We are so thrilled to be bringing you this episode today. This episode is the live recording of our Book Club conversation, discussing https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Tom-Plante/dp/B004EIMM6Y/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=come+as+you+areandqid=1637727062andsr=8-3 ("Come as you are" by Dr. Emily Nagoski). This book is a game changer, and we feel that it is a necessary read for all sexually active humans. We hosted several women for this conversation, and we are so excited for you to hear from Shelby, Allison, Linnette, Dawn, Daulton, Kenna, Tava, Korbey, Terin, and Rissy. We start with a brief overview of the book and what to expect if you haven't had the chance to read it yet. We then quickly jump into our favorite things about the text and the deep learnings we drew from reading the pages. Just to start off, we jump right into the concept Emily Nagoski brings home in her book: YOU ARE NORMAL! Ok then, let's all just start setting down all the unnecessary baggage we carry around wondering if we are weird or broken, we are not... we are normal. We all have the same parts, organized differently. We jump right into anatomy and even mention talking about our anatomy with our partners. We spend quite some time talking about the garden analogy and how helpful that has been in allowing us to dispel untrue ideologies about ourselves, our bodies, and our sexuality. The other point in the book that we spend quite some time on, is the three messages we receive about our sexuality and bodies. The moral message: you are evil (slut shaming), the medical message: you are diseased (something is wrong with you, you are broken), and the media message: you are inadequate (comparing ourselves to others). None of these serve us well, and we all are taking in parts of these messages as we are inundated with them. We dip into the brakes and accelerator concept, and how this has been helpful in allowing us to understand our own bodies and helps us to create the right context we need in order to feel safe enough to be vulnerable enough to deepen that emotional intimacy with our partners. Along with the brakes and the context, we discuss the importance of completing the stress cycle, and the key role that self care, self love, and self acceptance play in truly being able to not judge ourselves and really lean in to our sexuality with curiosity in a safe environment. We cannot express enough how important and influential these conversations have been on us personally, as your hosts. We truly hope this is the start of the conversation, and that as you listen along, you feel safe and feel free to have conversations like this with your loved ones. Everyone is doing it, it's time we kick the stigma to the curb and have open and freeing conversations that lead us closer to our best and most pleasure filled lives. We create and share additional content each week, you can join us on https://www.patreon.com/user?u=45038330andfan_landing=true (Patreon), follow us on https://www.instagram.com/itotallyrelatepod/ (Instagram), sign up for our https://view.flodesk.com/pages/603934d2eeca3dea6ce8d8f2 (newsletter), or send us your thoughts and feedback at [email protected]

We are absolutely honored to welcome Ana Marques back to the pod. Ana is a trauma informed marriage and family therapist. Ana sat down with us to talk about boundaries. This episode is one of the most important conversations we have recorded so far. As one of the main premises of this podcast is to share the message our younger selves wished we knew... honoring our own boundaries is that key message. Ana gives this community a huge gift by sharing what she knows, simplifying the message, and even giving us some lessons in real time. Let's just start with her definition of boundaries she shares at the beginning of the episode: Boundaries are the psychological, spiritual, physical, and mental distance that I keep between myself and people that allows me to love them and myself at the same time. Our conversation navigates the difference between boundaries and ultimatums, as well as others reactions to your boundaries, and the effect they have on you when you are emotionally boundaried. We discuss boundaries with ourselves, and how to repair our relationships when boundaries are crossed. Ana gives us 5 steps to follow to help set a boundary with ourselves: Recognize our triggers Pay attention to our body sensations Observe the automatic thoughts that come up Ask "what does that mean about me?" State what boundary we need for ourselves Although conversations with a therapist are incredibly helpful and full of insight, it is not a replacement for therapy. Ana encourages us and our listeners to get therapy, conversations are not a substitute for trauma work and processing. This episode is full of wisdom and helpful insight to help you understand and implement boundaries. If you enjoy this episode, we highly recommend you check out "https://i-totally-relate.captivate.fm/episode/mental-health-is-not-mental (Mental health is not mental)" episode 22 from season one, where Ana talks to us about trauma. We create and share additional content each week, you can join us on https://www.patreon.com/user?u=45038330andfan_landing=true (Patreon), follow us on https://www.instagram.com/itotallyrelatepod/ (Instagram), sign up for our https://view.flodesk.com/pages/603934d2eeca3dea6ce8d8f2 (newsletter), or send us your thoughts and feedback at [email protected]

We are so excited for you to join us for another conversation that is part of Naughty November. We are continuing our conversations on sex and female sexuality. This time we have our favorite besties joining us! Welcome back to the pod Terin and Ani! In season one they joined us for episode 19 https://i-totally-relate.captivate.fm/episode/survival-without-attachment-is-trauma ("Survival without attachment is trauma") feel free to give it a listen, these women always elevate the conversation with good laughs and real talk! *This is a mature conversation. We discuss mature topics and use language not suitable for little ears.* We start off discussing why we feel shame about our sexuality and the components that factored into our specific as well as collective thought processes that really brought on shame for us. We touch on institutions that were part of that shame based thinking, and also terminology and slogans that really sank in for us. We walk through the impact of teen pregnancy and sex before marriage, sex outside of marriage, and yes we do in fact talk about masturbation and self pleasure. We define sexuality and sexual palette. We absolutely talk about orgasms and why women fake it. One of the most helpful concepts we discuss is the idea of willingness and desire. If we replace the idea of "the mood" with willingness and desire, we open up our relationships for deeper connection. Rather than trying to get in "the mood" or trying not to kill "the mood" it shifts to a fluent conversation of what your desire is in moment and your willingness to participate in sexual or sensual activities with your lover. We really hope you enjoy this conversation with your girlfriends talking about sex. More importantly, we hope you join the conversation or start your own. We want you to live the most pleasurable life available to you, and it begins with our own self awareness and curiosity! We would be honored to host you November 20th from 1pm-4pm for our Naughty November Book Club, we will be discussing Emily Nagoski's "Come As You Are" we'll have lunch, free flowing drinks, juicy conversation, and an opportunity for you to find pleasure in your life and relationships! https://www.eventbrite.com/e/i-totally-relate-book-club-tickets-185171822907 (Get your tickets here), you are not going to want to miss this! We create and share additional content each week, you can join us on https://www.patreon.com/user?u=45038330andfan_landing=true (Patreon), follow us on https://www.instagram.com/itotallyrelatepod/ (Instagram), sign up for our https://view.flodesk.com/pages/603934d2eeca3dea6ce8d8f2 (newsletter), or send us your thoughts and feedback at [email protected]

Well, well, well... we are so pleased to welcome you to Naughty November! Heads up... if you normally listen with little ones around, this episode you might want to save for a mature audience. We think the title probably gives this away, but just in case... we use mature words and discuss maturation and sexual trauma. First things first, we want to invite you to join us November 20th to participate in our book club and live recording that will be aired the following week, here in this feed. We are currently reading "Come as You Are" by Emily Nagoski. Get your https://www.eventbrite.com/e/i-totally-relate-book-club-tickets-185171822907 (tickets here), and join us for a juicy conversation all about female sexuality! We will provide lunch, drinks, and a cozy atmosphere to dip into this vulnerable topic. Our Naughty November line up includes 1. this episode, 2. a conversation talking about sex with friends, 3. a discussion about boundaries, and 4. the book club live recording that we hope you are a part of. This episode is a very vulnerable one for the two of us. We are basically laying out all the baggage and unhealthy messages we have received and carried around with us for years. Today, we are laying it all on the table and detangling some of toxic beliefs that have colored our sexuality and sexual experiences. Some of the things we discuss we are ready to let go of to make room for more love and acceptance. While at the same time, there are some ideas that are still knotted up and we have more work to do. We use the overall messaging from the book to help us create new perspectives to view our experiences. This book is a GAME CHANGER! We highly recommend it! Let's all make a commitment to be done slut shaming, let go of what we think we are "supposed" to look like or how we think we are "supposed" to experience sexual intimacy. Let's engage in conversations that are centered more on sexual education, self love and acceptance, and let's embrace our "Garden's" and tend to the things WE want to grow. We hope this conversation is inviting and healing for you. Join us in letting go of the things that no longer serve us, so we can make room for lot's of pleasure in our lives! We create and share additional content each week, you can join us on https://www.patreon.com/user?u=45038330andfan_landing=true (Patreon), follow us on https://www.instagram.com/itotallyrelatepod/ (Instagram), sign up for our https://view.flodesk.com/pages/603934d2eeca3dea6ce8d8f2 (newsletter), or send us your thoughts and feedback at [email protected]

HAPPY HALLOWEEN sweet babes! We thought we would just surprise drop this into your feed on such a SCARY day! This is the bonus episode we recorded for our https://www.patreon.com/user?u=45038330andfan_landing=true (Patreon) community. If you like this conversation and want to hear more like this, we would love for you to join us there! It's October and we are leaning all the way into that spooky vibe, and there isn't much that is scarier than operating from a scarcity mindset. We start off with a general definition, we share opposing thoughts that both come from this mindset. We discuss how making decisions and calculations from this standpoint naturally puts us in survival mode and operating from a space of fear, resulting in more violence and isolation. Shelby shares an intense experience of allowing that energy to move through her, and allowed her to let go of that fear, to make more room for abundance. We hope you enjoy this conversation on scarcity mindset. It was trippy to realize how soaked into our culture this harmful thinking is. Most of all... we just wanted to take a moment to remind you that no matter what... YOU ARE ENOUGH! Also, have you read https://www.amazon.com/Sincero-Mindset-exciting-authors-Paperback/dp/B08HSBVVXT/ref=sr_1_6?crid=3MT2OMDAXWB4Randdchild=1andkeywords=you+are+a+badass+at+making+moneyandqid=1634675784andsprefix=you+are+a+badass+at+m%2Caps%2C212andsr=8-6 (this book)? We create and share additional content each week, you can join us on https://www.patreon.com/user?u=45038330andfan_landing=true (Patreon), follow us on https://www.instagram.com/itotallyrelatepod/ (Instagram), sign up for our https://view.flodesk.com/pages/603934d2eeca3dea6ce8d8f2 (newsletter), or send us your thoughts and feedback at [email protected]

Are you ready to get Naughty November started? We are so thrilled for this conversation! Our special guest today is leading us into our next series. Meet Benja! He grew up in Guatemala, served a mission in Peru, and came to Utah to attend BYU, where he studied dance. This is the beginning of him learning to express himself through movement. It was during this time that he went on his first date with a boy. Afterwards he felt happy. He was able to kiss someone he was attracted to. Benja is very transparent about the low points he experienced while oppressing himself to be accepted by his community. Embracing his true self empowered him to disassociate with the harmful institution of LDS religion. He walks us through the moments he learned he can set boundaries and was able to end his co-dependent relationship with the church and decide that he was a good person who deserved good things. Benja shares key conversations that have helped promote healing in his relationship with his mom. He also lists a few other resources he has found helpful on his journey, i.e. meditation which has helped him through tumultuous pain, as well as prioritizing his physical health AND mental health. He is open and honest about the importance of talking about sexuality and sharing sex education with our children. It is time that we learn our way out of shame. You can take a spin class from Benja at https://mcyclestudios.com/ (MCycle), or find him on the https://www.instagram.com/benhaartist_/ (gram)! We create and share additional content each week, you can join us on https://www.patreon.com/user?u=45038330andfan_landing=true (Patreon), follow us on https://www.instagram.com/itotallyrelatepod/ (Instagram), sign up for our https://view.flodesk.com/pages/603934d2eeca3dea6ce8d8f2 (newsletter), or send us your thoughts and feedback at [email protected]

We have wrapped up our series on faith transitions and we are about to move into our Naught November series. We are transitioning with a couple of interviews of individuals who have left the Mormon church and embraced their sexuality. We are honored to listen to the experiences of queer folks, as they are leaders in embracing sexuality even in the face of the fear of rejection. We are so pleased to introduce you to JaNeil. She is a single mother of three kids, she grew up in Salt Lake County and she has a very important story to share. *Trigger Warning* We discuss sexual abuse and child suicide. As JaNeil shares parts of her experience, it does include a few difficult topics. Please listen at your own pace, pause if you need to, and we hope you can come back to hear the end of the conversation, because JaNeil has found herself in a space of love and peace after coming out the other side of some really painful experiences. After being sexually abused by a close friends parent while in ninth grade, JaNeil began exhibiting signs that something was wrong. After meeting with a counselor she was referred to an extremely strict program for children. She was kept in this program for 14 months. She goes into detail sharing some of her experiences there, including the living arrangements, the interactions with other children, and sharing her "cop list". Once she was released from this program she started to develop anxiety, in which she felt like she needed to be the perfect kid. She made the school basketball team and made a really good friend who eventually invited her to try to get a temple recommend. That set her on a path that had her baptizing the dead before school in the morning, and married in the temple 6 months after high school graduation. JaNeil was married and quickly there after was a mom to three young kids. When she was pregnant with her third child, her mother gifted her a get away to this retreat. Once again, her trajectory was dramatically changed by people she encountered and the truths she learned about her self on her journey of self love and acceptance. We create and share additional content each week, you can join us on https://www.patreon.com/user?u=45038330andfan_landing=true (Patreon), follow us on https://www.instagram.com/itotallyrelatepod/ (Instagram), sign up for our https://view.flodesk.com/pages/603934d2eeca3dea6ce8d8f2 (newsletter), or send us your thoughts and feedback at [email protected]

Oh boy! We have such a treat for you in this episode! We are so pleased, honored, and thrilled to introduce to our lovely listeners... McKenna Rose Brown. First things first, do yourself a favor and go follow her on https://www.instagram.com/mckennarosebrown/ (Instagram)! She posts weekly Wonder Woman Moments, funny reels, and inspirational stories. And while your at it, go ahead and give https://www.instagram.com/shopedynkei/ (@Shopedynkei) a follow too! We start this episode out sharing the serendipitous way our paths crossed. It's a good story and it truly feels like we were meant to make the connection! McKenna is a Mental Health Advocate, she is the author for the Wonder Woman Journal, the creator of the Wonder Girl Academy, and just a GEM in real life. You can learn more about her and her message by https://mywonderwomanjournal.com/shop/ (visiting her website). McKenna is very transparent and vulnerable in sharing her story. She is open about how she always felt like she was "Too Much" and how she felt she needed to shave herself down to fit into who she was "supposed" to be. She walks us through her story and the thoughts that led her to her lowest points in life. After driving herself to the behavioral hospital and connecting with other women, she realizes the message she is meant to share. Every woman is Wonder-full! She created the Wonder Woman Journal helping women identify moments of gratitude and recognizing one experience a day that is good, hard, and/or funny. This led her to create a confidence course for young girls to develop the Wonder Woman mindset in 7 steps, as well as hosting the WINGS retreat: W-worth I-intuition N-nirvana G-gifts S-strengths McKenna shares good reminders to help honor where you are. She is open about the resources that have been beneficial to her on her journey including journaling, therapy, and specifically EMDR. We hope you enjoy this conversation as much as we did! Spending time with McKenna is a real treat! We create and share additional content each week, you can join us on https://www.patreon.com/user?u=45038330andfan_landing=true (Patreon), follow us on https://www.instagram.com/itotallyrelatepod/ (Instagram), sign up for our https://view.flodesk.com/pages/603934d2eeca3dea6ce8d8f2 (newsletter), or send us your thoughts and feedback at [email protected]

Welcome to our FIRST LIVE RECORDING! This episode is the conversation we recorded as a group discussing our first Book Club pick: What Happened to You by Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce Perry. This book does a phenomenal job explaining the biology of the brain and it's responses to traumatic events, and the impact that has on our unconscious behaviors and actions as we continue to interact in the world. We want to be upfront and let you know that this book covers a very heavy topic and portions of our conversation touch on personal and painful experiences and emotions. We do discuss sexual assault in a portion of this episode. The authors have a note at the beginning of the book that states the following: "We know this reading experience will make you think and make you feel - and at times the feelings may be hard and painful. For some, the intense and sometimes disturbing content will be a challenge. For other, the concepts about the brain may be unfamiliar and initially difficult to understand. We ask for your patience and trust, with us and yourselves. When you find the reading too challenging, stop. Put the book down for an hour or a week. It will still be there when you feel able to return to it. And when you are ready to continue exploring why "what happened to you" shapes how you think, feel, and act, welcome. You just may discover a path forward." We feel like this is really important to mention here, because one of our book club attendees, Linette, experienced this deeply, and she shares her experience of beginning to look into her past and memories that she felt she had put behind her. We discuss multiple stories from the book that gave clear examples and really impacted us, including the story of Sam, Oprah on set for a movie, and the grumpy guy at the airport. We share how we have internalized these concepts as mothers ourselves, as daughters, and women who work in the community. Knowledge is power, and this book is a gift to our society because it breaks down complex ideas into relatable stories and simple analogies, as well as sharing very helpful diagrams and charts. We absolutely recommend this book, and hope that you enjoy the conversation of a group of women discussing what happened to us. We create and share additional content each week, you can join us on https://www.patreon.com/user?u=45038330andfan_landing=true (Patreon), follow us on https://www.instagram.com/itotallyrelatepod/ (Instagram), sign up for our https://view.flodesk.com/pages/603934d2eeca3dea6ce8d8f2 (newsletter), or send us your thoughts and feedback at [email protected]

We are still rolling in our Faith Transition series. We have shared a few individual stories, a couple in a mixed faith marriage, and today we are sharing the story of James and Terin, a married couple who have both recently left the Mormon church. Grab a cup of coffee and get cozy, this is the longest episode we have released yet. It is all so good, we had to share the whole conversation. Mormon culture is most often a persons whole identity, it is all connected, and leaving out parts of it take away from the heaviness of how this truly has impacted these two lives. Terin and James met in seminary class in high school... that is not lost on us. Their story becomes complex and heavy very quickly, especially for two young high school students. They were a very serious couple and Terin became pregnant her junior year. Although she felt guilt about this and their interactions together, she was very invested in the Mormon religion and this outcome just pulled her deeper into the religion as she was determined to prove that she was a good woman and a good mom. She enjoyed going to church and felt inclusion and hope in the message and congregation as a stark contrast to the chaos and loneliness she felt at home. James also experienced a lot of trauma, confusing messages, and chaos in his home as a child. Though, in church it was exasperated by feeling excluded and ostracized by other children and families in his ward. He did not feel invested or like a dedicated believer as a young child because of the environment and ward he grew up in. Both of these young children coming from tumultuous backgrounds, meant that the promise of families being together forever helped solidify a testimony for both. However, once the pregnancy was made public, they were presented with two extreme options that neither of them wanted or felt peace about. The first was to get married and raise this child, and the second was to go with adoption and never see each other again. Reluctantly, they chose the first. Their families and the culture in the church absolutely shamed their love and the expression of that love with each other. Right before they got married, Terin discovered an addiction of James'. this complicated the situation and the relationship further. The shame left both of them feeling not good enough. The situation continued to grow in complexity as their family grew and their love continued to be buried in shame. Both of them talk about how resources and real help was not made available to them. If you relate to this part of their story, we encourage you check out this resource, the https://salifeline.org/ (addiction recovery group) they refer to. A series of rock bottoms and low points lead them to an incredibly serendipitous moment that solidifies their testimonies and changes the trajectory of their lives. To learn what changed their minds after 2-3 years of the life they both thought they wanted, you can listen along and experience the doubt and deceit in the history of the Mormon church alongside Terin and James. As usual, we end with these two sharing with us the things they wish they knew then, and the gifts they experience and enjoy in a life and relationship of their own outside of the LDS institution. We create and share additional content each week, you can join us on https://www.patreon.com/user?u=45038330andfan_landing=true (Patreon), follow us on https://www.instagram.com/itotallyrelatepod/ (Instagram), sign up for our https://view.flodesk.com/pages/603934d2eeca3dea6ce8d8f2 (newsletter), or send us your thoughts and feedback at [email protected]