One of the biggest underlying reasons that couples come to counselling is because one partner has anxious attachment and the other has avoidant attachment which results in what is called a distancer/pursuer dynamic in the relationship. This is something that they may not be aware of, and they likely won't talk about it in those terms (unless they have already done a lot of counselling in the past, or a lot of reading on attachment theory). As you can probably guess, the distancer in this dynamic is the avoidant partner, and the pursuer in the anxious partner. It basically means that the anxious partner often fears feeling distant from their partner, and is constantly trying to get closer to the avoidant partner in a variety of different ways, while the avoidant partner feels very uncomfortable with a lot of closeness, and therefore creates distance in the relationship with what they call deactivating strategies. This episode will focus a lot on attachment theory, so if you're unfamiliar with it, there are a lot of great resources out there. Here are a few to get you started: Why Anxious and Avoidant Attachment Attract Each Other Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help You Find (And Keep) Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller Listen to the end of the episode to find out more!

Welcome to 'Just Listen to Me!' The Show that is all about relationships. I'm Julia Shay a couples counsellor practising here in Australia. I often get asked what are the main issues couples present with in couples counselling, so I thought I would make a video about it! Some of the most common issues include: communication, difficulties, issues around trust, big life changes, feeling resentful/disconnected, affairs and more. The biggest theme is often the repeated negative cycle of interaction that never goes away, no matter how many times a couple tries to talk it through - it keeps happening! Couples counselling helps couples understand their negative cycles so they can work on their triggers and communicate their needs in a way that can be heard. Watch to the end of the video to find out more! Information on couples counselling approaches: Emotionally focussed couples therapy: https://www.eftresourcecenter.com/emotionally-focused-therapy-eft Gottman method couples therapy: https://www.gottman.com/about/the-gottman-method/