Download Day 3 worksheet here.

Transcript:

Self care, 2019 seemed to bring a lot of talk around self care but much of it was at a very surface based level - mainly candles and baths. Now, if that’s what truly recharges you and makes you feel like your true, contented self, then that’s great, but there’s so much more which falls into “self care” which gets over looked and buried away. 

As women, we often find ourselves pushing our self care down the list of priorities, spending our days fulfilling other’s needs and wants. I know I keep saying it over and over again, but in order to give to others we need to fill our cup first.

Absolutely Necessary Self Care

Within this category fall things we will often put off due to time and financial constraints which are actually really, truly necessary. Have ever gone without any of the following because you just don’t have the money, time or flexibility right now? 

• Dentist appointment

• Haircut

• Medical appointment

• Smear test

• Opticians appointment

• New shoes/slippers

• Warm clothing during winter

• Medicine when sick

• Food which isn’t just toast or pasta

• Time off when poorly

• An early night

• More sleep

• Removing the word should 

• Saying no to social engagement

• Putting yourself first

• Sitting in the sunshine

• Giving yourself enough time to get to work, back home or get ready in the morning 

Can you think of any others? This is self neglect. When we choose to go without any, really truly necessary things, we’re telling ourselves that we don’t deserve even the basics to live.   

I remember two years ago something pretty small happened, which caught my attention and really, truly began my journey into what I call proper self care.  My slippers had holes in, they were literally falling apart, with no comfy sole. My feet hurt when wearing them because of how worn out they were. I refused to buy myself a new pair, even though our home has tiled floors and the alternative was walking around barefoot. I threw them away one weekend, deciding barefoot with socks was better than the slippers, which it probably was but it still left my feet feeling freezing cold. This was in the middle of winter and to add a little extra oomph to this story, my joints seize up when I’m cold due to having a chronic illness called EDS. Not long after I’d thrown the slippers away and not buying a new pair, driving home, I was listening to Emma Gannon's latest podcast with Jayne Hardy on self care. Jayne mentioned that she realised she had a problem with how she treated herself when she wouldn't buy herself a pair of slippers preferring to make do with slippers that had ripped soles and holes in them. She said she would never let a friend or family member wear slippers like that and go out and buy them a pair instantly, yet she didn't think she deserved any herself. I was driving back from the airport, and this wave of guilt swept over me. Guilt for not treating myself with even an ounce of kindness that I would a friend. If I saw a friend had no slippers I'd buy them a pair that very day. The slippers are just one tiny example of how we can neglect our needs, imagine these little things adding up, each with the message that we don’t deserve even the basics such as a full tummy, being warm and feeling well. 

Next we have the I Feel Loved & Cared For self care category. 

In this category we’ve got lovely things which make us feel fuzzy and warm. Little treats and relaxing activities. What kind of things do you treat yourself to in this category?

• Netflix night

• Face mask

• Painted nails

• A long luxurious bath

• Quiet time snuggled up on the sofa with a furry friend and a book

• Lighting candles

• Spending time with a loved one

• Taking a longer route to work or going for a nice walk

• Spending time on a hobby or exploring a new one

• Moving your body such as going for a run or doing yoga

Finally we have the Treating Yourself Self Care. 

This is for the bigger stuff, the things you’d treat a loved one to that you’d really love too. Because guess what, you are totally and utterly worth it. By treating yourself to the big stuff, when you can, you’re sending a message of self love deep within. Always remember, whenever you put yourself first, give to yourself and treat yourself, you’re filling your cup up. With a full cup you’re able to give to others, but from an empty cup you can give to no-one. 

What kind of things would you add to this list and have you ever done any of these for yourself with no other agenda other than to treat yourself? 

• That handbag, pair of shoes, make up, or dress you’ve wanted for absolutely ages

• A course you want to invest your time/money in to become a sparklier version of yourself

• A spa day

• Taking yourself out for dinner, lunch or even just a cuppa

• A cinema trip for yourself

• A membership to something which is totally frivolous but wonderful

• Time spent on a guilty pleasure

Acts of self care are more important than we can ever begin to imagine. They reinforce within us that we are worth time, money and effort, in doing so it’ll reinforce that we deserve this from others to - supporting us through friendships, relationships and romantic relationships. Self care adds a little sparkle to our character which can often fizzle out, it makes us a little bouncier, peppier, more productive, energetic and generous. This can only be a good thing. 

Hobbies are also acts of self care as long as they bring us joy, if you hobbies don’t bring you joy, it’s time to ditch them and find something that does. Exploring hobbies is a toughie, it can often mean putting yourself out there and failing, remember nobody ever ever ever starts off being brilliant at anything, it takes time and practice and of course patience. What hobbies do you enjoy doing? Are there any things which you may label as “exercise” which I label as “joyful movement” which really perks you up and energises you? For me it’s things like rowing - I’m absolutely terrible but I find it very meditative and, because I’m still pretty new to rowing I have to really focus on what I’m doing, making sure I row at exactly the same time as the rest of the crew. I also enjoy swimming and yoga, because those forms of movement make me feel amazing. What about the gym? I can’t stand treadmills or rowing machines, I prefer to be out in the fresh air but many people really enjoy popping their headphones on and tuning into a podcast or music whilst they workout at the gym. 

What about non-movement related hobbies? Which do you currently enjoy? I’ve recently taken up water colour painting which make me feel calm and grounded. I’ve always enjoyed pottering in the garden and cooking too - both of these bring me a quiet contentment and also a re-set of my body and mind like nothing else. 

In the worksheet you received today take some time after this live to fill it in if you haven’t already, finding activities which bring you joy are a very important part of being kind to yourself.

Let’s recap on what we have soul dived into today:

• Absolutely Necessary Self Care

• I Feel Loved & Cared For

• Treating Yourself Self Care

• Joyful Movement and Joyful Hobbies

Now, I’d like you to make a promise to yourself to do one thing for yourself related to what we have spoken about today. Think of one small or big thing that you can do this week which adds to your self care. What’s it going to be?