With their daughter, Blair, away in Peru for, like, ONLY 4 weeks, Luther and Nora Krank decide to skip Christmas all together until she decides to come home at the last fucken minute, which is kinda rude, causing an uproar when they have to celebrate it at the last minute. It all could have easily been avoided if they just said fuck it and stuck to their guns. cowards.

In the 1940s, an annoying little shit head named Ralphie Parker attempts to convince his parents, teacher, and a drunk Santa Claus you can smell through the tv that a Red Ryder Range 200 Shot BB gun really is the perfect Christmas gift, until he actually shoots his eye out like a fucken nerd.

During their Christmas break, a group of sorority girls are stalked by a a dude with severe mental illness and an affinity for blow up dolls. ....i'm assuming.

A boy who has a bad Christmas accidentally summons a festive demon to his family home, even though several other boys in several other Christmas movies have bad holidays, and shit like this NEVER happens.

A controversial true crime writer who likes the idea of being controversial than actually writing, finds a box of super 8 home movies in his new home, revealing that the murder case he is currently researching could be a continuous work in progress of an unknown serial killer goblin thing, (Gaba Ghoul, we think) whose legacy dates back to the 1960s and earlier based on King Pin's face time ramblings. JUMP SCARE!

Aliens who look like clowns come from outer space and terrorize a small town. there are no jokes to add to this synopsis. it's the most straight forward description of a movie in history.

Freddy Krueger somehow coerces Jason Voorhees to return to terrorize the teenagers of Elm Street, because there's been some weird connection there all along? Only this time, as the screenwriters have so cunningly set up, they're out to get each other, because SHOCKER! the synopsis twist is also the whole movie's fucking title.

Viago, Deacon, and Vladislav are vampires who are struggling with the mundane aspects of modern life, like paying rent, keeping up with the chore wheel, trying to get into nightclubs, and overcoming flatmate conflicts, and i have nothing else to add to this synopsis because the movie is basically perfect.

Rebecca talks about her two week long vacation to New York and Orlando. it's a mini-episode. nothing gets accomplished aside from you all getting a glimpse into our (Rebecca's) personal life.

Eight unsuspecting high-school seniors, who are obviously not high-school age, attend a posh boarding school, who delight themselves on playing games of lies, come face-to-face with terror that's not even really scary and learn that nobody believes a liar - even when they're telling the truth and have red hair and were hired because she looks good in thigh high socks.