Investigative Selfism

“Why don’t you tell the kids about your prison experience?” Wait, what? It’s a sentence you might not hear often. Unless you’re me and you’re kindly asked to talk about politics to students once in a while. In my podcast episode, I mention this story briefly and I’ll link to it in a second. But what I talk about in it is how discomfort oftentimes is a price we have to pay for the lives we want to live. They don’t have to involve politics or prisons, but it’s good to know that “a good life” will probably never mean zero discomfort. So we either try to avoid it or normalise it and see it as the price we pay for a life of integrity. Before I proceed, my abovementioned prison story – in a more humorous form – here, while the reasons why that story happened lie in parts of my political project.

“Happy 2-year COVID anniversary!” I thought to myself recently. And decided to do a quick episode on it. If my second season is all about discomfort, who can deny that COVID has been one uncomfortable experience? In this episode, I do reference a piece on COVID learnings from a year ago and promise you to share my resources on boundaries. You can find them here: https://wp.me/p1WQjD-Mo

Since my whole second season is on discomfort, it’s time for an important reminder. Taking care of ourselves when we’re moving through discomfort is not a luxury. We can live without luxuries but we can’t go on if we’re constantly burned out. Here’s my reminder on why it’s important to be kind to ourselves when things are tough and how certain things that seem unimportant become the base for us to go on from. In this episode, I share a personal story, give some small examples of what we can do to prioritise our health, and as promised, here are some resources – more reminders and actual tools! – that you can check out: https://wp.me/p1WQjD-Mh

"The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships." If you’ve ever had a bad day (a bad week? a bad month?) because of one single person, you know how true it is. So if relationships are at the cornerstone of how we feel, how can we improve this area of our lives? How can we deconstruct what there is to be improved (or, rather, worked on) in the first place? In my episode, I summarise several (out of…an infinite list!) areas that we can start looking into – with practical guidance – if we want our relationships to be even more profound: - how to listen deeply and respond with empathy, - how to respond and not react, - how to set healthy boundaries, - how to uncover how we’ve been wired (how we see relationships, how we attach to people, etc.) because of our traumas, - how to notice emotional manipulation and tendencies like codependency and narcissism. I hope you listen to this episode (or watch it here: https://youtu.be/IURvFRzhMDU) and invest this time into improving the things that are at the very core of our wellbeing. You can find all the resources here: https://wp.me/p1WQjD-M8

I understand it's not enough to say "just normalise discomfort". OK, cool, but how do we do that? What can help us to take that uncomfortable action? Luckily, there are some practical tips here. In my previous episode, I was all about "be OK with discomfort!", "understand why it's so important to choose your discomforts wisely!" In this episode, I quickly share a strange metaphor and then move to describe a quick but surprisingly effective exercise that can push you into taking that uncomfortable action. Honestly, it has helped me personally to take some hard decisions in life and I simply have to share it with you. The trick here (like with many exercises): it only works if you do it.

This is a message I'd like to hear as the year is ending, as a year is starting, or on any other day. In my episode, I dive more deeply into why it's so valuable to normalise discomfort in our lives. Or, rather, why it's important to CHOOSE it. It sounds weird, I know. But I have wonderful quotes and some stories for you that I know will be worthy of your time.  

After a long break, I'm very excited to tell you that my podcast is back. The learning and unlearning didn't stop, nor did my desire to share everything with you. I'm very excited to dive more deeply into a number of topics, but first - a wrap-up of my first season with a (very unsexy, oh my!) description of what waits ahead. My apologies for the ambiance sounds: I was filming this during my travels and hey, that was NOT a controlled environment:) To watch a video that goes with this recording, please go here and subscribe: https://youtu.be/TsJlQsu911Y 

To respond with empathy might be our intention but it's not as easy it might seem. Our busy and caring minds tend to jump to so many potential responses, yet we have to be aware that not all of them are what creates that meaningful connection. So what is an empathetic response and what are the common mistakes we make? Find all the resources I mention in my episode here: https://wp.me/p1WQjD-JZ

Deep listening is a thing: if you've ever felt that you weren't truly seen in a conversation then you know it's real. How can we improve our listening skills? What frameworks and reminders can we use? I have some suggestions for you. That's a mix of what psychology, Buddhist psychology, and nonviolent communication point to. A disclaimer: although they might sound like simple tools, they are NOT easy to apply. That's why, these are more practices than "quick tips". These are actual skills we can work on. Hopefully, you DO want to be a better listener and are willing to put some effort into this! So enjoy, LISTEN DEEPLY, maybe take some notes, and go into the world to apply it! PS. This episode, like my previous one, is also a video on Youtube! You can find it here: https://youtu.be/l18udF05FRI (I am very proud to say that the whole video is one single take - that's how engaged I was while filming it!)

Fear is a companion we'll always have.  How we live with that companion is a choice: we can do that in ways that don't serve us and we can put conscious effort to manage our minds just a little bit better.  In my episode (which I start with a ridiculous personal story!), I share several approaches that can help you befriend your fears. Not to negate or minimise them, but to accept them, embrace them, and go through them - with a bit more courage - to see what's on the other side. For more resources on fear, please see www.investigativeselfism.com