Spotify wants us to have a trailer, so here you go. This is a shortened episode featuring a brand new segment, called "Ballpark Talk", in which the premise is to decide whether two things are in the same ballpark or different ones. Today's inaugural topic: cannibalism versus eating a pet. Enjoy! Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

We have a new segment, called "Ballpark Talk", in which the premise is to decide whether two things are in the same ballpark or different ones. Today's inaugural topic: cannibalism versus eating a pet. As usual, we explore many of the philosophical nuances here. What if it's a pet you know, versus a person you don't? What if the person died accidentally and humourously in a food preparation context? What if it's a person who is a pet? Does the relative deliciousness matter? We do not want to hear from anyone who has actually considered eating a person. Anyone else, though, can email us ([email protected]). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

This podcast was a rare occasion when most of us were in the same room. This means that the audio is generally exquisite since we are using T-Bone's studio, but also somewhat annoying because Warren insists on giving listeners cues of our eating and drinking. Do judges have their own gavels, or is one provided in the courtroom? What if someone breaks the gavel, is there a spare? John is on hand to answer, even though he insists he hasn't spent much time in a courtroom. You be the judge of what he knows about judges. Get it? If you are a judge, or a gavel equipment manager, and want to set the record straight, send us an email ([email protected]). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

An oft-discussed but not previously resolved question: is Die Hard a Christmas movie? We settle the matter, I guess, provided you don't care very much about the matter in the first place. Turns out the whole question turns on the secret, possibly offscreen shenanigans between Bruce and the security guard. If you can read between the scenes to imagine some help-shtooping, then you have yourself a holiday classic. Take that, Julie Andrews! Our handy rule turns out to illuminate the question for many other Christmas movie candidates, although the degree to which off-screen activity is implied is sometimes controversial. Screenwriters of the future, take note: make sure that you explicitly clarify the off or on screen antics involving the help if you want to be included in the holiday rotation. If you need help with how to write about expressly boning, email us ([email protected]). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Welcome back! Have you washed your hands? Either way, keep your soggy end out of the dip. Warren asks whether Timmy was right in suggesting that George from Seinfeld put his whole mouth in the tip. Remember the before-time, when this might have been a question? It's hard to imagine now, but at one stage it was somewhat defensible to dip near someone else, and maybe even do so twice, depending on rotation and the number of chip protuberances. If you know can clarify the benefits of tube-shaped chips, or know which of our episodes contains a discussion of aphid honeydew, send us an email ([email protected]). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

The coronavirus lockdown worldwide has everyone adjusting to a new reality, including us. There are a lot of pressing issues, and we're not qualified to talk about any of those, so we thought we would solve some less-pressing problems. We start somewhat mysteriously with T-Bone mentioning how he recently entertained some higher-ups for a super-secret contract (details have been censored to protect T-Bones client from the defamation that would otherwise arise). Warren suggested he should have taken them to The Granary, a fairly niche restaurant from our hometown that can no longer have a salad wagon for virus reasons. If you have suggestions for finding private chew-stick time under lockdown, send us an email ([email protected]). Thanks to Ipecac Recordings.

For this episode, we revisit Inventions and Shit, our segment in which we present ideas of new inventions for free (mostly) in case any venture capitalists are listening. Warren's latest idea is a toilet water warmer, which, you may have guessed, warms the water in your toilet. There are several major benefits (or perhaps problems) depending on your anatomy, digestive physiology, and temperature preference. And maybe the country of origin of your dog. If you are a robot (preferably not a racist or masturbating one) and wish to license our idea (please don't) you can contact us by email ([email protected]). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Having been stuck on Season 11 for a while, we skipped 12 and went straight to 13. Bad luck be damned! By the way, have you been eating salami wrong? Quite possibly. Anyway, this episode marks a return to our contest feature Nature Walk, Who's That Bird Non-Bird Edition, Round 5. How dramatic! For this contest, we have to listen to an audio clip of a nonbird, describe the nonbird or name it, describe what the nonbird is thinking, or what it is trying to achieve with the sound, and then provide a collective noun for the animal. Play along at home, though you'll be hard pressed to match the amateur natural history insights we muster. If you need any more nostril-based trivia, let us know via email ([email protected]). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

I was going to write about Warren's introduction of a topic, and I guess I have. SPOILER ALERT: Warren mentions more than one thing not particularly central to the latest Predator movie that had (until our discussion) seemed unbelievable, but we resolve that for him. Then, for our segment "How About That?", Warren bring up the Pepto Bismol and Nyquil donut range for the Voodoo Donut shop in Oregon, not to mention the Cock and Balls donut. Somehow their range is not as variable as it could be, especially if they had listened to some earlier suggestions from Limited Appeal. I was going to look up the exact episodes and refer to them, but I guess I have not. If you have any questions besides which episodes those are, email us ([email protected]). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

This episode starts with a Nature Walk, featuring Who's That Bird, non-bird edition, possibly round 4. T-Bone's dog previous success has him well ahead, maybe. Warren plays the sound of a nonbird, and each of us has to guess what the nonbird looks like, what it's trying to communicate, and provide the collective term for it. We each take a guess, which is as non-illuminating as usual. However, the correct answer sets off a real flood of interest in the water economy of the animals in question. Trust me, this is weirder and more interesting than it sounds, provided it doesn't sound very interesting to you. If you have any experience with unconventional sources of water, send us an email to tell us about it ([email protected]). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.