Bethenny sits down with her assistant and reads that there’s an item about her and Jill being frenemies. The article references the Saks dinner that Bethenny wasn’t at. 

The way fashion and the ‘press’ as they say played into early rhony seasons is unmatched by any other city. It’s so fascinating that these women were regularly appearing in the papers and we never found it weird. That’s something that’s specific to RHONY that I love. 

It’s interesting that this article is about Bethenny pulling away from the rest of the cast, and here we are, with Bethenny having pulled away from the rest of the cast. It’s also interesting that we happen to be recapping season 3 which is Bethenny’s last season, and we only recently found out that this past season was also Bethenny’s last. 

Bethenny thinks that Jill is responsible for this because the article favors her so much. 

Bethenny is pissed because Perez Hilton reached out to her. He told Bethenny that she should hear what Jill has said about her. This probably happened at the party last episode. I love how all this connects. If you remember Perez Hilton made an appearance on the hills this year. 

Kelly immediately starts flirting with the Playboy journalist. It’s really uncomfortable. She’s all smiley but she has a GIANT smile so it’s actually terrifying. 

Kelly asks him if he’s seen the shoot. She’s BEGGING for compliments. “Did you see the shoot? What did I look like, I can’t remember!”

He asks if she’s reading any books and says he’s reading a new swedish novel called the girl with a dragon tattoo. Kelly’s response: I don’t have any tattoos. Ok that’s not what he asked. In interview Kelly says she needs to brush up on all of her ‘foreign’ literature. Kelly is OrRANGE. Like charred to a crisp. 

They go outside and he asks her out and it’s SO uncomfortable. He said should we do this again? Less interview and more conversation? And she immediately is like WHAT?! Super anxious and wanting him to ask her out. He gets her number and they both go in the wrong direction and she goes, “I’m all nervous.” Honestly if this were anyone else I would think it was cute but Kelly is such a phony. It’s just all cringe. 

LUANN AND VICTORIA TALK ABOUT LUANN DATING

Luann watches Victoria sketch and suggests that she get her a ‘stage’ which is an internship. It’s hard to google if this true because you just get the word stage. I believe that Luann was using the right word. I just don’t know if it was necessary for this situation. Can you imagine the Luann of today using words like stage?!

Victoria asks Luann if she’s dating. Luann says no one serious, but she’s ready to start dating seriously. Again, let it breathe Luann! She’s so eager to get back out there and settle down again. Marriage is Luann’s achilles heel. 

ACT TWO

ALLY ZARIN DOES A PHOTOSHOOT

We’re coming off of last episode where Jill, her mom and he sister had a photo shoot for Jill’s book. I don’t know that I’m ready for Jill in another photoshoot situation. Kelly shows up. 

Jill keeps telling Ally to shake it. Kelly comes up with what she thinks is a genius theory. By Jill being so over the top, Ally relaxed, so she look beautiful. I don’t think that’s true. If Jill was yelling at me off camera I would probably tense up even more. 

Kelly tells Jill about the journalist who asks her out. Jill needs all the details. I have to say, when Jill dips into ‘dating advice mode’ I happen to love it. It’s so old fashioned but comforting. Even though Jill is a monster who blocked me on twitter. 

Jill encourages Kelly to go out there and date. Kelly then asks in a very sort of sad and telling moment: Am I ever going to meet a nice guy? Ever? I do feel bad for Kelly because her singleness is the result of her having zero self awareness. I think men see her as beautiful and a prize, but there is nothing there to hold on to long term. Her grip on reality is a bit sketchy and nothing she says really makes sense. 

ALEX HAS A MEETING FOR BROOKLYN FASHION WEEKEND

THERE’S Alex! Where has she been this entire time?! I really do miss her when she’s not around. 

Kelly Ramona and Bethenny help come and select dresses. Alex didn’t invite Jill but she does acknolwedge that we ‘had closure at sax’

Alex’s friend who is a designer is there too. Ramona laughs, “He’s wearing bracelets like a woman!!” Ramona is such a moron. 

Bethenny asks how the Saks event was. Kelly hints that Ramona was mean to her. 

Bethenny probes more. Ramona insists there was nothing mean about what she said, and that it was factual. 

Bethenny in bite says Ramona has to take more accountability for her actions, and that diarrhea of the mouth is not a real ailment. This is hilarious because this is forever Ramona’s problem and will continue to be until present day. 

Bethenny apologizes to everyone that they ended up in the news article from the beginning. Alex very earnestly asks, Did you plant it? Bethenny is shocked and says no, it has Jill written all over it. Ramona: Let’s not atack someone when they’re not here. 

Ramona is tired of being caught in the middle. She doesn’t think that Jill would stop that low as to plant an article. OMG Ramona OF COURSE SHE WOULD!! Planting articles is the ESSENCE of Jill! 

Ramona tries to move on from the subject, and Bethenny wants Ramona to listen to other people’s problems. Ramona accuses Bethenny of being a press monger, so who cares if she is written about? 

Kelly doesn’t buy Bethenny’s innocent act and is going to speak up. 

ACT THREE

Kelly says that Bethenny did the same thing to her, and that Bethenny called her Madonna. That’s not even that mean!! Bethenny says Kelly has said mean things to her as well. 

Bethenny is confused that Kelly called a truce and she’s starting in on her again. Alex is trying to mediate but its so sad to watch. Kelly thinks Bethenny is doing the same thing that Jill is doing, so Bethenny is a hypocrite. Ramona: I CAME FROM MY OFFICE IN THE MIDDLE FO TEH DAY TO DO THIS!! Ramona is more annoyed that she’s discussing brooklyn fashion week. 

Alex: Today I brought you here to discuss fashion. If you want to help me sit here and pick fashion for the show then lets do that. Are you in or are you out?! CRINNNNNGE. She goes around and asks everyone if they’re in. Kelly and Bethenny said they’re in. Alex: Thank you. Let’s go. Alex thinks she’s such a bad ass and has this so under control. She literally glances up at the camera guy waiting for some sort of applause. 

Simon arrives. Ramona shoots up and hugs him; she’s so relieved. 

Bethenny wonders what she’s doing here; if she was ever going to pick fashions she didn’t think it would be at brooklyn fashion week. This anti brooklyn thing is such a staple of these early seasons. 

The designers show their looks. 

Ramona: “Just so you know, you want to do 100% silk for a dress, not poly satin for evening wear.” Interview: Ramona: And that’s the difference between Brooklyn Fashion week and new york fashion week. BURNNN

Ramona goes to try on the yellow dress. Kelly moves over to Bethenny. Kelly: “I want to make it clear… I don’t care.” They re-apologize. Ramona and Alex come and interrupt in dresses. They continue their patch up. They hug it out. Kelly: I called a truce. I said the conversation is over. ...you started the fight! You didn’t call a truce! 

So for those keeping track, this is their SECOND makeup… and scary island is still around the corner. 

RAMONA AND JONI AT FIG AND OLIVE

Joni Joni Joni… shit talker of Ramona! She’s so up her ass at the same time. 

Ramona talks again about renewing herself. Ramona very awkwardly pivots into wanting to renew her vows. This to me is probably when Mario’s eye started to wander. 

Ramona interview: Joanie is a really good friend. Wait til you see episode onnnnne. 

Ramona talks about how her father passing away is the reason she wants to renew everything. This again is when Ramona is the most authentic. Ramona says her grandmother used to live in brooklyn and maybe that’s why she doesn’t like going there. 

What’s crazy is Ramona says that she saw him over christmas and they finally connected, but then he died two weeks later. And as we know after this season, she wasn’t in the will. That has to be hard! 

AT KELLY’S APARTMENT

Kelly over her computer pretending she’s so busy. 

Kelly talks about the guy she’s going out with. Kelly reflected back on it and realized she doesn’t want to mix business with pleasure. WHATEVERRRRR he probably stood her up. Kelly says Gilles Bensimon was her Mr. Big. 

Kelly gets an emil from Jill. “Hey a little birdie told me you were all good with Bethenny. I sadly am not. I thought you really cared. Good luck, you’ll need it with B. -Jill.” 

Kelly weirdly has great perspective on this and realizes that Jill is putting her in a bad position. 

ACT FOUR

PODBUSTER: Mario and Ramona are presenting Tru Faith jewelry to a group of women that are going to represent their line. Ramona is so anxious and talks so quickly. It’s stressful. 

LUANN COMES OVER TO JILL’S

Luann is staying in Jill’s since she doesn’t have a place in nyc yet. 

Jill tells Luann she has to change outfits. She’s so anxious… Luann got Jill a gift. It’s massive chalice that says GO BIG OR GO HOME. It’s hideous. I wonder if Jill gets the memo that everyone thinks she’s over the top and tacky AF. 

Bethenny calls Jill. Jill puts her on speaker so Luann can hear. Bethenny asks Jill why she’s on speaker, Jill says she’s doing a hundred things so she needs her hands. IT’s soooo awkward because Bethenny is like who is there? Is it intentional that people are around hearing? Jill is sooo sneaky and shady. I mean she looks so bad. 

Bethenny: In light of the disproportionate nature of this argument I think we should sit down and talk about it. Jill: What does disproportionate mean? Bethenny doesn’t understand why Luann has heard about this message. Jill is super cold and doesn’t think it’s important for them to discuss why this argument is so big. Luann is sitting there listening making faces. 

Jill wishes Bethenny the best. She brings up Bobby again and how Bethenny never asked about Bobby despite sending flowers. Jill says I will never forget what you said, I could quote it like it was yesterday. Umm you saved the message!!  

Bethenny: I reached out to you about Bobby and you ignored me. Jill: You think that might ahve been a sign?! Jill is making NO Sense at this point. 

Bethenny brings up again that Jill was running around all summer so she can’t believe Bobby was that sick. That of course is the last straw for Jill because it’s true, so she hangs up, leaving a crying Bethenny on the street. 

ACT 5

Post call… Jill is sweating because Bethenny gives her anxiety. Luann is such an obnoxious cheerleader and just wants Jill to stay by her side. 

Jill: Where was she just now to say, aside from everything Jill, how is Bobby? It’s soooo fake that Jill is using bobby. Jill truly doesn’t care. 

NEXT EPISODE… Brooklyn bridge scene!!! Alex going to Jill and cryptically saying Bethenny’s father is dying and she should check in. Ramona orhcestrates Bethenny and Jill’s conversation.