More MAGAT rats off the sinking ship. Between the coke nose-wipes and the flailing arms, the DUI Hire needs a drug test. Nitwit Nero says sailors aboard the Lincoln haven't been at sea long enough. That stinking coward would sh, (never mind: redundant) if he had to serve aboard any warship. MAGATS leave a children's cancer fundraiser at Maga Loco (shame on you, St. Jude's) to go to a strip joint and play "hot potato" with a sex toy.

An epic three-hour FiliRoxster! OMG, grumpy Grampy MAGAT is back on the steam catapults . . . even as AMERICAN SAILORS are trying to kill themselves just to get away from hell-on-earth aboard one of the gems (germs?) of the fleet. Never mind the sailors. Daddy wants to rip the guts out of the Ford to install technology we used in WW II. That high-pitched distant sound on the wind that you hear? That's Trump's handler, Pooty, giggling in pure glee.  Karoline "Real Poo-Poo" Leavitt deciding to bounce because Marcus Whorelius left her as missile fodder in favor of his Diaper Nanny rather pales in comparison. Still, it was enough to make her bail.

Murder victims have a way of outing their truth. be it a half-century ago or a year. Karoline "Real Poo-Poo" Leavitt suddenly calls it quits, even with Orange Julius Geezer begging her to stay. Shocking news about new equipment for the ICE goons, $20M worth. Patriot shouts down an ICE goon in Virginia. Whalehead Deadbear Raccoon Penis Brainworm-Lamprey moves forward in his MAHA(hahahahahaha) crusade against "ultra-processed food," but no one even knows what the phrase means.

Nitwit Nero uses Press Corps as assassination decoys. Anti-vaxxer idiots refuse transfusions of "vaccinated blood." Young incels adopt "looksmaxxing" and screw up their faces. Ken Paxton can't even do a phone conference without having his slimy past thrown in his face. Max Miller agrees people should keep their sisters/daughters/female friends away from him.

How pathetic are the Manly Magat Men Of Maximum Masculinity? Thinketh they their excrement literally smelleth not foul. Yet, their befouled Daddy wrinkleth the nose of ye Almighty even as he doth slumber. Nitit Nero tries to go low on Abdul Sayed, and discovers he doesn't play that "we go high" game. He cuts Cankles Caligula off at the knees and kicks his orange ass for being short.  Todd Blanche gets confirmed "in the dead still and dark of night," immediately gets hailed before a Federal Judge with the rising of the sun.  Handy Smurf has boy problems. HER boy. HIS felony problems.

Sen Bill Cassidy adds further shame and infamy to his name. His Epstein Filter is even more degraded as Cankles Caligula's worsening dementia vomits out a new vulgarity.  Circuit Court kiboshes the ballroom and calls Nitwit Nero a "tenant" and sends him into his latest tirade.  Ol' Serpent Head continues to shed relevance as he throws another hissy over "Socialists." JuiceBox Jeanine is dangling by the thinnest of threads.

At least five MAGAT senators have demanded that Max"-imum T" Miller quit the House over allegations of his 'roided up abuse of his wife and daughter. Know what's weird (or maybe not, because reasons)? An actual ordained Southern Baptist Minister (Moses Mike Johnson) HASN'T.  Someone wrote a "statement" that Moscow Mitch has gone home. Who knew His Satanic Majesty had a PR Department. Wait. He has ALL the PR people.  The palm of the Goddess of Irony's hand is nowhere anyone wants to be, but look! There's Jimmie Dick or Jaydee or whatever the VP is calling themself these days.

Crises on the high seas. And surprise! They're both brought to us by the Dimwit Donnie Derpdustrial Complex. Humiliation in the offing in two separate federal courtrooms for Nitwit Nero's bottom-of-the-pickle-barrel pettifoggers. Victory in Michigan and Mike Rogers thinks all those Browns look alike.

As of this writing, the clock is ticking yet again. This time, the bell tolls for Max Miller and his political ambitions. He has until 11;59:59 pm EDT of 4 August 2026 to quit his campaign; but Orange Daddy didn't tell him to quit, so . . .  Oh, and the cowardly perfidy of a MAGAT scorned proves once again proves disgustingly resilient. Todd Blanchey makes it out of Senate Judiciary.

It's Magic Moscow Mitch Day and still no sign of life. Gov. Andy Beshear's patience is wearing thin at the disrespect. Nitwit Nero, after four hours of "Executive Time" (when they medicate him to something resembling functionality), does Dementia Storytime in a hissy over JuiceBox Jeanine's decision to save her law license by dismissing the entirely Trumped-up reflecting pool scam. Along the way, he confesses that he was the twit who came up with using a fragile pool liner. Vivek may be headed for defeat as MAGATS go all to pieces in Duhio.