Remember when people actually liked Ryan Reynolds? National Lampoon’s Van Wilder is a 2002 comedy starring Ryan Reynolds, Tara Reid, Kal Penn, Tim Matheson, Paul Gleason, Daniel Cosgrove, and Sophia Bush. It’s basically a documentary about “the raddest f’n dude alive.” Does it hold up? Does it suck? We get to the bottom of it. National Lampoon’s Van Wilder has an 18% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 73% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people). Check out criticalmesspodcast.com and give us movie recommendations!

The Wizard is a 1989 adventure/comedy starring Fred Savage, Beau Bridges, Christian Slater, Luke Edwards, Jenny Lewis, Wendy Phillips, and Frank McRae. It’s a Nintendo advertisement with the occasional “plot point.” We also “enjoyed it.”The Wizard has a 29% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 60% rating with audiences (aka popcorn) people. Check out criticalmesspodcast.com and give us movie recommendations!

If only we could go back in time to change this film. The Butterfly Effect is 2004 sci-fi/thriller starring Ashton Kutcher, Amy Smart, Eric Stoltz, William Lee Scott, Elden Henson, and Logan Lerman. It’s about a guy who can time travel back to traumatic moments in his youth to right the wrongs of the past. It’s a pretty cool idea on paper, but—according to the critics at least—ain’t working too well in practice. The Butterfly Effect has a 34% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and an 81% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people). Check out criticalmesspodcast.com and give us movie recommendations!

$150 to see the butt? We’ll show you ours for free. Coyote Ugly is a 2000 comedy/drama starring Piper Perabo, Adam Garcia, Mario Bello, Tyra Banks, and (are you f*ing kidding me) John Goodman. It’s mostly just girls dancing on a bar, and yet the plot description on Wikipedia is inexplicably five paragraphs long. But seriously, butt shaking on a bartop is at least 80% of the film. Coyote Ugly has a 23% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 71% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people). Check out criticalmesspodast.com to give us movie recommendations!

If Optimus Prime had bad credit, would he be Optimus Subprime? Transformers is a 2007 sci-fi/action movie starring Shia LeBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson, John Turturro, Jon Voight, Rachael Taylor, and lots of CGI. It’s directed by Michael Bay, so obviously we had to talk about it. The film is mostly about big robots from space that do lots of punching and shooting. As you might expect, many, many things explode. Transformers has a 57% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and an 85% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people). Check out criticalmesspodcast.com to give us movie recommendations!

🎃This counts as a Halloween movie, right? 🎃Under the Skin is a 2013 sci-fi/horror film starring Scarlett Johansson, Adam Pearson, Marius Bincu, Joe Szula, and Paul Brannigan. It’s really ambiguous, there’s not much talking, and it’s not for everybody. But it most certainly leaves an impression. This one was directed by Jonathan Glazer. Under the Skin has an 83% rating with critics and a 55% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people) on Rotten Tomatoes.

Smash-y, smash, boom, boom, punch, punch, punch. Man of Steel is a superhero/action movie starring Henry Cavill, Diane Lane, Amy Adams, Russel Crowe, Kevin Costner, Michael Shannon, Laurence Fishburn, and Ayelet Zurer. It was directed by Zach Snyder. This one’s a Superman origin story. Capeesh? Man of Steel has a 57% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 75% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people).

The Snake Plissken origin story. Captain Ron is an adventure/comedy film starring Kurt Russell, Martin Short, Mary Kay Place, Meadow Sisto, and Benjamin Salisbury. This one was directed by Thom Eberhardt. So, back to the Snake Plissken thing. Is it just the eyepatch? No, no it’s not. Because there’s also the mysterious military backstory. The total disdain for authority. The parallels between the lawless landscapes of Cuba and New York. And most of all, there’s the hair. What a glorious mane. Captain Ron has a 26% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 52% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people). So yeah, we cheated our rules a little bit on this one, too. Whatcha gonna do about it?

Cage in a bird.Con Air is an action film from 1997 that you should really watch. It stars Nicolas Cage, John Malkovich, John Cusack, Ving Rhames, Steve Buscemi, Colm Meaney, Danny Trejo, and of course, Tyrone Biggums. It’s about some convicts that take over a prison with wings. This one’s directed by Simon West. Con Air has a 58% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 75% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people). So yeah, we cheated a little on this one. What are you gonna do about it?

What if Interstellar and Hellraiser had a baby?  Event Horizon is a sci-fi/horror film from 1997 starring Sam Neill, Laurence Fishburn, Cathleen Quinaln, and Joely Richardson. The film was directed by Paul Anderson. It tells the story of a spaceship that accidentally opens a portal to a sinister place—a place that gets Sam Neill so hot to trot you could’ve sworn it was full of Velociraptors. Is this film a cult classic? Or does it cosmically suck? Listen as the boys dig in.  Event Horizon holds a 36% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 62% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people).