Previously on.. All that matters is that Bethenny called Jill to try to make peace, jill put her on speaker with luann present, and Jill hung up on Bethenny. At this point, it looks like there is no hope left. 

ACT ONE

Bethenny is nervously crossing the street munching on something to meet with Ramona. Ramona is clad in a flesh toned velour track suit, the top zipped open with her TRU FAITH bedazzled shirt underneath. Here we go! Walk across the brooklyn bridge!! WE’RE STARTING OUT HOT!! 

They’re going to meet Simon and Alex on the other side of the bridge. You’d think that would be the worst thing about this walk. But by the end, Alex and Simon will be the bright part. 

Bethenny starts out filling in Ramona on her phone call with Jill; basically, Bethenny doesn’t understand why Jill has been going to the PRESS about their fight. Ramona jumps RIGHT in and says “I really think you’re a press monger.” So you can tell Ramona was ready for this conversation, and she comes out swinging. 

Ramona says, I just want to help you! Bethenny is automatically on defense, udnerstandably. Ramona tells Bethenny she’s self serving. Bethenny says, who last week tweeted about your HSN line you in! Grateful! Person! And then Ramona says….. (play clip) 

How INSANE is that?? With Ramona, you can tell she blacks out and just says things that she’s been holding on to. I think it feels good for her to just stick it bethenny reall hard that she can’t keep a relationship. In Ramona’s head, SHE is the one with the best relationship, SHE has the great girlfriends, SHE has the amazing relationship, and I think Bethenny threatens her in that way. 

Ramona INSISTS she’s trying to help. Bethenny fires back that Ramona has a very antagonistic way of showing her friendship. Ramona: If i can’t be honest with you about how I feel, then we can’t be friends. ...here’s the thing, and you can tell me how you feel. Yes, a friend should be able to be honest with another friend. HOWEVER, delivery matters, and timing matters. You have to know when your friend is vulnerable and when they’re ready to receive information, or when it’s just self serving for YOU to get your opinion heard. 

Ramona says FINE, if you aren’t abel to discuss it, let’s discuss netural things!! What do you think about Obama’s healthcare?! ...wow I would love to hear Ramona talk about that. 

Silence. Ramona composes herself. “I upset you, I see that. I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m sorry I upset you, that wasn’t my intention to upset you… next time I just won’t tell you how I feel.” It 100% was her intention to stick it to Bethenny and make it hurt. On top opf that, “I wont’ tell you how I feel” is such a cop out of an apology because it implies that you can’t handle the truth, so then Ramona will make the sacrifice of withholding her opinion. Now Bethenny at this point is in tears. 

Ramona does a full 180 and realizes that she should have been kinder in her tone. 

At this point I’m noticing all these people walking by. Somewhere out there, there are people who witnessed this fight first hand. They’re all united by this incredible experience and they probably don’t even know it. I need to make a documentary where I go in search of the Witnesses. 

Anyway, they reach common ground and acknowledge that Bethenny needs to talk to Jill, but Jill won’t return her calls. Then Bethenny lists how chaotic her life is and mentions having to write a book and promote it, which is where Bethenny gets unrelatable. She also mentions a personal thing she can’t talk about, which we find out later is about her dad’s health. Just keep that in mind. 

Bethenny and Ramona get to the other side, Alex and Simon greet them with tea. They’re both so excited. And even for us the audience, they seem like a breath of fresh air after that scene. 

They do a photo op with Ramona saying Brooklyn isn’t so bad! And i THINK this is where Bethenny coins the phrase Ramona coaster. 

Phew. That’s done. 

KELLY APPROACHING STRANGERS ON THE STREET

Ugh Kelly approaching strangers on the street. I promise you no magazine asked her to do this. She is literally just wandering the streets talking to strangers. Kelly is supposed to be asking strangers about their fashion. 

Most people seem annoyed by her, and they don’t even know her. Good instincts, new yorkers. 

One of the questions Kelly has to ask is are you wearing udnerwear, and they do this great montage of her asking people that, ending with some kid that must be like 11. She’s such an idiot. 

This is like early billy on the street… a crazy lunatic set loose on new yorkers and anoying the crap out of them .

ACT TWO

Luann is planning a cocktails and couture party where they auction off dresses for charity. Keep this in mind.. It’s our in to a very very exciting scene. 

LUANN AND JILL AT JILL’S HOUSE

Luann is staying the weekend at Jill’s in her gaudy super dark cave of a guest bedroom. Luann even comments I love how dark it is in here! It’s great for sleeping! 

She and Jill discuss the cocktails for couture party. 

Jill reveals that she got a Sax diamond credit card. And then ginger farts. 

Jill says Ramona went to lunch with Alex and Kelly. Ramona says that Kelly and Bethenny made up. Luann in bite says I dont think Kelly and Bethenny can be friends. Je ne quois pas. Do you guys think Luann remembers any french anymore? She’s a different person now. 

ACT THREE

Some fashion week meeting. Bethenny arrives super flustered because she has to go to LA to see her dad. Bethenny doesn’t say dad to Alex specifically, but Alex guesses. 

Kelly shows up. Now at this stage, Kelly and Bethenny have made up so there’s no tension there. Alex asks Kelly what she’s wearing. Kelly says ummmm a fragrance. You Kelly doesn’t want to attach her name to anything so she refuses to say. 

Kelly then talks about how hard the life of a model is because everyone thinks you’re too pretty to do anything else. 

After the models do their walk, Ramona sks Bethenny if she’ll come over and see Jill. Ramona does this thing where she’s like “don’t answer! Don’t answer! Don’t answer!!!” which would rile me up more. Bethenny alludes to something happening to her personally. Ramona: ever since my walk with betenny on the brooklyn bridge, I thought I have to get Jill and Bethenny back together. I do think this has to do more with Ramona wanting to be the center of this storyline. 

Also I think Ramona likes the underdog, which she has said about Jill… but I think there’s an aspect of Ramona where she likes to fix things, but then doesn’t like when the person is doing well. Ramona and Jill are so similar which is why they get along. 

ACT FOUR

Jill comes over to Alex’s new house to pretend she likes her children. (Refresher, the issue with Jill and Alex was that Jill spread that ‘crawl up your leg story’ about the kids.) 

Alex tells Jill that Ramona and Bethenny and Jill have helped her choose designers. Jill, trying to be nice, “When did they do that…?” Jill then asks if Luann is invited, because she’s codependent and can’t go aynwhere alone. 

Jill asks if Alex is inviting Bethenny. This is where it gets really awkward and Alex goes, “She’s going through more stuff right now than I’ve ever seen.” Alex tries to tell Jill its about her dad without saying it’s about her dad. Alex makes everything so much more drawn out and dramatic than it should be. 

Jill then goes on this tear about Jill saying that relationships are what make you happy, not money. You need money to survive, but relationships are all you have. Which is bullshit, because when she got the diamond card she seemed pretty happy… 

Then the boys come up and Jill pretends that she’s excited to see them. 

BETHENNY AND JILL FACE OFF

Ramona has Bethenny and Jill over to look at clothes for the charity, but really it’s to get Bethenny and Jill together. They look through dresses. 

Bethenny arrives. Ramona whispers, “Try to be calm, try to be calm, don’t be like a cat.” 

So then Luann walks in and sees Bethenny and thinks Bethenny is there to talk to her. Bethenny says she is there to talk to Jill. Luann, oh so you wanna talk to Jill, you don’t wanna talk to me? NO LUANN! This has nothing to do with you. 

So Jill sees Bethenny and panicks, going on and on about how she was ambushed. Bethenny assures her that she doesn’t want to fight, she just wants to talk. Honestly, the fact that Bethenny came is a big deal. Jill is the one that should be coming to apologize to her. 

They start the arguing. Jill says she’s pissed that Bethenny only sent flowers for Bobby. Bethenny responds that she tried to reach out but Jill never responded. Jill says ok let’s sit down. 

Jill: Because I have the worst memory, I wrote it down, but I don’t have it. ….so that’s what the issue is. Jill doesn’t have her piece of paper to keep score. This is the issue with Jill; she wants to win, and she wants to have her arguments prepared. 

Luann and Ramona literally walk in with tea on a tray. Tea?? Tea?? Then they scurry out. This is like Luann saying eggs a la francaise?? 

They get back into the details of bobby. Bethenny says when she sent flowers she was nervous that Jill would come after her and say they werent big enough. Honestly Jill sounds like a terrible friend… this whole friendship sounds terrible. 

Bethenny says you could have called me, you don’t have to wait for the person to fail. That’s a big point, and very important in a friendship. TESTING. Don’t test people. 

Then Luann interrupts and says we have a car waiting downstairs. Bethenny: “Thanks Luann for the diversions. First it was a tea party, then the car, next was a puppet show. Take your best friend back.” So funny. Yeah, Luann doesn’t want them to make up because she is dependent on Jill now. 

Jill: who invited her here?? Luann: Ramona. Ramona: no no no…. Luann literally went to Jill’s side when she threw Ramona under the bus. 

ACT FIVE

Luann: Bethenny didn’t even say hello to me by the way. Luann, no one cares!!! 

Ramona brings up a brilliant point that Jill did this Bethenny last season with Bethenny and Kelly. Good point Ramona!! I go back and forth, I kind of like this side of Ramona trying to help, and yet it seems unlike her to want to broker peace out of the goodness of her heart. 

Jill: Maybe I’m wrong! Maybe i’ve been wrong… see, Jill would have come around if Luann hadn’t interrupted! 

This was the turning point for Jill and Bethenny. Now they won’t see each other for a while until Bethenny gets engaged. Truly one of the most epic episodes in housewives history.