The skill of validation can be both incredibly useful AND really challenging to use interpersonally and with ourselves. My sister Ruth joins me for a conversation about what challenges she's encountered in practicing validation. We discuss some of the beliefs we grew up with around validation and problem-solve ways to remove those roadblocks.Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references:DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version;DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – buy the manual from a Black-owned book store!DBT handouts used in this episode:General Handout 4 – Skills Training Assumptions; Interpersonal Effectiveness Handout 17 – Validation; Interpersonal Effectiveness Handout 18 – A “How To” Guide to Validation; Emotion Regulation Handout 5 – Model for Describing Emotions (alternate version: E Wheel);Emotion Regulation Handout 6 – Ways to Describe Emotions; Distress Tolerance Handout 8 – Self-SoothingOther resources used in this episode:Levels of ValidationBeliefs that Get in the Way of Self-SoothingHow to Tell if You're Invalidating YourselfExamples of Validation PhrasesBiosocial theory graphic by Jesse FinkelsteinInstagram @theaustralianfeminists: psychological invalidationInstagram @hellothrivers: healthy vs toxic empathy———More resources are available at https://therapize.joygerhard.com/Please rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast wherever you listen.Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and TikTokLike what you hear? Support me and this podcast on Patreon.

WARNING: If you or someone you care about is experiencing a mental health crisis and/or suicidal ideation, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is available via call, text, chat, and with resources for Deaf/HoH folks. Please use discretion in listening to this episode.I currently do want to live AND there are times when I don't. I know that in those times, most of the things that people say in an attempt to be helpful actually ends up making things worse. So I thought it might be useful to have the version of myself who wants to live write a letter to the version of myself who doesn't, and include all the things that I think would actually be validating, useful, and hope-giving when I'm at my lowest. This episode includes the entirety of that letter.Helpful resources from this episode:Transcript of the letterInstagram post (caption): @CharlieMerril———More resources are available at https://therapize.joygerhard.com/Please rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast wherever you listen.Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and TikTokLike what you hear? Support me and this podcast on Patreon.

Interested in DBT and want to hear about it from the patient's side instead of the therapist's side? You're in luck! I've done a variety of DBT skills groups and individual therapy, and have finally created an episode all about: what DBT is, who created it, what various DBT programs are like, and an overview of what skills are covered in the skills training manual. I also go over what I love about DBT and where it's gaps are.Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references:DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version; DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – buy the manual from a Black-owned book store! Other resources used in this episode: NY Times article - Expert on Mental Illness Reveals Her Own Fight by Benedict Carey; Wikipedia article - Marsha Linehan; Wikipedia article - Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT); Wikipedia article - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT); Book - Building a Life Worth Living: A Memoir by Marsha Linehan———More resources are available at https://therapize.joygerhard.com/Please rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast wherever you listen.Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and TikTokLike what you hear? Support me and this podcast on Patreon.

My sister Ruth joins me for the second part of our conversation around accepting that she hurts others and others hurt her. We identified where she’s out of acceptance in episode 49, so in this episode we’re practicing acceptance of those things, step by step. It’s a lengthy process but we get faster as we go and she moves closer to accepting by the end of the episode!Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references:DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version; DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – buy the manual from a Black-owned book store! DBT handouts used in this episode: Mindfulness Handout 5 – Taking Hold of Your Mind: “How” SkillsNon-judgmentally; Emotion Regulation Handout 19 – Build Mastery and Cope AheadCope Ahead of Time with Difficult Situations; Distress Tolerance Handout 9 – Improving the Moment; Distress Tolerance Handout 11 – Radical Acceptance; Distress Tolerance Handout 11A – Radical Acceptance: Factors That Interfere;Distress Tolerance Handout 11B – Practicing Radical Acceptance Step by StepDistress Tolerance Handout 14 – Half-Smiling and Willing HandsDistress Tolerance Worksheet 9 – Radical AcceptanceOther resources used in this episode: Ep 29 – annoyance when skills workThe Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World by Desmond Tutu and Mpho Tutu; The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power by Katherine Morgan Schafler; Instagram account: Christabel Mintah-Galloway on relational repair: ———More resources are available at https://therapize.joygerhard.com/Please rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast wherever you listen.Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and TikTokLike what you hear? Support me and this podcast on Patreon.

My sister Ruth joins me to drill down to what she's not accepting around how she impacts others. Because she's not accepting that she hurts others, she's unable to repair relationship effectively. It takes quite a bit of testing various ideas to land on what lies at the root of her fear that she might hurt other people. But we find it!Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references:DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version; DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – buy the manual from a Black-owned book store! DBT handouts used in this episode: Mindfulness Handout 3 – Wise Mind: States of Mind; Interpersonal Effectiveness Handout 17 - Validation; Interpersonal Effectiveness Handout 18 - A “How To” Guide to Validation; Emotion Regulation Handout 6 - Ways to Describe Emotions; Shame; Guilt; Distress Tolerance Handout 11 – Radical Acceptance; Distress Tolerance Handout 11A – Radical Acceptance: Factors that InterfereOther resources used in this episode: Cognitive distortionsThe Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power by Katherine Morgan Schafler;Characteristics of white supremacy by Tema OkunRadical acceptance comic———More resources are available at https://therapize.joygerhard.com/Please rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast wherever you listen.Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and TikTokLike what you hear? Support me and this podcast on Patreon.

The second half of my conversation with my sister Anne about the end of a decades-long friendship. This half focuses on validation - I validate her and she validates herself. We also uncover some delightful analogies to explain her experience.Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references:DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version; DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – buy the manual from a Black-owned book store! DBT handouts used in this episode: Mindfulness Handout 4 – Taking Hold of Your Mind: “What” SkillsObserve; Describe; Participate; Interpersonal Effectiveness Handout 6 – Guidelines for Relationship Effectiveness: Keeping Respect for Yourself (FAST); Interpersonal Effectiveness Handout 17 – Validation; Interpersonal Effectiveness Handout 18 – A “How To” Guide to Validation; Emotion Regulation Handout 8 – Check the Facts; Distress Tolerance Handout 11 – Radical Acceptance; Distress Tolerance Handout 11B – Practicing Radical Acceptance Step by StepOther resources used in this episode: Competency tiersLevels of ValidationValid/Justified/Effective graphicsSummaryTableFlow chartVenn diagramDefinitions (getting into the weeds)———More resources are available at https://therapize.joygerhard.com/Please rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast wherever you listen.Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and TikTokLike what you hear? Support me and this podcast on Patreon.

My sister joins me for a conversation about friendship loss that’s just dripping with judgements. I validate her experience then practice turning her judgements into non-judgmental language with a heavy dose of laughter.Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references:DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version; DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – buy the manual from a Black-owned book store! DBT handouts used in this episode: Mindfulness Handout 4 – Taking Hold of Your Mind: “What Skills”Mindfulness Handout 5 – Taking Hold of Your Mind: “How Skills”NonjudgmentallyInterpersonal Effectiveness Handout 17 - ValidationOther resources used in this episode: The Spoon Theory – by Christine MiserandinoSpoon Theory – WikipediaCompetency tiers graphic———More resources are available at https://therapize.joygerhard.com/Please rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast wherever you listen.Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and TikTokLike what you hear? Support me and this podcast on Patreon.

I’m getting ready to enter a PHP (Partial Hospitalization Program) after my time in a psych hospital, and I have some anxiety. And shame. And judgements. So, use a lite version of Cope Ahead for how to manage my anxiety, and then do some self-validation by way of comparing where I am now to where I was 4 years ago. A little bit of Check the Facts squeezes it’s way in there too.Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references:DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version; DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – buy the manual from a Black-owned book store! DBT handouts used in this episode: Mindfulness Handout 5 – Taking Hold of Your Mind: “How” SkillsNonjudgementally; Interpersonal Effectiveness Handout 17 – Validation; Interpersonal Effectiveness Handout 18 – A “How To” Guide to Validation; Emotion Regulation Handout 6 – Ways to Describe Emotions; Emotion Regulation Handout 8 – Check the Facts; Emotion Regulation Handout 19 – Build Mastery and Cope Ahead- Cope Ahead; Emotion Regulation Handout 22 – Mindfulness of Current Emotions: Letting Go of Emotional Suffering; Distress Tolerance Handout 7 – Distracting (Wise Mind ACCEPTS); ———More resources are available at https://therapize.joygerhard.com/Please rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast wherever you listen.Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and TikTokLike what you hear? Support me and this podcast on Patreon.

Fresh off a 12-day psychiatric hospitalization, I’ve got stories to tell and stereotypes to dispel. I discuss how I came to voluntarily admit myself, getting covid and being quarantined for 8 days, medical gaslighting, and self-harming to avoid discharge. I also share what hope I’ve been able to find since getting out and where my focus is as I’m adjusting to being home again.Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references:DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version; DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – buy the manual from a Black-owned book store! Other resources used in this episode: Instagram: @pat.radical.therapistInstagram: @liberatorywellnessnetworkInstagram: @asma.therapistInstagram: @ismatu.gwendolynInstagram: @decolonizingtherapyTikTok: @gigistherapyworldThe Future is Disabled: Prophecies, Love Notes, and Mourning Songs by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha———More resources are available at https://therapize.joygerhard.com/Please rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast wherever you listen.Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and TikTokLike what you hear? Support me and this podcast on Patreon.

Are we noticing a trend? I'm noticing a trend. Acceptance continues to be the most useful skill while also being the one I'm least reliable to use. Here we are again with another opportunity to practice: while I'm having an episode of extreme pain after a treatment that was supposed to stop the extreme pain from happening. Judgements, feelings, and urges ABOUND.Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references:DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version; DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – buy the manual from a Black-owned book store! DBT handouts used in this episode: Emotion Regulation Handout 11 - Figuring Out Opposite Actions; Distress Tolerance Handout 1 - Goals of Distress Tolerance; Distress Tolerance Handout 5 - Pros and Cons; Distress Tolerance Handout 10 - Overview: Reality Acceptance Skills; Distress Tolerance Handout 11 - Radical Acceptance; Distress Tolerance Handout 11A - Radical Acceptance: Factors That Interfere; Distress Tolerance Handout 11B - Practicing Radical Acceptance Step by Step;Distress Tolerance Handout 14 - Half-Smiling and Willing Hands———More resources are available at https://therapize.joygerhard.com/Please rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast wherever you listen.Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and TikTokLike what you hear? Support me and this podcast on Patreon.