RHONJ 

“To learn more about the real housewives go to bravotv.com” in teresa’s voice… so drab! 

ACT ONE 

Checking in with everyone.. Antonia has a boyfriend and is going to high school next year. 

Oh no.. are we revisiting this baby story again?? 

Joe then gets confused that there are videos about how to make a baby in school. Yes Joe, it’s called sex education. Joe asks Antonia ‘how does a baby get put in the stomach?” you know he’s asking, not actually quizzing… 

TERESA AT DANIELLE’S

Ugh this friendship was doomed from day one. We just had to wait patiently for this to implode.

Teresa fills Danielle in on Easter. Saddest scene ever! 

GUYS I CALLED IT, STEVEN DANN IS FROM RHONY!!! I SAID IT!!! 

Marty walks in. Teresa: I know people think it’s weird Danielle and Marty are living together, but they actually get along, and I think they’re still into each other.. Why not live together?? What is this thing in Jersey about exes living together?! It’s like everyone is too lazy to move on. 

They talk about the dinner on vacation where they tried to figure out if Mary and Danielle slept together. Marty blames Margaret for causing problems. 

First of all, it’s weird that Margaret and Marty are cool after the shit he said about her. I know you all love that pool moment, but it felt so scripted and contrived to me. I actually think they all agreed to do it for the camera, because the insult to margaret was so out of left field and just happened to be done by a pool. 

Anyway then Danielle says that it’s margaret’s fault she and Marty had issues. ... it’s no one’s fault he wanted to divorce you. You got in the middle of him and his kids to start with, so already things weren’t going great. Also you’re unstable. 

***As Marty explains this, there is a cutaway to Teresa and she looks SO angry and confused, like someone asked her to solve a complicated math problem. 

So now I’m confused. I guess Teresa is ‘shocked’ that Margaret went to Marty and said ‘teresa said you and Danielle might get back together.’ This to Teresa feels like meddling and she seems really bothered by it. But it’s not like Marty told Teresa, “Margaret told us what you said.” All Marty siad in this scene is that Margaret is trying to get between them. How is that enough for teresa to be so shocked? It’s common knowledge Margaret does’t want them together. 

Teresa’s lack of understanding of this entire situation is… not surprising, but also she’s so slow its actually painful. 

ACT TWO

Gia prom dress shopping. Gia has a tiny backpack which has been back for years but whyyyyy. I don’t like them. 

Gia has a very tired energy, which makes sense because her mother is exhausting. She wants something simple for her prom dress. Come onnn it’s Jersey!! Show me a jersey prom dress!! 

Joe calls. “I’m just askin… how much those dresses go for these days??” Joe IMMEDIATELY goes in on them spending money. I wonder if it was edited that way or if he was fired up out of the gate. Joe is losing his mind and I don’t blame it. 

Wowww Gia stands up to Teresa and Teresa says “Gia lower your voice”! I’ve never seen her do anything CLOSE to discipling her kids. OMG this is happening on speaker, Gia is super embarrassed. So am I. 

Gia is pissed that Teresa brought up the pre nup on the phone. Gia shuts it down. Teresa then tells Gia to go with her father, I guess to Italy. SO uncomfortable. Why aren’t we with them in the car ride home??! 

ACT THREE

Jennifer gets ready for Easter. She’s in this pink dress that is kind of like a Jackie O moment except the sleeves look like giant sting rays. 

This food looks amazing and I want the grape leaves. 

OMG her mom talks about how when they used to do easter dinner no one moved. Jennifer says that was when you could hit your kids. Her sister goes, “It would be so much easier if we could.” I laughed. 

Jennifer suggests that her new sister in law could have a baby and jennifer’s son panics when he thinks Jennifer wants one. Jennifer: not for me!! They all laugh. ..meanwhile its a real story for melissa! 

Jennifer’s daughter brings up her uncle being gay to Jennifer’s mom, and wonders where the church stands on homosexuality. The mom denies it, says she didn’t know that. Jennifer is bothered that her mom is lying to Gabby. The mom avoids and moves on. Gabby is a hero. 

ACT FOUR

I just want to point out we haven’t seen Dolores until this act because she has NO STORY. 

Ugh this scene is boring. Dolores talking about how slow her relationship with david is going. Who caressss

MARGARET MELISSA AND JACKIE AT DINNER

Ugh no one wants to hear how sexually active marge senior is. Why is she being thrust upon us?! 

Melissa fills them in on how awful easter was. 

They catch up about Danielle, and then Margaret suggests that she and Teresa could be lesbians together. I mean she does talk about Danielle an awful lot. 

STEVEN DANN

I posted the original steven dann scene from RHONY. Check it out. I think this is the same store! 

Danielle says Margaret has trout mouth… she’s not wrong. 

Dolores doesn’t understand why Teresa is laughing along with Danielle picking on Margaret. BTW Teresa was the one who brought up the bunyons comment first to Danielle, which got Danielle making fun of her in this scene to begin wtih. Dolores, you’re the one who chose this person to be your friend. 

Everyone shows up. 

Why does Marge twist her mouth all the way to the side when she kisses people? 

Teresa is cold ot Margaret when she approaches her. Based on… nothing. Margaret says I love this store. Teresa goes: Thanks. 

OMG yes Jennifer walks in and I forgot she had called Danielle by her real name, Beverly. 

They talk about sex, Melissa says Evan needs to “pick it up a notch.” 

Danielle tells Teresa that she is bothered that Margaret and there and everyone is surroundig her. Ummm you’re a crazy personnnn! No one wants to be around you!! 

Danielle commands Teresa to have her back. 

Teresa: “I’m so pissed right now..” You were’t 2 seconds ago!! Teresa is literally a robot. 

ACT SIX

Teresa marches over and says ‘this is so fucked up.’ What?? Teresa doesnt even care! They stnad in a semi circle and start exchanging insults. 

Margaret: “I don’t have a problem with you, I want nothing to do with you.” umm but you talk about her constantly… 

Dolores FINALLY wonders wtf is wrong with teresa to not realize Danielle is a liar. FInally dolores has awoken!! 

Margaret goes through all the shit Danielle has said publicly about Marty and his kids. 

Also Margaret, maybe dont be friends with Marty? He’s a complete idiot and called you ugly. 

Danielle calls out Margaret for cheating on her first husbamd, which honestly is fair game. 

Woww the breaking point was the titties. 

Omg these side people in leopard jackets sneaking out of the store. 

Teresa is basically smiling on the sidelines. 

Everyone goes in their corners, and then danielle goes ‘i just cant help myself anymoooore’ and grabs Margaret’s hair. Ugh ok that was kind of a great villain moment… 

Wowww what a great end of this episode. This was like the trip last year with Jennifer breaking the glass. It’s hard to say who is at fault here… On one hand margaret shouldn’t be friends with Marty, he makes terrible decisions and then she stands up for him, but then gets over involved. But Danielle is also a nut and acts crazy (as we saw during her wedding, her fall out with Marty etc… and remember that weird video she posted with that guy she was engaged to and he seemed super drugged up?) Also Teresa once again has the worst instcints of any human ever. 

RHOD

ACT ONE

Any does his go arounds and immediately asks Brandy about the other baby… and the baby passed which is awful.. WOW this is so sad out of the gate! 

There is so much red on these couches. LeeAnne just blurs together in one big sea of red. 

We have a fun moments package. 

Andy: LeeAnne are you still high from your wedding? No she was the most miserable human ever after her wedding. 

Leeanne says the value of the wedding was 4.5 million. You had snacks!!! 

Andy asks Leeanne about the food. Leeanne says there was paid catering there. Kary asks her what the food was? Leeanne won’t argue about it. Kam said all she saw was sprinkles cupcakes. Kam: Was I starving? 100%. Leeanne’s got NOTHING!! 

Andy: was the reason you couldn’t have food was because you couldnt afford it? WOOOO andy is messy tonight!!! 

Leeanne trying to blame production for the break. Andy: That’s not true. Then she backtracks and said SHE didnt want to do one continuous thing for her wedding. So it has nothing to do with production. Wow Andy is going innn it’s so good. 

Stephanie took it personally that when people called out rich for checking women out at his wedding, Leeanne woudl respond with a hashtag that was something like blametravis. Dandra chimes in with, it was travis made me do it. I love how dandra all season has been on hand to fact check LeeAnne. 

ACT TWO

There’s some more back and forth between D’Andra and LeeAnne about the cheating. 

Andy lays in on LeeAnne more about the wedding. Brandy said she never would have gone anyway, LeeAnne claims that hurts… which is a lie. 

Andy asks LeeAnne why in her vows she said she never felt loved or accepted in front of her mom. I do believe that Leeanne was waitingggg to bring her mom to her wedding all this time just to drag her in front of an audience. That was the whole point of that wedding. 

Kary chimes in that it’s weird Leeanne waited so long to get married and wrote the vows at the cathedral. Kam chimes in that everyone is nitpicking. 

Andy: Were you happy with your wedding planner’s performance?? Omgggg its so good. 

ACT THREE

Mexico package. 

Not much to discuss here, other than the room situation, LeeAnne blames it on being drunk. Andy asks Kary about her marriage. 

ACT FOUR

Kary is ‘content.’ Sounds like a fun marriage. 

Kameron says the word trashy came out of Stephanie’s mouth, and that’s why the word Trashy was implanted in Kameron’s head. UNREAL. It’s almost laughable. This is why I don’t enjoy Kameron. She is judgmental and delusional and plays up her stupidity as an excuse. 

Kameron and Stephanie get into it over their friendship. Kameron pretends to be upset that Stephanie called her surface and fake cries. 

Kameron is upset at being called a dumb blond all her life… and then she quotes frozen. And again, this is the same person that said stephanie IMPLANTED a word inside her head! 

MISERY WARS PACKAGE

Leeanne: my past is why i explain myself, just like brandy talked about being called trash. Difference… brandy doesnt like being called trash and it makes her sad. Leeanne talks about her past for treating OTHERS poorly. That’s the shit she needs to move on from. 

Kary chimes in and LeeAnne tells her to let her finish speaking. 

ACT SIX

Kary and LeeAnne go back and forth. Brandi produces a flask and drinks. Andy: are you sailors? 

DAndra shuts down the suicide stuff with LeeAnne and talks about her dad killing himself. LEeanne: you never told me that. ...we all knew it!! She’s said it before! 

WOWWW we get into it next week!! The racism stuff comes out, this idea that it may not have aired comes out, and then kary is upset that they only told her because they found it out it might air.