Rit breaks down this week's Southern Charm, where the CBD was being passed around like water, while Madison proves to be the most fascinating, diabolical character on the show.

Here are his notes:

ACT ONE

Back in Steamboat Springs Colorado! Here is a list of people on this trip: 

Craig

Shep

Kathryn

Whitney 

Kameran

Chelsea

Danni

Madison

Eliza

Don

I could NEVER travel with this many people. I can barely travel with 3 other people, let alone 9 others. 

Everyone is making plans to ski. Chelsea thinks she looks like Putin’s mistress. Craig is making breakfast for everyone. Katherine comes out, everyone laughs at her. I think Emma Stone should play Kathryn in southern charm the movie. 

Craig makes eggs, and Shep comes over and says, Craig, you forgot to put cheese on it?! Craig says, it’ll melt! Shep: Admit you forgot to put the cheese on it. These guys both annoy me. On one hand Craig tries to take charge of thing always, can’t do them, and then can’t admit that he can’t do them. But Shep is always there to wag a finger and correct him. 

Craig blatanly asks Austen if he and Madison hooked up last night. Austen says they did not. 

Cameron doesn’t want to ski with the guys because she’s a mom now. They always cut to Cameron shoving food in her mouth, but she chews her food like her mouth is exhausted, and it just kind of sits there. 

WOW Kathryn’s outfit. It’s a shock of red! This is the most alive and fun Kathryn has ever looked. 

They get off the bus. Shep stumbles out. He’s just falling apart. He’s never not injured from a stupid decision. 

Whitney and Shep sit around and suck cans of oxygen like two old men in a nursing home. And of course, Shep orders beer. 

We got a fun montage of Kathryn and Cameron learning how to ski which is cute. It’s shocking to see Chelsea unable to manage on the slopes. She truly has never left the south. Not that I’ve ever ski’d either… 

Don grumbling his way down the mounting and just groaning I’m going too fast all hunched over was amazingggg. Guhhhh… i’m goin to faaastt.. Guhhhh…

Then we cut to people boarding. Honestly, it’s more fun to watch people who suck at stuff. 

Austen calls to madison. MAADISONNNN! I need to never hear him call that again. 

Craig is SO bothered by austen and madison hugging. My theory remains that Craig doesn’t want anyone to leave him. 

Kathryn says “marijuana” is a white elephant in the room. ...I think she means pink elephant. Kathryn: at the lowest point in my life, i smoked weed. That’s bananas!! I thought it was something much harder!! Kathryn: the fact that no one is acknowledging this is a slap in the face. ….and rude! Haha

The topic switches to whitney. Kathryn shows Danni the text. The graphics are so weird here. The first chat bubbles have Kathrnyn saying: Come or no? Whitney: Sure. Come for a drink. Don’t say where though. Kathryn: 4 minutes fucker. ...but then the next chat bubbles they show are: Kathryn I am legit on my way diva. 4 minutes fucker. Whitney: Baby my shit is asleep or waiting for you. But will be here for you. What does that even mean?!

NAOMIE DRIVING 

Ashley is back?!!?!? What is happening!?!!?

In a produced bit of television, Naomie gets a call from Ashley. You know when she told production she wasn’t going on the trip production was like ok but you have to film with Ashley. 

Why are we giving Ashley a platform?! Her level of insanity is not funny or interesting. It has to be balanced with logic, like Ramona, who can fly off the handle but has enough moments of humanity to balance it out. That’s what makes a good psycho. 

Ashley says to come meet her at Stacks in mt. pleasant. I’ve never called anyone to get together and been like LETS MEET NOW. Naomie said she only has 45 minutes. 45 minutes?!?! No!! Tell her you have 10! Maybe 5 even!! 

Also Naomie is driving a porsche but she doesn’t have hands free? 

Kameron: How was the gone-DOLA?!

Austen rings the bell and now has to buy everyone in the bar a shot. This is fun. And also something I would get conned into. I used to be so bad with being over generous when I drink. And then the next day you completely regret it. Like most people say or do shit that they regret after they drink, but for me it would be buying people shit. 

Shep :The guy buys one fucking round and he thinks he’s the king of the bar. IF SHEP ISNT THE CENTER OF ATTENTION IT KILLLLS HIM. 

Ashley arrives. She looks like a lunatic country singer. Ashley starts by saying that they’re both headstrong. Ashley tries to justify calling her a bitch and saying she meant it in a nice way. 

AShley wants to know what she can do to apologize to Kathryn. She wants to know if she can give her a slight wave, or would she be receptive to coming up and saying hello? Kathryn will literally DRAG her. I think this is why they didn’t have kathryn come to that creepy plantation party to see everyone. They wanted to save the one on one stuff for another scne. 

Naomie: I mean you called her an egg donor… 

These people act like they’re such stranger to anything weed related. They’re like little kids with weed. Like ALL of them. 

Craig and Madison have a weird conversation. Did Madison’s hair just grow like 3 feet? Are they extensions? I’m the worst with registering hair length. 

Madison is such a femme fatale. She has a way of making every guy she has a one on one with get all smitten. Craig talks such a big game behind her back but he seems like he has a crush on her in person. 

Austen gets super high. Whitney walks in and asks Eliza if she is wearing a MCQueen sweater? Eliza who for some reason is holding a giant gallon of water, says, it’s a skull cashmere sweater 

Madison to the chefs: It smells weird. I mean sorry, I’m sure you’re doing a great job. 

I KNEW MADISON WAS A FEMME FATALE! The way she settles into that chair by a lamp. 

Madison goes with Shep to have a gummy. Madison downs an entire gummy. Shep says he likes Madison and he wants her to admit that she was toying with Austen’s emotions. Madison says she doesn’t appreciate being called white trash and she won’t tolerate that behavior. 

Shep brings up how she stresses Austen out, and Madison kind of smiles because she knows. These two recognize each other… they are the same. Madison is cool as a cucumber, hand in pocket, glass of wine in hand. 

Shep suggests that Madison and Austen are good looking and that’s all they have in common. Shep offers a half assed apology, and Madison is smart enough to say she’ll think about it. 

Austen tells Madison not to concern herself with Shep. 

Everyone pressures Cameron to have a little bit. 

Kathryn asks Austen if he organized it? Kathryn brings up that she wnet to rehab and couldnt see her kids because of it. Kathryn: don’t be sorry but i’m glad its not awkward. This is an odd roundabout way for Kathryn to make her point. 

Shep eats weed butter by the spoonful. 

Kathryn googles old things of her being called a drug addict. What a weird thign to do!!! Next time someone upset me I’m going to go way back for receipts ‘just to remind myself.’ 

I think it’s odd for Kathryn to bring it up after everyone is super high. What does she expect is going to happen? 

Meanwhile, Madison says “these are your friends. Now i see why you dont go home.” Austen does is weird tongue laugh. 

Craig goes in search of Kathryn. It’s kind of hard to side with Kathryn here. I understand her point but she’s so childish with how she addresses things that it’s hard to really understand her point. She should’ve bbrought this up well before the dinner, not once evryone is high because she’s going to get what she wnats. 

Shep yelling dragon and shoving food into his mouth is so gross. I don’t think he’s funny at all. 

Kathryn brings up Whitney denying the hook up, says she needs a minute. 

High craig is not the person to explain what’s going on here. Craig: it’s not about Austen as much, it’s about whitney. Craig LOVES to be involved in this because he wants to take a jab at whitney. 

Craig calls Whitney out for denying he hooked up with Kathryn. Craig is holding himself pretty well in this confrontation I have to say. Whitney backs down and says he’ll go talk to her. Wow, victory for Craig! That was amazing. Whitney thought everyone would back him up on this but they didn’t. 

This has gotta KILL whitney that he needs to go apologize to her. 

Whitney creaks a door and goes outside and Kathryn is slowly swinging, her face lit by her phone. Creepy. She doesn’t want to talk about it. 

YESSS next episode, Madison tells Shep that she knows something about him. 

Shep loses his MIND in the next episode. IT looks good. 

I think Shep’s issue with Madison is she reins Austen in a little bit, and he doesn’t believe boys should be tamed or whatever. I think Madison has come in here and shaken up the male dominance, and they can’t stand it, and without her we wouldn’t have anything going on this season. 

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