the soundtrack of the last year of my life, part 2

the soundtrack of my life the last year, part 1

do you forgive me? sounds recorded february 2025

i'm scared of everyone sounds recorded february 2025

you were responsible for my collapse… my once in a lifetime moment stolen… a year of my existence destroyed… i could not get over my obsession with the fact that i failed you can be upset with someone and still care for them. what happened happened. i used to think the universe was a series of random meaningless events but i see now there is reason and purpose for all things. she has issues she needs to deal with. all we talk about is that we’re worried about you. apologies don’t mean shit. words don’t mean anything. you prove things with action. we don’t have to name names. this is between you and her. i’m convinced that if she were here with us today, she would agree with me. i want to prove to you that i’m not that person and i want to earn back your friendship. i don’t want to sing anymore. i’m the protagonist. where is she?

everything he said about me is actually true about him. you're scared of becoming a one-hit wonder. i pride myself on being a truthful person. i have to tell the truth in every situation. no one can tell your story like you can, because we all have one. it's a love letter. even heroes have the right to bleed.

a work-in-progress draft of a piece composed from recordings made over the last month living in my old apartment. performed and recorded with tascam DR-05X, iphone 14, 2019 macbook pro, audio-technica AT-LP5, and toshiba 40E210U.

i just wanted to introduce myself in a non-manic, non-crazy lady way. what the future holds, i don’t know, but i don’t want to bring any more pain to her or her life. we can’t let this tragedy define us. our greatness will be measured by our response to adversity. you’re trying to blame something else on me that isn’t my fault. the only time we say never around here is when we say never give up. you can’t win if you don’t play. in her mind she thinks she’s right. we’ve been through hell, and we’re gonna leave all that behind. they say the unexamined life is not worth living. but what if the examining becomes your life? is that living? we’ve all said horrible hurtful things about each other. none of us are without fault. i don’t think you have a mean bone in your body, but you messed up. the city was silent. there were no more questions. here is my deepest darkest secret. it’s gonna change my life forever. i see how much pain you’re in. you can’t rush this. it’s gonna take time. maybe this is god trying to tell you to slow down. maybe you should do something else with your life. she's my family, my insides. she will be fine, because she has to be fine. in my world, i have no value. i’m a failure. i’m a joke. if i worried what every bitch in new york was saying about me, i’d never leave the house. you caught her in a lie, and she caught me in the truth. no one wants to admit they’re in a loony bin. i survived. who is she going to face in her last match?

it was all a dream... the visions were so real... we’re weirdly intertwined, but one of us has to die.

this whole thing has gotten way out of hand, and it’s hurting the people we love. sounds recorded november/december 2024