Show notes
I’ve practiced a lot of religions over the years and out of all of them, my favorite is still The Order of Perpetual Yuletide. It was a fairly small group I helped put together in ’86 just outside of Skeetersville, South Dakota on a patch of dirt so flat you could see a dog running away for three days straight. It was just me and a few dozen people who were tired of waiting three hundred and sixty-four days for it to be culturally acceptable to eat a turkey leg.The core philosophy was that, for us, Christmas was every single day.No exceptions. We’d roll out of our bunks at 6:00 AM sharp, screaming “Merry Christmas!” at the top of our lungs until all the local crows took off.Every morning was a blizzard of wrapping paper and scotch tape. Then we’d all sit around and have a delicious group lunch. At night, we’d have Christmas Eve dinner with goose, stuffing and enough eggnog to float a battleship. Then we’d stumble off to bed, hearts full of joy and arteries full of gravy, waiting for the whole thing to happen all over all over again the next day.To keep my fellow congregants entertained I came up with this creation story about Santa being a rugged survivalist that arose from a warlike Elven tribe deep within the polar ice caps. These weren’t your “cookie-baking” elves. These were hard-bitten, spear-toting elves who hunted polar bears and carved toys out of frozen whale bone.People really seemed to dig it.We got about thirty or forty followers before we got shut down by the State of South Dakota because “Perpetual Yuletide” is not a legal defense for grand larceny. Apparently, people were doing a lot of stealing to keep the religion going financially. To keep the miracle alive, the boys started “liberating” merchandise from every Sears and Roebuck within a fifty-mile radius.They took our tree, they took our goose, and they took Jeff. I still say we were onto something, though. If the world could just learn to live every day like it’s December 25th, we’d all be much fucklng happier.Hey! You’ve read to the end. Thanks for that!Read my Novel! The Lying Spiral Follow me! Craig Tyson Adams - Linktree This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit craigtysonadams.substack.com
