If you are stepping away from an emotionally or spiritually destructive marriage and suddenly feel hit by severe anxiety, physical illness, obsessive thoughts, or a desperate urge to run back, you may be experiencing trauma bond withdrawal.When a relationship alternates between unpredictable emotional mistreatment and periods of seeming “niceness,” your body builds a biological and neurochemical dependency on that cycle. Breaking free triggers a physical and emotional detox.Today’s episode is a faith-informed, clinically grounded guide to understanding trauma bond withdrawal symptoms, dismantling weaponized scripture, and restoring your nervous system.Resources mentioned in this episode:The Grey Rock Method for Emotional Abuse VictimsFlying Free Kaleidoscope ProgramGet Today’s Free Resource:🧐 Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote a book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage. Get a free chapter by going to isitmebook.comI will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

In this episode, we’re doing something a little different. I’m opening up my private monthly book club discussion (usually just for Flying Higher members) and sharing it with you. This month we read the bestselling novel Yesteryear by Caro Claire Burke. We get into the tradwife aesthetic, performative Christianity, and the difference between a woman who genuinely loves a homemaking life and a system that demands every woman perform one. Key Takeaways:The reason the beautiful tradwife image is so seductiveThe most convincing performances usually start with a belief that's actually sincere. One character's storyline sparked a heated disagreement in the group about who gets to be "smart" in stories like this one, and why that distinction matters There's a subtle difference between a woman choosing a traditional role and a woman being conditioned into one, and it changes everything about how we respond to the trend.What does authentic faith look like once the performance stops? If you’re a divorced Christian woman who loves self-development and learning new things, consider joining the Flying Higher community! Get Today’s Free Resource:🎁 I want to give you a free gift. It’s the audio version of my book, All the Scary Little Gods. It’s a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming. You can listen to it FREE by going to scarylittlegods.comI will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

Let’s talk about emotional neglect. Can we really categorize this as “abuse?” I say we can, and in today’s episode, I’m going to tell you why. In this episode, you’ll learn:Five specific ways emotional neglect shows up in a marriageWhy silence can be more controlling than yellingWhat your nervous system does when someone ignores youThe question every neglected wife asks herself over and over again, and why she needs to stop asking that questionGet Today’s Free Resource:📒 Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.comI will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women still in or healing from emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

This is part two of our series on the subtle gaslighting tactics emotional abusers and narcissists use in Christian marriage. You'll hear four more specific examples of what he says, why he says it, what it triggers in you, and the precise words to say back so the tactic stops working on you for good.Key Takeaways:There's a reason your husband can turn any conversation about his behavior into a conversation about your tone, your past, or your "real" intentions, and once you see the move, you'll catch it every time.One specific manipulation pattern explains why a man can be caught in something devastating and somehow still come out of the conversation as the victim.There's a single Bible verse Christian men weaponize to shut down any conversation about unresolved hurt, and it doesn't actually say what they think it says.Find out why your anger in the moment of betrayal might be the most spiritually honest thing in the room, and why he needs you to believe otherwise.Every gaslighting tactic is aiming at the exact same target inside you, and once you know what it is, you'll never be fully fooled by any of them again.Get Today’s Free Resource:🎁 I want to give you a free gift. It’s the audio version of my book, All the Scary Little Gods. It’s a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming. You can listen to it FREE by going to scarylittlegods.comI will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

Today we’ll talk about one of the most disorienting experiences Christian women in emotionally abusive marriages face: gaslighting. But we aren’t going to just define what gaslighting is. I’m going to break it down into all the tiny parts and give you some specific stories so you can see exactly what’s going on and WHY. You’ll learn three specific tactics gaslighters use, why they use them, and what you can do to stay grounded in your own reality when someone is working hard to pull you out of it.Key Takeaways:Why someone can sound completely loving and caring while actually doing something deeply harmful to youThe hidden reason your concerns keep disappearing from conversations before they ever get resolvedWhat a "joke" has to do with control, and why your body's reaction is not a character flawThe psychological mechanism you share with a slot machine, and what it's actually costing youThe one shift that strips a gaslighting tactic of all its power, without you having to win a single argumentGet Today’s Free Resource:🧐 Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote a book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage. Get a free chapter by going to isitmebook.comI will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

Tia Levings is the New York Times bestselling author of A Well-Trained Wife and her newest book, I Belong to Me. She survived a Christian patriarchy cult, escaped a near murder-suicide, was excommunicated for telling her own story, and spent 15 years in intensive trauma therapy doing the work to put herself back together. Now she's handing you the map to healing from religious trauma.In this episode, Tia and I dig into the real mechanics of religious trauma recovery: why your body refuses to believe you're safe even when your brain knows it, what "aftermath" actually means (it's an agricultural word, and it will change how you see your own devastation), why grief work is not optional, and what agency has to do with the entire trajectory of your healing.Key Takeaways:What does it actually mean to "belong to yourself" after religious trauma has dismantled your sense of identity from the inside out?Why trauma survivors often write, speak, and even think about themselves in the passive voice, and what that reveals about the agency that was quietly stolen from themWhat the agricultural origin of the word "aftermath" tells us about why the most painful, raw season of your healing is also the most generativeWhy anger and bitterness after religious trauma aren't signs that something is wrong with you, and what they're actually trying to show youHow complex PTSD can keep a survivor locked in survival mode for years, making life-altering decisions in a state of ongoing shock without ever realizing itGet Tia’s books:A Well Trained WifeI Belong to MeFollow Tia everywhere on social media! Her handle is @tialevingswriter Get Today’s Free Resource:📒 Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.comI will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

Let’s talk about something called “the subjugation schema.” It's a clinical pattern that secular psychologists are actively trying to help women heal from, and the conservative Christian church has rebranded the exact same wound as godliness, biblical womanhood, and a high calling.If you've spent your life apologizing for taking up space, smiling when you wanted to scream, or feeling guilty about basic human needs like rest, preferences, and an opinion of your own, this episode is going to feel like someone finally turned the lights on.Key Takeaways:Meet Rachel and Megan: two composite women, two very different engines driving the exact same wound. Find out which one might be running you in the background right now without your permissionThe four specific ways the conservative Christian church installs this pattern in little girls and quietly reinforces it in grown womenWhy "mutual submission," "complementarianism," and "servant leadership" might be the same old subjugation wearing a friendlier nametagThe story of Sapphira in Acts 5 that quietly dismantles the "always submit to your husband" theology you've been handedThe one journal question at the end of the episode that might wake up the woman who has been hiding underneath your schema for decadesGet Today’s Free Resource:🎁 I want to give you a free gift. It’s the audio version of my book, All the Scary Little Gods. It’s a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming. You can listen to it FREE by going to scarylittlegods.comI will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

In this episode I’m answering a pressing question Christian women in difficult marriages ask: how do you find a church that will actually support you instead of silence you?Because not all churches are created equal, and the difference between a safe church and a harmful one can change everything for a woman trying to find her footing. I’ll break down exactly what to look for, what to ask, and what red flags to run from.🔑 Key Takeaways:There's a question you can ask a pastor before ever setting foot in a pew that will tell you almost everything you need to know about whether that church is safe.What a church puts on its website (and what it leaves off) reveals far more than you might think about how they actually treat abuse survivors.One word in a pastor's answer about couples counseling is a dealbreaker. Do you know what it is?The church's leadership page can disqualify them before you ever walk through the door. There's a theology that sounds biblical and even beautiful to some women, but I make a case that it's actually setting the stage for harm.Get Today’s Free Resource:📒 Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.comI will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

In this episode, I sit down with my real-life friend Jessica, a pastor's wife whose story intersects with mine: her husband was a pastor at the very church that excommunicated me. What started as a conversation about her story turned into one of the most layered, honest episodes I think we've ever recorded.Jessica spent decades being told her emotions were idols, her feelings weren't facts, and her needs were sin problems she needed to repent of. In this conversation, she shares what it took to finally see through that, what the long road out of a high-control religious marriage actually looks like, and why freedom sometimes takes many years to arrive even after the divorce papers are signed.Questions we cover:What does it actually take to leave when your abuser is also your pastor husband?Why do so many women choose the familiar over the safe?Is codependency just a fancy way to blame the victim?What does it look like when someone uses scripture as a weapon?What does a pastor's wife do when she can't tell anyone the truth?What actually happens when you let yourself grieve?What does it take to actually push yourself out?Get Today’s Free Resource:🧐 Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote a book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage. Get a free chapter by going to isitmebook.comI will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

This is part four of the High Functioning Christian Women in Destructive Marriages series, and today we talk about a concept that ties the whole series together: sovereignty. Synonyms for sovereignty include: freedom, autonomy, and independence.If you've spent years managing everyone's needs, shrinking your own, and building an identity around your capacity to give without limit, this episode will challenge a misunderstood theology that was never meant for women who are already pouring out from an empty cup.🔑 Key Takeaways:There's a critical difference between two things that look almost identical from the outside, and which one you're living in changes everything about how you understand your marriage.The "die to self" command you've been handed your whole life? It may have been written for the exact opposite kind of person from you.Why does even asking yourself "what do I need?" feel like a threat to your survival, not just a little uncomfortable?What Jesus actually modeled about rest, limits, and saying no might completely reframe what you think faithful living looks like.The one question you could ask yourself in the mirror every single morning that could quietly begin to change everything.Get Today’s Free Resource:🧐 Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote a book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage. Get a free chapter by going to isitmebook.comI will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.