It's Valentine's Day, one of the horniest holidays on the calendar, and we're celebrating with two songs from the 1950s that illustrate an uncomfortable truth: people have always been nasty little freaks about Christmas. In the case of "Santa Claus Got Stuck in My Chimney" by Ella Fitzgerald, it's entirely listener interpreation that takes this song from silly to risqué. In "Trim Your Tree" by Jimmy Butler, however -- maybe you wouldn't call the lyrics explicit, but they are definitely intentional.

The ranking music in this episode is "Molasses Molasses (It's Icky Sticky Goo)" by Ella Fitzgerald!