The Art of Communication: Finding Your Voice as a Coach

JP Nerbun sits down with co-host Betsy Butterick to explore how intentional communication transforms athlete relationships, team culture, and coaching identity.

TOC 3-2-1: 3 Quotes, 2 Questions, 1 Resource3 Quotes Worth Writing Down

1. "Anytime someone says 'that's just who I am,' what immediately comes up for me is — no, that's who you've been. You get to choose who you get to be in the next moment." — Betsy Butterick
2. "If we hope to teach them, we first need to reach them. It is arguably much easier for one person — the coach — to shift how they communicate than it is to try to change an entire generation." — Betsy Butterick
3. "When you speak quietly, people need to come closer, lean in. That was exactly the space I wanted to coach athletes in." — Betsy Butterick

2 Questions for Your Team

1. When you communicate with your athletes before a big moment, are you trying to inspire them — or genuinely educate and invite them into something? What's the difference for your team?
2. Are there phrases or habits in your coaching communication that fall under "that's just who I am"? What would it look like to ask instead: Is this who I want to be?

1 Resource to Go Deeper

Kids These Days by Betsy Butterick — the practical communication guide for coaches working with today's athletes. Packed with immediately usable frameworks, real-world stories, and a resource section built to last.

Visit: betsybutterick.com

Key Takeaways

1. Communication is a craft, not a personality trait. Betsy's communication didn't come from natural talent — it came from decades of intentional reps: journaling, coaching thousands of young athletes, and a relentless curiosity about language. The implication for every coach: this is buildable.
2. Inspiring a room and inviting athletes in are not the same thing. Betsy's goal is never to inspire — it's to educate. But the best teaching carries emotional charge, and the question you ask after a lesson is what bridges information to behavior change. Don't just tell them. Ask them what they got from it.
3. Yelling is a tool — use it like one. In a decade of coaching, Betsy raised her voice about seven times — and believes every player could still tell you exactly why. Coaches who rarely yell make every raised voice meaningful. Coaches who yell constantly give athletes nothing to read.
4. "That's just who I am" is a pattern, not an identity. When coaches or athletes use that phrase, it closes the door on growth. The reframe Betsy offers: that's who you've been — not who you have to be. Adapting your communication style isn't lowering your standards; it's what makes holding high standards possible.
5. Accountability requires co-creation, not just enforcement. Most accountability conversations fail because expectations were never truly shared — they were just announced. When athletes help build the standard, they're far more likely to hold each other to it. Peer accountability only works after shared understanding exists.

Action Items for Leaders and Coaches

• Audit Your Volume: Track how often you raise your voice this week. Is it a tool — or a habit you haven't examined?
• End With a Question: After your next team talk, close with one question that invites athletes to reflect on what they just heard.
• Spot the Pattern: Notice when you or your athletes say "that's just who I am." Replace it with: "That's who I've been — is it who I want to be?"
• Co-Create One Standard: Pick one expectation you've been enforcing alone. Build shared understanding around it with your athletes this week.

Connect

• Get episode notes and team culture tools: tocculture.com
• Join the TOC Coach community (free): tocculture.com
• Betsy Butterick — blog, book, and resources: betsybutterick.com

If this episode was helpful, share it with a coach in your life who is working on their communication. And if you haven't already, subscribe so you never miss an episode of the Coaching Culture Podcast.