How Much Do Words Matter? [show open] Lois Paula: Whether you’re hoping to heal the world or heal yourself, this podcast is here for you to highlight how kindness moves. Nan: Yes, how kindness moves you to take action, you yourself, or just makes you feel something so good it’s contagious. You might have been touched by a simple act of kindness, you might want tips on how you can act now in your community, or you just love the feeling of doing good. Lois Paula: Welcome to Kindness Moves, the podcast brought to you by INC Media. We’re your hosts, LP and Nan. Nan : Right. Well LP, I’m really excited because we have another special episode today and the topic for today is we’re talking about words. You know from childhood, many of us are taught to speak politely. You know, for example, we say, we’re taught to say “Thank you” say “Please” or you know, ask someone “How are you.?” In general, we’re taught to use kind words and avoid the bad ones, right? But it’s something that becomes kind of second nature. So when we look back at our childhood and, and we think about the words that were spoken to us; maybe the words that we read or even heard, how, how much of an impact did that really make? Lois Paula: Right. It’s major. Words have an impact. Whether it’s something that we say, whether it’s something that we write, wherever we publish it, wherever we put it out–words have an impact. And you mentioned the words we read and I think we don’t realize, a lot of us, that that’s another avenue for us to receive words right?  Some of us are visual and so that reinforces what we’re ah listening to right? We see it so that it reinforces what we’re hearing, so to say, we read it. But you know when we think about it, ah, even from our earliest days of childhood until now–the words that were spoken to us, the words that we have read or the words that we ourselves have said, they all have shaped who we are and our experiences. They’ve all impacted one another. Nan : Right. I totally agree and, you know, that entire spectrum of words, you know, good and bad and everything in between has had such an impact you know? And, and that’s why I can’t wait to jump in today’s conversation. You know, not only do we have an interesting topic as I mentioned earlier, we also have some great guests joining us today. Ah, so first we meet an author who has published a children’s book entitled Mr. Awesome Great Day and she currently has another one in the works. So please welcome Rachelle De Dios. Rachelle: Hi  Nan: Hi Rachelle. Lois Paula: You like going by Rach right?  Rachelle: Yeah, most of my friends call me that and you guys are my friends and everyone listening so. Lois Paula: Hi Rach. Thanks so much for joining us today. And I think you are our first guest on Kindness Moves who has actually had a book published. Congratulations to you, that’s extremely amazing. You know it’s such a great accomplishment just in itself. Um, and I’d love, we’d love to know–how did this all start? So can you tell us a little bit just about your journey from um, you know, childhood up until now, you’re a published author. How did this all start? Rachelle: Awesome. Ah, thank you so much for having me and thank you for the kind words. Um, yeah to be honest with you guys I never thought I would create a book, write a book. That was never in the cards for me. But I think the whole, you know, story that I created, and I made, I didn’t realize how much it meant to me and when I started to see my story kind of unfold in my life with, you know, some things that I felt about growing up and how I really wanted attributes to be known more than our titles or attributes to be over our work occupations.I wonder if anyone feels the same because I feel like they might. I feel like there’s a lot of pressure to, you know–what do you want to be when you grow up? And there’s a lot of pressure to be a doctor or an engineer or a nurse, and those are all wonderful occupations. But we don’t really talk about the kind of person we want to be, you know?  Rachelle: We never say I want to grow up and help people, I want to grow up to be kind, I want to grow up to be someone’s best friend. We never talk about that. And when I realized that I– that’s what I ended up doing for a living and kind of going against, you know, some of the norms of jobs that are out there. I was like, you know what, I should write a book about it and see if anyone feels the same way. Lois Paula: Yeah. And on that note, can you tell us a little bit about, you know, what you do and how that has, you know, just kind of taken a different path and you have individualized yourself to take this path that you are now in and how it’s inspired you to get to your book? Rachelle: Totally. So no one ever knows what I do and it’s the best. But everyone’s like “What, what does Rach actually do?” Um, so…  Lois Paula: Here you go let’s set it straight. Rachelle: Yeah, here we go. Finally I get the moment. No, I’m just kidding. So I work with the brain. I do have a background in speech pathology but I actually don’t work with speech clients. I actually help the–I help the speech pathologist create brain programs for patients for kids. So a lot of, especially children, they have, you know, developmental goals. Everyone has different goals growing up and I get to help create programs for attention, awareness, reading, language and, and kind of going beyond the diagnosis. That’s the best part of my job. You know there’s a lot of diagnosis out there when it comes to healthcare and patients. But it’s not, you know, it’s always about–cool that’s the diagnosis. But what else, you know? You’re beyond your diagnosis There’s so many great other things about people and about kids and if we’re working with, you know, for example, ADHD, um, you know, that means that they can have a lot of great ideas and they’re, maybe they’re like me. But by the way I actually was diagnosed with ADHD growing up so it’s something I love to talk about. But you’ll probably notice that in this podcast, you’re probably going to, you’re probably going to want to stop me from talking because I talk too much. I think that I should have warned you guys before I came on here. Um, but it’s, it’s helped me become more of a people-person. I love creating ideas for my work. It has helped me develop different strategies. I love working with people, meeting new people and that, I think, has been because of how I was, you know, my personality. And some of the things that I had to go through growing up. Nan : Wow, you know it’s interesting to see too. I mean and, I know we’re still early in this podcast, but there’s, there’s a running theme with you right? There’s, obviously you wrote the children’s book, which is to help young minds and um–but then your profession also is geared towards helping those young minds and I think it’s really awesome. Was there something in particular that kind of, I don’t know, put you on that trajectory, I mean even from your childhood? Rachelle: Yeah. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up and even when I was in elementary school, high school and then even the beginning of college, I felt like all my friends, they knew exactly what they wanted to do and they had their paths kind of set out for them. But for me, I never knew, I never really knew what I wanted to do. I Just knew that I wanted to have, you know, a greater purpose. Um, and then of course everything that I ended up doing too, I always want to relate it also to church right? So um, helping people, using faith as a big motivator in my career was something that I really wanted to see if I could, if I could channel,  and I think that’s what kind of led me here. Nan : Wow that’s awesome. It sounds like it’s been quite the journey and, you know, you mentioned faith, you mentioned even at a young age you were–kind of that was one of your motivations right? So It’s been that journey. So if we could continue on, just on the childhood part. Was there anything from your childhood that really influenced your view on kindness?  Rachelle: Totally. And let me know if I’m, if I’m rambling again.  Nan : No no, you’re not. You’re not. Rachelle: Um, so when I was growing up, we lived with my grandparents and so I’m an only child…  Nan: Me too, me too.  Rachelle: Oh are you? High-five. Yeah. Nan:  Yep, high-five, high-five. Rachelle: Yeah, there’s a lot of connotations to that but high-five. Yeah, we made it. Um I was an only child, but I was also the eldest of the grandkids and there was like a huge gap, like I think it was like, nine years until my family, until I had a cousin basically. So I copied everything my uncles and aunts did. I, you know, I always watched what my grandparents did. And my grandparents were known as the family in the church that let everyone stay at their house for free when they moved. Nan : Nice. Rachelle: So like, you know, when people would travel to Michigan, that’s where I’m from, there would be a lot of brethren that were just starting off in like their career or in their life. So a lot of you know, a lot of brethren in the church would be like “Oh you know Sister Fely and, you know, and Brother Roberto, they’re really known for helping people get on their feet.” And I would always see different brethren at my grandparent’s house and, you know, whether they were eating dinner with us, or having lunch with us, or just hanging out and watching TV with us, I would know that my grandparents were helping them out in some way. And I feel like that really stood out to me forever because I was young. I would see so many different families from the age when I was–I saw so many different families when I was only maybe four years old or five and I would see them, you know, kind of get their life started and then they would, you know, they would leave and would always come back and visit and always look for my grandparents. And yeah it was, it was kind of nice. Lois Paula: And you saw it, and even though you didn’t understand it quite then, now looking back, you’re like okay, that’s why they did that. And it was because of their hearts, and now you see that as the example to follow, obviously, and you want to, ah you know, continue that?  Rachelle: Completely. Yeah, I’m super big on inclusivity, and I always wondered why. And then I’m like okay it was, it was totally my grandparents and also my parents too. But it was such a big thing in that household–was to make sure that everyone felt included and everyone had a place to stay. Lois Paula: Um, thank you for sharing that part of your childhood that’s influenced you and now, you know, looking at your path and your trajectory towards–okay, you want to make a difference yourself, and you found your own individualized way and that’s, ah you know, through speech, through the brain, through the mind right? And you are now a clinician in the space where you get to develop these programs to help and serve in that way. When you look now at your focus on words, you know, this particular ah conversation that we’re having is why words matter so much, right? So when you think about connecting the two, you know, your childhood and the examples that your grandparents really were setting and then looking at your love for the way that words impact–was there something along the way also that really stuck with you in terms of, you know, the way people spoke to you or something that stuck out in your childhood that you read perhaps; that you were like, “You know what? Words, this is my jam, like this is my lane and I want to continue on it because they matter, and I’m going to go here.” Rachelle: Totally. Yeah. Um, actually when I was growing up, my mom always used to tell me, “Everyone matters.” And it’s so funny that this is the title, how much do words matter. And I promise you I was going to say that whether I knew the title or not. Rachelle: But my mom always used to tell me everyone matters and um, that actually is what I kept with me for so long with work and with what I wanted to do. Everyone matters. So from the, from any like ah, you know, your teacher, your, even at the restaurant, the waiter, the waitress, the one that’s taking your order or if you’re at the store, the cashier, everyone matters. And I, that’s actually why I even developed and created this book was because everyone matters and I feel like sometimes that, you know, a lot of people forget about that. And even as ourselves, we get nervous of what we want to be when we grow up because sometimes we kind of look at the title only. But we don’t, we don’t think about the other parts that makes people matter. And yeah, and everyone matters. That’s kind of stuck out to me. Nan : Wow, That’s really cool. You know, just that mindset and just having that be your guiding, kind of like your north star right–is everyone matters. It applies, across the board, to like, almost every facet of our life and I think if you conduct yourself in that way, you can’t really go wrong. So thanks for sharing those moments with us. You know I never really stopped to think about those moments in my life until this conversation. You know, thinking about our childhood and reflecting on just those memorable experiences that shaped our outlook on kindness, so you know, especially when I think about words or words that I’ve read. So speaking of reading, and I know we’ve mentioned it ah, but let’s take ah a bit of a deeper dive into the moment you decided to write your book and kind of the moments leading up to that. Like, what was the catalyst for your decision to write a children’s book? Like, what made you say, “Hey, I’m going to write a children’s book.” Rachelle: Yeah I will be honest I think because of the pandemic–I, I’ve always wanted to. Like, you know, it’s not like I’ve always wanted to write a book, but I’ve always wanted to get my word out there whether it was like a blog or whether I was telling the story I, you know again, I think it’s the older cousin in me. I wanted them to know, like, it’s going to be okay. But because of the pandemic I was like, hey you know I’ve worked from home, we’re not going anywhere, I’m inside, maybe I can write a children’s book and see where it goes. Nan : Very cool. Lois Paula: And just knowing that; because you can take your words anywhere, you can write a song, you can post it on social media these days you know, but you chose to go the book route which is beautiful because then, now, you’re not only reinforcing, you know, a positive mindset; you’re not only reinforcing kindness and the message of your book, but you’re reinforcing reading, you know, and continuous education. So I think it’s beautiful and it’s so exciting that you’re not only a published author now, and you’re using all that inspiration, but you have another book in the works. Is that correct? Can you give us a little preview of what that will be? Rachelle: Yeah, um, so again, I was, like I said, I never pegged myself as an author but because of the response of the first book, I was like, wow, this is kind of making a difference you know. Because there’s been a lot of people that have said, “Wow, that actually resonated with me.” So I decided, you know, another big topic that really related to me and a lot of the things that I go through. Without giving too much away, um, it is going to be called Miss Mountain. So it’s going to follow the same kind of, you know, Mr.Awesome Great Day; this one’s go to be titled Miss Mountain. Um I’m still playing around with the title, but it is, it does actually have to deal a lot with, you know, it has to deal with a lot of the things that we carry in life. And maybe we can realize that we don’t have to carry so much. Maybe that, you know, just, we can kind of go through life knowing that we don’t have to do it all. I guess that’s the best snippet I can give for now. Lois Paula: I can’t wait already. Nan : Cool. Well no spoilers right? No spoilers. Lois Paula: I know. I can’t wait already. And you know, just reading some of the reviews for your first book online like, if I can just read really quickly, read some snippets–it’s just people are saying that there’s such a realistic but wholesome message, and it’s such a great message to show all the kids, and it really starts a great conversation and serves as a wonderful reminder to all parents to simply be a good parent–a good person, excuse me, to simply be a good person. And again, the reviews, you know, go on and on. But we’re very excited for you Rach and all that you’re doing. And again, you could choose to do anything with your words or not, you can keep them in your diary. But you choose, you make the choice to let kindness move you and allow your words to be used as the instrument to move other people. So how does it feel that at the end of the day you’re able to do that for other people–for parents, for children alike? Rachelle: Awesome! Thank you. Thank you again for your kind words. Um, but it means a lot. I, like I said, when I first wrote the book it was just to kind of have out there–maybe give as a gift to some of my friends, my cousins that always struggle with that question of “What do you want to be when you grow up?” But when I got the responses of, you know, “Thank you. Like I still feel like I was lost even now being in college. Not sure what I want to do.” Even I’ve had adults that have been working in their job for years and they didn’t really feel proud of it. But then when they look back, they’re like, “Wait a minute, I am making a difference and I am doing something I am proud of.” And when I got responses like that I was just like, oh my gosh, like I’m not alone. That was the main thing. I’m, I’m not alone. It wasn’t this, like I said, I never really knew what I was going to do and even when I was in my job, no one really could give an exact name or title to the position that I was doing. I just knew that I was helping people and that was fine and that was fine with me and for people to find passion in what they’re doing, not because of the titles, but because of what they’re doing and who they’re helping, that was so huge to hear that kind of feedback. Nan : That’s so amazing to hear you know and it’s refreshing to hear too because you’re right. You know, there’s a lot of focus on titles and what those titles might imply right? But you know, when you really look at who you’re helping and how you’re helping people, you know, that just brings a whole, ah, different perspective and I think it’s really awesome. And I did want to point out um, earlier when you were talking about the second book that you’re working on–that the feedback that you got from the first book was a pretty much a bit of an inspiration for you to continue with that second book right? So I just want to highlight that words do matter. Because it inspired Rach to continue with her book. Rachelle: Totally. Nan: So you know as we mentioned earlier we are asking, ah, how much do words matter? You know, what are your thoughts on how much words truly matter, especially given your, you know, your professional career and then also your second, I guess, career as an author. So yeah, how much do words matter? Rachelle: Words matter. Yeah, words totally matter. Um, especially when you are trying to talk to people that feel the same kind of things that you do, or they’re experiencing the things that you’re experiencing. But words completely matter and I think the best thing that I’ve seen is that when you actually are able to talk to people that feel the same way and that they’re they have the same journey, it matters even more because you’re, you know you’re gaining more trusted people you’re seeing that people have the same interests, you’re seeing that people have the same goals, the same struggle. Um, but I think the biggest takeaway for me when it comes to words is that they stay. So whether you’ve said something to someone in the past; whether it was something that you’ve heard growing up, it matters and it’ll stick with you. And the kindness that I’ve seen through my family or my friends or the things that I’ve learned in Church, it’s so amazing to me that some of those words that I’ve heard growing up or that I’ve heard in, you know, Children’s Worship Service–they’ve stayed, and they’ve surfaced in my thirties and I think the main thing is, and I’m so glad you guys are doing this podcast because kindness really does matter. And I’ve seen so many people also in my field of healthcare where you have to treat everyone with that kindness and with that respect no matter what they’re going through; and you also have to remember that you don’t know what they’re going through, so to approach people and to talk to people with kindness, it’s really going to stick with them, and it’s really going to stay with them, and even though you don’t, you might not even know that you’ve touched their life in a certain way, and I’m sure there’s so many people in my life that they have no idea that their words have actually changed my life. But it stayed, and I think that’s why I really wanted to write this book, and I’m so glad that the Church has a podcast just like this because it’s going to stay and I, you know, I’ll probably have people listen to this and you probably have people listening to you where they don’t even realize that things that they’re experiencing or the words that they’re saying to people are words that have been said to them–it all stays and it all matters. I hope that made sense. Nan : Now that that made total sense, and you know that entire process, it’s clear that the entire process has been inspiring for you. But the even cooler part is that it, not only has it been inspiring for you, it’s clear that it’s been inspiring to your readers right, to your readers. And I’m sure now even, your patients um, have also experienced that, I’m sure, from you and just the way that you passionately explained that. So I think that’s really awesome, and we’re so glad that you’re with us today. Um. And you’ve already shared with us some of the details about the, this upcoming book. Um LP, did you, is there something you wanted to share about, I think you were talking about adding this to a reading list, and I know you have 2 little ones, is there something that you wanted to share with that? Lois Paula: Yes, absolutely. I do have 2 little ones. I have a 7-year-old and a 2-year-old. Rachelle: Awesome. Lois Paula: Um and we are constantly just on this path of okay, what words can we say today that we didn’t say yesterday, or what’s sticking, and what’s not, you know? So really understanding the depth of how much words matter and the way, like you mentioned, the tone that it’s delivered in and really assessing, ah you can choose anything to say or not. You know, you can choose the silence, or you can choose to be more straightforward and direct in your words. But it’s the fact that you not only acknowledge it, but now you’re taking action and I think that’s what is really exciting about Kindness Moves–is we meet individuals who are from different ah backgrounds in their life, different ages. They have different professions, but they use the professions, and then they use their faith, and they somehow find the inspiration to make both worlds, ah you know, intertwine. You know, and their faith inspires them in their professional lives and their professional lives inspire them in their faith, and it all comes full circle, and they’re able to just use it to move other people in their lives. And they choose, like I mentioned earlier, they choose to use their passions in a different aspect. You don’t have to spend your time, your extra time writing a book. You can focus on your work. But you choose to take your passion and now make your words matter even more. Lois Paula: And so now you know we ask a question to our listeners like, what will you do today? You know if you have an extra 5 minutes if you have an extra 30 minutes, how will you make your words matter? Is that sending a text to someone? You know, is that writing a handwritten note and leaving a post-it, you know, on your neighbor’s car? You know, how are you going to make your words matter? Are you going to address the first person that you see in the morning and ask them genuinely, “How are you feeling?” Or are you just going to walk by because you’re running out of time? You know, we’re so, kind of in this world of we’re rushing, we’re rushing, we’re going, we have so many things to do. But ah, you know, listening to you speak Rach, just listening to all our guests and really being reminded that, you know, taking that moment to acknowledge the other, you know, person and acknowledge what other people are going through; just being aware of that, it matters and the words very much matter. Nan: If I could share too, there’s intention, right? Like, I keep going back to the way, Rach, that you described um your outlook on people and titles and how, you know, it’s not about the title, it’s about what they’re doing and how they’re doing it, right, and how they’re helping. Um so the same can be applied to just kindness in general right? There has to be an intention to it. It’s an intentional act of being kind and, like what LP said, we’re not asking someone how they’re doing just for the sake of asking. Like, we genuinely and sincerely want to know, “Hey how are you doing?” Um, so I think it’s been so great hearing your outlook and hearing how kindness, and how words really matter, especially in so many different aspects of your life. Um, so thanks so much for sharing that with us. [music transition] Lois Paula: Well for this segment of our podcast, we have a special guest who is revisiting us on Kindness Moves podcast. She is a Clinical Psychologist, and she joined us in our previous episode The Healing Power Of Kindness and if you haven’t taken a listen yet, you should go back to your episode playlist and listen. But we’d like to please welcome Dr. Sydney Fontanares. Hello again. Sydney Fontanares: Hi Nan : Hi Dr. Sydney. Sydney Fontanares: Thank you for having me again  Lois Paula: Yes, so great to have you back. How are you? Sydney Fontanares: Well, I’m glad to be back. It’s always fun working with the both of you and chatting. Nan : Yes, it’s always fun having you.  Lois Paula: Yes, and we have been looking to having you back on because we’ve actually been chatting–ah, you know, last time we talked about the healing power of kindness and today for this episode, we’re actually now asking the question–how much do words matter? Um, and you know of course in your profession, this is, as a clinical psychologist, this is very important. So we’d love to get the expert advice and just, you know, the insight from you. Earlier we heard from Rachel, and we learned you know in her perspective as an author, also as a clinician, how words are very important. Um, but from your perspective as a clinical psychologist, how much do words matter? You know, why are they so powerful and does this even change you know from childhood to adulthood? Sydney Fontanares: Yeah, um to start off with the first part of your question LP; words are, they matter a lot. Lois Paula; Yes, that’s it period done  Nan : Ah, and that’s a wrap that’s a wrap. Lois Paula: It’s a statement that’s so loaded. Yes I agree. Sydney Fontanares: Um, they matter so much, I don’t even have the words to express it. Um, but in my field, I work as a clinical psychologist or as a therapist, um we use our words as a form of healing, a tool of healing.  Sydney Fontanares: We do talk therapy, and what we say to our patients, or my patients, can be very helpful in their journey of recovery with their mental health issues. Um kind of um, you know, why are words so powerful? And I would start off with because humans are, are social creatures. How we are, how we, I guess survive, and interact in the world is the way we communicate, how we speak to one another–we communicate about our needs, our wants, excuse me, um you know, our dislikes. We communicate, um you know, ways you know to stay safe, and we’re not able to do that without words. Um, and then so that’s why it’s so important.It makes it, it helps us be able to journey through this world and, you know, get through life. Without words it would be a little bit more difficult, or at least a way to communicate would be a little bit more difficult. Sydney Fontanares: The question is–does this change from childhood to adulthood? I don’t think so. I think how we use our words is something to be mindful um, throughout our entire lives. Even the way, a big example is how parents communicate with children. I say this because I work with all adults. And part of the work that we do in therapy is talking about how we were spoken to as children. Because a lot of times what we do when we look at thoughts or beliefs that, um, that surround anxiety–whenever we feel anxious or depressed, we think of like, of the words that were used to us on kind of like how they’re all associated. Um, a lot of the work that I do is called CBT which is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. And one of the ways that we work with patients is looking at specific thoughts or statements, and we have to use words to be able to um, to I guess portray those statements or core beliefs. And part of where we get those statements are, you know, what are the things that your parents have told you while you were growing up? You know how, is this associated with anxiety that you experience now or your self-esteem? Ah, they’re all associated. I hope that these are all making sense. It makes sense in my brain. Lois Paula: No, it does. Nan: That makes sense totally. Lois Paula: It’s already, you know, bringing back emotions just hearing that because there are things that each of us, you know, remember very specifically hearing that, you know, was either positive or negative, and it has, it now, as adults, it triggers certain, you know, emotion, it triggers a certain reaction as well, and it impacts the way that we react when we’re retold and or when we hear those things you know, restated to us, or we see it just, you know, visually on paper. So definitely. Nan : Right, and it could even be a word, but not necessarily the word, but the way the word is said right? I mean. Sydney Fontanares: Yes. Yeah, yeah, the nonverbal piece. I believe the fact or the statistic or what they say is nonverbal is eighty or ninety percent of communication. The rest are the twenty, ten percent are words. So even the way how our facial expression is, the tone of voice, how we approach the person can affect the way we communicate with another person. So in going back to what LP was saying, like how words can trigger certain emotions, yes, the words are very triggering, or they queue up a feeling or a memory that’s associated with that word usually. Um, sometimes, ah the word ‘No’; the word ‘No’ is actually a very simple word but can actually trigger a lot of negative emotions. First of all, the way it’s said too, of course, so, and it’s yeah, it’s kind of funny too because I have ah, I have a 3-year-old that is communicating a lot, and now I’m communicating to her the word ‘No’ and I’m trying to be mindful of how I say no or even try to decrease how much I say no because just knowing that this is, you know, the way I say it is going to be something that she might store in her memory and bring up certain things for her. Lois Paula: And that’s what’s so great about just exploring the weight of words, right? And how much, like you mentioned earlier, the different tones, the different configurations of the statement. You know, whatever it is that we want to say we have many choices of how to say it. And they all mean, you know, differently. But it really does, it has an impact positively and or negatively, and it can be stronger or received you know, better or more impactfully depending on the words that we pick, and we have that choice. Every single day, every minute, and  sometimes we’re not even thinking about it and we choose the incorrect one because, for whatever reason, we just, you know, don’t choose the other one. Um. Sydney Fontanares: There is something that I’ve read about, there is something called like a negative bias where ah humans are actually more primed to go into the negative route, and we store ah, more of, more negative experiences into our memories. It’s supposed to be a way for us to be prepared. Like we want to be more prepared to like fight or flight. Um, so it does take a lot of work actually, to really be intentional about, like, of using positive words and things like that. Nan: Yeah that’s, that’s interesting. Yeah, and that makes sense. It’s more for self-preservation. You want to know what’s going to hurt you or kill you, right? So you know, and I think that’s really interesting. Um, and I think you kind of mentioned it earlier. You mentioned that there was a study and I know we’re talking about how much words matter–it’s pretty difficult to quantify that. But are there other studies or other examples that you’ve come across through your entire professional career that kind of highlight how much words matter? Sydney Fontanares: Yeah, there was one study that I came across. It was a study in 2010 in Germany and the study was called–Do Words Hurt? Um, and it comes from that saying you know, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” And the question is–do words, can words hurt? And what they find is that it can. It looks like negative words release stress and anxiety-inducing hormones.  Lois Paula: Ah. Sydney Fontanares: So they um, yeah, they took, I forget how many subjects, and then they presented words to them; neutral words, positive words, negative words, and then pain-inducing words, and they did; and then they also scanned their, it’s called an FMRI, just to see like the functioning of the brain, and then they saw that the brain would release hormones that are stress and anxiety-inducing when they showed the pain-inducing and negative words. Lois Paula: Yeah, so there is a physiological kind of change happening.Is there more to it, that we can try to help ourselves to choose the good versus the bad? Sydney Fontanares: Yeah. No, I agree. Sometimes you just have to remove that from your life and be very intentional of even the, your social circle, and who is in there, and you know what kind of words they say to you. Um, and not only just the external, these external pieces too. But also the words that we use for ourselves. Like, how do we talk to ourselves? And what words we use for that? Again, that can be a reflection of the words that, you know, were said to us growing up or even the words that are said to us currently. And being intentional about how we, ourselves, use words for others and how we communicate with others, including our spouses, our children especially. Um, you know, since we’re talking about like the neuroscience, you know, our kids’ brains are just, they’re forming every day and, so again, being able to…  Lois Paula: Ah, words matter.  Sydney Fontanares: They do, they really do, and it’s, I’m very passionate of it. It’s you know, every time I work with an adult patient, that’s what we work on. We’re we’re working on the statements that were said to them in the past and challenging them and trying to make them positive because they’re, these negative words, they have proven not to be helpful for them. It gets in the way of their daily functioning. It prevents them from, to see, you know, joy or to you know experience good things and see good things. So yeah. Lois Paula: Well in that regard, if you have a piece of advice that you can share just knowing the impact that words have from childhood all the way, you know, the lasting impact into adulthood, what’s one piece of advice if we can try? You know, not so, it doesn’t have to be so large, but like what’s one thing that all of us can do every, like right now or today to just change those maybe not so good habits–um, you know, or try to just be more mindful of the words that we choose to say? Sydney Fontanares: I would, first of all, just start writing like, you just write three pages a day right in the morning. Um, just continue to write. Some people choose not to read over it, but I would read over it and just to see how the words that, what words are you utilizing, what words are you using to describe other people or yourself. And you start to maybe start to see patterns there and that’s probably where I would start off just to see where you’re at with kind of the words that you use. And the question is like are there places that you can rephrase things where it is more kind to yourself or another person or more positive? So yeah. Lois Paula: And that’s a great tip. I love that because it’s not until you read back or reanalyze, just in terms of all of our self-reflection; especially, you know, being Christians in the Church Of Christ, we are always reminded to reflect, right? And so I think that’s a great tip to just write because then sometimes people have ah, challenges communicating, right? They don’t know how to talk about how they feel. And so when they’re in certain issues and conflicts with other people, they don’t know how to get their feelings across properly, and then it’s misunderstood. But it’s just because they don’t know how to say it properly and possibly because they’re not practicing enough. So I think you’re right. Writing is a great tool to just get it down, reassess later, and you know, grow and learn and try to improve, you know, day by day. So what a great tip. Nan : I think, if it wasn’t clear before our conversation, it’s crystal clear now that words really matter. Lois Paula: And we all are a work in progress and Dr. Sydney Fontanares is here to tell us that it matters, and we have to work at it. There’s a constant, conscious effort that we always have to put forth to improve the way we communicate so that we can use the best words possible because they matter. Nan:  Yes. Sydney Fontanares: They certainly do. Lois Paula: Well thank you so much for joining us. Is there anything else you wanted to add in our discussion today? Sydney Fontanares: I don’t. I hope I added enough. Nan: No that was great. Thank you Dr. Sidney. We really appreciate it.  Sydney Fontanares: No problem. I’ve enjoyed my time. Lois Paula: But yes, we’d like to now, at this point, you know that was so beautiful to hear that insight as well. But we’d like to now welcome back Rach to our discussion where, you know earlier in the episode, we discussed her passions um, from her profession, and how as a child she’s allowed her inspirations from childhood to move her into now authoring a book and combining the two worlds of, you know, her profession with her passion, okay, and using that to move her. Um, so Rach, we actually have one more question for you and Nan will take it away. Nan: Yeah, you know, before we end the show. We ask some of our guests this question, not everyone, but it is always an interesting question to ask even ourselves. So we wanted to ask you–what would you tell your fifteen-year-old self knowing what you now know today? You know, what would you tell your fifteen-year-old self about, you know, how things are going to play out, how kindness has played such a major role in your life or whatever it might be? What would you tell your fifteen-year-old self, knowing what you know now? Rachelle: Wow my fifteen-year-old self–you guys should see what I looked like when I was fifteen, there’s a lot of things to say. Nan : Prove it, prove it, prove it. (laughter) Rachelle: (laughter) Ok I will. I’m going to show you guys. But honestly, if I could tell my fifteen-year-old self, I would let her know that it’s going to be okay. I think that would probably resonate. It’s a simple sentence. But if my fifteen-year-old self would know that it’s gonna work out, and it’s going to be okay–and actually a big quote that I live by is “faith over fear”. That’s my main, I’ve lived through, that quote has been in my life for years, I think since maybe I was like twelve years old. Um and if I could tell my  fifteen-year-old self that, just keep remembering that, “faith over fear”. It’s going to be okay. God’s got you. That’s what I would say. Nan : That’s awesome. Lois Paula: Very beautiful. Thank you. And actually, last question–you know, as an author, as a Christian as well, you know, how has your faith been that underlying, you know, inspiration-motivator. How has it affected you in your career path and in the words that you speak of, that you write? Rachelle: Totally. I always promised myself that even when I took this job in California, that was, by the way, something really difficult to do. We’ll speak on that on another podcast, another episode. But leaving my family in Michigan was really hard to do to take this job. But I promised myself that no matter what job I took or what career path, it would never hinder my faith. Um and I feel like, you know, being in the choir, I’m actually an organist, there are so many times that I wanted to quit, and I wanted to give up because when you’re so busy with work, and you’re trying to make a career for yourself, it’s a lot to handle you know? Especially with having a duty. But I’ll never forget that all those times that I’ve worked with choir mentors or where I’ve had choir practices or we’ve obviously been in worship service and we’re listening to the lessons–there’s so many applicable things in my faith that have helped so much with my job and with with work and the the way that my career is. And I would never, I don’t think I, actually know, I don’t think I know–I know that I would never be in the position I am today if I was to let go of those duties. I know that and and I can speak to that because when I’m speaking to patients and I’m thinking of, you know, how to help them and I’m thinking of you know the kindness again that I’m I’m saying to them or if I’m thinking of, you know, how to lead meetings at work or if I’m thinking of listening to different clients or different employees; it’s all through how I would be at church. It’s all through what I’ve learned through church; how to be respectful, how to talk to people, how to have patience, how to have faith. It all came from my duties and from God. Nan : Well I think it’s awesome and thank you LP for even bringing that up as well because you know, this whole theme of words being such an important part of your life, it’s even more clear now. You know, you being an organist right? You’re surrounded by words, the hymns and whatnot. Um, and then also obviously attending worship services, we hear the word. Um, So yeah, if you can speak on that. Just how impactful has it been in that regard right? Hearing the words–we spoke earlier about hearing words that have shaped us and kind of molded us. Can you share a little bit of that as well? Rachelle: I think many would agree that, I’m sure, a hymn or a lyric from one of our hymns in our worship services have got them through something in their life. I know a lot of times, when I was low or I wanted to give up, I would think of a hymn that resonated so much with my life and, you know, getting through it and giving it all to God and you know never giving up and having faith. Every time that I would face difficulty or a trial or a challenge in my life, I would think of those words that I’m singing to God or I would think of those worship services. I feel like also there, I feel like maybe if you guys experience this too, where you are going through something so strong and then all of a sudden that worship service you attend, the hymns are pertaining to that. Lois Paula: That’s perfect. It always lines up the exact verses that we needed to hear from the Bible to tell us exactly what to do at that moment in our life. Rachelle: Exactly exactly exactly exactly. And it’s as if God was speaking to you right? Then and there and it’s exactly what you needed and then yeah, you think to yourself, why would I ever give this up? Why would I ever give my duty up? Why would I ever give my faith up when He’s the one that got me here. He’s the one that’s helping me. So you’re absolutely right to ask that question. Words matter because it, whether it’s from God through the bible verses, whether it’s from hymns that we’re singing, it all connects. Lois Paula: And we’re so grateful for the inspiration that you again are not only sharing with us but you have shared and you’re being an instrument through the words that you’re writing you know, and in your local congregation of the Church Of Christ there now in Northern California and, of course, from your roots back in Michigan. We’re just grateful for your joining us today Rach yeah. Nan: Thanks Rach. Lois Paula: Excited for your next book. Ah. Rachelle: Thank you so much I know we got to get started. It’s still a draft form. It’s–there’s papers all over the place but it’s happening. It’s getting there. Nan: I can’t say it enough and you know what’s interesting at the end of each podcast LP was saying how awesome all of our guests have been and you are no exception. You have been so awesome and LP and I, every time we come to the close, we’re just like in awe, you know? Because all of you are so special and you all have such amazing journeys and amazing insight. So I can’t say it enough. Yeah. Lois Paula: Thank you so much Rach. We appreciate you joining us. We’re so grateful. Thank you. Rachelle: Thank you guys. Nan: Thank you to our listeners for joining us on this episode of Kindness Moves. We really hope you enjoyed it. I know I did. I know LP did. And don’t worry. There are more discussions to come. Lois Paula: Yes, please stay tuned for more. There’s many more stories to come and to share. So if you like also the tips that you are hearing follow @incgivingproject Instagram account for weekly inspiration. So thanks for tuning in. I’m Lois Paula. Nan : And I’m Nan. Also, again, thank you for joining us and for more tips and ideas on how you can make kindness contagious please visit incgiving.org and if you want to listen to more awesome episodes like today’s episode ah you can listen to the Kindness Moves podcast on Google Podcast, Apple Podcasts and the INC Media mobile app for iOS or Android. Please also remember to subscribe or follow us to know when the newest episodes are available. Lois Paula: Remember, act now. Make your move to do good because kindness matters. It’s meaningful, it motivates, kindness moves. [show close]

Learning Kindness From Parent-Child Bonding [show open] Lois Paula: Whether you’re hoping to heal the world or heal yourself, this podcast is here for you to highlight how kindness moves. Nan: Yes, how kindness moves you to take action, you yourself, or just makes you feel something so good it’s contagious. You might have been touched by a simple act of kindness. You might want tips on how you can act now in your community or you just love the feeling of doing good. Hi everyone! Lois Paula: Welcome to Kindness Moves, a new podcast brought to you by the INC Giving Project. We’re your hosts LP and Nan. Now in a previous episode we discussed how to teach kindness to kids. Lois Paula: And in that discussion we met Teresa and learned about her daughter Katelyn and the importance of, you know, fostering a child’s urge to share kind acts. Now in today’s episode we continue the discussion of sharing acts of kindness with your child but we dive a little bit deeper and shift the perspective now to a father–a father of three who actively encourages his children to join outreach efforts that help their community. Now, as a mother, that’s something I inspired to do because it’s, it’s really these kinds of activities that promote, you know, parent-child bonding and teach kindness at the same time. Nan: Yeah, you know, I’m really, really glad that we’re continuing this discussion LP because it’s such an important topic right? I mean parent child bonding and being able to do these acts of kindness together. But I’m even more excited because we get to hear from a father. You know sometimes the perception is that it’s generally the mother that children learn kindness from, which I totally understand. You know, I learned a lot from my mom about kindness and being caring and she really influenced me greatly. But I would also like to highlight all the dads out there that make it a point to teach kindness, you know. Lois Paula: Yes. Nan: My dad definitely took the time to teach me those lessons so I just wanted to highlight all the dads out there and also tell my dad thank you. So thanks dad! Lois Paula: Yes, yes, that’s right. Now speaking of dads, shout out to all of the fathers, to all of the husbands out there. Just want to say thanks to my husband as well. You know, you’re right. We really do try our best to take every opportunity to be, you know, the best parents. But there are a ton of dads out there, you know, who are doing the same thing–trying to set a great example. And it just so happens that we are meeting one today. Yes! So he joins us all the way from New Jersey, let’s welcome Ted Pascual. Hi Ted. Nan: Hi Ted. Ted Pascual: Hello Nan, hello LP. Thank you for having me here today. Nan: We’re so so excited to have you.  Lois Paula: Yeah. Nan: You know we’re really happy that you could join us today all the way from New Jersey and I mentioned earlier that I was really excited to have you on the podcast.  Nan: As a father, you’ve encouraged volunteering and acts of kindness, which I’d like to highlight even more because we have all the awesome moms, but I also want to show all the awesome dads. And before we jump into your fatherhood though, I would like to start from the beginning–if you could tell us a little bit about your childhood. Who or what were your biggest influences when it came to your outlook on kindness? Ted Pascual: Well okay, so just to go back on what you guys were saying–yes, we always learn a lot of kindness from our mothers. Um, but the thing is I’ve always believed that there’s a lot of lessons that aren’t taught, you have to watch, you have to learn by sight. You have to learn by what you see. And that was the lesson that my dad taught being brought up in the Philippines. So they have that “I-am-head-of-household-I-just-give-you-a-stare.” Lois Paula: Yeah, the culture.  Ted Pascual: Yes. If someone needs to talk to you, it will be your mom. So my mom came to me with the “kindness” voice and calmness and where it was my father who just had that look. But as he performed his duties in the Church, you just see a totally different person. That’s where you see his kindness. You see how much he’s willing to help others without receiving anything in return. And it’s not because he had to, it’s because he wanted to. It was just how he was brought up and that’s how I was brought up. Yes I heard kindness from my mother but I saw a lot of kindness from my father. So that’s something that I’m trying to teach a little bit of both to my children.. Ted Pascual: So as a child, going back to what you were mentioning, one of my influences, of course, it’s always going to be my parents. You’re young and you hear a lot of “You have to be kind. You have to be nice to people.” And sometimes you’re just, “Why?” But when you’re really young, you don’t understand why. So you can say “Why?” and they’re going to say, “Oh because of this and this and this and that.” And you’re just like– Lois Paula: Okay. Nan: Right. Ted Pascual: You know, but then when, when you actually see them do it. And you’re seeing them and it’s not a labor you know? You don’t see them struggling to do it. You see them enjoying what they’re doing. You see them, how happy they are. You just learn–that’s the lesson that you’re learning of what kindness actually is. Of course my, you know, my parents always gonna be my influence as well as my sisters. They’ve always, you know, they were always there to help me, to remind me to be humble and to always be kind. But it also goes down to all the other elders growing up. As children, back in my day a long time ago, you know, there wasn’t that many, you know, there wasn’t that many superheroes or people that we really look up to. You know, the people that we looked up to were the ones that we seen majority of our life and we spent a lot of time in the Church. Ted Pascual: You see how they are being kind to one another and that just grows on you, you know? It’s like, well that’s what we’re being taught. We’re being taught to love our fellow man, the people that we’re seeing every day. And that’s just how you become influenced by–you’re like, “Well I want to be just like that. I want to be a nice person. I want to enjoy that type of kindness–that feeling.” You know, you don’t really get that feeling yet because you don’t really understand what it is but you see how it is. Lois Paula: And I would love to touch base on that topic just a little bit later because you know you’re comparing back then when we only saw what we see in front of us and now when there’s influences all over the place, you know?  Ted Pascual: Yes, yes. Lois Paula: But I would love to kind of just touch base on your childhood experiences. You know you said that you saw a lot from your parents. You saw a lot from those that surrounded your experiences, you know, at the chapel compounds, going to the Church Of Christ. Were there any childhood experiences specifically that stuck out and stuck with you throughout the years even until now, if you had one moment or a few that you could remember? Ted Pascual: One of the things that my parents, like I said, you know whenever someone would call and say, “So-and- so needs a ride.” You know, and when I became a decent driver, ah that as well came upon, like, “Hey, you know, we need brothers and sisters who can go to a different congregation to sing. But who’s going to drive them?”  “I will, I don’t mind.” You know–and that’s just something that, like okay, so those are the, you know, that’s a simple gesture, you know? And even up till this day, you know, so it’s funny because I seen it happen when I was a child. I did it when I was a teenager. And now here, now that I’m grown up, a parent of, you know, a family–we get that call, I would still do the same thing without, you know, without second questioning or anything like that.  Lois Paula: And I’m pretty sure your children see that that “selfless” in you as well and they’re gonna remember that. It’s just a simple gesture but it says a lot. You know, actions speak louder than words, like you mentioned. We appreciate your sharing those moments with us. And it’s always interesting, you know, just to reflect, to trace the origins, so to say, of our kindness journeys and our journeys in general. And it is–it’s an ongoing path of course. But now we want to shift our focus towards your transition into fatherhood. Ted Pascual: Yes. Lois Paula: Can you tell us a little bit first about, you know, your children your family–how many kids do you have Ted? Ted Pascual: I have three children. My oldest is turning 25. Lois Paula: Oh 25 okay. Nan: Ah I would have never have guessed that, that she’s turning 25. Ted Pascual: Yes she is turning 25. She currently lives and works in New York.  Lois Paula: Wow. Ok. Ted Pascual: My second is turning 20. She is actually in Southern California right now. Nan: Um, okay, cool. Ted Pascual: Yes, yes, she’s at Cal Poly Pomona. Lois Paula: Oh congrats. Nan: Nice. Ted Pascual: And then my my son who is turning 6, 17, he’s turning 17 this month. Lois Paula: See what a great dad. He remembers their birthdays and their ages. Nan: Yeah, you know and I got a little sneak peek. I got to see Jonah on the INC Giving episode that you both were in and it was really cool to see both of you in action. You know, you’re doing kindness in action. So that was really cool. Lois Paula: 25 is your eldest. Okay, we need to learn from you so we’re gonna take some notes. But we definitely appreciate and we’d love to continue to see you know how your experiences as a child has now been implemented into your own children and how, I’m sure, they’re taking that, now that they’re on their own, especially they’re taking that into their lives and continuing it as well. Nan: Yeah, and it’s really fascinating to hear. You know, again, you’re a father of three–I wouldn’t have expected that they were that age already. You don’t look like a dad of children that age.  Ted Pascual: (laughter) Thank you. Nan: But I can only imagine how fatherhood really pushed you to pull from all those different experiences that you had as a child and those previous life lessons that you mentioned right? Like, just witnessing your dad doing all these things, hearing your mom, of course, tell you how to be kind and how to interact with others and whatnot. But what are some of the life lessons that you pulled from, especially in applying it to your children and raising them? Ted Pascual: Well, we always try to remember how our parents raised us. Okay, so we always try to remember. You know there’s times where like, well, in this situation, this is what my dad would do, this is what my mom would say. But we always want to make that better. Because they’re teaching based on their experience. So we have to teach our children based on what we experience. Even though our parents did and say something else, we may have gone through it but in a different way, in a different level. So, you know, so those are the things that, those are the life lessons that, you have to really put your heart and thought into it when you’re teaching. An example, how I, how I spoke about my father–so now instead of being the guy that just looks at my children and hope they understand what the words that I’m trying to say, I mix it, you know? I mix, I try to have that kind and calm voice that my mother would use with me to calm me down and yet at the same time be that father figure for them. Nan: Right.  Lois Paula: Can I ask you, Ted, what challenges you are seeing raising your own children, like you said, trying to use what you were taught but also, you know, implementing that to your children but seeing what’s working, what’s not. What are your greatest challenges in trying to instill that mindset into your own children? Ted Pascual: Well one of the biggest challenges is technology. They’re so, it’s so accessible to what they say,  what they can read. You know, I could say, well this is how we have to do it this way. And they’ll say, “Well online it says you have to do it this way.” And I’m like “Okay well, that’s not…” Exactly, right?  Lois Paula: (laughter) Excuse me. Ted Pascual: And that’s what it is. I’m happy that they’re able to use the knowledge that they’re able to to obtain but at the same time it’s very challenging on how to, you know, to be a father in in today’s day and age.  Lois Paula: How to counter it. Yeah. Ted Pascual: Um, yeah, exactly. And so that makes me have to do my research before I talk to them.  Lois Paula: You have to come prepared.  Ted Pascual: I have to come prepared. Let me bring my outline. Let me get my notes ready. Okay, what are we going to talk about? Okay I got that checked all, right. Lois Paula: Here’s your agenda. Nan: But you need the technology to do your research right? Ted Pascual: Yeah, yes I have to use–yeah. That’s one of the challenges. You know it’s just, it’s just a different generation. You know how we were brought up, I can’t say we were brought up in a strict environment. However, our elders were a lot stricter, if that’s a word. They’re more strict than how we are–than how they are today. Nothing wrong with the generation. But you know we hear so many things about Generation Z on how they are and it’s just challenging, especially for teenagers you know. It’s something wow, you know? Lois Paula: And, and I can only imagine you know, we have to, as individuals and then all the more as parents, have to really be firm. You know, just like we’re taught in everything, you know, regarding our values, regarding our faith as members of the Church Of Christ, like, in everything that we do, we have to be firm. And so that also goes with, with teaching–  Ted Pascual: Yes, it does. Lois Paula: -with being kind, you know to our kids and also showing kindness. We have to be all the more firm because they’re getting all these influences everywhere else. And now Ted can we ask you what opportunities–so you know the challenges, you know what has worked in your childhood, now you’re trying these different tactics with your own children–what opportunities have you used to, you know, try to instill lessons of kindness, I should say, into your children? Ted Pascual: Okay, so well for lessons of kindness, of course, you know, you try to understand and be kind to your fellow man, okay? So that’s one. That’s, you know, that’s a simple lesson. You know it’s easy to say you have to be kind. That’s, you know, it’s so easy to say that and children’s like, “Okay yeah.” But, started with the INC Giving project. I would think back 2011 or 20-, I think it’s 2011. Lois Paula: You’re right. Yes Ted. Nan: Yeah, 2011. Yep, yep that’s awesome. Ted Pascual: I remember one of the first ones that were given was the Teacher’s Appreciation. You know, we didn’t have too many opportunities, you know, to help out. So as much as  we always wanted to, it’s like we didn’t know how to. So it was just never, you know, we didn’t, there was no internet. You know, I can’t look up a foundation in the Yellow Pages. Ah it would take it–I wouldn’t know where to look. You know–or would it be the white pages that they’re in? But yeah, so it would be hard and when the INC Giving project started, I was like, wow this is a great platform but I still didn’t know what to do. And then when they said, “But here are some guidelines and here are some how-to’s of what you can do.” And I was like wow this makes it just so much easier.  Ted Pascual: So when we had those opportunities, I use that opportunity as a parent, as an adult, you know, if you do good, you know the feeling that you’re going to get in return. You know that it’s not for you. It’s, you’re, you’re helping somebody but you know the feeling that you receive as well. The youth they didn’t, back then, they didn’t really understand it. So when we did the Teacher’s Appreciation, they didn’t really understand what a teacher does. Of course now they do, but back then it’s like okay–but when we did the “Sing For a Cause,” that was a totally different outcome. Lois Paula: Oh really? Ted Pascual: Because yes, they were, they’re here–I mean here’s all my kids, not my youngest. He was only 6 at the time. So my two eldest with all the Kadiwas and Binhis and they’re like “Okay, why are we practicing every Sunday, singing this set of songs?” And this and that, “We don’t even know the people we’re going to go to.” And this and that, this and that–and I could not explain to them why. I would say, “You, it’s just something that you’ll have to see and–but I was still learning too because it’s not like I did a lot of community service. I’m teaching myself but we’ll talk about that later. And um, so during this INC Giving, the um “Sing For a Cause” when the children, my kids, when they saw the joy in the faces, tears from the residents. And you would hear one of them, “Not even my own children come and visit me. And here’s a bunch of strangers singing songs.” Ted Pascual: Not a dry eye was in that room.  Lois Paula: Yeah. Ted Pascual: And all the kids, after that point, every INC Giving activity we had–no hesitation, no questions. They already knew.  Lois Paula: Wow. Ted Pascual: They already knew what the outcome–what was what they were gonna feel.  Lois Paula: I’m getting emotional. Ted Pascual: Oh no, trust me, it was, it was one of the most memorable things that I’ve ever–you know the opportunity. So that’s what I was, you know, those are the opportunities that–it really opened my eyes to what kindness is all about. Nan: I’m so happy to hear you share that moment with us because it’s such a powerful moment right? Like, I mean when you think of, of kids visiting the elderly and singing to them. You don’t automatically think it’s just going to be waterworks or anything or there’s going to be this profound realization like what you’ve just described. But that’s what’s amazing is like, it really highlights how important and how powerful, you know, sharing kindness is and I also love the fact that it was through INC Giving projects and through these different outreach efforts that you were able to to use these platforms like what you said. And I think in addition to that powerful moment that you guys had, what can you speak on regarding just parent-child bonding? You mentioned this is you learning along with them. You know, learning how to volunteer and how to seek out these opportunities. So how did the INC Giving project and all these different outreach efforts and opportunities help with parent-child bonding, you know, specifically with you and your children? Ted Pascual: When a parent and child bond, there’s, there’s several ways of doing so you know. They bond through some type of physical action or some type of emotional. But the bonding that a parent and child get through kindness, it involves both physical and emotion. So it’s, it’s a totally different level. Like Jonah, when you know, when I say, “Hey, what did you, what did you think of that activity?” We could just go on and we’re just having, you know, we’re like best buds just talking about an activity.  Nan: That’s awesome. Ted Pascual: You know, what makes it a special bond–it’s because as a parent, um, it’s not something that I fully experience. So you know, like I said, when you’re bonding with your child, you’re bonding something that you experienced. So you want to share that and then that’s what you guys bond with–that, that experience right there. But when you’re learning together, it’s like “What? Whoa, did you just see what happened? Oh my goodness. Hey.” Lois Paula: It’s like an out of body, like, yes. Ted Pascual: It is, it is. And you know, just like like I said when it when it came to the “Sing For a Cause” you know, I could just look at my daughters then just look at me and they just smile and I already know what they’re trying to say and I already know what they feel. Lois Paula: Aww. Ted Pascual: And it’s the same thing with my son. Now like when, because, when we participate in the, you know, the “Coastal Cleanup,” when we did the “Aid to Humanity” in New Jersey, you know, he’s like, “Hey, Dad, I see you walking around trying to direct traffic. What do you want me to do?” You know? And he’s asking me “What do you want?” You know? Lois Paula: Wow, taking initiative. Yeah. Nan: Yeah, initiative. Ted Pascual: And I was like “Well, you know, we have a whole bunch of clothes that needs to be folded and hung and get ready for this and that.” And he’s like, “Okay.” So he would just call his friends and they would, that’s what they would do.  Lois Paula: Aww great job. Nan: That’s so cool. Ted Pascual: It’s just, but it’s just the fact that I could just say later on in life like, “You know what, Son? You and I, we did this together. You know it was a first for me, it was a first for you but yet we’re able to bond. We’re able to get that strength.” You know, that a father-son, father-daughter or a parent–parent-child that they get and it’s through kindness is just so powerful. Lois Paula: There’s the possibilities, opportunities are endless and you can continue them, you know, five, ten, twenty years from now and you’re right. It’s a memorable one and it’s so motivating to hear that Ted. You know, as a parent, finding those moments to really bond with our children, it can, it can be challenging sometimes. Just like you mentioned, as technology pulls them away, it pulls us away as well. You know, so we have to make a conscious, constant effort to be present and to really take every opportunity. And when we do have the opportunity, you know, we have to make the best of it and really think not, not just okay–it’s funny because sometimes we’re sitting at dinner and I’m trying to, you know, have a discussion and whatnot, trying to teach things and, you know, I’m really excited about it. I’m like, “Oh this is a great learning opportunity.” And then, you know, my son would be like, “Can I have some more juice, Mommy?” I’m like oh okay, that that didn’t, that was way over your head. That is not the right time. But yes, you’re right, you know, taking the action instead of just talking about it is really, you know, the example that’s the best learning tool, you know, like you mentioned. Ted Pascual: Exactly. Lois Paula: And really, when you share the acts of kindness, but you get to do it together, that’s a bonus. So it really is, you know, definitely a blessing. Nan: Yeah, totally. Lois Paula: Okay, we always ask our listeners, our kindness ambassadors, to also chime in–to talk about how kindness moves you. So for this episode actually we have special guests who also happen to be from New Jersey to share how kindness moves them. So let’s hear what they have to say. Nan: Okay, so here is our first guest. Jenna Pascual: Hi, Dad. I just want to thank you for always teaching me and showing me love and kindness in my life. And to thank you because I know that you’ll always be there for me no matter where I am in the world. You’ll always be able to answer my call and help me when I need it. So thank you, Dad. Nan: Ted, do you know who that is? Ted Pascual: My goodness. Is, is, is that Jenna? Nan: That was Jenna, yep. So that was Jenna but we do have a couple more guests. So let me me go ahead and introduce some of our other guests here. Jadyn Pascual: Hey, Dad. I just want to say thank you and I appreciate everything that you do and have done for me and for doing it in the most kind and loving manner. I love you and I miss you and can’t wait to see you soon. Nan: So that was Jadyn, right?  Ted Pascual: Jadyn. Oh my goodness you guys, oh man. Nan: And we have one more for you, one more. Jonah Pascual: Hey, Dad. Just wanted to say thank you for always taking time out of your day to take me to the INC Givings, to the Aid to Humanities and all those activities. And while at those activities, you help teach kindness in me because you tell me what to do and that helps me because I learned to do it second nature where I don’t have to think and I could just do these things out of the kindness of my heart. So I just want to say thank you. Lois Paula: Aww that was Jonah right? Ted Pascual: Yes it was, yes it was. Lois Paula:  Aww. Nan: You know, it’s amazing, Ted, because, you know, everything that we were talking about prior to even hearing your wonderful children, your awesome children. It’s apparent. It’s so apparent that it’s in them. I just want to say you’ve done a great job. I don’t know your kids personally but having heard them say what they said and and share their thoughts and how highly they think of you, you’ve done a great job. Ted Pascual: Well thank you, thank you. Well, that was very–caught me by surprise so I don’t know what to say anymore. Oh. Lois Paula: And no one can see this, but– Ted Pascual: No, exactly, exactly. But you know what’s funny though? One of the things that I wanted to say earlier about, especially about Jonah, was because whenever we, you know, whenever we have our activities and whenever we’re doing these community service, you know, we did that tree planting, the “Aid to Humanity,” the food donation drives, the winter clothes drives, whenever we did all these together, you know, I would always ask, “You know who this is going to help. Do you see how this is going to help so many people?” And he’s like, “Yeah you know that was great.” But when we did the, when we did the “Coastal Cleanup”–so I was like, “Do you see how this is gonna help the people because we’re beautifying the beach. We’re making things nice and safe and this and that.” And he’s like, “What about the fish? What about the sea creatures? Are we helping them? Are we helping clean up all the plastic bottles?” Ted Pascual: And I was like, “You know what, son?”  Lois Paula: You’re beyond me now. Ted Pascual: “Yes we are. You are absolutely right. Okay I don’t need, I don’t need to ask anymore.” I just thought, I thought it was really funny.  Lois Paula: He just schooled you. Ted Pascual: Yeah. Lois Paula: And that, in itself, is a great example of how you have done your part, Ted. You know, he graduated. Nan: You’ve created such initiative, he’s looking beyond the people you know, he’s, he’s looking beyond the surface. Lois Paula: Oh well, no, and that really got to me too. You know, I was also thinking of my little ones and, you know, if they would ever hear–my little ones are only two and seven, so you know, hopefully one day we will follow in the footsteps of you,Ted, and you know, they will also understand, like you mentioned, you know, it’s hard. They don’t understand it. But it’s us really planting that seed now and really taking the time and the energy to invest in that foundation–  Ted Pascual: Exactly.  Lois Paula: that will hopefully allow it to come to fruition later on and I definitely feel like it’s such a beautiful thing and when our children are appreciative, especially, and understand the things, finally, that we teach them later on that, you know, that’s so beautiful. So thank you as well. Thank you to your children. Thank you. Nan: I think we can just take a, take a breath and just take that in because that was definitely a special moment. I just want to say thank you again to the Pascuals right? Jenna, Jadyn and Jonah. Lois Paula: Thank you guys.  Nan: But also your wife. I hope I’m pronouncing her name right? Is it Ah-murvey?  Ted Pascual: Yes, yes that is it. Amervi. Yeah, we just call her Mervi, but yeah, it’s Amervi. Nan: Amervi. Yes, she helped coordinate all this so, you know, they’re all so proud of you and I just want to say thank you to the entire family. And I’m sure you, Jenna, Jadyn and Jonah–you guys made your dad’s day. You’ve also inspired me. After this podcast I’m going to call my dad tell him how much I love him and thank him for all the wonderful lessons he’s taught me. Thanks for inspiring me. Nan: So Ted, before we head towards the end of our podcast, we did want to open it up to you one more time for any final words of encouragement that you’d like to give. You know, maybe there are parents out there who are struggling to find ways to bond with their children. Maybe they’re finding it hard to introduce volunteering or acts of kindness into their lives. What would you say to someone that’s struggling– a parent that’s struggling to do those things? Ted Pascual: To trust and to believe in the activity that they’re going to, to teach their children in. No parent is perfect. So the way we want to train or, or teach our children. It may not be the right way. It’s perfect for us as to what we want them to be. But when you trust in the activity that’s being given–the INC Giving, especially the INC Giving activities, because it opens your eyes to what kindness is. As I said earlier, growing up, you just see the kindness from the people around you and you don’t really think too much of it. But through the INC Giving project, through all the different activities, the kindness is so genuine because you know that a simple, a simple act, can change the lives of so many different people. And for those who are struggling to teach their children that, they need to believe in what kindness is. Because when you truly believe in what kindness is, it’s so easy to relay that to your children because you can’t teach kindness if you’re not a kind, if you’re not kind yourself. So you have to believe in what kindness is and, you know, you can’t just, like I said, you can’t just look at so many different avenues, and you’ll always question it. “What if I do this? Uh how, how about if it doesn’t do this? Oh let me do that. Oh It’s not going to…” But when you’re given guidelines, when you’re given proof that so many other brothers and sisters are able to do this–children, parents, old, young, it’s, it’s just so comforting knowing that, that’s my backup. You know, hey, who do I fall to? Who do I turn to? I turn to all the other people that [have] done it. So it makes it, it makes it easier for me to teach my children on what kindness is. So for those who are struggling just believe in the kindness, believe in the activity and you’ll see that your children will believe in it as well. Lois Paula: That’s so beautiful, Ted. Thank you so much for for sharing that and it’s really special just hearing how your trust–and I love that, trust in the activity and we’re so grateful that as members of the Church Of Christ, we have the support from our Church Administration– Ted Pascual: Yes, yes. Lois Paula: from the leaders who have provided these activities and you’re right. We can go anywhere in the world and find these opportunities but to know that there’s that foundation already–that behind it is also, most importantly, a spiritual connection and you know the foundation to continue these activities, all the more it’s teaching all the way around. You know it comes full circle. So thank you. Ted Pascual: It does come full circle.  Lois Paula: So thank you. Thank you so much for sharing your story, your experiences and how you’ve been able to find success through these activities and through these projects with your children. Nan: We thank you for supporting all those activities as well and really using that as a platform and we’re so glad to have had this conversation. I know I said it earlier, I’m really motivated by you and by your children–your whole family. It’s been a, been a blessing to, to just interact with everyone so we just want to say thank you to the entire family and that we really appreciate it. Lois Paula: Yes, yes, and thank you for joining us, Ted. Ted Pascual: Well thank you for having me and my family. Nan: Anything else that you wanted to say before we wrap things up? Any final goodbyes or you wanted to share? Ted Pascual: To my wife and my kids, how, how thankful I am for having them in my life. It’s because of them that my kindness continues. It’s because of them that I just want to go on doing things the way I do because it does come full circle and just to hear them, it’s just so heartwarming. So I thank them. Lois Paula: Okay, see we weren’t expecting this but it’s water works all over again. Thank you Ted for joining us. Thank you. Nan: Thank you. Ted Pascual: Thank you for having me LP and thank you Nan. Nan: You’re welcome. Thank you also to our listeners for joining us on this episode of Kindness Moves. We hope you’ve enjoyed it. But don’t worry, there are still many, many more conversations that we’ll have coming your way. So please stay tuned for our additional episodes if you enjoyed this, you’ll for sure enjoy the other episodes as well. Lois Paula: Yes, please stay tuned for more. There’s so many more stories, like Ted’s, to come. And also if you like the tips you’re hearing, follow the INC Giving project @incgivingproject Instagram account for weekly inspiration. So thank you for tuning in I’m Lois Paula. Nan: And I’m Nan. For more tips and ideas on how you can make kindness contagious, please visit incgiving.org and if you want to listen to more episodes just like you heard today, you can listen on Google Podcast, Apple Podcasts or the INC Media mobile app for iOS and Android. So tell your friends. Tell them about the Kindness Moves podcast. Please subscribe or follow us to know when the newest episodes are available. Lois Paula: And remember act now. Make your move to do good because kindness matters. It’s meaningful. It motivates. Kindness moves. [show close]

Cancer Survivor Shows How Kindness Heals Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: It’s always better to look forward to better things than to dwell on what you can’t control. Right? You just have to keep trying to get to the next level and push through it, pray about it. What we’re going through right now, it’s not easy. Before the pandemic, whatever we were going through, it’s not easy. It’s not easy. One rule of thumb that one of my nurses told me is you can stay in bed one day, if you don’t feel like getting out of bed one day, but that’s it. After that, you have to keep getting out of bed. LP Riturban: Whether you’re hoping to heal the world or heal yourself, this podcast is here for you to highlight how kindness moves. Nan Zapanta: Moves you to take action yourself or just makes you feel something so good, it’s contagious. You might have been touched by a simple act of kindness, you might want tips on how you connect now in your community or you just love the feeling of doing good. LP Riturban: Welcome back everyone to Kindness Moves, a new podcast brought to you by the INC Giving Project. We’re your hosts LP and Nan. Nan Zapanta: So today we want to bring into our conversation how to keep positive and in turn exude positivity in our daily life. You know, when circumstances around you are maybe really tough and it’s pushing you in that other direction to be negative or, or just not see things in a positive light, how we can really turn towards positivity. LP Riturban:  So yes Nan, what we’re going to do to start off our conversation actually today is just ask our listeners, wherever you are to pause, ok. And think about the last time you were faced with a tough situation. It could be, you know, with your family, individually, maybe even in a really dire situation where you could barely see what tomorrow looked like. Now imagine that moment, the way you felt. Now replay your reaction to the things around you, the things people said, the things that happened the next day or that week, you know, did you still act with love? Do you still show compassion to those around you? Or did your reactions dictate otherwise? Did your reactions to what was happening still shine a light of positivity? That’s what we’re going to discuss today. Nan Zapanta: Right, and those are really great points to reflect on right? The moments of adversity, and that’s what we’ll reflect on today. How we can really keep a perspective of positivity no matter what life throws at us. LP Riturban: Yes, and to talk with us about it today, we introduce our guest from New Jersey. She is a professional in the legal services industry. She’s also a host and correspondent and a producer of INC Radio programming. Most of all, she’s also had her own share of life-changing experiences that she’s turned into motivation to do good every chance she gets and you know, just be that light. So let’s welcome Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman also known as Cat. Hello.  Nan Zapanta: Hi Cat. Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Hi, everyone. Hi, Nan and LP. So excited to be here with you guys.  Nan Zapanta: So are we.  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: What an introduction like, is that, is that my entire resume? Nan Zapanta: What is that my LinkedIn? Is that my LinkedIn? Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Right? Wait, I really need to add some stuff.  LP Riturban: It’s like our drum roll. So here we have today. Nan Zapanta:  Well, we’re so excited to have you here with us. It’s been a conversation that we’ve been looking forward to, especially with that introduction, right? And we’ve, we’d really love to give our listeners a chance to hear you and give you a chance to introduce yourself. Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Hi. As LP said, I am Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman. I’m known by a lot of other nicknames-Cat, Cathleya, Leah, and also Snow White as a kid. So that’s a fun one that I haven’t said in a very long time. I am from New Jersey and I do work in legal services. You know, I had to think about that one LP. You know, do I work in legal service? I do. I do. I am a passionate person. If you ever see me on social media, I have a lot of things to say. So and just, actually, just keeping it positive. I always look for silver linings.  LP Riturban: Well, we’re glad that you’re here today. We’re reflecting on, you know, our life experiences, how it can really impact, you know, the way we react to certain things in our life. And we’re honored because you’re an example of someone who has had life-changing moments. You’ve gone through your share of experiences, like many of us have, but you have made the most of the miracles you’ve received from God. Can you share with us just a little bit about your story, take us back, if you don’t mind, as much as you’re comfortable with and to your circumstances and where you are now.  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Sure, I want to start off by saying that, I think everyone, goes through a lot of things in life, right? And we’re not comparing apples to oranges, because it’s hard, everyone has their own “hard.” So my story brings us back to right after college, well, wasn’t right after, a few years after college. And you know, after college, after you graduate, you finally get “the” job. You’re like, wow, I finally made it, I have my profession, I have a regular paycheck, I don’t have to ask mom and dad for money. I’m traveling, I’m seeing the world. I’m buying my own stuff. And at the time, I was engaged. So everything was fun, fresh. And you know, there was no ceiling. The sky was the limit. And I was very active, of course, in my in church duties. But there’s just a lot going on as people in their 20s have, right? There’s a lot. You’re just busy, right? So, just always, busy, you’re always doing, you’re always doing something, you’re staying up for no reason. Just hanging out having fun. So it’s really the prime of your life. “You’ve arrived” is the moment that I think of. It’s the moment that I arrived, and part of that moment was being diagnosed with cancer–surprisingly. I get a lot of questions like well, maybe it runs in your family, maybe it’s…you know, when you’re in the thick of things, and you’re having the time of your life and something like this happens to you;it’s like the needle off the record. Everything stops, it’s quiet. It’s a moment where you have tough and honest conversations with yourself and with God. You know, when I was diagnosed with cancer, and it was a surprise, although I had thought of, when we’re young, we think we’re invincible. Right? We think we’re invincible. I’m twen… I’m in my twenties, I have all this energy, my skin is awesome, my hair is great, I got highlights, I got these awesome heels. Like, I have all these things. I’m so pretty, you know, like all those–I mean, just that’s a generalization that wasn’t me. But that’s just a generalization. That’s, that’s just the attitude that 20 year olds have. And, and you know, we’re not exempt from that. So when you don’t pay attention to things happening to your body. You know, you get a surprise. And that’s what happened to me. So I was busy with my life, and I wasn’t paying attention. So what I thought was just going to be like, here’s a cream or here’s, you know, here’s something–turned out to be cancer.  Nan Zapanta: Wow. Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Yeah turned out, you know, I thought it’s like, oh, maybe we’ll have like a little procedure. And then it turned out to be something super major. Right?  LP Riturban: Yeah.  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: And at 26 it’s not something you really think about. So, needle-off-the-record moment, and then you have these long, unending conversations with God about what’s happening in your life. And thinking back now, you know, I never asked why. I never asked why, why is this happening? I, instead, even then, because at the time, I didn’t know what my prognosis was, you know, doctors can never guarantee that they got everything, that everything went away, even with eight rounds of chemo or radiation, whatever the treatment is, they can never guarantee what it is. And I decided, since they say, they give you the math, they give you the odds, they say your percentage of survival is this. And if you do this, then your percentage will increase; kind of feels like getting a loan, right? So you have to calculate the mortgage. So those are, those are your options. And if you do this thing, it’ll take you, you know, this, this time to heal. And these are the side effects you can have. So it’s a lot of math in that sense. So rather than ask why and spend time in anger, because again, I didn’t know how long I had, before things, you know how things were going to turn out. I said, “Why would I spend that time being angry, resentful, bitter? Why would I question what’s happening in my life?” Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman:  Why don’t I just, you know, I looked at my parents, I moved back home, and I looked at my parents and my family, and everyone’s so worried. It’s like, why shouldn’t I just embrace them while I can? Right? Before chemo starts, before I might be isolated, before whatever happens, happens–why don’t I just do that? Why don’t I enjoy my taste buds while I still have them, you know, enjoy the things that I enjoy within reason, of course. LP Riturban: The things that you can control.  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Yes Nan Zapanta: Yeah Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Yeah, exactly. And  just be grateful for every moment. Not gonna lie, it wasn’t easy. It wasn’t easy not to be in tears, realizing that you’re not in control of what’s happening. You have options but you’re not in control. You know, because you have to choose, it’s either this or this. You can’t choose not to do anything. And during those times, you also have to put on a brave face. I think for people who are diagnosed with cancer, they spend most of their time consoling others, which is ironic. But at the same time, you know, the more that I talked about it with other people and telling them that everything was going to be fine, I was also reassuring myself that it’s going to be fine. Like, do I, and I thought to myself, “Do I actually believe it’s going to be fine?” And, you know, this is not going to be a secret for anyone who’s a caregiver, you know, you cry in the shower. So that’s where, that’s where I cried, you know, couldn’t tell if it was the, it was me crying or the shower, so, which is also funny, but it’s also the only time I could ever be alone because everyone was hovering over like, “Are you ok?” LP Riturban: Yeah. Nan Zapanta: Yeah. Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: It’s like, I’m not hungry anymore. Thanks. LP Riturban: And I love how you say that, because there’s so many people who experienced just that. You know, you explain that when you were at the time of your life, that you experienced this, there was no ceiling and you feel like the sky’s the limit and things otherwise are great. Like a lot of people who are diagnosed with something who undergo a certain type of loss, whether it’s the loss of certainty for your future, you know, the loss of control; It’s a point of loss at that point.  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: You’re absolutely right. It is. it is.  LP Riturban: And like you said, you choose to, okay at this point of loss, what will I now gain? What choice will I now make? Will I just choose to just be grateful and focus on the good and focus on what is in front of me and what I can do to help others? And I love how you said that because it is you know, you’re you’re trying to be brave and, and it is a form of reassurance to yourself as well. Thank you for starting the conversation with that and allowing us to… Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman:  Well your introduction actually already made me like, kind of cry about it thinking about, thinking about the past. It’s you know, it’s so rare since it’s so long ago for me and I’m not gonna reveal my age but it was so long ago even, even I think just for my, my mind to heal that it seems like a whole other lifetime that I went through this. Of course, there are daily reminders of the things I’ve had to face, but I don’t actively think about how did I get here? You know? Because I don’t know, I don’t know where I put that. Because it’s, it’s in a place where I can now say that I love that part about my life because if God didn’t get my attention, where would I have ended up? How much better off am I? That’s what I think. That I am here, the way I am now. So… Nan Zapanta: If I could just chime in here, when you’re describing the situation that you were in and that uncertainty when you’re like telling everyone, “Oh yeah, no, everything will be okay.” But you know, deep in your heart, you, you didn’t know for sure. If it would be right?  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: No, no. Nan Zapanta: But like, the courage that is needed when you face that kind of adversity, it’s, it’s really inspiring, you know, and, and I know that those, like yourself, who have faced a situation with like, that gravity, can only fully appreciate it the way you did. But yeah, I just, I just wanted to point out that, that that is very inspiring, and you’re an inspiration, you know, and thank God for your recovery, for the strength that you have. Honestly, I would have never guessed that you went through such, such a really trying moment in your life; especially with the energy you have, the positivity, the smile, you know, I would have never have guessed it. So I think that’s why you’re really meant to be here today on Kindness Moves.  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: You know…  Nan Zapanta: And we know that every day, you’re trying to find a way to make the most of your time. So that’s really inspiring. Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman:  Thank you for saying that. I actually had to think about how did I exude that kind of energy, that positivity. And it really, I didn’t do it by myself of course. My biggest cheerleaders were my parents. And, you know, my parents are very hard workers. They’re very ambitious for me as well. So I don’t want to take all the credit. It wasn’t just me. But I mean, there were those moments where I had to get dragged, not literally, but mentally and emotionally to treatment. There were those moments where I said to my mom’s like, Mom, I don’t want to do this anymore. Like I, I feel unwell all the time. I’m bald, my skin is gray, I don’t like looking at myself in the mirror. And, and she said, “Anak, you have to keep trying. You can’t lose even though you feel like you’re losing, you’re actually winning because you’re already halfway through.” So it wasn’t just me. So I just want to say thanks mom and dad. Yay mom and dad. And my siblings–my brother who shaved my head. He said, we’re not going to wait for your hair to start falling out even though I always had long hair. And then when I was diagnosed, the doctor said, “All right, this chemo treatment stuff will make your hair fall out.” I said, “Is there a way to delay it? Because I love my hair.”  LP Riturban: And you mentioned that earlier because at that point in your life [it] was important.  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: It was. It’s your identity, right? Like, how can they recognize me if I, yeah, and so I cut my hair very short, that pixie cut, but then it started falling out. And my brother’s like, “You know what, let’s let’s do this now, let’s get ahead of it. And that way, you don’t have to see all that hair and your bed and your pillow. And you know, you can use the lint remover as much as you want. But it won’t be full so you won’t be as scared,” or something like that. So my brother Abelia. So, yes, I didn’t do it by myself.  Nan Zapanta: You know having that kind of support system and even a brother that, that will not necessarily take it lightly but he’s you know, he’s he’s really making the effort to make it an experience that you could go through as, as easily as possible. And you know, he shows his love that way. And I can feel it, even the way you describe it. So it’s, it’s really interesting, because when we think about our family, we don’t really realize that some of them that maybe wouldn’t have stepped up in that way in the past, it kind of gives them a jolt of kindness. I don’t know what it is like, I don’t know your brother personally. But I know I know people in my life that where they face these moments, and then suddenly, they’re filled with this kindness that I had never seen before. And I think it’s nice to see when that kind of surfaces.  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman:  Yeah. I also mentioned that because they’re also going through it with me.  Nan Zapanta: Right?  LP Riturban: Yeah. Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: A lot of the times, people get stuck in their head when they’re going through a grave or a tragedy like this. Some people call it a tragedy. They only think that they’re going through it, but their loved ones are also going through it with them, their friends watching their journey, you know, when you have to watch someone, you can’t help them except to say, “You’re doing good, good job, you know, you got that one treatment down, you know, seven more to go.”, or whatever it is, you know, so they’re going through it with you. So that’s all I wanted to point out. LP Riturban: Yeah. It kind of just proves too that no matter what age we are, or what part of the process of that journey that we’re in, we will need each other. Like, yeah, we’ll rely on each other no matter who you are, in that circle of the experience, we will all share it together in one way or another.  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Yes. And your and your small act of kindness will make a difference whether you know it or not. So that’s why you should keep doing it.  Nan Zapanta: That brings me to another question I had, when you’re referring to acts of kindness and stuff–we clearly see that your, part of your motivation, obviously, is your family, you know, they’re there, the love that they have for you. And forgive me for being a bit stereotypical, but you’re on the East Coast, right? LP and I are on the West Coast. You know, the stereotype is, oh, we’re, we’re here on the west coast; it’s sunny, we’re super, super bubbly, super nice. And on the East Coast, everyone is like, really harsh and, and all that, right? So if, and again, correct me if I’m wrong, and I don’t mean to be stereotypical, but in the East Coast, it’s very matter-of-fact, um, generally speaking. So when you’re in, in a, in a culture, you can clearly see the cultures are a little bit different from the East Coast to the West Coast. How is it that you’re still able to maintain positivity on top of, you know, this, this situation that you’re facing, and still participate in INC Giving activities? You know, where do you find your motivation to do those kinds of things? Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: That is such a funny comment to make Nan about the culture of the East Coast. And for my East Coast peeps, I want to say we’re also very nice, just a little more direct. But we also go at a much faster pace. Everything is just very fast here. So you know, it’s like a snap of a finger. It’s like money is time and time is money. So that’s kind of the attitude in the northern area. But doesn’t mean that we’re not kind to each other, doesn’t mean that someone doesn’t hold the door open for you, although you might have others who are quite the opposite more times than not. And here, you know, people are very independent. They just have to get to where they’re going and that’s it. That itself is a positive energy, right? Like, I’m here, I’m in New York, I’m doing the thing that I want to do and I’m awesome. If that doesn’t count [as] positivity, I don’t know what does. It just, it just steps on other people. sometimes. I will admit that. That might be the difference between west and east coast. Everyone in California was like, “Hey, how are you?” Yeah, maybe in a coffee shop here in the city you’re like, “Is my coffee ready? Gotta go. Bye. Thanks.” LP Riturban:  We wanted to converse. Yeah, no, yeah?  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: No, don’t talk to your barista. Barista has got other coffee to make. Actually, I want to say right now it’s raining really hard. And in weather like this, if we were outside it really, it really bums out people, it really brings down their energy and it kind of makes them down and grumpy. I mean, this is definitely soup weather. This is the “I want to stay inside.” And rain here comes in sideways. So if you’re walking in the city, your bottom part of you is going to be wet. So that adds to the grumpiness. But it doesn’t mean that people don’t want to help other people. You know, there’s this misconception that you can’t ask a New Yorker for directions because they won’t give it to you. Well, half the time they’re not from New York. That’s why they can’t give it to you. But if they can help you, they usually do. So…  LP Riturban:  Tell us about those moments that you see it. And you’re surprised by it too.  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Ok. All right, I get asked for directions all the time in New York City, by tourists, and by even people who are from the area but not from Manhattan. And I have no idea–I can’t, I’m the worst with directions. So it’s really a terrible choice for them to come to me and to say “Hi, could you help me? I don’t know where I’m going.” I’m like, let me pull out my phone and let’s look together. So when I have that time, I will do it, you know? I will point them in the direction where they can get directions like if you enter that coffee shop, they can tell you which, which side you’re supposed to be on and I’m not the best with [the] subway either. And so if I know the line, then I’ll say, you’re on the wrong line, you need to switch lines. But to be honest, if someone comes in a subway car and asked a question out loud like that to the entire car, I guarantee you I will not be the only one trying to yell back, someone will interrupt me actually, is usually the experience and say that “Nah nah, you got to go on the other side of the track up the stairs on the other side and get on the you know, the four or five, six line.” Or something like that.  LP Riturban: See and that in itself is help.  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Yes. It is. It doesn’t sound like… LP Riturban: They’re yelling at me but that is their form of help. Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: It’s just, it just comes in loud. Maybe that’s the difference. You are soft spoken on the west coast and very smiley, and on the East Coast, we’re loud and direct and make sure we don’t have to repeat ourselves. We say it really loud. So maybe that’s why. Nan Zapanta: I think that’s what it is. There’s, there’s all flavors of kindness, right? There’s all flavors of kindness.  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Absolutely. So, how do I, how do I practice kindness? I mean, it’s, it’s really the little things–holding the door open for someone with a stroller; holding the door open for an older person or letting, letting them go first–getting out of the way for someone. Half the time, that’s, that’s the thing in, in Manhattan is, you need to get out of the way so someone else can get by, otherwise, you will feel them come by you. LP Riturban:  So being aware of your surroundings, in a way that other people might need a little more help than you at that moment.  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Yes. Right. I mean, I’m never going to pick up anyone’s groceries without asking them first, although I have, I do have, I mean in my area in New Jersey, people are less jumpy, and less suspicious of people. So I have helped some elderly shoppers in the supermarket; just to get their groceries on the cart, you know? Yeah, so just, just that little thing and it shocks them. But, you know, I think of my parents and I think of my older relatives when I see those people, it’s like, oh I wish someone was here to help them because it looks, it’s tiring. You know, it’s tiring. So other things that I have done with my friends, just hanging out in the city, you know, there are certain areas in the city that have a lot of homeless people. Parks are not excluded. So whenever I can never finish my fries. So anywhere we go, my fries or my leftover food, I will offer it to someone, whether or not they’re asking if I just see them and maybe they’re passed out or like just sitting there watching people walk by I’ll ask them if they want fries.  LP Riturban: In that particular moment I remember, we were there for the INC Giving show. We went to, we went to a famous burger joint, a famous burger place that everyone wants to go to in New York City. And I forget what happened but it was like the order got doubled or something.  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: We had too many fries, everyone got fries. We had so, we had I think like eight bags of fries to giveaway. LP Riturban: And that was it. We were there. And the producers and I, we were just like okay, what do we do? And then all of you were so quick. Oh, easy. There’s so many people who need that right now. Give it to us. We’ll take care of it. Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: It was, it was a cold, surprisingly cold day. I remember we had to get you guys gloves and some scarves. No, it was surprisingly cold in general. I think even for us, we’re like, wow it’s cold today. But yeah, so it’s really the hardest time when it’s cold in the city, and those people have nowhere to go. So you know, I’m not gonna eat the fries. I mean, if they want it, they can have it. One other act of kindness, which is sometimes a little controversial or some, some friends have preferences, are the street performers. Right? I love music. I love music, I will stop and if it’s okay, I will film them if they’re okay with it. Half the time they are looking for donations. But sometimes they’re not. And even the ones on the subway, or they just sometimes, they just come in and they don’t ask for it. They just sing and they go right through and I’ll have to wave them down, like hey, that was a great song. That’s a different kind of kindness. Because they’re performing. But I mean, one act of kindness is to acknowledge that someone is there.  LP Riturban: To just pause. To be able to pause and listen to them. Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Or just to say hello. In New York City, you don’t have time to have a full on conversation with strangers in the subway. But what if they’re trying to get your attention, you just say hello, they’ll be okay with it, and they’ll stop. Right. So, even with our own friends, they just want you to acknowledge what they said. Right? They, you don’t need say it. It’s like those emojis or emoticons on social media, those in the time of pandemic, are so important now, because that’s really the only way that we’re interacting with our friends. There was one post in particular lately, that came up as a memory. And I think LP brought it up before, I think I tried four or five times to donate blood. Every time we have an INC Giving event and I always get rejected.  LP Riturban: I finally had my first experience, and it was beautiful, just because like that, you know, I’ve tried and tried and tried and it’s like nope. Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Yes. It’s like, whether it’s at the, at the questionnaire or at the screening, or somewhere along the lines. So for years, I’ve been trying to give blood. And finally I was able to give blood. And I was so excited. I didn’t know I was gonna feel kind of woozy at the end. But I was so excited to do it. And this time, my nurse, and I have to say, they had been there all day. So they were tired. And they hadn’t taken a break, even though we tried to feed them, offer them food and things. And she wasn’t really smiling. And so I felt like, I had to share. I was like, I’m so excited to give blood, you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to do this. It’s been years. And as a cancer survivor, I’m not allowed to give blood for the first five years after my treatment is over. So that was the first thing and and so this has been this is already maybe eight years out or nine years out from when I was first diagnosed. So, and I was telling her this, I was just chattering, so, so excited. And I was also nervous, because she was putting all this stuff on my arm. Even though I mean, I’m a patient, so I know what they’re doing. But just to go through it kind of also triggered my PTSD and I was like, getting a little nervous. But you know, I’m not getting treatment, I’m giving it out. So I’m helping. So that’s what I was focusing on. And I was trying to give myself a pep talk. And I mentioned that I’m a cancer survivor. And she was trying to reassure me actually, at the time, she’s like, you know, this is gonna be okay. Don’t worry about it. It’s just you know, it’s a bigger needle than what you might not be used to when you get your blood tested. I said I am a cancer survivor. I know the drill. And she’s like you are and then we started talking. And it turns out that her mom was also going through the same treatment. And she’s like, How are you so positive? And I said, How could you not be positive? If I was your mom and I saw my daughter doing this for people, you’re a nurse, you’re taking care of her. Why wouldn’t I be happy to be your mom and to fight; to fight for more time with you. And so it was, uh, it was a heartfelt conversation. She said thank you for hearing her out because she feels like her mom wasn’t fighting to get better. And I said, sometimes we get tired. And that’s okay, you know, you can be tired one day. One rule of thumb that one of my nurses told me is you can stay in bed one day, if you don’t feel like getting out of bed one day, but that’s it. After that, you have to keep getting out of bed, otherwise, you will never get out of bed.  Nan Zapanta:  Cat, you kind of mentioned something in the beginning of our podcast that you reminded me of it again, right now, when you’re talking about this whole experience with that nurse. Everyone’s going through their own kind of “hard,” right, like, and I feel like, you’re doing all these acts of kindness and some of them, most people would just think are “Oh, these were really small acts of kindness.” But I think you’re highlighting perfectly that it’s not like you have to go, you know, super extravagant and do this big old act of kindness that’s really big and major. But the fact that you are accumulating, these acts of kindness, like on a daily basis, are making an impact. And I think it’s really cool. Because, again, like what you said, you don’t know what people might be going through in their life. So when you think of it that way, how are these small acts of kindness, this accumulation of kindness, really helping others heal, you know, because some of them might even be going through a similar situation that you are going through personally, right? So, you know, how are these acts of kindness helping people heal?  Cathleya Fajardo-Deguzman: I think it’s always the little things that matter. Number one, the daily things that happen to us, when we live with people, our family members, our friends, it’s the little things that accumulate and pile up, right? In my profession, I work in legal services. That is why we have cases that come in, because there are all these little unkind things that happened over a length of time. And then it finally came to a head, right? Someone couldn’t take it anymore. And therefore we have a lawsuit. So, or we have, we have angry people, let’s just call the angry people. And most of the time, that’s why we have conflict, because there are all these little things that happen to us that we don’t talk about, or that we don’t realize we’re doing and it hurts other people’s feelings. So I think it’s always about the little things, Nan. And when we express kindness, you’re absolutely right, this doesn’t have to be a dramatic thing. I know, everyone’s on social media. So a lot of people think, well, if I can’t post on social media, then I won’t do it. But what is the motivation there? Do you want the attention? Well, then post your comment. “Hello. How are you?”on social media and see how many people come back to you and or say, “Hi, I just want to wish you a good day,” and so many people will like that, will respond to it. But it’s always the little things Nan, I think that matter. And they do all add up to the big thing, right? And it’s always also about consistency. When I’m outside and there are people there that I don’t even know, I’ll just say “Hello, good morning. Good morning. How are you? Good morning. Have a good day.” I’ll always wish people “Have a great Monday.” You’ll see on my posts. “Happy Friday, folks.” I know some people think that it’s like “Is she really like that in real life?” Like I am. LP Riturban: We have gotten that as well. And yeah, you  know, on the topic of keeping a perspective of positivity, like, things happen in our life. And yeah, people question it, like, “Are you really that happy?” you know, “Is that genuine?” Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Yes.  LP Riturban: For all the people, you know that do question it. You said it. Why not?  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Well, here’s the thing. All right. So let’s do some real talk. Times are hard. Everyone has a lot of concerns. Not just first world problems, right? This pandemic has affected everyone globally. I have friends and loved ones in faraway places in developing countries that don’t have access to medical care that we have here. I mean, this is just the daily checklist, right? When you check in on the people that you love, you ask them, “How are you?” if they’re not feeling well. Okay. “Did you take your temperature?” That’s always the first question.” Do you have a fever?” Right? “Did you drink any water?” It’s about 103 degrees in the Philippines right now. “Are you hot? Are you cold?” I mean, there, there are all these things that we worry about before we even think about ourselves. Before we think about, am I going to make the rent this month? Am I going to make the mortgage, the car payment? I know for parents who’ve lost their jobs. I mean, it’s all over the country and in the world. How am I going to feed my family? So I’m not saying that things aren’t hard. And I do acknowledge that on, it’s always about social media–and I do acknowledge that and I do try to give a balanced comment. I always say I’m not saying that it’s easy. But it’s always better to look forward to better things than to dwell on what you can’t control. Right? You just have to keep trying to get to the next level and push through it. Pray about it, have your comfort food, whatever you can to get through the day, because it’s not easy. What we’re going through right now, it’s not easy. Before the pandemic, whatever we were going through, not easy. It’s not easy. LP Riturban:  And if I can just ask you personally Cat.  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Sure  LP Riturban: You tell people it’s not easy. And we all say that to encourage each other. You personally, now that you have been through all of this, and you know, your personal experiences, what you see around you, for those that you help, you have a platform that you are blessed with to use, and you inspire other people. Personally, what gets you out of bed? What motivates you to look at a situation and pass on what the world could tell you to do and say “No, I’m going to go this route.”  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: That is a good question, LP. I was just thinking it’s like, someone has asked me recently do I really believe in what I do, what I say, what I post, and it’s coming from a place of love–and so your question is a good one. Because it, it really relates, and what is my motivation when I actually jump out of bed in the morning, and hit the floor with two feet is, I’m alive. I literally, I jumped out of bed, I’m alive. I can breathe, I have all my hair.  LP Riturban: It’s the little things. Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: It is no, but it is. It’s, it’s this, you know, for a long time, I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror. Because what I saw in my reflection wasn’t what I, what was there even when I was well. It was what I had seen for a year or two, in treatment. So when I tell you that I, you know, I’m excited about my hair, I’m excited about my hair. But, but the thing that makes me get out of bed in the morning with that kind of energy and that kind of enthusiasm is I think about–what can I do to make things better? What can I do to improve the lives of my, my husband, my family, my friends, who can I help today? Because when I was going through that whole cancer situation, and and you know, it doesn’t end at treatment, you’re a cancer patient for the next five years after that. So I was constantly in hospitals, and that was the energy that I got from my caregivers, my nurses, you know, all the doctors is they’re always saying, you know, Cat, you’re already halfway through. Good for you, and they would applaud and they pat you on the back. And really, they told me that the more positive you are, the faster you’ll heal. And you know, as a 26 year old, I was like, I gotta get out of here really, really fast because I have stuff to do, I have stuff to do, I have a life to live. This is just and I took this as a pause in my life, this is not going to be for the rest of my life, this is going to be for right now and maybe for six months or a year. But this is just a pause, and then we’re going to pick up and continue, I’m going to get married, and I’m going to keep going on with my life. So when I decide to go against the grain, or to go against what the popular ideas are in reacting, it’s always because there’s always hope. As long as you wake up in the morning, there’s always hope. You can make different decisions, you can change your life, you can smile, you can say hello, you know, you can. I mean, people think that it’s hard. And sometimes you are in a place where you can’t do that. But when you do it, and other people see, although with the mask it’s a little difficult, but you know, when you do it, like in a video conference, it changes the mood, and it makes you feel better, who doesn’t want to feel good? It feels good, to feel good. And when you do those small things when you wave, I mean because we can’t see each other smiling in masks, but if you wave to your neighbor, and I mean, it makes a difference in their…  LP Riturban: To acknowledge them. Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: …In their life. To be seen, to be heard to, wow, this is kind of heavy guys. I always feel like I’m gonna start crying in a second again.  Nan Zapanta: No, no you know what? You’re totally right. And you’ve said it in different ways but I think it really is just being consistent with your kindness, big or small, right? It’s, it’s just being consistently kind and remembering what your kindness does to everyone, and you know I really do thank you for bringing that up. And while we are on the topic of keeping our perspective of positivity and making kindness moves and just being inspired by kindness; we’re gonna go ahead and take a quick break from our chat with Cat. And we’re going to catch up with another INC Giving Kindness Ambassador, a young lady who really is doing all of this that we’ve discussed today, in her own way and at a very young age as well.  LP Riturban: For almost a decade after being diagnosed with AML or acute myeloid leukemia, and even recently undergoing a kidney transplant. She’s a warrior as well. She’s making the most of God’s blessings by living a lifestyle motivated by compassion and doing good for others. Here’s what Myla Cunanan from Northern California had to say. Myla Cunanan: Hi I’m Myla Cunanan and I’m 17 years old. And thank you so much for having me here today. Myla Cunanan: I’ve been doing great. It’s almost been a year since my kidney transplant. So I’ll be going in for a one year biopsy soon. I’m cancer free, and taken off a lot of my meds now,  Myla Cunanan: So recently, on my 17th birthday, we held an arts and crafts drive for UCSF, where, is one of the hospitals I’ve stayed at for a while. And that is where I got my bone marrow transplant. They would always give me like arts and crafts, and just things to do when I was bored. So we just  really wanted to give back, so my mom posted on Facebook that we were holding this drive. And at first I was thinking that there wasn’t going to be a lot to donate, but a lot of friends and family actually donated which is really nice. Myla Cunanan: I think it’s important, because INC Giving projects, they’re very inspiring to me. They’re like very simple ones too, just like giving out groceries or donating, they’re very inspiring. And that’s what also inspires me to give out and give back. Myla Cunanan: At least once a year, we would hold bone marrow drives to help register people and sign them up to be a bone marrow donor, and it’s such an easy thing to do, and we just really want to help people find their match. Myla Cunanan: Just helping others just make(s) me really happy. Myla Cunanan: My joy comes from a lot of things. You know, my joy comes from my family and friends, when I’m helping others, and most importantly I think my joy comes from our Almighty God.  Myla Cunanan: He always has a purpose for us and things happen for a reason in our lives.  Myla Cunanan: Always be positive and always trust in God. Because when you put your trust in God, He could do many miracles in your life. Like for me, I was blessed with a new kidney. So just always trust in God and what He can do for you. Myla Cunanan: You know I’ve been through so much already and God is always with me so I’m ready for anything.   LP Riturban: Thank you so much Myla for sharing with us your amazing update! We’re so honored to hear, not only of her strength to battle this, but her willingness to make moves to rise above and beyond this part of her life and really make it so memorable for her family and even for strangers, so thank you Myla. Nan Zapanta: Yes, totally. And, you know, getting back to our discussion. It’s great to hear how Myla is doing, but also back to our discussion here with Cat, you know, we’ve been so blessed to hear from Cat. If you’re just joining us, we have Cathleya Fajardo-Deguzman, joining us, also known as Cat. Also a true warrior and leader of keeping a positive outlook despite whatever odds may come your way, right, so we’re really blessed to have you today. Again, just want to say thank you and kind of pick up our conversation. LP Riturban: Yeah and it’s so humbling because to know that you know whatever age you may be, whatever time in your life and circumstance that something unexpected can hit, our conversation has brought us today to us making that choice to either dwell in it or get up every single day and take one step to look at the positive and focus on the good in our life and that God has blessed us with, because like you mentioned earlier, if we can go back, your motivation you said was that you’re alive, and you’re blessed with another chance. You referenced a post that you did years ago for your first time that you’re able to give blood and you’ve wrote in that post that you’re grateful to have a second chance of life, and to be able to use that experience, and now drive it forward in everything that you do whether it’s with work, whether it’s your career, your family–you use it. And there’s so many people who can say otherwise. I just want to say that you brought up earlier; I got emotional because I’ve got brought back to my experience of, not cancer, but my daughter had a heart condition and a seemingly very positive moment in someone’s life, like you said your 20s, where things are thriving and you’re making memories, you know, it’s the addition of a child, a blessing in our life and something like this happens and you’re brought back to that–okay how will I react towards the situation in the circumstance that God give[s] me? What will I do with it? And like you said it took lots of conversations with God. But you know it was that choice to say, “Okay, this is, this is fine. And it’s going to be okay.” And we are now going to use this blessing. And thank God she’s okay and we’re going to be happy about this and grateful and move forward. Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: You just, you, you have to be grateful for whatever it is that you have in front of you, and I think a lot of times people, and I mean we get, I get caught up in it as well; we actually are looking forward more to what we are going to get rather than what’s in front of us. So, if you appreciate what you have in front of you then you don’t feel like you’re lacking, and you’re excited, right, and so when you look at what you have and you say oh well I have this plate of fun. Who can I share it with? Right? If that’s how you look at it, then that’s what, that’s exactly what happens, you know, with me on social media and things like that. You know, this pandemic really is the “hard” that everyone has suffered together, you know? You know, medical conditions aside and I’m so glad that your daughter, I was, I was told that story when she was born, and she was in my prayers so I’m glad that your daughter is okay so when I see her on screen with you, I get really emotional and I get excited to see her especially when she gives you a hard time, so–good for you. She’s a fighter. She’s a fighter. LP Riturban: I’m reminded, you know you have to, you said earlier, you have to look back. You don’t even get to look back so, so often. But when you finally do, you realize that there’s so much more to give because of that experience.  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Yes.  LP Riturban: There’s so much more to learn from and, and I’m reminded okay, I keep telling myself I need to go back to the hospitals, and I need to say thank you to those caregivers and medical practitioners, you know all the little things. Myla, she inspired us, she does that on a daily basis every time she goes back in for her check-ins and she looks at the experiences as okay I’m gonna go in today for my, whether it’s dialysis before or just her normal check ins–who am I going to meet today? Who am I going to get to share my faith with?  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Exactly.  LP Riturban: Who am I going to have fun with today and make smile? So we’re very grateful for individuals like yourself for sharing your story with us . Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Yeah, so just to circle back I just want to say what something that Nan had said earlier and LP, what we’ve been talking about is, you don’t know what someone else has gone through, and you don’t know what they’re going through, they might smile at you, but inside they might be weeping and they’re just trying to get through one more day. That is what I think about when I see my friends, people that I work with, we can only see what’s on the surface. Even some of our closest friends don’t tell us what’s happening. And so, you know I shout them out every so often on social media and say for my friends who can’t talk about it, but I know what’s happening, because you know your friends you know your, you know your family, they can’t talk about it, because it’s just too hard. I’m thinking about you and I’m sending you positive vibes. Kindness is also an expression of love, so if you love someone, you will always choose kindness before anything else. I’m gonna cry again. LP Riturban:  We do have one more question for you.  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman:  Okay, okay.  LP Riturban: From this beautiful conversation. If you could go back to back in time, to either the moment that you were 26, you know, and you were going through this, or anything else, again, like we said this year has been a universal “hard” for everyone. If you can go back to any of those moments, what would you tell yourself, knowing what you now know? Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: That’s a good question. I’ve seen that post on social media and we always joke. We always make a joke about it right? We joke about it. So if I could go back to that moment, I would tell myself it’s going to be hard, but you’re tough. You have everything you need to get through this. Cry as much as you want. Your hair will grow back. And don’t stop reaching for what you want when this is over. This is a long journey, and you’re going to be happy. So I think that’s what I would tell myself, I don’t know if I’d believe myself but that’s what I would tell myself. At the time that you’re going through it, one day you will be happy. And everything is going to make sense to you, even if it doesn’t make sense for a long time. And there’s always hope. LP Riturban: I’m sure that message right there for someone who’s going through it right now, will be able to take it and listen and say okay I’m gonna believe this. That said, you know what, we could just end right there. Nan Zapanta: Sorry, I don’t want to make you a liar LP, I know you said this is the last question. I did, I did have one question. Because I know in the beginning we said oh you know we don’t we don’t have to, to necessarily answer this specific question, but I’m just curious now, especially with the outlook that you have, how did your faith help you with this?  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Real talk.  Nan Zapanta: Yeah real talk.  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: We’ll talk about our faith. As someone who grew up very religious. I was raised that way. My parents are also very active in their church duties. I was a leader. Also, many things at the time, while I was fabulous, you know, or whatever, whatever that, that part of your life that you call your twenties. When I was living it up. We have a lot of information. We have a lot of things that we do when we say our prayers, when we do our activities, we have a lot of that but at that moment where I was suddenly struck with illness. I knew that I had to talk to God about it, because there was no one else who can tell me about it. There was no one else who could reassure me about what was happening. Yeah, everyone was telling me, You’re gonna be okay, you’re young, you’re gonna pull through, this is not that serious. Well, it was serious, right? When the, cancer is a serious thing. There are a lot of serious illnesses out there, some are chronic but, you know, the ones that that are fatal, it’s cancer is one of them so I knew that I also had to make my apologies for not always doing the things that, that I was expected to, And I also had to say my thank-yous. That was the biggest thing for me. I decided to say thank you God. I might only be twenty-six, I might only have twenty-six years of life. But thank you for my family, thank you for all these wonderful experiences–just thank you. I’m so thankful. I’m so thankful that I’ve had this life. And I couldn’t ask for anything more, because if it’s, that’s all that He wanted for me, I’m good. There was–because at that point in time it’s, you’re not in control. All you can do is appreciate every morning you wake up. That’s probably why I still appreciate waking up in the morning, because at the time that I was sick, I was afraid to go to sleep because I was afraid that I wouldn’t wake up in the morning. So I would never go to sleep and they would tell me you have to sleep because your body needs to heal from all the treatment and I, I wasn’t sleeping and because I was afraid I wasn’t gonna wake up and I would miss, I would miss everything that was happening. So the turning point, one of the turning points I want to say in my treatment, regarding my faith is listening to my father’s prayers for me. Most kids don’t hear their parents’ prayers for them, right, because it’s private. Maybe it’s between the husband and the wife or the two parents, or you know a single parent, they, those are a conversation between them and God but when I heard my parents’ prayers, especially my father for me, before all my procedures, all my treatment, it was part of our relationship that I had never seen before, that I’ve never experienced before. And to hear such an outpouring of gratitude, love, but most of all concern–it really filled me with hope. When I heard my father praying for my recovery, because he believed that I was going to get through it, and he was entrusting me to God, that God was going to get me through it because of all the things that I had done in service. So, trusting that I was in the place I was supposed to be, and I was doing the thing that I was supposed to do. That part about my faith really helped calm me and helped me be optimistic about the future. Because whether it was the last time I close my eyes I knew that I would wake up to something better. Nan Zapanta: Wow. Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: I will tell you people have asked me, like how are you able to get through that and for the long time I couldn’t answer. I said I don’t know how I got through it, but really it was my faith. And I wasn’t ready to say it because I didn’t know, like there’s so much trauma that goes through, and not just cancer patients but anyone who survived something like that, you know you have survivor’s guilt because you know people have died from it, and I wanted to say I used to be a hotline volunteer… LP Riturban: Oh really? Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: …for patients, you know, newly diagnosed patients, and there would be women crying on the phone, you know, talking about, I don’t know how to tell my family. Like, you haven’t told your family; that you have stage four breast cancer? You know, like, you don’t have that much time before you start your treatments and some women who didn’t want to get the treatment and whose families have fallen apart because they are in treatment. They’ve been abandoned by their loved ones because their loved ones can’t take the stress like… LP Riturban: Yeah.  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: And I think about our faith. We have an infrastructure, a built in infrastructure to help support us in these kinds of times.  Nan Zapanta: Yeah. Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: We have a built in support group, they will show up at your door with flowers and food, and they will talk to you. And that’s exactly what happened to my family. My family didn’t want to talk about it and then all of a sudden, all these things, and they’re like, they want to see you. I’m like, I don’t want to see anyone mom. Like, I’m bald. I don’t want to see anyone but thank them, please thank them for sending flowers and teddy bears and food and whatever. LP Riturban: But then you look at it, like you said, you had that experience of, you know, volunteering with the hotline and you see other perspectives.  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Yes, absolutely.  LP Riturban: What other people had and did not have.  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman:  Yes.  LP Riturban: And you’re able to then put into perspective and compare to yours and ok, “I have the world.”  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Yes right. And for our faith, that’s one of the reasons why I post so much positive stuff. People who have been through something tragic, know what it’s like to be on the other side, and that’s really what moves them to come out of their comfort zone and be extra kind. You know I can’t imagine the horror stories that our frontliners have. But whenever I see any one of them, I’ll always be super extra. I’ll even send them cupcakes. I see them. I do. I ask them where they work and I will send them cupcakes. I’ll send them cookies. When I tell you the trauma of last year, the sirens never stopped in my area, all day, all night. So anyway, but that’s, that’s the story of faith, Nan. Nan Zapanta: Thank you so much and we really do want to say thank you, like, sincerely thank you for sharing so much with us you know it’s really been not only enjoyable because you’re such a fun person, but also I can relate to a lot of the things that you’re, you’re mentioning. My mom went through a similar thing, and you know her time ended. God, God chose to let her rest and it really, um, it’s different. It’s different for us having our faith, having family around us, having that infrastructure and, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your story with us.  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Nan. Thank you for, I wasn’t aware about your mom.  Nan Zapanta: Oh thank you. Everything is a part of God’s plan, right, and it really is. I know it’s such a… Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: No, I agree with you and it’s, it’s hard to not think that it’s so an overused anecdote or idiom, like, but really, everything that you’ve experienced gets you ready for a moment like this.  It’s like why did I live through cancer? To do this! To be here with you guys and talk about how awesome it is to be alive. Nan Zapanta: There you go. Yeah, yeah.  Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: It’s so weird. It’s hard to explain to people.  Nan Zapanta: Right. Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: It is connected and we just, we just all package it up everyday. It was God’s plan.  Nan Zapanta: Exactly. Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: This is what was meant to happen, so yes. LP Riturban: Yes, thank you again Cat. Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: I love being here.  Nan Zapanta: Thank you so much for sharing your story and joining us today we really really appreciate it. In our next episodes, we are going to sit down and really think and look back on what taking a chance on kindness can really do, you know, what doors can it open for us and for even those that are around us and how it can be a lasting impact if we decide to take a chance on kindness. LP Riturban: Please stay tuned for more conversations like what we just had with Cat. We’re so grateful for all of our guests on Kindness Moves, again, there’s so much more to come. So if you’re not already doing so, follow the official INC Giving Project account on Instagram @incgivingproject. Thank you again. Thank you for tuning in, I’m Lois Paula. Nan Zapanta: And I’m Nan. For more tips and ideas on how you can make kindness truly contagious, please visit incgiving.org. Listen to more episodes on Google podcast, Apple podcast, Spotify, and the INC media mobile app for iOS and Android. And please remember to subscribe or follow us to know when the newest episodes are available. LP Riturban:  So remember, act now. Make your move, to do good, because kindness matters; it’s meaningful; it motivates; kindness moves.

Growing Up and Living with Compassion [show music intro] Natalie Fitzpatrick: I think kindness is probably the one thing that kept me grounded. You can be that beacon for yourself, if you just remind yourself that, you know, you have these values to return to at the end of the day so even if things get messy, like things go wrong in your life, knowing that you did something good for someone else, knowing that you did something good in general, even for yourself– putting good out there is not going to bring bad back to you. Like there's no harm in radiating that light. LP Riturban: Whether you're hoping to heal the world or heal yourself, this podcast is here for you to highlight how kindness moves. Nan Zapanta: Moves you to take action, yourself, or just makes you feel something so good it's contagious, you know, you might have been touched by a simple act of kindness, you might want tips on how you can act now in your community, or you just love the feeling of doing good. LP: Welcome to Kindness Moves, a new podcast brought to you by the INC Giving Project. We are your hosts, LP and Nan. Now Nan, in a previous conversation we discussed the importance of teaching kindness to kids. So, well what about after the kid phase. What about the tweens and the teens, the young adulthood and beyond? Nan: Yeah you know that that previous conversation that we had with Teresa, it was a great one. You know I learned a lot in our talk with Teresa and I really really enjoyed that conversation. But yeah you're right LP, you know, what about the “kid phase”? What about beyond that kid phase? Where do we go from there? LP : When I look back at my teenage years, I remember so many of my peers, you know, finding it challenging to decipher what's important, what's cool, you know, not just now, but what's valuable even in the future? Gosh, when we were teens, we couldn't even think about the future; all our minds were, were focused on is, “what is today?”,  “what's happening today?”. So, is that even a possibility for us to think about how what we do today affects tomorrow in five, ten years from now, you know? So today we will hear from a young professional who actually has been with the INC Giving Project, as an INC Giving Volunteer, when the project first started back in 2011. She was only 15 back then. But even now, she continues to actively volunteer and share acts of kindness. So let's welcome Natalie Fitzpatrick from Vancouver, British Columbia. Hello, Natalie. Nan: Hi Natalie. Natalie: Hi.  LP: Good to have you here. Natalie: Good to hear from you guys again.  LP: Yay. Nan: Yeah, totally. We've been excited to, to have this conversation with you. You know LP and I have been looking forward to it. So thank you so much for joining us. Natalie: Thank you for having me. Nan: We've spoken in the past and it's clear that you, you are a very kind person. So, as you know, today we're talking about how it's cool to be kind, no matter what age. Kindness, it really is timeless, so maybe we can start from the beginning: how can you recall from your childhood, what is it that instilled in your childhood such a strong passion to help others and to be kind? Natalie: Thinking back,

Build Good Habits For a Growth Mindset [show open] Frendhel: Having self discipline allows you to grow as a person and, not only that, it changes your perspective, it changes your attitude for the better. And what I’ve learned is that because of this, everything around me has changed for the better. If you drive on discipline, you know it has to be done, because it's good for you, and you think about why you're doing it – you're gonna get up and do it. No excuses. [show intro] Lois Paula: Whether you're hoping to heal the world or heal yourself, this podcast is here for you, to highlight how kindness moves. Nan: Moves you to take action, yourself, or just makes you feel something so good, it's contagious. You might have been touched by a simple act of kindness, you might want tips on how you can act now in your community or you just love the feeling of doing good. Lois Paula: Welcome to Kindness Moves, a new podcast brought to you by the INC Giving Project. We’re your hosts LP and Nan. Now studies show that in order for a habit to form it takes repetition and a constant conscious effort. Right? Nan: Yeah and so in today's discussion we’ll focus not just on any habits but creating good habits for a growth mindset – how an attitude of gratitude, most especially, can impact our daily mindset and help us focus on the good, so we can do good for ourselves and those around us. Lois Paula: Right. And so for today’s discussion, we will get tips from someone who consistently uses her online presence or digital footprint ,so to say, to spread positivity. So let's welcome, from Washington State — she is a dental professional by day, and by night she’s not just a mom of two or a fitness enthusiast, a coach; she is also a producer, a correspondent, a content creator with Eagle Broadcasting Corporation and its many motivational segments, let’s welcome Frendhel Fejeran, otherwise known as Den Den.  Nan: Hi Frendhel. Lois Paula: Hey Frendhel. Frendhel: Hey what's good  LP and Nan? How are you guys? Lois Paula: It’s good to have you. Nan: Great, doing great, doing great. You know, LP I think in your intro you said, “by day and by night”, but I think by super early morning she's like the workout queen right?, I think that's what, what she is. Lois Paula: You’re awake at dark o'clock.  Frendhel: Dark o’clock, that is correct. That is correct. And I'm just really excited to be here on this podcast with you guys. And I don't think, I mean I love fitness – I wouldn't quite say that I'm the fitness queen. Although I love fitness and I can be a queen, so I guess you're right.  Nan: Perfect. Perfect. That’s perfect. We're so excited to have you here with us, this past year has changed a lot of our perspectives and it's really given us an opportunity to reflect, to reevaluate our goals right? And of course we all know we’re, we're to varying degrees of isolation so we've really been put in positions to self motivate. So, if you can, Frendhel, help us understand firstly, what is a growth mindset? Frendhel: So a growth mindset – what I've learned how to define it for myself, is being aware that everything that you encounter in life and everything that you experienc...

The Healing Power of Kindness [show open] Dr. Sydney Fontanares: Kindness is an act, or it's a practice. It's something you cultivate. So being able to be intentional about when we practice kindness and asking ourselves those questions and reflect on it. The question that I like to use is you know “How can I bring kindness into my day – whether to me or another person in any small way?”, and just starting off my day with that and ending my day with that. [show intro] Lois Paula: Whether you're hoping to heal the world or heal yourself. This podcast is here for you to highlight how kindness moves. Nan: Yes, how it moves you to action – you yourself. Or how it just makes you feel something so good, it's contagious. You might have been touched by a simple act of kindness, you might want tips on how you can act now in your community or you just love the feeling of doing good. Lois Paula: Welcome to Kindness Moves, a new podcast brought to you by the INC Giving Project. We’re your hosts LP and Nan.  Nan: Hi. Lois Paula: So today on Kindness Moves, we talk more in depth on how kindness heals. It's a topic that actually resonates with many of you, especially as we’ve all gained this new perspective this past year. And some of us are even more focused on our emotional and mental health. Nan: That’s so true, LP. We've all had to adjust. I'm sure we've all had to learn to reshift our focus and I'm sure everyone has had to pick up some broken pieces to try to make the best of our different situations. Lois Paula: So in terms of kindness. How can it help really? You know, are good deeds truly capable of being healthy for the heart, the mind for the soul? You know, for example Nan, if you think back to, for instance, you know, a rough time in your life, what's one thing that might have helped you? Nan: You know, it's no secret, 2020 was such a rough year for almost everyone right, to varying degrees, and my family and I, we were no strangers to that. Unfortunately, I lost my mom in 2020. And that was definitely the darkest moment in my life. What was interesting though was even though it was the darkest moment, you know, kindness, really was one of those beacons of light and kindness from family members from brothers and sisters in the faith, from friends – that that kindness really helped us to maintain that that positive outlook and mood, you know, so kindness really does move and help others. Lois Paula: Absolutely and firstly I just want to thank you for sharing that Nan. Our hearts are truly with you and everyone who have grieved especially this last year alone the loss of someone or even something you know I'm sure all of us have lost something – plans or a future, you know, that we were hoping to have. But you're right, having a community, it strengthens us, it reminds us that there's still so much more to gain in life from all the blessings that we have and for me personally, it's, it's my kids, actually, you know, they remind me to take more moments to laugh and be present and to be more joyful so their kindness their natural being of you know them being kids it, it truly does help me. Yeah, so we talked about today, how can we use kindness to help, ourselves first, so that ultimately we can be of better help to other people. Actually, before we even get to that, what is this feeling anyways? That feeling of being affected, just by one simple act of kindness. Why is it so powerful?

How To Teach Kindness To Kids [show open] Teresa: One little thing can make a difference in somebody's life and seeing her realize that and seeing her do these actions on her own without us telling her what to do, has been so amazing. For us, our biggest success is raising a daughter who is kind because that's just her heart, and for us that's the most important thing. [lead in] Lois Paula: Whether you're hoping to heal the world or heal yourself, this podcast is here for you, to highlight how kindness moves. Nan: Moves you to take action, yourself. It just makes you feel something so good, it's contagious. You might have been touched by a simple act of kindness, you might want tips on how you can act now in your community or you just love the feeling of doing good.  Lois Paula: Welcome to Kindness Moves, a new podcast, brought to you by the INC Giving Project, we’re your hosts LP and Nan!  Lois Paula: So today we are actually talking about a topic that hits close to home — raising kids, now specifically raising kind kids! Being a mother of two, this topic, is something that my husband and I, we always try to instill in our kids in different ways. But we know, there isn't a one size fits all approach; but definitely, we value seeing and hearing what other parents have done to raise their kind kids. Nan: Well you know LP, I, I gotta say, I don't think you give yourself or Glenn, the credit that you guys deserve. You know you and your husband are definitely on the right track — trying is already the first step, and seeking knowledge is the second step in the right direction, so you're on that right path. And I have had the privilege to meet your kids and to get to know your kids, and I gotta say they are truly kind kids.  Lois Paula: Thanks to you Uncle Nan. Nan: But I don't have any little ones of my own...  Lois Paula: Yet. Nan: ...yet, but I do have nieces and nephews, you know, and I also helped with the youth group in our local congregation, and I've come to learn that kids have such a wide range of personalities and influences so I can see why there isn't a one size fits all approach. Lois Paula: Yes, and I'm glad you brought that up Nan, you are a teacher in the Children's Worship Service and so we're grateful for you and your help and you've seen my kids and you've helped raise them and our co-officers, you know in the office and whatnot. So we're grateful. It does take a village to raise a child so thank you in advance for all that you do for the youth in the Church Of Christ being a teacher in the Children's Worship Service.  But yes for all our listeners who are new parents, maybe you're a grandparent or even that awesome aunt or uncle, like Nan, who is helping raise you know the kids in your household, this will be a fun and hopefully helpful listen to us all. So our guest today is actually a mom herself, who is also an educator, so let's welcome everyone Teresa Castro. Nan: Hi Teresa. Teresa: Hey everybody, thank you so much for having me. Hi. Lois Paula: Hello. Now Teresa before we get started, can you introduce yourself to our listeners? How long have you and your husband been parents? Teresa: We have been parents for 10 years, going on 11.

Building Confidence in Yourself and Others [show open] [lead in] Lois Paula: Whether you're hoping to heal the world or heal yourself. This podcast is here for you to highlight how kindness moves. Nan: Yeah, how kindness moves you to action, you yourself. Maybe it's just something you feel, something so good, it's contagious. You might have been touched by a simple act of kindness. Maybe you want tips on how you can act now in your community or you just love the feeling of doing good. Lois Paula: Welcome to Kindness Moves, a new podcast brought to you by the INC Giving Project. We're your hosts, LP, and Nan. That's right. Our very own host also of the INC Media program Blueprint– Nan Zapanta. Nan: Hi everyone. Hi LP. LP: So Nan, today we are tackling you know a topic that might not seem like an obvious trait or characteristic that we need in order to help others, but it makes sense when you really think about it. Okay, today we discuss confidence. And for those who might not say you know it's not really needed you know to be kind to do good. Our guest today just might change your mind. Nan: Yeah you know LP, it's really interesting what you mentioned about confidence, not being an obvious trait or characteristic, you know most people probably think, oh, you have to be nice. You have to be patient. You have to have a kind heart. You know those are the main traits that they associate with a person that wants to help others and I totally agree. Those are great traits and are definitely needed, but confidence, confidence is too and it makes total sense. LP: Yes, and for any of our listeners who are on the fence, you know about going out and volunteering or reaching out to those who may need help– maybe you don't know where to start. You know I myself, you know, sometimes I doubt myself. I get a little bit timid, you know, maybe you feel like you're not qualified or you're not good enough to help as in you know you feel like what you have to offer isn't that valuable. But hopefully, today's discussion will dispel any doubt, and it will give you a push towards the right direction. So for today's show, let's welcome from Las Vegas, Nevada, Ludan Taquiqui. Hey Ludan. Ludan: Hello. Nan: Hey Ludan. Ludan: Hey Nan. Nan: Oh, it's so awesome to have you. I heard your story and I've met you in person, we've had cool discussions in person and it’s so cool to hear from you again. Ludan: Oh most definitely. Same here. Nan: So Ludan let's just jump right into it. You know we’re talking about confidence. You are an entrepreneur, you're a boxing trainer. When I was over there I was privileged to visit your gym and I got to see you and your students in action. Can you tell our listeners a little bit about your boxing training, the gym that I was able to visit, and your goal in helping your students? Ludan: Okay so my boxing training, it's really to help people to better defend themselves. And also, basically living out my passion of sharing the talent that God gave me. And if you could share that with others, basically what happens is you get lost in time, when you get lost in time you just start to help people with unconditional love and energy. And it just, it just makes everything simple.  Nan: I witnessed it first hand you know when, like I mentioned, I was able to visit you at the gym I don’t know if you remember, I was definitely not at the same level as you and your students but I got to see it happen and,

Doing Good One Step at a Time [show open] [lead in] Lois Paula: Whether you're hoping to heal the world or heal yourself. This podcast is here for you to highlight how Kindness Moves. Nan: Yes. And you might have been touched by a simple act of kindness, you might want tips on how you can act now in your own community. Or maybe you just love the feeling of doing good. Lois Paula: Welcome to Kindness moves a new podcast brought to you by the INC Giving Project. We'll tackle topics on volunteerism, on creating good habits for a positive mindset, on raising kids, or maintaining an attitude of gratitude, generosity even in entrepreneurism and so much more. Nan: And we're your hosts, Nan, and LP. Lois Paula: So Nan, we're bringing up something today that everyone gets. You know, we're human, and as much as we want to make our lives better you know by helping those around us, we all have limits. You know, we can admit it, we all get tired, we all get fatigued. Nan: Right. You know, we feel it; all of us feel it today, especially with so much going on. And in today's world we all wear, you know, multiple hats. We're having to juggle sometimes more than we can handle, you know, all of us have so many different responsibilities and sometimes it just seems like we can't even catch our breath. So where can we possibly find the energy to continue helping other people if we can't even help ourselves or if we don't have the energy to help ourselves? Lois Paula: Right. So well, to our listeners finding yourselves in the same boat, let's get re-energized together today. We have joining us in our episode, a Kindness Ambassador who will share what kindness moves she's made for lasting and continuous impact, despite fighting fatigue — a runner’s fatigue to be exact. So everyone let's welcome, Renezen Benedicto. Hi Renezen! Nan: Hi. Renezen: Hi, how are you guys? Nan: Renezen, I just want to jump right into it because Renezen is such a unique name, but I have heard you being called by another name. Is there another name you go by? Renezen: Yes, I have a few, but most people probably know me as Dimple. Nan: Dimple, can you please explain — why do people call you Dimple? Renezen: I have these monster holes on my face. Lois Paula: Monster holes. Nan: That sounds scary. Renezen: It is, but they've been there since I was born, so like ever since I was a baby I've been known as Dimple. Nan: Dimple. Okay, so it's pretty obvious why your name is Dimple, so thank you for clarifying. So Dimple, you are a runner and you recently finished a race that you participated in and you're also part of a running group in the Bay Area. So what is it about running that you love? Renezen: You know I, to be honest, I never really liked running. I grew up playing sports and running was just that thing you had to do, but I think as, you know, as I got older and like, you know, everybody's busy, running just became this way for me to still go out there and do something active and not be dependent on people's schedule and stuff like that. And then after a while, it just became this way for me, you know, on busy days and days where it's really stressful, like work or with everything going on in life,