🔸 "Don't do dumb stuff!" Don't give people false hopes. All seems straightforward, and exile-less. I suggest we keep searching.

🔹 Parts:

• Eyerolling skeptic. Forceful, serious. The Not fun one
• Embarrassment, integrity
• Rather be at the beach
• Needs Theresa to study thoroughly and well. By making time and space to do so.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

Theresa was patient with me as I prodded, and very helpful in letting me know when she was "searching" for an answer but not finding one. Makes my job much easier!

Was my questioning too much? I felt like I was missing the right language to illuminate suspected exile(s) in first half of call. IIRC, this is not the first time we've heard the concern about hurting others. I'm looking for the part in her that is hurting.

Theresa followed up:

I think I might have tracked down the thread leading to possible exile . Or maybe a few leads that could be part of that protective part wanting to guard against “embarrassment”. I was trying to open to times when I myself felt embarrassed as a kid.... Couldn’t pick up on anything with a charge on it, but I DO remember my mom always kindof being paranoid about what other people thought, and I think it might be that as a kid I had to work hard to avoid doing anything that *she* might have found embarrassing in order to feel loved /belong. I think that’s why I couldn’t catch it, I was looking for times when I felt embarrassed, nothing was lighting up, but I can hear her voice in there when I dig around, all worried about what people think and a time or two when it seemed she was appalled /disgusted at me for not doing “dumb things”, (those aren’t her words, they were the parts words from tonight). I was really looking to neutralize the part about coaching tonight, it was making friction in my studies. And I think we did that, and it’s calmed down on that topic because that was just a small thing that triggered it’s embarrassment button. The underlying fear of embarrassment I think was too far away from the coaching piece to connect up without me doing some probing and just letting it marinate. Next time we can try to access that kid. Thanks for the work and the breadcrumbs.

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