This week we scour the market for a faith-based alternative to (de)Monster Energy, a satanic product that the Antichrist (Peter Thiel) will sip from a champagne glass from his front row seat overlooking the tribulation guillotines. Like Frodo(Casey) and Sam(Sam, but fatter) ascending the craggy slopes of Mt Doom(Shopify), we march with steadfast courage toward our likely demise (pancreatic cancer). Drink responsibly!