Most parents brace for the fight over money and assume custody will sort itself out. What if the custody process itself is what turns co-parents into opponents?André Rainey, Chair of the New York Affiliate of the National Parents Organization and former mayor of Peekskill, joins the show to share what four years in New York family court taught him about shared parenting.Katherine and André explore how the custody process can drive co-parents apart and why mediation works best before a judge decides anything. Parents facing court get practical steps to use right away.What you'll learn:How joint custody differs from shared custodyWhy a standard schedule can leave one parent as a visitorWhat to document while your case moves through courtWhy more parenting time shouldn't be a way to dodge child supportHighlights:(0:00) Meet André Rainey(3:14) What four years in New York family court taught him(5:04) Why a "joint custody" schedule meant four days a month(7:44) Why domestic violence and shared parenting advocates see court so differently(9:31) Why mediation should come first(11:54) Joint custody versus shared custody, explained(14:43) Why the National Parents Organization doesn't align with fathers' rights groups(20:11) How attorneys can drive co-parents apart(25:55) What to do before and during a custody case(29:22) The one thing every parent should know before custody startsAbout our guest, André RaineyWebsite: sharedparenting.orgLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/andr%C3%A9-rainey-09270819/About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law GroupKatherine’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/ Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/More on her book “The Emotionally Savvy Divorce” at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/

You've probably thought about how you'd split assets in a divorce, but have you thought about who's going to take care of you at 85?Raymond Lavine, Founder of Lavine LTC Benefits, joins Katherine Miller to talk about the financial risk most divorce settlements never touch: long-term care.Katherine and Raymond dig into why long-term care insurance gets cheaper the earlier you buy it, what happens to life insurance policies people forget they own, and why even his own mother, worth nine figures, still needed a care plan.Listen in for a grounded look at protecting your next chapter, not just your settlement.What you'll learn:Why long-term care insurance is cheaper to buy before your divorce is final;How gender-based pricing on long-term care plans changed and what that means for you now;Why you should never let a life insurance policy lapse, even if you need the cash; andWhat Raymond's own family taught him about affording care, no matter how much you have savedHighlights:(00:00) Meet Raymond Lavine(03:34) Why divorce ranks among life's most stressful transitions(05:03) What a good divorce attorney actually does for you(05:48) Why marriage has always been an economic contract(07:07) The discount hiding in long-term care insurance(09:16) Why women face a different caregiving risk after divorce(09:53) What your wedding vows leave out about caregiving(11:49) Why you should never let a life insurance policy lapse(17:34) The nine-figure estate that still needed a care plan(20:34) A rewritten Kipling poem on caregiving and responsibilityAbout our guest, Raymond LavineLavine LTC Benefits: http://www.lavineltcins.com/Website: https://raymondlavineofficial.com/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ltc-benefits/About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law GroupKatherine’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/ Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/More on her book “The Emotionally Savvy Divorce” at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/

Every dollar spent fighting over a 50/50 schedule might be solving the wrong problem. What if the split barely matters to your kid at all?Family psychologist and custody researcher Dr. Marsha Kline Pruett joins the show to break down what decades of research actually say about parenting time, and why the number of overnights rarely predicts how kids adjust.Katherine and Marsha dig into why "quality time" can't be scheduled, what separates a real safety concern from a values disagreement, and how co-parenting quality (not competition) shapes both parents' relationships with their kids. Listen in for research-backed clarity you can use the next time a custody conversation gets heated.What you'll learn:Why there's no research link between 50/50 time and better outcomes for kids;What "quality time" actually looks like from a child's perspective;How to build new family traditions instead of recreating old ones; andHow to tell a genuine safety concern from a values disagreement with your co-parentHighlights:(00:00) Meet Dr. Marsha Kline Pruett(02:59) Why "it depends" is the honest answer on custody(04:16) What actually predicts how kids adjust to divorce(05:17) Why there's no such thing as scheduled quality time(10:25) The research behind the 50/50 custody myth(16:12) Building new holiday traditions after divorce(22:20) The scaffolding kids need: warmth and structure together(24:48) How to tell a safety concern from a values disagreement(31:13) The reframe: co-parenting isn't a competition(32:33) What surprised her most after decades of researchAbout our guest, Dr. Marsha Kline PruettWebsite: https://www.marshapruett.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/marsha-pruettAbout Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law GroupKatherine's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/More on her book "The Emotionally Savvy Divorce" at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/

What if the same advice that helps most couples divorce well is exactly what keeps you stuck with a difficult one?In this episode, Dr. Deborah Wilder, a licensed psychologist, divorce mediator, and Certified Narcissistic Abuse Treatment Clinician at the Center for Therapy and Mediation, breaks down how emotional abuse and coercive control change the rules of divorce, and how to tell the difference between a hard marriage and a harmful one.Deborah walks through the warning signs your body picks up before your mind does, why compromise can backfire with a high-conflict ex, and a simple communication tool to protect your energy without escalating the fight.In this episode, you'll learn:How to tell the difference between normal conflict and coercive control;Why gaslighting makes you question your own reality;The BIFF method for communicating with a difficult ex; andHow to protect your kids without disparaging the other parentHighlights:(00:00) Meet Dr. Deborah Wilder(03:19) What Actually Defines A High-Conflict Divorce(07:43) The Body's Early Warning Signs Of Abuse(08:37) Why Gaslighting Works(11:09) Common Traits Of A Narcissistic Partner(13:55) Isolation, Financial Abuse, And Control Tactics(15:58) Why It's Never Personal(18:42) The BIFF Method For Boundaried Communication(22:06) Protecting Kids From Being Used As Pawns(25:07) Redefining What Divorcing With Dignity MeansAbout our guest, Dr. Deborah WilderLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/deborah-s-wilder-ph-d-5a016033/Center for Therapy and Mediation: https://www.drdeborahwilder.com/About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law GroupKatherine’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/ Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/More on her book “The Emotionally Savvy Divorce” at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/Created in partnership with Share Your Genius: shareyourgenius.com

Divorce doesn't have to be a conversation you dread having with your kids. What if it's the beginning of showing them they can get through something hard?Childhood Grief Specialist and Award-Winning Author Dr. Korie Leigh joins the show to break down how to talk to kids about divorce without overwhelming them or trying to make it painless.Katherine and Korie explore how to figure out what your child already knows before you say anything, how the conversation shifts by age, and why getting it wrong the first time isn't the failure it feels like. Listen in for practical, developmentally grounded guidance you can use today.What you'll learn:Why divorce is a form of loss for kids, even when it's the right decision for the family;How to "dose" information about divorce so kids aren't overwhelmed;How to adjust the conversation based on your child's age; andWhat actually gives kids a sense of safety and stability across two homesHighlights: (00:00) Meet Dr. Korie Leigh (03:11) What kids are actually grieving during divorce (04:46) Why parents need to process their own emotions first (09:26) Why "treat it like a business deal" is bad advice (12:15) Why you should start by asking kids what they already know (13:48) What "dosing" information actually means (15:39) How the conversation should change by a child's age (22:53) What gives kids the greatest sense of safety (26:11) One piece of advice before you have "the talk" (28:32) The reframe every parent needs about protecting kids from griefAbout our guest, Dr. Korie LeighWebsite: korieleighphd.comLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/korie-leigh-phd-ccls-ftAbout Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law GroupKatherine’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/ Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/More on her book “The Emotionally Savvy Divorce” at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/Created in partnership with Share Your Genius: shareyourgenius.com

Could securing a divorce attorney actually heighten complications instead of safeguarding your interests?Certified family law specialist, mediator, and Hello Divorce founder and CEO Erin Levine explains why navigating a divorce doesn't have to mean choosing between going at it completely alone or turning everything over to a lawyer.Erin shares the three problems she saw repeatedly in twenty years of practicing family law: unpredictable cost, unnecessary conflict, and a legal-only approach that ignores everything else changing in someone's life. She and Katherine talk through how transparency and the right mix of support, whether that's a mediator, a financial expert, or a lawyer for one piece of the process, can lower the temperature of a divorce instead of raising it.Learn how to figure out what kind of help you actually need, and how to stay the decision-maker in your own divorce.What you'll learn:Why the "lawyer up or DIY" choice is a false one, and what exists in between;The three biggest problems driving people away from traditional divorce;How transparency in the process can lower conflict between spouses; andWhy relying on AI for major divorce decisions comes with real riskHighlights:(00:00) Meet Erin Levine(05:06) The three problems with traditional divorce: cost, conflict, and complexity(07:39) What exists between DIY and "lawyer takes over"(08:43) Inside Hello Divorce: procedural help vs. expert support(11:59) How a divorce navigator helps you figure out what you need(14:35) Why silence and lack of transparency make divorce messier(21:15) Where AI helps, and where it creates false confidence(23:54) How to stay the decision-maker with your own lawyer(28:57) What "protecting yourself" actually meansAbout our guest, Erin LevineLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/erinlevineHello Divorce: https://hellodivorce.com/About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law GroupKatherine’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/ Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/More on her book “The Emotionally Savvy Divorce” at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/Created in partnership with Share Your Genius: shareyourgenius.com

Most people going through divorce ask, "How do I keep the house?" But what if that's the wrong question entirely?Katherine sits down with Jody Bruns, founder and president of the Divorce Lending Association and author of A House Divided: A Guide to Mortgage Financing and Divorce, to unpack the emotional and financial complexities of housing decisions during divorce.Jody explains why treating the house as a purely financial asset misses the point, and why feasibility today doesn't guarantee sustainability tomorrow. She and Katherine dig into the hidden costs people overlook, from insurance and title risk to the tax trade-offs of holding onto a low mortgage rate, and why "can I qualify" is a very different question than "can I actually afford my life."Get insights about separating the emotional pull of the family home from the numbers, and why real stability might mean letting go.In this conversation, you'll learn:Why the mortgage math is only part of the equation, and what "feasible, affordable, and sustainable" really means;The hidden risks in insurance and title that most divorcing homeowners never see coming;Why refinancing hesitancy over a low interest rate can cost you more than it saves; andHow reframing "how do I keep the house" as "how do I create a stable future" changes the decision entirelyHighlights:(00:00) Meet Jody Bruns(00:58) Why the house is so hard to let go of(03:16) Why the house sits at the intersection of finances and identity(05:01) The Colorado mom and the baseball tournament story(07:40) Why "treat it like a business deal" is bad advice(09:13) Home, security, and identity(10:31) The onboarding process and building a Plan B(13:06) The stories people tell themselves about affording the house(20:17) Legal vs. mortgage pitfalls, and the "netting effect"(23:35) Insurance and title risks after divorce(25:53) What helps people make thoughtful housing decisions(26:44) The better question to ask instead of "how do I keep the house"About our guest, Jody BrunsLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jodylbruns/Divorce Lending Association: https://www.divorcelendingassociation.com/About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law GroupKatherine's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/More on her book "The Emotionally Savvy Divorce" at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/

When a child says “I don’t want to go,” the most important question may be: why?In this episode, Michael Saini, professor and Factor-Inwentash Chair in Law and Social Work at the University of Toronto, breaks down how courts, lawyers, and parents can separate genuine safety concerns from the noise of custody conflict.Drawing on nearly two decades of research and parenting plan evaluations, Michael explores why labels like alienation or abuse can miss the complexity of a child’s experience, why a quiet child may still be struggling, and what helps protect children through separation.Tune in to learn why conflict, not divorce itself, is what actually harms kids, and how one competent parent can be enough to help a child come through separation okay.In this episode, you'll learn:How to tell the difference between alienating behavior and a genuine safety concern;Why professionals shouldn't assume a quiet or agreeable child is doing fine;How to reframe anger toward a co-parent into identifying the real underlying worry; andWhy "good enough" parenting, not perfect parenting, is what protects kids through divorce.Highlights:(00:00) Meet Michael Saini(03:14) What splitting looks like and why kids get caught in the middle(05:10) Why it's so hard to separate real risk from conflict fallout(06:40) Alienation, denigration, and the umbrella of parent-child contact problems(08:52) The research-backed assumptions professionals get wrong(11:48) The conflict-driven custody narrative and how it takes shape(15:18) Winnicott's "good enough" parenting and why it protects kids(22:17) What to do when a safety concern is genuine(24:10) The one reframe that changes how you handle co-parent anger(25:10) Why exposure to conflict, not divorce itself, is what harms kidsAbout our guest, Michael SainiLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-a-saini-5693044a/University of Toronto, Factor-Inwentash Faculty of Social Work: https://socialwork.utoronto.ca/profiles/michael-saini/About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law GroupKatherine's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/More on her book "The Emotionally Savvy Divorce" at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/

Grief after a divorce doesn't wait for the paperwork to catch up, and it rarely leaves the same moment the case closes.In this episode, Oona Metz, LICSW, CGP, psychotherapist, and author of Unhitched: The Essential Divorce Guide for Women, joins Katherine to map the emotional side of divorce that the legal process never touches.After running weekly divorce support groups for 16 years, Oona built a five-phase model that reflects how women actually move through loss, from the first heartbreak through the rollercoaster of conflicting emotions to finally reinvesting in a new life. She also speaks to where traditional divorce resources leave LGBTQ+ women out of the picture.Tune in to understand why healing from divorce rarely moves in a straight line, and how naming what you're feeling can lead to clearer decisions and a more dignified path forward.In this episode, you'll learn:The five phases of divorce grief, from heartbreak to moving on;Why grief resurfaces even years after a divorce is final;How to tell the difference between a partner's behavior and their character;Where traditional divorce resources fall short for LGBTQ+ women; andWhy understanding your feelings can lead to steadier, clearer decisionsHighlights:(00:00) Meet Oona Metz(06:39) Phase One: Heartbreak(10:35) Behavior versus character in a marriage(12:18) Phase Two: The Rollercoaster(13:54) Phase Three: Mending(14:33) Phase Four: Letting Go(17:06) Phase Five: Moving On(19:11) Why divorce grief doesn't move in a straight line(24:33) Where traditional divorce resources fail LGBTQ+ women(28:46) Oona's advice before you start the divorce process(29:17) Reframing grief as part of healingAbout our guest, Oona MetzLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/oona-metz-licsw-cgp-6a14a41b/ Website: https://www.oonametz.com/About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law GroupKatherine’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/ Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/More on her book “The Emotionally Savvy Divorce” at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/

Divorce can make even simple decisions feel harder. Fear, anger, guilt, and resentment can shape what you say, what you ask for, and what you agree to before you realize they are driving the process.In this episode of the Emotionally Savvy Divorce series, Katherine Miller, family lawyer and mediator at Miller Law Group, tackles the belief that good divorce decisions require setting emotions aside.Katherine shares why trying to remove emotion from divorce is neither realistic nor helpful. Instead, she explores how emotional awareness can help you respond more thoughtfully, make clearer decisions, and stay focused on the future you are trying to build.Listen in for a grounded look at how self-awareness, not emotional suppression, leads to better decisions during divorce and a stronger foundation for the life on the other side of it.In this episode, you’ll learn:Why trying to "keep emotions out of it" during divorce is a mythThe difference between reacting and responding, and why it mattersA simple framework for separating your feelings from your decisionsThree questions to ask before a difficult conversation or decisionHighlights:(00:00) Meet Katherine Miller(00:50) Welcome back to the Emotionally Savvy Divorce series(01:43) Part One: The Problem — Why we think we have to ignore emotions(03:36) How emotional and rational decision-making work together(05:04) Part Two: The Trap — Reacting instead of responding(06:36) Why reacting lets your ex define you instead of yourself(08:09) Part Three: The Shift — What emotionally savvy people do differently(09:25) Separating your feelings from your decisions(10:49) Part Four: A real-life mediation that almost fell apart(14:25) Today's reframe, three questions, and closing thoughts on the seriesAbout Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law GroupKatherine’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/ Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/More on her book “The Emotionally Savvy Divorce” at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/