Pain during sex is far more common than most people realize, and once the body learns to associate intimacy with pain, it can keep protecting itself long after the original cause is gone. That protection can look like flinching at a touch, bracing before closeness, or a body that pulls away before the mind even understands why. Understanding why the body holds onto pain, and what actually supports progress, can make a real difference for those who feel the pain and the partners who love them.
In this NEW podcast Q&A, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Jess Seitz, a trauma-informed pelvic floor occupational therapist and founder of Pain Free Intimacy, to talk through what causes painful intercourse, why the body learns to guard against it, and how couples can navigate the often difficult conversations that come along with it.
**SAVE 20% at Cozy Earth with the code JFF20**
Aug 18
58 min
Sometimes a partner goes quiet because they're overwhelmed and trying to find their footing in the conversation. Other times, silence is a strategy, a way to make a spouse squirm and bend until the relationship settles back into its old, immature rhythm. There's a real difference between going quiet in conflict and the silent treatment, and knowing which one you're up against changes how you respond.
In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife uses listener questions to unpack the difference between disengaging to self-regulate and using silence to punish, and what it looks like to stay grounded and invested when a spouse disengages.
**SAVE $200 on the Strengthening Your Relationship Retreat in Lehi, UT!**
Aug 11
52 min
We've received many requests over the years to offer Dr. Finlayson-Fife's resources in other languages. Miriam Parkin has generously offered her time and talent to translate episodes for us and we will add them to the feed as they come in (in addition to our regular podcast production schedule). You can listen to the original "Having Sex vs Making Love" podcast HERE.
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En este episodio, Dan Purcell, del podcast *Get Your Marriage On*, le pide a la Dra. Finlayson-Fife su perspectiva sobre la diferencia entre tener sexo y hacer el amor, así como sobre lo que las parejas pueden hacer para aportar mayor profundidad espiritual a su relación sexual.
Aug 1
26 min
Many of us grew up believing spirituality is the obedient, contained part of ourselves and sexuality is the unruly part that has to be reined in. But the two actually develop along the same path. We start in fear, trying to follow the rules we were given, and with maturity we move into something more integrated, more our own. That shift can feel like something is going wrong, but it's actually how we find our way to our own integrity, in both our sexuality and our spirituality.
In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dr. Heidi Hastings of the Marriage IQ podcast to explore how sexual and spiritual growth move through the same developmental stages, what it looks like to move from an external sense of self to an internal one, and why that shift changes both a marriage and a person's relationship with faith and God.
Jul 28
44 min
Attraction isn't just about chemistry. It's tied to meaning, and meaning can change. In a long-term marriage, what we find desirable in a spouse is shaped less by biology and more by the meanings underlying the relationship. When those meanings shift, desire shifts with them — leaving you either pulling away from a spouse you once desired, or trying to make sense of one who's pulled away from you.
In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife answers listener questions about attraction, touching on how to build desire in a marriage where it wasn't there to begin with, what it means when a spouse admits they don't feel attracted to you, and how old patterns of resentment and control can undercut desire without either partner realizing it.
Want to learn more? Enroll in the Sex Worth Wanting course!
Jul 14
46 min
Join us in NEW ZEALAND!
We like to think that proficiency at work carries over into our personal relationships, but excelling in a career and excelling in love draw on entirely different strengths. High-demand careers reward constant competence, and it feels good to have a system built around you, where people defer to you because it's their job, but a spouse sees the version of you that colleagues and patients almost never do, including your shortcomings and missteps.
That exposure is uncomfortable, especially for someone used to having everything together, so many find it easier to hide in their competence at work than show up honestly at home.
In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dr. Richard Low of the Next Level Dentist podcast to talk about the impact high-demand careers have on relationships, including the gap between the self we bring to work and the self we bring home, the intimacy that forms naturally with people you're solving problems alongside, and what safeguards to put in place for work relationships.
UPCOMING RETREATS (Save $200 on The Art of Desire or Art of Loving Retreat with code JFF200)
Jul 7
1 hr 4 min
Resentment shows up when we've given more than we can back up, when we've gone along with something we never actually wanted, or when we've given with strings attached — hoping that giving will lead to being loved or appreciated more. But resentment is more than just a feeling, it's a signal worth paying attention to. We can let our resentments smolder under the surface, or we can use them to better understand ourselves, our desires, and where we need to be more honest with ourselves and others.
In this NEW podcast episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Susie Pettit of the Love Your Life Show to talk about resentment, the difference between selflessness and self-erasure, and what it actually takes for women to step fully into their own lives, their relationships, and their desire.
LAST CHANCE for The Art of Desire Retreat (there won't be another until 2028!)
Jul 1
48 min
We've received many requests over the years to offer Dr. Finlayson-Fife's resources in other languages. Miriam Parkin has generously offered her time and talent to translate episodes for us and we will add them to the feed as they come in (in addition to our regular podcast production schedule). You can listen to the original "Loneliness in Marriage Q&A" podcast HERE.
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Cuando nos casamos, la mayoría de nosotros imaginamos una vida plena de conexión y compañía. Sin embargo, cuando uno se siente ignorado, no elegido o decepcionado por la manera en que su cónyuge se presenta —tanto emocional como sexualmente—, el matrimonio puede comenzar a sentirse solitario y aislante.
En esta sesión de preguntas y respuestas de una hora de duración, la Dra. Finlayson-Fife responde a las inquietudes de aquellas personas que se sienten no elegidas, aisladas y desconectadas en su relación más importante.
Jun 27
1 hr 6 min
Parenting a teenager is hard enough before sexuality enters the picture. And when it does, most parents grapple with finding the balance between protection and permission, values and flexibility, structure and trust. The role you play in your child's sexual development doesn't stay fixed. It shifts as they grow, and knowing when to hold a limit and when to let go is rarely as clear as we'd like it to be.
In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Marielle Melling of the Raising Healthy, Happy Teens Virtual Summit to discuss what sexual integrity is, why it matters for your teen's long-term wellbeing, and how parents can nurture it through every imperfect, evolving stage of the process.
For a deeper dive on teaching kids about sexuality, enroll in Dr. Finlayson-Fife's How to Talk to Kids About Sex course!
SAVE 20% on Cozy Earth products with code JFF20
Jun 23
36 min
ALL COURSES 30% OFF TODAY ONLY! code DAD30
We tend to assume men are naturally sexual, comfortable with desire, and quick to want sex. But comfort and ease are not the same thing. Many men carry a private discomfort with their own sexual nature, especially men raised in traditions where sexuality is treated as suspect. And so they look to their wife's desire to make their own sexuality feel acceptable, a dependency that hides behind the appearance of confidence.
In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Rhonda Farr to talk about men's difficulty with their own sexuality, why higher desire can mask a deeper insecurity, and how men can move from proving themselves through sex to actually blessing their marriage through it.
Jun 18
56 min
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