Due to avoiding negative stereotypes and feeling like being "one of the guys" was the safest way to belong in the military, women sometimes create barriers for each other during their time in service. I left the Army feeling bitter towards other women because of how I had been treated, but as a veteran, I was desperately seeking the company of those that had similar experiences to me, so I gave women veterans a second chance and was greatly surprised. My view of military spouses was also changed once I became a military spouse, and that helped me to grow, as well. This episode is a shout-out to all the amazing women veterans out there that helped me move on and heal old wounds and bitterness.

For this episode, Lani shares her personal story about dealing with prescription drug use. She describes what began to happen to her body after doctors continued to stack pill upon pill in her system for years and then one day, without warning, took them all away.

For this episode I am joined by, Alyssa, who served in the Army as a generator mechanic. Alyssa describes her time in Korea, the successes and challenges of fighting for benefits, her reaction to the Vanessa Guillen story, and how she reached the decision to not remain silent any longer. Stories like Alyssa's are crucial. If veterans do not communicate their struggles or experiences, how will anyone know where the changes need to be made and the support needs to be given? In her own words: "Don't let the top of the mountain be overwhelming to you... Just keep moving, you'll be there eventually, and you'll be looking down from the top of it." Remember, none of us were given an instruction manual to get through life or trauma, so every story shared is another page in all of our survival guides.

From overcoming sexual harassment and assault in the workplace, to having our achievements criticized or belittled, and constantly having to prove that we are better than those stereotypes and low expectations that follow us wherever we go; women are met with a number of challenges the moment they decide to join the military. And those challenges continue once we become veterans and, again, must prove that we deserve to be recognized, receive proper care, have our sacrifices counted, and are not simply here to be used, abused, or exploited for entertainment or pleasure. 

For this episode, I will be talking with fellow podcaster, J Marie, who runs the Women With An Effed Up Mind Podcast. We will be discussing domestic violence and how it is handled by both the military and the civilian sides. We share our stories of dealing with and surviving domestic violence because it is a topic that is overlooked, too often. We also touch on how the mental health struggles that stem from violence or MST are often wrongly criticized, or ignored. Please remember that, even if something isn't happening to you, it doesn't mean it isn't happening to someone else. We're all going through something, so just be kind. If you would like to check out what J Marie is doing, follow her on Facebook (Women with An Effed Up Mind), Instagram (@_itseffedup), or visit linkre.ee/ItsEffedUp. Look for Women With An Effed Up Mind on Apple, Anchor, or Spotify. ***Warning: This episode contains details of violence and abuse, which may be disturbing to some listeners. Explicit language.

It took a fair amount of time for me to admit that I struggled with PTSD, but it took even longer to convince people that the pain and fear I felt was legitimate. As a woman, I was often treated as though I was being dramatic or lying; as a combat veteran, I didn't have the story people were looking for; and as a mother, I was ridiculed for "allowing" my trauma to occur in the first place.

For this episode I am joined by, Six, a Marine Corps Veteran and co-host for Cancelled for Maintenance Podcast. We sit down to talk about transitioning out of the military, the misperceptions and stereotypes about what a veteran looks and acts like, poor leadership, mental health, and how that "shut up" and "keep pushing" mentality the military teaches leads many to struggle and suffer in silence both in and out of the service. We cover a ton in this episode so make sure you stay until the very end. If you're interested in reaching out to Six, collaborating with his podcast, or listening to episodes by Cancelled for Maintenance Podcast, check them out on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram @canxformaintenancepodcast, or at Cancelled for Maintenance Podcast. You can also reach them via their website at www.cancelledformaintenance.com/.

When I returned from my deployment to Afghanistan, I struggled to find the same comforts and connections I had found while in a combat zone. Then once I returned to a civilian life, I struggled to find where I belonged. When I finally opened up about feeling lost and out of place to a friend, I was told "home is where your heart is." It was at that moment that I realized that I had no idea where that was.

Between leadership that could care less if an individual is suffering and veterans that only look to tear others down for the ways in which they choose to heal or help; no wonder so many choose silence over opening up. Add in the relentless and too often hateful world of social media and you have a perfect concoction for convincing someone they don't matter. We can do better. We must. People are speaking up, they're reaching out. But if we only hear them and we're not truly listening, are we really hearing them at all?

Is mental illness something you can see? Does a person's outer appearance speak for the pain inside? Some think so, however, others are too aware of the masks we place over invisible wounds.