Ali is away this week, so this episode goes behind the Patreon paywall. It pulls together four of her favorite Updates segments from the last few months: designing an engagement ring and then getting immediately steamrolled by the wedding algorithm, admitting how much she hates being seen trying hard at something, a heavy week of grief that turned into a lesson about trusting her own resilience, and a therapy session about catastrophizing that lands somewhere she did not expect.Every segment in this episode comes from a past Patreon episode, and here is exactly where to find each one in full. The ring and the wedding algorithm: the April 30 (Episode #224) and June 26 (Episode #231) episodes. Being afraid to be seen trying hard: the August 13 (Episode #238) episode. Grief, and learning to trust her own resilience: the July 9 (Episode #233) episode. The therapy session about catastrophizing: the August 6 episode. All of them are available in full and ad-free at patreon.com/findingmrheight, along with a new bonus episode every week.This week's Media Mentions are a Yahoo Life piece on how the fear of being "cringe" quietly talks people out of trying at all, and a Greater Good report on research finding that we read the very same vulnerable moment as courage in other people and as inadequacy in ourselves.Content warning: this episode includes a segment on a death in the family and grief, with a mention of Ali's father, from 29:00 to 42:00.Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqsIf you'd like to hear Ali's personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight .Thanks to this week's partners:Bilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmhOur Sponsors:* Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Ali is back with another Hot Topics episode answering listener questions. She opens with a question about her own path toward getting evaluated for ADHD: what finally pushed her to pursue a neuropsych evaluation after years of circling the idea, what the five hour eval was actually like, and why she is at peace with the possibility that no diagnosis comes out of it. Her feedback session is still to come. From there, your questions: a boyfriend who keeps making small comments about a girls trip to Portugal, how to tell a date you don't drink without it turning into a whole conversation, a best friend who disappears into every relationship and resurfaces when it ends, and a partner's family who were perfectly polite and never asked a single question in three days.And by the way: Ali has been documenting the whole ADHD evaluation process week by week over on Patreon, including a live episode breaking down the neuropsych eval itself. For the full deep dive, join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheightIn Updates, Ali is running on almost no sleep after the bedroom air conditioner died two nights before a family beach trip, and she recaps a very elder millennial Summer Stage night in Central Park that ended with about fifty people in Scooby-Doo onesies onstage with Simple Plan. Plus a thank you to everyone who sent Charleston recommendations.This week's Media Mention is an NPR piece, "ADHD looks different in women and poses unique health risks," a five minute listen on why girls get missed, the masking-then-collapse pattern, and the link between estrogen and ADHD symptoms: https://www.npr.org/2026/07/26/nx-s1-5821101/adhd-women-health-diagnosis-missed-treatmentAsk questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqsIf you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight .Thanks to this week’s partners:Bilt Rewards:  Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmhLosers Part 1 & 2: Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.com Our Sponsors:* Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Ali sits down with Amanda Dames, aka The Kink Consultant, a sex and relationship coach and former NYC dominatrix, for a conversation that might surprise you in its relevancy - even if you don’t consider yourself kinky. Amanda reframes kink as something far broader than it sounds, as the two get into naming what you actually want, how to communicate that desire, and the aftercare that keeps both people feeling safe. And throughout, a theme any couple can use: consent and negotiation are a relationship thing, not just a kink thing.This week's Media Mention is a Ynet News piece, "The kink world lets us connect with deep emotions creating a richer sexual experience," on how consensual kink, approached with communication and trust, can deepen emotional connection between partners.In Updates, Ali catches listeners up: she's finally brought on help with her content after doing it all solo, and she's gearing up for a beach week with Skyline's family.Where to find Amanda:Website: https://www.amandadames.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thekinkconsultant/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@the_kinkconsultantYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@thekinkconsultantPodcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-kink-consultant/id1766435920Grab Amanda's resources discussed in this episode:Guide for couples with mismatched desire to have more open and honest conversations in a safe framework: https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1BDSM Menu for couples who are curious to explore each other's kinks: https://www.amandadames.com/bdsmlistTimestamps: Amanda joins us at around minute 13.Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqsIf you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight .Thanks to this week’s partners:Bilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmhLosers Part 1 & 2: Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comOur Sponsors:* Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

This week Ali sits down with relationship coach Ally Iseman, founder of Passport 2 Pleasure, for a full reframe of the emotion we love to hate. Ally's case: jealousy is not a character flaw or proof of love, it's information, and there's no such thing as a jealous person. She gets into why it hits so physically (her own first real wave of it in her 30s came with literal tunnel vision), the surfing metaphor for building tolerance to it, the three directions we aim the green-eyed gaze, and her step-by-step method for reading what jealousy is actually telling you. Along the way: compersion, why "if you're in a couple, you're already in a threesome," the timeout hand signal she uses with her partner, and scripts for naming jealousy to someone without it turning into an accusation.Where to find Ally: On Instagram @allyiseman, on TikTok @passport2pleasure, at Passport2Pleasure.com. She also has two free quizzes at myrelationshipstyle.com and thejealousyquiz.com.Timestamps: Ally joins us at around minute 14.This week's Media Mention is a University of Montreal study that tracked young adults over two years and how social-media-fueled jealousy quietly erodes relationship satisfaction.And in updates: Ali catches up on a Montauk pro-am volleyball tournament where she got to play alongside some of the pros she's long looked up to, a spontaneous "frolic day" with Skyline (they picked a NYC neighborhood out of a jar and let Instagram followers call the shots), and some reflecting on community as more friends leave the city.Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqsIf you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight .Thanks to this week’s partners:Bilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmhLosers Part 1 & 2: Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comOur Sponsors:* Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Ali is joined by Skyline for part three of the moving-in-together series, and this time he is in the chair to answer for the version Ali told solo in parts one and two. They get into whether a 50/50 split actually feels fair, the CFO and CTO roles they have each fallen into, how they divide the chores nobody wants (yes, the litter trade), what it has really been like merging two independent lives into one apartment, and the cats quietly becoming "ours." They also take two listener questions: what to do when you and your partner keep different bedtimes, and how they landed on their sides of the bed. Plus a ring update: it is finalized, and Skyline confirms a proposal is "in the works." No details, and Ali is keeping herself in the dark on purpose.This week's Media Mention: a TikTok from Beeing (@beeing.app) on the "re-entry," the idea that the first few minutes after you walk in the door set the tone for the whole night.But first, the two open mid-crisis. They woke up on recording morning to a leaking HVAC unit and soaked floorboards (briefly mistaken for a Logan incident, though he is otherwise six days pee-free), then recap their first-ever "frolic day," a choose-your-own-adventure day around Brooklyn run entirely by Instagram poll.Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqsIf you'd like to hear Ali's personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more...join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheightThanks to this week's partners:Bilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmhLosers Part 1 & 2: Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comOur Sponsors:* Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Ali is joined by creator Sam Showalter, who went viral for a series about decentering her own husband. Eleven years into a relationship with her now-husband, she realized how much invisible mental load she was carrying that had nothing to do with him, from tracking whether he'd eaten lunch to rushing home from the gym by 6pm so she'd be available when he logged off… In January, she decided to stop cold turkey. She and Ali get into the concrete before-and-afters, the shame high-achieving women carry about doing this at all, the backlash she got from both men and women online, and what actually changed after six months: her anxiety plummeted, the resentment lifted. And as she backed off, her husband leaned in, leaving space for both of them to be full people.In Updates, it was a stressful week. Logan started peeing outside the litter box, which sent Ali & Skyline into a worried-cat-parent spiral and a round of vet tests. Good news, nothing medically wrong, just an angsty boy who takes after his mama. But it did bring up some memories of how her cats factored into past relationships and what she may be bringing forward from that. She also reflects on adult friendship after a dinner with two other couples, and the quiet pride of realizing she'd met every person at that table in the last two years.This week's Media Mention, alongside Sam's TikTok, is a Psychology Today piece by Dr. Michele Leno, "How to Decenter Men and Still Date," on dating from clarity instead of fear. Found here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mind-matters/202602/how-to-decenter-men-and-still-dateWhere to find Sam: On Instagram @sammyshowalter, and on TikTok @thesam_show.Timestamps: Sam joins us at around minute 24.Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqsIf you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight .Thanks to this week’s partners:Bilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmhLosers Part 1 & 2: Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comOur Sponsors:* Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

We're continuing the multi-part moving-in series inspired by listener questions. In part two, Ali gets into the stuff you can't put in a spreadsheet: sharing a space with another person, protecting alone time when you live together, merging two homes' worth of stuff, and picking your battles (except of course when it comes to toilet paper direction). She reflects on what nine months of living with her partner actually taught her, why needing solo time is maintenance for a relationship rather than a rejection of it, and how two people can look at the same room and honestly not see the same mess.And if you want an even deeper dive, this week's AMA on the Patreon answers a listener whose partner pushed back on having the pre-move "ground rules" conversation, and the cohabitation bonus storytimes are up there too, at Patreon.com/findingmrheight.This week there are two Media Mentions: HuffPost's "Why Some Happy Couples Choose To Sleep In Separate Bedrooms" by Kelsey Borresen, on why protecting each person's space and sleep can protect the relationship, and Psychology Today's "When Partners Have Different Levels of Cleanliness" by Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, on why clashing standards of clean are two different thresholds, not a character flaw.Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqsIf you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight .Thanks to this week’s partners:Bilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmhLosers Part 1 & 2: Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comOur Sponsors:* Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

We’re talking all about moving in with a partner in this multi-part series I inspired by listener questions. In part one, Ali breaks down the practical side of moving in with a partner: splitting expenses, navigating one partner moving into the other’s home, divvying up housework, and more. She reflects back on the episode recorded with Skyline before he moved in, and what’s changed (or hasn’t) since: how they landed on an expense split, the expense-tagging system they built instead of a joint account, and a framework for tackling chores and the mental load by sorting every household task as “required” versus “desired” and assigning clear ownership.In Updates, Ali shares that she’s documenting a new therapy journey on the Patreon, and reflects on being offline over the holiday weekend following a death in the family. Speaking of the Patreon, you can hear the cohabitation bonus episodes mentioned there at Patreon.com/findingmrheight!This week’s Media Mention is: Fair Play by Eve Rodsky, the book that gives language to the invisible, unequally split labor of running a home.Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqsIf you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight .Thanks to this week’s partners:Bilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmhLosers Part 1 & 2: Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comOur Sponsors:* Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Esin Pinarli, a psychotherapist with 18 years of experience, joins Ali to talk about people-pleasing, attachment, and what she calls modern codependency. Esin breaks down the unspoken childhood contracts we sign without realizing it, and how codependency shows up today in high-achieving, self-sufficient women who would never picture themselves as the "lost yourself in a relationship" type. The conversation also includes a refresher on the four attachment styles and the wheel of attachment, the anxious-avoidant dance, deactivating strategies, and how you actually earn your security over time through small, repeated choices.In Updates, Ali survives a brutal New York heat wave and starts a new running list with Skyline: bars that have way better food than they deserve to have, kicking things off with Abe's Pagoda in Bushwick.This week's Media Mention is creator Sam Showalter (@thesam_show on TikTok), whose series on decentering her husband tied in perfectly to the conversation about modern codependency.Sam’s video Ali mentionsWhere to find Esin: On Instagram @esinpinarli_lcsw and at www.eternalwellnesscounseling.com.Timestamps: Esin joins us at around minute 17.Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqsIf you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight .Thanks to this week’s partners:Bilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmhLosers Part 1 & 2: Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comOur Sponsors:* Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Alex Wolf, the founder behind the original Boss Babe movement turned tech philosopher, joins Ali to explore what the attention economy is quietly doing to our ability to connect with each other, including romantically. The conversation covers why "just delete the app" misses the point entirely, why the speed of technology adoption is the real problem, and how dating apps have the same design problem as social media: they weren't built to facilitate actual connection. The two also chat about dead internet theory, what cobras have to do with your match count, and why it seems increasingly impossible to go back to anything analogue.This week's Media Mention is "What Is the Dead Internet Theory?" from Built In, exploring how bots and AI-generated content now make up the majority of internet activity and what that means for the way we connect with each other online, including on dating apps.Dead Internet Theory linkWhere to find Alex: On Instagram @alexwolf, on TikTok @alexwolftiktok, and on Substack at www.alexwolf.substack.com . Timestamps: Alex joins us at around minute 15.Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqsIf you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight .Thanks to this week’s partners:Losers Part 1 & 2: Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comBilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmhOur Sponsors:* Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy