Why do some people shut down when they're hurt while others immediately criticize, blame, or demand a response?In this episode, Dr. Tracy introduces two common ways people respond to emotional pain: internalizing and externalizing.When something difficult happens in a relationship, some people turn inward, questioning themselves, minimizing their needs, or carrying the hurt alone. Others turn outward, focusing on what their partner did wrong and expressing their pain through criticism, frustration, or blame.The challenge is that neither approach helps us communicate the deeper feelings underneath.Dr. Tracy explores how these patterns show up in relationships, why they often create disconnection, and how understanding your default response can help you communicate more effectively with your partner.This episode is a powerful follow-up to last week's conversation about defensiveness and offers another lens for understanding the negative cycles that keep couples stuck.📎 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODEBe Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you.🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER?Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and PerceptionsGet your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here.  Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠Get exclusive Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.Is your partner defensive?  Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACYSubscribe to You Tube  Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices