Show notes
When a child says “I don’t want to go,” the most important question may be: why?In this episode, Michael Saini, professor and Factor-Inwentash Chair in Law and Social Work at the University of Toronto, breaks down how courts, lawyers, and parents can separate genuine safety concerns from the noise of custody conflict.Drawing on nearly two decades of research and parenting plan evaluations, Michael explores why labels like alienation or abuse can miss the complexity of a child’s experience, why a quiet child may still be struggling, and what helps protect children through separation.Tune in to learn why conflict, not divorce itself, is what actually harms kids, and how one competent parent can be enough to help a child come through separation okay.In this episode, you'll learn:How to tell the difference between alienating behavior and a genuine safety concern;Why professionals shouldn't assume a quiet or agreeable child is doing fine;How to reframe anger toward a co-parent into identifying the real underlying worry; andWhy "good enough" parenting, not perfect parenting, is what protects kids through divorce.Highlights:(00:00) Meet Michael Saini(03:14) What splitting looks like and why kids get caught in the middle(05:10) Why it's so hard to separate real risk from conflict fallout(06:40) Alienation, denigration, and the umbrella of parent-child contact problems(08:52) The research-backed assumptions professionals get wrong(11:48) The conflict-driven custody narrative and how it takes shape(15:18) Winnicott's "good enough" parenting and why it protects kids(22:17) What to do when a safety concern is genuine(24:10) The one reframe that changes how you handle co-parent anger(25:10) Why exposure to conflict, not divorce itself, is what harms kidsAbout our guest, Michael SainiLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-a-saini-5693044a/University of Toronto, Factor-Inwentash Faculty of Social Work: https://socialwork.utoronto.ca/profiles/michael-saini/About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law GroupKatherine's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/More on her book "The Emotionally Savvy Divorce" at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/
