Positivity is possible when living after a life altering event. Learn how to "Take in the Good" while healing and struggling with fertility, family building and grief.

How is your support system working out for you?  When it really comes down to it, are the people in your life showing up how you thought they would? Learn how to reconnect to them in this podcast episode about your Circle of Support. Get the show notes and download handout at www.julieblackburnlcpc.com/podcast/eyc006-circle-of-support

Be carefree, find fun… What a concept!  This can seem out of reach when we are in the midst of a tough time in our life.  This is not unreasonable.  It’s actually imperative that you take some time to blow off some steam and reconnect with you! We all find fun in something different.  How do you define it?  If you can’t answer that question, you have disconnected and are very distracted from joy, my friend.  The good news is that can change in any moment… little by little… as you are ready to observe and participate in things you enjoy again. You may have been distracted by changes, by appointments, by learning about what’s new in your life.  This will not last forever… it is important to focus on the present, on the here and now.  I encourage you to learn about new aspects of your life and attend to the changes and appointments.  I also encourage you to pay attention to those little sparks of interest that will come and go.  Accept their invitation and have a little fun.  It’ll do you good.  

The Darkness into Light Series of Positive Intentions focuses on the journey from sorrow and pain to acceptance and growth.  I’ll be honest, this was a tough series to create. I’ve offered parts of my personal journey that are more private than I usually share on such a public platform. My experience with exploring my fertility started in 2007.  Even after all this time, I feel that pull in my heart as I recall my growth. Within my website, articles, podcasts, videos and emails, I indicate there is healing after the pain.  No matter how distant in the past, my fertility experience is part of me.  My fertility has a large impact on my life and my path to building a family.  My personal fertility may not be in the forefront of my concerns anymore.  However, it’s a part of my history and a part of my family story and the scars from the experience literally and figuratively remain even though the pain is only a ping or sting at times instead of all consuming. There are four Positive Intention videos to create the Darkness into Light Series.  These intentions run about 5 minutes each to give you more thoughtfulness and more description of the healing process.  I’m a little vulnerable putting these story out there and I’m finding a sense of courage in that. vulnerability. I hope you gain a glimmer of hope through my sharing.         Visit www.ChartreuseCenter.com to learn more about how to begin to open your eyes and see the world with wonder and curiosity during your struggle. Receive on-going updates of Embrace Your Center insights from Chartreuse Center that you can use right away.

Understanding your personal metaphors that you choose to describe your life can give you great insight to how you are coping, your view of the world, and how you are feeling in this moment, today.   Life as Metaphor handout

  Welcome to Embrace Your Center where we focus on topics surrounding fertility, perinatal and grief issues. Today we are talking about reconnecting with our love relationships through the family building journey. Articles of possible interest: 2014 infertility and divorce article http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/aogs.12317/abstract;jsessionid=0A7F271DBE6613F0D1D048C24BDE2E94.f01t01 2010 marriage and divorce statistics after pregnancy loss https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2883880/ 2004 couples relationships change with the addition of a child https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14681990410001715391?src=recsys&journalCode=csmt20 * The heart – emotional responses * As a couple, you may periods of highs of hope and excitement as well as lows of despair, disappointment, and grief. * Incongruency within the relationship with differences of feelings, communication styles or thinking one needs to be strong for the other. * Neither one of you can “fix” the problem. * The struggle and adjustment is at the root of each of your responses. Helpful tip: Improve communication. * Recognize your role during family building IS NOT to “fix” your partner’s hurt. * Your role IS TO LISTEN and then let your partner know they are seen and heard. * Steps: Identify role of listener – just listen or help find a solution. Share thoughts. Listener repeats some of the key points that were shared to confirm understanding. It seems like simple communication. However, we generally don’t do this in everyday discussions. In all honesty, I’m assuming that you have some basic communication within your relationship. If this piece is a considerable issue, a marriage therapist is a great support tool to help you through. Otherwise, Give it a try and see how it works for you. * Intimacy * Women * many appointments, tests, ultrasounds, explore nutrition and wellness possibilities. * may not be feeling sexy * Men * less appointments and daily interaction with the process. * may have almost no interaction. * may feel isolated or pushed to the side Helpful tip: Maintaining intimacy is the responsibility of both partners. * Find time to quietly be, even without touch, can be so intimate. * Share parts of your day. * If you need a hug, ask for one. * Find ways to close the space between you. * Snuggle, find those tender moments, and hold hands. Intimacy is a staple in your relationship. Your intimacy is too important and will continue to need attention as your family grows. * Different perspectives of who holds the struggle and who is supporting * The partner with the concern * may feel guilt, shame, fear, worry and disconnected with their own body * may fears the relationship will end * The partner who is supporting * may not know how to best support * may lose patience in their supporting role * they are concerned and confused by the isolation of their loved one rather than considering leaving the relationship Helpful tip: Rekindling the “spark” you once had can help the confidence within the relationship. Create a list of things you fell in love with about your partner and things you have enjoyed in your relationship. Find ways to let your partner know you value these characteristics about them...

Self Care, Self Love and Reclaiming Joy written by: Julie Blackburn, LCPC, NCC, ATR You have been trying to conceive or build your family for quite some time. You have consumed yourself with growing your family, going to Dr. Google to find answers to your health conditions in relation to conceiving, you have joined blogs and online groups in hopes to learn of something new to try or to connect with others that are stuggling as you are, you read books about lifestyle and nutrition and explore alternative treatments like accupunture, massage, yoga, reflexology and essential oils in the hopes to improve your outcomes.What about the rest of your being? Where did you go? SELF CARE Somewhere along the way, your spirit and soul is lacking nourishment and attention Well today, we are going to change that. All of you matters! It’s unrealistic to think you will be the same person you were before fertility concerns. You are clearly being challenged on a regular basis in many different aspects of life. ACTIVITY: Connect with various aspects of your being and ways to help you feel like you again.  Supplies needed: paper and pen/markers Set your paper horizontal… and make 5 equal columns… Columns: * Emotional – How do you WANT to FEEL * ONLY 3-4 Good Feelings * Mental * What thoughts support or promote those healthy, positive feelings? * Physical * How does your actions/body support or promote those healthy, positive feelings? * Spiritual * In which ways do your soul or connection to a greater community/universe support those healthy, positive feelings? * Relational * How do your relationships support or promote those healthy, positive feelings? Starting today, you are to do only one of those things on that list. Only one. The idea is to start with simple things that will help lead you to how you want to be. SELF LOVE We need to look beyond the fertility information and messages you are getting. We need to change the locus of control from doctors and nurses and even social workers and adoption specialists back onto ourselves. We need to change the focus onto the qualities and things we do that are uniquely us and accept that our fertility is a part of a greater whole. ACTIVITY: Guided Mediation  Supplies Needed: paper and pen/markers and a comfy seat. We are going to explore our sense of being in relationship to our connection with colors… The next exercise is a guided meditation that takes you through colors and encourages your insight to explore different aspects of your being. On a new sheet of paper write the colors: Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Purple. The meditation will connect a color with a quality. After the meditation you will capture the unique qualities about yourself. You are Alive and Colorful Meditation: Close your eyes (if you’re driving or walking, keep your eyes ahead of you)… We are going to slow down your thoughts and focus on you. Take a slow deep breath in…. hold it…. Slowly blow the air out like you are blowing a balloon. Again, breathe in.. 1,2,3,4 hold it… breathe out 1,2,3,4. Focus on your breath. You are alive and colorful. For each color is a beauty within you. You have a unique connection with each color. There is a vibrance that shines from within. In your mind, see the color red… focus on the red in your heart and being. What greatness is within you that is red? In your mind, move to the color orange… focus on the orange in your mind and being… what is amazingly orange within you? In your mind, see the color yellow… focus on the yellow of your limbs and being. Where in your life do you shine? In your mind, see the color green… focus on the green in your core and being… you can count ...

EYC004 Alive and Colorful Meditation Written by:  Julie Blackburn, LCPC Sit back, relax and take some time for you. This meditation walks you through colors and encourages you to associate your unique qualities to each color.  This is a great tool for when you have been up against some challenges or feeling defeated.  I’ve attached a handout for you if you would like to capture your thoughts. Take some time for you, you are worth it! Learn more about Chartreuse Center services. Receive on-going updates of Embrace Your Center insights from Chartreuse Center that you can use right away. Alive and Colorful Handout

Sometimes when we have a basic understanding of what we are experiencing, it becomes a little more bearable. Learning and knowing about grief doesn’t make the loss go away or make the pain go away. It simply gives meaning to your current situation. You can then move from trying to explain your experience to discovering methods to attend to yourself. Really using your resources to help you because you can identify the root of the issue you are facing. I really like William Worden’s Tasks of Grief. It’s simple to understand where as there are only 4 tasks and it really makes sense.   The Tasks of Grief were created with bereavement as the focus – really tasks of mourning. These tasks can be applied to life situations… to all sorts of losses in addition to bereavement. You’ll be able to see yourself in a specific task once you understand it… Worden’s Tasks of Grief (summarized from Worden’s 2008 book, Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy and interpreted for the purpose of life application) * Task 1 – Recognizing the loss has occurred.  Realize the loss has actually occurred. * Task 2 – Experience the pain of the grief.  Most of my clients are looking for a quick fix to the emotional pain or what is the lesson plan to move on from the emotions. Once this task is better understood, and you begin to better understand your grief indicators, this task becomes more manageable. There is no getting around this task… This task is necessary to move through. * Task 3 – Adjust to the environment in which the deceased or the loss is missing.  When we are talking about other life losses, I have easily framed this task as adjusting to your new life. This task is chock full of things to do… it’s a very active task of adjusting. Many clients reference this as feeling like a teenager, you have some knowledge, you are trying things on your own or differently, and your confidence is re-emerging. This is truly a trial and error time frame full of redefining roles, examining relationships, testing your limits, accepting help in a way that is comfortable for you and learning new things. Additionally, This is such an abstract and existential task. In this task, we adjust to a new relationship with what is lost as well… trying to stay connected to what is loss in a meaningful way. Is that spiritual connection for you? Is it a relationship based on memories? Is it a love only you know and you want to share with the world? Your heart has a special spot that will always hold what was lost. It’s important to define a new relationship with that loss as you continue to heal. * Task 4 – Withdraw emotional energy from what was lost and invest in new relationships and interests. This may sound harsh and I must tell you, this happens very naturally. This by no means to forget your loved one or forget the life you once lived. Quite the contrary… you honor life and your lost as well as continue living and loving. It simply indicates that you are no longer overwhelmed with the emotional pain and busy-ness of adjusting that you have the energy and interest to pursue life. Some folks will create foundations or become active for a specific cause. I’ve seen clients grow and blossom beautiful tributes to their lost loved ones, run races or scale buildings in honor of causes, and create support networks to continue to help others. This is a beautiful task. I hope you have been able to see yourself in some of the information I’ve already shared. I encourage you to search him and you will find YouTube videos and many clinicians and hospices talking about his work. Make sense of Grief in Your Life – Process of Grief All too often, folks are rushed through their grief by well meaning family, friends or neighbors. It’s important for you to have a framework for your experience to understand that this does not happen all within the 3...

Surviving the Holidays and Other Special Occasions by Julie Blackburn, LCPC, NCC, ATR We are talking about surviving the holidays and other special occasions on this episode of Embracing Your Center. Holidays and special occasions are such a hot topic in counseling sessions. It seems these gatherings send us on a spiral of anticipation: * Some mild aggravation as an event is approaching and then you finally connect with what’s behind that irritation. * You are very aware of yours stressors and are overcome with worry and nervousness as the event approaches and your actual experience is not quite the train wreck that you created in your mind. * There is the situation where the anxiety is totally warranted and the family or friends are true to their personalities and the gathering goes exactly as you imagined. I want you to expand your thoughts of the holidays and special events to go beyond the traditional Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, New Years, Easter, birthdays, anniversaries… Consider some others. Let’s think about it… throughout the year and our lives, we may be preparing for celebrations and are faced with an incongruent anticipation: * Special parades or community events you attend every year * Baby showers, bridal showers, weddings or graduations * Annual vacations or trips and reunions Now there are very private special occasions that maybe only known to you. This can become very isolating as the day draws closer. These special events are so important. These days have a tendency to sneak up on us because they are not highlighted on a calendar as recognized holidays. Let’s spend some time talking about what can you do to survive and reduce your anticipation for these days. We cannot truly predict how things will go. We can develop an understanding of our own needs and ourselves so that we may have the greatest level of comfort. * Disarm the sneak attack… Get these events on a calendar. * Get the dates on your annual calendar and use colors to bring attention to specific special dates. * If your calendar is in your phone, tablet, or computer, use the reminder option to give you a daily reminder for a week or two in preparation for those important days. * Identify your concern – Recognize the true worry. * Create a worry list or do a 5-minute writing sprint with anticipation as your intention. * If you are concerned about erupting emotions, there’s something underlying there. Further explore topics, people, or parts of the day that may be a source of stress. * Ask yourself – What do I need? * What is going to be best for you to enjoy these gatherings to the fullest? * Potential for push back. Coming to terms as to what is best for you may not be popular or what others may want or expect from you. If you understand the why of what you need, communication about your thoughts and plans is so much easier to articulate. * Recognize you may not be the only one hurting this year during these times. Other people may have needs to do things differently too. * Plan & Prepare * The idea here is to think of both the worst-case scenario AND the best-case scenario. You have already built up the worst-case scenario in your mind. Now it’s time to also envision what a great gathering may be like for you too. Chances are that your experience will be somewhere in the middle. * Identify verbal, behavioral and social strategies. * Verbal coping is to be rehearsed… so think about how you want to respond to questions about your situation and practice * Behavioral coping may look like simply leaving when you are ready, listening in on conversations prior to joining or give yourself a job to excuse yourself.