Does the way the word gaslighting is used make it difficult to know, FOR SURE, what is and isn’t gaslighting? The more it becomes a buzz-word, the more Sarah sees people left with more questions than answers when it comes to understanding gaslighting. We struggle to name the specifics of what we’re experiencing, continue to feel disempowered by focusing our power in the wrong places, are anxious due to the uncertainty of it all, and are OFTEN stuck in internal conflict. Sound familiar? Well today, Sarah lets you know how you can change that!Today Sarah highlights her 12-week Empowerment course because she knows many people are like her and get overwhelmed by lots of copy they have to read through. Word of the day: KNOWLEDGE! Britanica.com defines knowledge as: information, understanding, or skill that you get from experience or education. In the almost 10 years Sarah's been studying gaslighting, she's come to see how nuanced it is. The main point of gaslighting is the gaslightee losing connection with what they know to be true. So, HOW does a person who has LOST connection with trust in themselves stand their ground when they’re trying to decide if someone is gaslighting them? THAT is exactly WHY Sarah created her 12-week course. She has deconstructed all the moving parts of a gaslighting experience and broken them down into things YOU can understand, so that you can become SKILLFUL in knowing what is and isn’t gaslighting. Story Time: Sarah shares how her journey + passion = your journey - made easier. Deconstruction Zone: Sarah calls her 12-week course the Empowerment Sessions. It’s a 12-week immersive experience designed to offer people a space to sit with the information they learn and anchor it DEEP!  These are the topics we cover in the course:Week 1: The Journey BeginsWeek 2: The MethodsWeek 3: The TechniquesWeek 4: The TacticsWeek 5: The RolesWeek 6: Why We're Vulnerable:Week 7: Gaslighting Risks and Traps Week 8: Deconstructing GaslightingWeek 9: Relationship Healing:Week 10: Why We StayWeek 11: Embracing AwakeningWeek 12: CelebrationSet Your Alarm: Sign up for one of the course options below!Course only – 50% off (Enter coupon code: BlackFriday221)Course plus Designated Share Time – buy one get one freeCourse plus 1:1 sessions – free intensive to kick-start your journey (3 hours)While there’s no cap on the course only option, the DST and 1:1 do have limited spaces. These deals are live now and will close at midnight on Monday, Nov. 28th.If you want to make sure you secure your spot, sign up for the option you want here today!And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!   

Do you sometimes (or often) struggle to know when to stand your ground and when to compromise or hold space for the other person’s unhealthy, immature, or unpredictable behavior? THIS IS A COMMON STRUGGLE – one that can very quickly take us out of our knowing. Join Sarah and her guest as they talk about how she is currently experiencing this, and some things she can do to help her STAY IN HER KNOWING!Sarah wanted to invite you to come follow her on TikTok. She’s putting out some fun, but also very informative content, and believes it will only add to the things we’re learning together! Find her here.Word of the day: Should - according to Oxford Languages, should is a word used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s actions. This is one of the biggest red flags Sarah teaches her clients to pay attention to – whether it’s coming from someone else or ourselves. Should is a word that shifts our perspective EXTERNALLY, and the truth is something we find when our perspective STARTS INTERNALLY. Red flags are not automatic confirmation that gaslighting is happening – it’s a warning to slow down and get curious so that we’re not vulnerable to gaslighting. Let’s see how this is playing out in Sarah’s guest’s life right now.Story Time: Sarah and her guest, Beth, run the gamut and talk about a variety of things – focusing on the difficulty Beth has had standing her ground dealing with a beloved Aunt who is gaslighting, in large part, because of her dementia. They discuss some ways she can stay in a place where she can love both her Aunt AND herself at the same time. Set Your Alarm: A few highlights from today’s conversation:Pause and say to yourself, as often as you can, “Let me check in with myself”. Tap into your playwright and script out how a conversation with your gaslighter may go. Be ready for the bait, and response in a way that you don’t get sucked in and don’t “take the bait”. Sarah wanted to invite YOU to be a guest on the podcast.  If you’d like to share your story, get her brain on what you’ve experienced, and have her help you to be able to understand more clearly what has been happening in your relationship, please don’t hesitate to reach out to her and get on her calendar here!  And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are! 

Are you in a situation where your main gaslighter is an ex that you share custody of your kids with? Do you, like Sarah’s guest today, struggle with co-parenting with someone who is actively still trying to gaslight you and/or your kids? Join Sarah as she has as “on-the-fly” semi-coaching session and help her guest receive some validation, support, and a few tips. Sarah shares about an epiphany she had a few weeks ago regarding her 12-week course – If you were to start the course the week of Oct 24th, you will get to a strategic part of the course JUST IN TIME for the holidays! You will have a whole new set of information to take into those often difficult family situations; you will have sooo many ways to be able to tell when gaslighting attempts are happening, and therefore, you will have so much more power to not engage in them! Also, you will have fresh eyes on things that will give you very powerful insight to carry into the remainder of the program. Read more about that here.  Word of the day: The word of the day today is EXPECT. Oxford Languages defines expect as: regard (someone) as likely to do or be something. At first glance, you might not think that expect or expectations would be a word connected to gaslighting, but it certainly is! One way in when we realistically/fairly SHOULD be able to expect another person, because of their role, to do or be something (like a mature, contributing co-parent), and the other person uses a variety of of gaslighting tactics to convince us that our expectations are Unrealistic. Sarah and her guest have a fantastic conversation around this experience. The guest today is Sally. Story Time: Sarah and Sally talk about the struggles Sally faces as she learns how to co-parent with an ex who continues to gaslight both her and her children. Deconstruction Zone: Sarah deconstructed things as she and Sally talked “on the fly”. Set Your Alarm: Since Sarah did things on the fly today, she wanted to remind you of some of the things she said to Sally that can help you set your alarm, too:Pay attention to undermining behavior by your co-parent – ESPECIALLY love bombing that ignores boundaries you have requested and/or agreed upon. Try to not gaslight your kids as you are trying to reassure them – you’re not responsible for painting your ex in a “good light”. Validate your child’s experience while with the other parent – get curious with them and help them process – especially that this is not about them/it’s not their fault. Sarah is inviting YOU to come have a conversation with her like she did today with Sally. You can be anonymous and safe, while feeling the power of sharing your story and helping others who are going through something similar to you. You can begin that process today by going to HERE! Thank you for listening to today’s episode.  If you found it helpful and want to help get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in specific who could benefit, please share it with them. And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!

Can gaslighters get “better”? Can they stop doing gaslighting behaviors? Today, Sarah brought on a special guest, and you will get to hear the heart and actions of a person that was both a victim of gaslighting AND the gaslighter for many years – and is now not only FREE of the hold of that behavior, but is also helping many, many people heal. All three offerings of Sarah’s 12-week course are NOW OPEN! While we are waiting for the app to be approved, things are still a little glitchy, but spaces are already being filled, so if you’re interested in taking your understanding of gaslighting to the next level, go check it out here today!Sarah needs you! So, if you’ve been waiting for the “right time” to submit your story or question for the pod, please contact here today! Word of the day: Amends – as in, the making of – Merriam – Webster defines making amends as “to do something to correct a mistake that one has made or a bad situation that one has caused.” When you make amends, you go further than just saying, “I’m sorry.” You acknowledge your errors, then take action to make up for what has happened in the past. Now, this can get a little confusing when it comes to gaslighting, because someone who is NOT trying to truly make amends may say the right things, and step into the “Mr/Mrs. Perfect” role… some may even acknowledge their “mistakes”, but they lack the things that make for true amends.The pod guest today is Dr. Jake Porter. Check out his social media links and website! Facebook, Instagram, and Youtube. Story Time: Sarah and Jake talk about everything from attachments, to how gaslighting shows up in the intensives work he does, how he gaslit his congregation when he was a pastor early on in both his addiction and recovery, and how he made amends for the gaslighting he did. Deconstruction Zone: Today’s DZ is a little different. Sarah deconstructs how amends for gaslighting behaviors was made. While Jake didn’t do it perfectly, he gave a very good example of what a real amends looks, sounds, and, most importantly, FEELS like. For Jake, amends HAD to start with recovery. Part of that recovery process is doing a “Moral Inventory”. He acknowledged the things he had done and made either direct or LIVING amends, as needed for the other person’s/people’s best interests and healing. Set Your Alarm: Sarah points out two crucial things to be mindful of when you are trying to assess whether or not you think your gaslighter can “change”: Look to see if your person is actually working on their stuff and living out their amends verses faking it, by keeping track of their “progress”, and measuring whether there is consistency over time – not just for a month or even a few months… this should not be a season of life, this should be a lifestyle. A true amends includes empathy and remorse. Check out all the offerings Sarah has on her website and follow her on your...

Do you struggle with body image issues? Do you, like me, find it pretty much a daily battle to not only accept, but LOVE your body – just as it is? Today, we’re going to talk about how not only external, but INTERNAL gaslighting plays a role in our body image issues. Sarah is VERY passionate about helping others truly understand gaslighting. This is the foundation for being able to OPT OUT of gaslighting experiences. The best place to start with that is her free video series and workbook Sarah created to go along with it. Word of the day: The word of the day today is coercion. Coercion is one of the seven techniques Sarah teaches about in her 12-week course. Coercion is: a form of aggressive behavior, or the practice of compelling a person to involuntarily behave in a certain way by use of threats, intimidation, or some other form of pressure or force. Coercion is often connected to more OVERT forms of abuse, and gaslighting, per Sarah’s definition, is experienced through COVERT behaviors. So, how does coercion fit in to gaslighting? Multiple tactics are combined to create an experience where the “victim” is convinced that if they do not comply, they will be punished – usually, that punishment comes in the form of not being loved/accepted/valued, etc. Sarah goes into this in much greater detail in her course.The guest today is Leslie Jordan Garcia. Leslie is a well-being entrepreneur who works with individuals and organizations to decolonize wellness through better relationships with food and our bodies. You can follow her and learn about her course here. Story Time: Sarah and Leslie talk about sooo many great things – from how Leslie, as an elite athlete, was overweight by the army’s standards when she enlisted, to how race can impact body image, to how the diet culture has sold us a lie. Deconstruction Zone: Sarah deconstructs the process of self-gaslighting when it comes to body image issues.It starts with some sort of external message – either direct or indirect/spoken or unspoken. Within that message is coercion overlapping with brainwashing. We don’t know that we can challenge these thoughts, and we NEED to feel loved and wanted, so we unknowingly make an agreement that thin = desirable. The external gaslighting has internalized and we’ve assimilated our gaslighter’s message. We now gaslight ourselves. Set Your Alarm: Leslie shares her acronym, RAIN – Recognize, Allow to roll off, Investigate, and Natural Awareness. Set Your Snooze:Sarah ads in something we can do in that “Investigate” part of RAIN. To help you do this, when you’ve noticed you’re self-shaming/self-loathing your body, ask yourself, “If I were free to be me and love myself, and KNEW I wouldn’t be any more loveable/desirable/worthy than I am right now, how would I talk to myself; how would I feel about my body? Sarah suggests a few things that could be mantras you repeat as you are breaking agreements and writing your own narrative about your body: Our bodies are so much more than calories in and calories out. They don’t get to define me – they don’t get that power. I define me.  Friendly reminder: Sarah has new ways to go through her signature program.  Check it out and follow Sarah on your preferred social media platform: Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. These are all places you can engage with Sarah and the work She’s doing.  And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!  

Have you ever sought out help – whether that be a therapist, religious leader, life coach, or even doctor – and not only did you NOT walk away from that experience with the help that you needed, but you ended up being further confused, possibly misdiagnosed, and re-traumatized? Today, Sarah and her guest deconstruct how gaslighting is almost always a part of these experiences and give you some tips on how to protect yourself moving forward.&nbsp; Sarah is VERY passionate about helping others truly understand gaslighting. This is the foundation for being able to OPT OUT of gaslighting experiences. The best place to start with that is Sarah’s free video series, where you can also gain access to the workbook Sarah created to go along with it. Word of the day: Rationalization. Oxford Dictionary defines rationalization as the action of attempting to explain or justify behavior or an attitude with logical reasons, even if these are not appropriate. In the case of gaslighting, rationalization is used similarly to minimization (that’s why it’s “inappropriate). The guest today is Julie St. Onge. She is the Founder of The New England Betrayal Trauma Conference and New England Coaching Services.&nbsp;InstagramStory Time: Sarah and Julie talk about the examples from Julie’s life where she tried to get help, but was instead further traumatized, and how she was able to find good, trauma-informed help… and, how she’s turned that around into helping others. Deconstruction Zone: Sarah highlights how the helping professional -in today’s story, multiple pastors – ended up furthering the trauma that was being experienced by engaging in gaslighting behaviors. &nbsp;The pastors rationalized away the harmful/abusive behaviors, and over-spiritualized the response to the abuse; they minimized Julie’s reality, threw her values into conflict, and basically created a diversion by placing the emphasis on spiritual principles (applied inappropriately) instead of addressing the abuse and giving Julie not only practical help, but “permission” to advocate for her safety. They minimized the risk she and her children were in, and changed (or attempted to change) the reality Julie was living day in and day out. Even they likely were not doing this on purpose – intent doesn’t really matter here. We don’t have to make excuses for helping professionals who step outside of their training, experience, and expertise. They need to do better. Set Your Alarm: Julie shares a few tips: take safety assessments; review the power-control wheel.Take stock of changes you notice in yourself (within 90 days) – if no change, add or change your helper.If you need to, advocate by saying, “I’m feeling stuck, can we have an evaluation?”Snooze button: Sarah encouraged that when it comes to helping professionals, don’t settle. You deserve to be heard, validated, and supported; you deserve to have a helper that sees you, listens to you, and helps you not only survive what you’re going through, but be able to believe in yourself and begin to thrive again. Good news! Sarah’s OMB is working out the final things on her website, so she’s just days away from having her new ways to go through her signature program be live on her website!&nbsp; Go check it out and follow Sarah on <a...

Do you have questions about gaslighting, or perhaps, you’d like someone – ANYONE – to help you understand whether or not your specific situation is one where gaslighting is happening? In today’s short episode, Sarah shares some ways you can get those answers. Sarah is on mission to help people move from a place of confusion and self-doubt into a place of clarity, confidence, empowerment, and peace – and she’d love to help YOU. Today’s episode is really just a check-in with her listeners – this summer created a number of opportunities that basically ended up in Sarah having a sabbatical from the podcast, so she wanted to let y’all know that she has some amazing guests lined up, but she’s not going to put up another episode until the first week in September.In the meantime, she wanted to invite you to consider bringing things to her that you would like to have feedback on or answers to. Here are some ways to do that, and important things to know:Whatever way you submit things to the podcast, you always have the opportunity to use an alias. If you’d like to ONLY submit your question/situation in writing, not only can you remain anonymous, you don’t even have to have your voice recorded; there are ways you can remain 100% anonymous if you’d like to.The two ways you can submit your story: 1) As you know, you can come on and be on air with Sarah on an episode – these end up often feeling quite a bit like a coaching session, and many of Sarah’s guests report back how helpful the experience was for them in a number of ways. 2) Sarah is now moving into taking written submissions. You would contact her, let her know you’d like to submit something, and she’ll email you with questions to answer to help her put your situation into her podcast format.The various types of situations you can submit: intimate partner, family of origin, religious, co-parenting, step-parenting/blended family, work, friend, therapeutic, cultural… and anything else you can think of!&nbsp;Set Your Alarm: In today’s alarm, here’s what you can do:Think about situations/relationships where you feel things are “off”, or you are plagued with self-doubt or confusion. Jot down some examples of common experiences that create this dynamic for you.Reach out to Sarah under the contact tab on sarahmoralescoaching.com. Reminder: Sarah is just DAYS away from going live with her new offerings for her 12-week signature program – you can go to sarahmoralescoaching.com NOW to read up on it, and get yourself hyped to get started! And if you haven’t already done so, start by going through Sarah’s free video series (what used to be called her workshop). And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!&nbsp;

Does it ever feel like your gaslighter says and/or does things to push your buttons? This can happen in a variety of ways, with a number of different results. In today’s episode, Sarah and her guest deconstruct how she experienced her gaslighter doing what we call poking the bear. Would you like to share your story, get Sarah’s brain on what you’ve experienced, and understand more clearly what’s been happening in your relationship? Access the calendar here.&nbsp; Word of the day: Exaggerate.&nbsp; According to dictionary.com, to exaggerate is to magnify beyond the limits of truth; overstate; represent disproportionately. When it comes to gaslighting, we typically see this in two different flavors: the gaslighter exaggerating their wounds, OR, as we’ll see in today’s story, exaggerating “faults”… and when we say faults, it’s taking normal, human behavior, and exaggerating them so that they appear as character faults. Story Time: Sarah and Linda discuss how Linda came to see how her soon-to-be-ex-husband used this tool of exaggeration to paint himself as the victim, and was able to “poke the bear” in his interactions with her – especially once the divorce process began. Deconstruction Zone: Linda’s gaslighter used exaggeration to both exaggerate the impact on him and the intensity of her behaviors in order to change the narrative and paint himself as the victim. He used multiple techniques and tactics to do this: deception (lying), mind games, diversion and brainwashing, as well as distorting the facts. Gaslighting is an exchange – a discarding of our reality and a taking on of another person’s reality as our own.&nbsp; We don’t know that we do it, AND, we need to see how/where it happened for us if we’re going to avoid it in other relationships.&nbsp; We can see this exchange happen in Linda’s story – she was this kick-ass, single mom, getting shit done, and she became (because of the gaslighting) someone who doubted themselves deeply.&nbsp; This is a common result of chronic gaslighting. Set Your Alarm: With exaggeration, Sarah gives her clients the UHH scale, as a sort of “fact checking”.&nbsp; When someone paints themselves as the victim, they use words to try to convince you of how you’re hurting them, but the evidence does not support it. Ask yourself, where on the UHH scale does what I’m doing fall? As in almost every case – sink in to YOUR knowing. If your gaslighter is telling you your anger is out of control, etc., - get clear on how YOU would define these things. Your gaslighter doesn’t have to agree with you, but it changes the way we SEE OURSLEVES, which is key.&nbsp; They can continue to hold whatever description of you they want – YOU know when you’re stepping out of alignment with how you want to behave when you are angry, etc. YOU DEFINE YOU. Nobody else gets to define you. If needed, check with other (safe) people to get feedback: “Is this how you see me?”. More likely than not, your safe people will tell you the truth (and it will likely be something like, “That’s ridiculous). Sarah is going to have some exciting new ways to go through her signature program, and she’s getting closer to launching them every day. Follow her on FB, IG, or TikTok.And remember – it’s not about becoming who...

Do you like to connect with the people you’re allowing to speak into your life? Like, maybe, people whose podcast you listen to? LOL. The more we get a sense of who someone is, how they live their lives, what’s important to them, the struggles they have, etc – the more we connect with them. The more we connect with them, the more we trust them – and trust is not an easy thing to come by when it’s been damaged for you. In today’s episode, Sarah does something she has NEVER done in any public arena – she’s invited her wife to come on the podcast to talk about their life together. Here's your weekly invitation to be on the podcast!&nbsp; If you have any interest, please don't hesitate to contact Sarah – she’d love to address any concerns you might have and make it an experience where you are being helped, and she can help a lot of other people, too.&nbsp; Click HERE to get the ball rolling. Sarah’s guest today is her wife, Melanie; she is the one that has been behind the scenes, supporting Sarah’s passion and pursuit of bringing her Deconstructing Gaslighting offerings to the world! Melanie is a graphic designer turned nurse, turned travel nurse. She loves experiencing new things and will never say no to trying a new cheese, beer/wine, or restaurant. She loves her people well, and her favorite day of her life was when Sarah said yes to marrying her. Story Time: Sarah and Melanie spend time answering both fun and “serious” questions about their relationship.Set Your Alarm: If there is a take-away from this episode, Sarah would love for you to take away: Don’t make concessions/settle Know your minimums and be mindful of the self-gaslighting of “I want too much”, and other limiting beliefs. You deserve to be loved well, too. Thank you, dear listeners, for joining Sarah and Melanie on their “date night”.&nbsp;They hope you enjoyed getting to know them a little bit, and maybe found some inspiration for setting the bar high in your own relationships. &nbsp;And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!&nbsp;

Sarah speaks to white women that consider themselves conservative Christians, who are struggling because of the internal conflict that is raging – because of the abuse of power they are witnessing.Unless people can see, and then confront the gaslighting that they have experienced, they won’t be able to see past the bullshit, and then do the wrestling they need to do in order to get out of that cognitive dissonance.Do you have an experience/topic for Sarah to connect to gaslighting? If so, click here to let Sarah know.Word of the day: Cognitive Dissonance - According to verywellmind.com, The term&nbsp;cognitive dissonance&nbsp;is used to describe the mental discomfort that results from holding two conflicting beliefs, values, or attitudes. This experience of trying to hold two conflicting beliefs is ALWAYS experienced as a result of chronic gaslighting.&nbsp; Story Time: Today, Sarah gives a few examples from her own life of how she came to recognize the cognitive dissonance she was unknowingly experiencing and how she found peace. Deconstruction Zone: In all three stories, gaslighting tactics of distorting facts, ignoring reality that doesn’t support their agenda, refusing to accept answers they didn’t want, laying on guilt trips, being inconsistent with the use of principles/Bible verses, exaggerating the faults all were present. These things were used to manipulate, play mind games, and brainwash people into taking on not only their beliefs about abortion/race &amp; racism/LGBTQ+, but ALSO, what must be done about it – as their own. Sarah highlights self-gaslighting when it comes to race/racism. A common, unaware gaslighting motive is a defense mechanism to fear/shame. She specifically names self-gaslighting through minimizing, ignoring the bits of reality we feel like we can’t “handle” or “don’t relate to us”, and exaggerating things that soothe our shame/fear/sense of powerlessness.Set Your Alarm: Two alarms today: 1) Those who are experiencing the cognitive dissonance:Acknowledge the internal conflict.&nbsp; Question things that don’t sit right with you. You get to question anyone and everyone! Start here: what do I FEEL when I think about this issue (pay attention to your body cues); what do I like about the stance I’ve been taking/what are the values that support the stance I’ve been taking; what do I NOT like about the stance I’ve been taking/what values does it violate to have this stance?Be relentless in your pursuit of truth and consistency.&nbsp; 2) Those who want to talk with loved ones experiencing cognitive dissonance:Acknowledge/validate the conflict.&nbsp; This is crucial, and where you should start. Make yourself available to share your views/how you came to see things the way you did. Point them to experts and resources that can help them with their conflict/CD.Hold your boundaries while holding empathy for the fact that your loved ones have themselves been gaslit, and will need to be able to see this before they can break free. Remember, it is not your responsibility to “educate” them or convince them of anything. It’s easy to get pulled out of our integrity and into debates and power plays and all the things – #1 priority is to stay in alignment with who you are/your values. Sarah is going to have some exciting new ways to go through her signature program soon!&nbsp; Follow her on Facebook, <a...