficulty sleeping due to worries about work and other aspects of life.  He compared his anxious thoughts to a repetitive GIF, constantly playing in his mind. Octavian felt incompetent and unable to ask for help, which impacted his relationships and job performance. He finally decided to seek support through therapy and learned techniques to manage his anxiety, such as the ACE method (Acknowledge, Connect, Engage) which uses simple methods to help him stay present and break the cycle of anxious thoughts. Octavian recommends a book called 'The Happiness Trap' by Russ Harris, and you can also visit Russ’s website thehappinesstrap.com where you’ll find lots of useful information on techniques to combat anxiety as well as lots of other free resources.You can also contact Octavian directly, via LinkedIn. 

In this episode, we dive into the world of high-pressure careers, particularly in law enforcement, with Richard Podkowski, a seasoned law enforcement professional. He shares his experiences dealing with the constant stress that comes with protecting U.S. Presidents and major security assignments both domestically and abroad. Richard discusses the societal stigma surrounding seeking support for stress-related issues and the evolving landscape of employee assistance programs (EAPs) that have become valuable resources for law enforcement personnel. Join us for an eye-opening conversation about managing high-pressure jobs and the changing perceptions of seeking help in these demanding fields. Recently, Richard pursued creative interests, involving writing, acting, and sharing law enforcement expertise with the entertainment industry, culminating in his debut novel, "The Walk-On," released in February 2023.To find out more about Richard you can visit his website: https://richardpodkowski.com/ where you can also buy his debut novel ‘The Walk-on’ which is also available from online retailers including Amazon and Barnes and Noble. 

In this episode, I am joined by Duncan Bhaskaran Brown, coach, speaker, and Morris dancer, who helps people with alcohol dependency issues. He is also an author. His first book ‘Get Over Indulgence’ outlines a simple system to revolutionise your relationship with food, booze, and life. His new book ‘Real Men Quit’ is out in December. Duncan shares his own experiences of battles with addiction, particularly, alcohol including what made him decide to stop and methods he used to lead a more rewarding life.He explores how we live in a world full of illusions of truth, and there are many illusions of truth about alcohol if you look at the motivational triad we’re basically designed as humans to maximize pleasure, minimize pain, and minimize the expenditure of energy. And if you look at the delusions that are out there around alcohol, the world will tell you that alcohol increases your pleasure. It doesn't. It will tell you it reduces your pain. It doesn't. And it will tell you the best thing to do is sit on the sofa after a hard day's work and drink a glass of wine, which is, of course, minimizing energy expenditure.He also discusses how to recognise if you or someone close to you is drinking too much, how to address the problem, and the support options available from self-help to cognitive therapy to Alcoholics Anonymous.  If you want to find out more about Duncan or to contact him directly visit his website: https://www.bhaskaranbrown.com/.You can also buy his book Get Over Indulgence, or pre-order his new book Real Men Quit on Amazon:Duncan also referenced a few self-help books: Allen Carr's Easy Way to Control Alcohol.This Naked Mind: The myth-busting cult hit for anyone who wants to cut down their alcohol consumption. By Annie Grace.You can also visit Alcoholics Anonymous. 

In this episode, I am joined by Steve Whittle, founder of Tough to Talk, a charity committed to helping business and community leaders reduce male suicide rates by empowering men to speak openly about their struggles. Steve shares his own experiences of suicide behaviours and how this led to him starting Tough to Talk. He addresses the critical issue of suicide prevention, particularly focusing on the alarming statistics related to men. Suicide is described as the number one preventable cause of death globally, claiming over 700,000 lives annually. Shockingly, two-thirds of these individuals are men, who are three times more likely to die by suicide than women.We explore the barriers men face in seeking help, emphasising that only 32% of men in the UK engage with psychological services. These challenges are attributed to stigma surrounding mental health and societal expectations of male strength (toxic masculinity). The suicide continuum is explored as a framework to understand the progression of suicidal thoughts and actions, highlighting that men often suffer in silence due to this disconnect.Steve also discusses factors contributing to suicidal tendencies, including psychological, identity, biological, current life circumstances, and past trauma. He emphasises that men considering suicide may not necessarily want to die but just want to seek relief from their pain.He talks about the difficulty of spotting signs of suicidal behaviour in men, as they often conceal their struggles and the importance of using direct language when discussing suicide, even if the words may be uncomfortable.The speaker introduces "Tough to Talk," an initiative aimed at breaking the stigma around male mental health by engaging men in male-dominated industries and promoting open conversations. They believe that by encouraging men to discuss their challenges, it will filter into homes and eventually eradicate generational gender bias and stigma.Despite increased conversations about mental health, suicide rates are still rising, underlining the need for proactive checking-in on friends and the importance of persistent and specific questions when someone says they are "fine."In summary, this episode sheds light on the urgent need for suicide prevention efforts targeted at men, emphasizing the role of societal norms and the importance of open communication in addressing this critical issue in the workplace, in communities and in the home.Tough to Talk vows to break down the stigma of men’s mental health and aims to train 2,400 ‘tough talkers’ over the next 18 months. If you are experiencing any of the issues raised in this podcast, general advice is to talk to your doctor. There are also organisations you can call now for example, in the UK, you can call the Samaritans on 116 123, and if you are in the US, you can call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

In this episode, I am joined by Jonathan Bogner, executive producer of reality TV & movies, and entrepreneur with multiple businesses. In 2007, life was great for Jonathan, living in Beverly Hills with his wife and children, living his dream job producing movies and had just sold a movie at a major film festival. Life was to change drastically in a moment, forever. Jonathan suffered heart failure, two massive strokes and lost the ability to speak. He survived but unable to talk or write, he lost his business and had a defibrillator implanted in his chest just to keep his heart beating. Jonathan rebuilt his life, becoming a producer of reality TV shows until his defibrillator fired twice within seconds, and he was rushed to Cedars Sinai hospital and told he would not be discharged until a heart became available for a transplant. Four weeks later and after enduring a nine-hour operation, Jonathan had his new (used) heart from a female donor,  however just when he thought his problems were over, there was much more to come. Join us, and hear Jonathan’s story, how it has impacted his mental health and how he has learned to take each day as it comes. He talks about his rehabilitation and how he has adapted his life to his own philosophy around exercise, healthy eating, but most importantly, maintaining his sense of humor. 

Welcome to the Mid-Life Men podcast. In this episode, I am joined by author Johnnie Lowery, who writes about his passion for football, but also about mental health and the relationship between the two. Johnnie’s first book, Six Added Minutes, was written while he was at university and published in November 2019 and his second book, Match Fit, was published in August 2023, and is inspired by a desire to ensure mental health does not remain a taboo subject in society. Johnnie shares his own mental health journey which started as a teenager, through university and into adulthood. He struggled to fit in socially which prevented him from living the life he wanted to until he undertook counselling and found that writing helped to manage how he felt and enabled him to find his own coping mechanisms. Johnnie talks about the different mental health topics he explores in Match Fit, which include: Supporters – exploring the sense of community you get at football matches, and everyone having a common cause means people will often readily support each other. This links to the more positive side of tribalism, which is often highlighted as a negative of football fans in the press. Retirement – what happens to footballers when they retire and includes an interview with Marcus Bent, speaking openly about his struggles with retirement. Addiction – exploring alcohol and gambling addiction and why sportspeople are often more predisposed to addiction than the general population. Grassroots Level - how simply playing football can benefit your mental health whether it be competitive 11-a-side games or a 5-a-side walking football kickabout with mates in the park.Johnnie’s book are available to buy at most online retailers including Waterstones, and Amazon.If you want to find out more about the mental health and suicide charity Beder, that Johnnie mentions visit the website: https://beder.org.uk/.