Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandSign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandCan you imagine snow falling on Graham Poll's naked back and would it be beautiful? What's the point of Space food? And if you were to cosmetically engineer two pigs to look like managerial dynasty Brian and Nigel Clough, which would find a truffle first? Those are the questions we're asking this week, and asking them with us is Empire Magazine's Chris Hewitt. Chris is the best-placed guest to pitch a ride at Footballland so far - after all he went to Alton Towers on his stag do. Chris pitches us The Graham Poll Exit Poll, a giant, naked Graham Poll posing flat out like a bearskin rug. To leave the park you must enter Graham through the tear ducts and find three yellow cards. Also on the agenda, Sniffing For Cloughles, the world's first truffle-sniffing based theme park ride. Climb on board a pig cosmetically enhanced to look remarkably like one of Nigel or Brian Clough. You have 5 minutes to find as many truffles as you can! And finally, Ryan brings us Danny Drinkswater. Legend has it that as a child Danny took umbrage at anyone mocking his name, and would challenge anyone who brought it up to a water drinking contest. Could you drink Drinkwater under the table? As ever, send us your ride ideas. We'll feature them all! Footballland Explained:Having accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. Anthony Richardson, Mark Davison and Ryan Baxter are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football themed theme park rides in the history of football themed theme parks. Anthony Richardson - CEO of Footballland Mark Davison - Lord Sir Chief Ride EngineerRyan Baxter - InternSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

It's been another highly successful week at Footballland and we're delighted to announce THREE new rides! One of which came from listener and patron Nick Dunmore. Remember, you can send us any of your half-baked ride ideas and we're contractually obliged to discuss them! Sign up to the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandHere's what's on the menu at Footballland this week:Claudio Ranieri's Operating TheatreHe's known as the tinkerman, but what if we let Claudio Ranieri tinker with human bodies instead of relegation threatened Premier League football clubs? Leicester's favourite Italian is given a full range of medical equipment and free rein on anyone who gets crocked at the park. Dilly Ding Dilly Chloroform! First Off, Last Off The Training Ground It was a pleasure to receive this ride idea from listener and patron Nick Dunmore. Nick was concerned that Footballland did not yet have a 'touch the truck' style game, and he has cleverly invented one which ties in with the ultra-professional mentality of your Cristiano Ronaldo's and your James Milner's of this world (of this world). Thanks, Nick! Teemu Pukki's Pies In a first for Footballland, we received an idea from a current Premier League footballer. Teemu Pukki of Norwich City has been fascinated with the brand Pukka Pies in fish and chip shops throughout the UK, and would like to add a finish twist to the takeaway staple. Trouble is, Finnish cuisine is the absolute worst in the world. Will Teemu's concoctions catch on?As ever we love to hear from you. Send us your jingles, your ideas, your thought. We'll feature everything you throw at us! All the best,Anthony, Mark and Ryan Footballland Explained:Having accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. Anthony Richardson, Mark Davison and Ryan Baxter are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football themed theme park rides in the history of football themed theme parks. Anthony Richardson - CEO of Footballland Mark Davison - Lord Sir Chief Ride EngineerRyan Baxter - InternSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Hey guess what? It's Footballlllllaaaaaaaaaand! The world's first football theme park is *really* taking shape now. Can you believe we've gone and created another three rides? Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland and if you'd like a bit of extra special treatment sign up to our Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandThe Horror TacklesRemember those little fish that bit off all your dead skin in shopping centres in the mid 2000s? Well, it's that, but it's the genetically modified penises of players that have performed career ending challenges. Sorry? What? Yeah. So, we get your Roy Keanes, your Ben Thatchers, your Martin Taylors of this world, we pay scientists to graft tiny teeth on their members, and then we let them nibble on your feet in a fishtank. Oh and hi new listeners to Footballland!Freaky Friday Night FootballHave you ever wanted to swap bodies with a footballer? Well, we at Footballland are offering you that chance! Our scientists (who we paid to put penises on footballers' willies) will swap your brain with a footballer of your choice, so that you can walk around the park inside them while they look after your partner and children for the day. It sounds fantastic, but which footballer would you choose? Fake Shakes So many public figures' reputations were destroyed by the News Of The World's so-called Fake Sheik in the 90s/00s, and it's about time the public had a go! With Fake Shakes, you too could be secretly filmed agreeing to shady and career-threatening business deals while waiting for a cool, delicious milkshake! As ever, send us your ideas. We'll discuss each and every one.Footballland Explained:Having accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. Anthony Richardson, Mark Davison and Ryan Baxter are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football themed theme park rides in the history of football themed theme parks. Anthony Richardson - CEO of Footballland Mark Davison - Lord Sir Chief Ride EngineerRyan Baxter - InternSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

After another extremely important meeting at Footballland HQ we're pleased to unveil THREE new rides. And one of those has come from our patron Phil Lee. Remember, you can send us any of your half-baked ride ideas and we're contractually obliged to discuss them! Sign up to the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandSo here are the rides in this week's lineup:Mané Hands Make A Light Work Liverpool and Senegal forward Sadio Mané is desperate to record his autobiography in our special recording studio, and he REALLY needs those 300,000 words read into the mic by Christmas. But alas, there's no light! Can you and 9 friends help him? 10 punters must form a human chain from socket to lightbulb to illuminate the room, AND Sadio Mané's dreams.A gentle reminder - please do not try this ride at home. We don't want anyone electrocuted, even if it's to help out a footballer. Phil Lee's Human Table FoosballPatron Phil Lee wrote in to pitch his vision of a giant table foosball using ex professional footballers. Pick your XI from a giant vending machine then watch as they're skewered by metal rods (missing those vital organs, of course!). Tim Cahill: Beyond The Corner Flag Currently our Oceania section of Footballland is pretty miserable. So far it's just a statue of Ryan Nelsen with his bum hanging off. So what better way to spruce things up with a Mad Max-style fight to the death with every single thing that Australia loves? The Socceroos want to turn their back on their continent and play in Asia, but OceaniaTown won't let them go without a fight. As ever, send us your ride ideas. We'll discuss every single one. Footballland Explained:Having accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. Anthony Richardson, Mark Davison and Ryan Baxter are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football themed theme park rides in the history of football themed theme parks. Anthony Richardson - CEO of Footballland Mark Davison - Lord Sir Chief Ride EngineerRyan Baxter - InternSupport our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

What an incredible meeting at Footballland HQ this week. Can you believe that we came up with THREE new things...? Sensational! We are delighted to unveil: 1 ride, 1 facility and 1 naked fighting experience. But which one is which? Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandComedian and Times Columnist George Lewis joined us to pitch The Jaap Stampede, in which park guests can feel what it's like to be a streaker in front of 80,000 people, while chased down by an irate Jaap Stam and his family members, who have all been shaven to make them look like him. Will you beat 11 Jaaps and show off your goolies to the Stretford End?Many of you have written in demanding there be a ride featuring former Arsenal and Portsmouth striker Nwankwo Kanu. Well, intern Ryan has delved deep down the back of his sofa of ideas and come up with Kanu's Rapid[s], a wet n' wild tubing ride through a scale model of Portsmouth harbour. Just like the great man's performances on the field, some experiences on Kanu's Rapid[s] might pass event free, while others might be the greatest fun you've ever had.And finally, with FIFA's plans to stage a World Cup every 6 months, Mark has come up with a way to ensure EVERYONE gets a go at international football. Who Do You Think You Aunt? is a service which finds you a blood relative from a tiny FIFA registered micronation such as the Solomon Islands, meaning that you become eligible for a call up no matter what your ability!And as ever send us your ideas, your jingles, your letters, we'll feature them all! Support our show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandFootballland Explained:Having accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. Anthony Richardson, Mark Davison and Ryan Baxter are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football themed theme park rides in the history of football themed theme parks. Anthony Richardson - CEO of Footballland Mark Davison - Lord Sir Chief Ride EngineerRyan Baxter - InternSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In yet another top, top, top, top, top, top, top episode of Footballland we're excited to bring your THREE new rides. If you like what we do join our Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland or you can support our show athttps://supporter.acast.com/footballlandThe Toure Brothers' Bus TourTo me! To You! The Toure Brothers' Bus Tour is Footballland's newest manner of transportation, featuring the comedy slapstick duo Yaya and Kolo Toure as Paul and Barry Chuckle. Minamino's Mini Motors Liverpool midfielder Takumi Minamino runs a go-kart track with cars made of skin tight lycra. You sort of climb into the car costume head first and speed around the track like a wriggling Thomas The Tank Engine! Why's Minamino involved? Absolutely no idea. Dimitri Payet's Bottle Shy Remember that unsavoury 'crowd incident' against Nice, where Payet chucked a few bottles at some fans and they rioted? What an overreaction! We're building a whole facility at Footballland to remember the moment, encouraging you to chuck objects at 10,000 trainee police officers in the Squeaky Bum Time Arena!And don't forget to send us your ride ideas. We feature every single one.Footballland Explained:Having accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. Anthony Richardson, Mark Davison and Ryan Baxter are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football themed theme park rides in the history of football themed theme parks. Anthony Richardson - CEO of Footballland Mark Davison - Lord Sir Chief Ride EngineerRyan Baxter - InternSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandSign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandThis week we're pleased to announce that Mark Davison returns after being out of the game for two weeks - that's a short time in Podcast terms, but a lifetime if you're a Watford manager. So the full complement of top, top lads are excited to bring you THREE new attractions. Uri Geller Will F*** Up Your Day In Footballland Anthony has a genius plan to avoid a massive lawsuit, what with Footballland being so dangerous. It involves the mindreading, spoonbending mystic Uri Geller and 365 helicopter pilots. Uri Geller WILL f*** up your day in Footballland, but can you receive compensation? Pepe's Pee Pee Take Ryan has rewatched the most important 75 minutes in English football history, Rio Ferdinand's World Cup Wind Ups and hatches an audacious plan to reboot it at Footballland, featuring everyone's favourite sh*thouse, Pepe. Make sure you get full insurance on those hire cars. Marcelo Bielsa's Bum Bucket CarouselMark spent his two weeks off fixated by that weird stool/bucket thing that Marcelo Bielsa sits on during Leeds United games. He plans to turn it into a ride, but are your glute-flutes up to the strain? And as ever we want your ideas. Send us a message and we'll feature them in an upcoming episode.  Footballland Explained:Having accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. Anthony Richardson, Mark Davison and Ryan Baxter are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football themed theme park rides in the history of football themed theme parks. Anthony Richardson - CEO of Footballland Mark Davison - Lord Sir Chief Ride EngineerRyan Baxter - InternSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This week, Ryan pitches a competitive mobility vehicle facility in honour of football’s most santa-like administrator Chuck Blazer (Disclaimer: if you are planning on coming to Footballland and you need a mobility vehicle either bring your own, or start practicing herding cats by lassoing them with blazers whilst under threat from fire). Anthony pitches a ceramics masterclass-come-fight-for-you-life hosted by Raphaël Varane and his henchman Harry Maguire. Quick word of advice: conserve your energy at the potting wheel because it’s all about escaping to the kiln before Rapha gets you. Mark sends a post-it note in his absence, saying only: The Chicken Shawarma-morial... Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandSign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland Footballland Explained:Having accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. Anthony Richardson, Mark Davison and Ryan Baxter are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football themed theme park rides in the history of football themed theme parks. Anthony Richardson - CEO of Footballland Mark Davison - Lord Sir Chief Ride EngineerRyan Baxter - InternSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

We are finally back for season 2 of Footballland! Thank you so much for your patience over the summer. You won't be disappointed by what we have in store for this series, and please send us your ride ideas - we'll include each and every one. If you like our show sign up to our Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandSo, here's E01 of S02 - Anthony unveils the BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM, his tribute Goldenballs himself, in the form of a carnival strongman exhibit. Ryan fixes the global injustice: that there isn't yet a ride or attraction featuring acclaimed football broadcaster Mark Pougatch, with the MARK POO-CATCH. Finally, special guest and friend of the show, comedian Marek Larwood, answers the burning question: How much is a Premier League footballer really worth… in body parts? with his ride MAIM FOR A LAUGH.Footballland Explained:Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements.Anthony Richardson, CEO of Footballland Mark Davison, Lord Sir Chief Ride EngineerRyan Baxter, Intern.Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandSign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandSadly this is our final episode of the season! We're taking a break for the Euros and will return for an even bigger and better Footballland in July! You'll agree that the park is taking fantastic shape, and we're pleased to bring you THREE new rides:Super Ney-Mario A live action video game featuring PSG and Brazil superstar Neymar - It's-a Super Neymario! Watch out for the toadstools shaped like James Milner! Park guests will climb inside a fibreglass Neymar and dive through a series of levels which seem to get easier as the game progresses. The DaMarcus Beasley Piss Take Take A Break Going to the toilet has never been so fun, or potentially so dangerous! Guests at Footballland's special DaMarcus Beasley urinials will be faced with a series of mini-games, all involving their own urine. Fun for all the family (optional she-wees provided free of charge). Roy and Ray's Trip To In-Seinity! Patreon Nick Dunmore gives us a psychedelic boat trip in remembrance of that time Roy Hodgson and Ray Lewington decided to go on a river tour in Paris instead of preparing for England's knock out game against Iceland at Euro 2016. And a special thanks to our patrons this season. We've loved your submissions and long may they continue. Keep sending your ideas to us. We'll all hit the ground running in season 2 and make this the BEST damn football themed theme park the world has ever seen. Much love,Anthony, Ryan and Mark Footballland Explained:Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements.Anthony Richardson, CEO of Footballland Mark Davison, Lord Sir Chief Ride EngineerRyan Baxter, Intern.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.