Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya attempts to catch up from her 3-month hiatus away from her podcast.  Honestly, it wasn't like a hiatus; instead, it's more like: (1) her not finding the time to squeeze in editing her raw recordings, (2) she cannot figure out the right timing and intentionally delaying her uploads because some are TMI which means too-much-information, and (3) she thinks it's inappropriate to publish her irrational thoughts as it may add fuel to the flames. This episode is also inspired by the famous combination of 'ketchup and fries'—only this time around, it's about Aya's unfiltered emotions, hence, catsup and cries. 2022 became the year of her traumas, overwhelming opportunities, and dreadful initiatives. Watch how Aya claims 2023 as the year where she takes a step further towards self-growth: improving her mindset more, not constantly 'perfecting' her progress and instead save a room for mistakes, and last but not the least, maintaining consistency in an unpredictable world. Happy New Year!

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya proceeds to flip another page from Chapter 18 to Chapter 19. Over the past year of being a pre-adult, she discovers a game-changer about life: adulting doesn't actually begin at 18th, it begins at 20th. With this, she starts her journey towards the "ghost age"—a commonly-used term for when you're not a minor anymore but you're not really an adult either. Watch how Aya introduces her new and improved mindset about BIRTHDAYS + character development from her 18 years of existence.

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya uploads a long overdue episode about her regrets as a daughter, as a student, and ultimately—as a human. We all go through regrets, right? It just so happens that Aya undergoes a path that she did NOT expect to pursue. Something that she didn't plan and instead threatened her consistent and comfortable routine towards life as a 'normal' college student.  Watch how Aya narrates her life of regrets from her early childhood up until the chaos of today. 

[1 year special] Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya celebrates her 1st anniversary alongside her podcasting journey. Despite having too many lows and only a few ups, she managed to finish her 1st year of college as well as keeping herself sane for a whole year of a challenging life. This started with a concept of self-verbalizations in mind, but this podcast soon came to be the best thing that ever happened to Aya yet. Talking with herself alone in the bathroom might seem a bit weird and crazy, however those were one of THE moments where she felt true to herself regardless of vulnerability and overwhelming anxiety.  A year ago Aya trembled with full of uhms, nervous laughter, and broken english, whereas to now where she could speak her mind, whatever and however she wants. This is for sure, an achievement that no one can possibly give.  I'm proud of me. :>

[Listen at your own risk...] Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, things get a little personal between Aya and her anxiety. Throughout her personal hardships and for the last 3 months, she recorded raw audios of her and her emotions. Trigger warning for those who are not comfortable with someone crying or someone ranting about his/her problems that may inflict bad memories. As this episode progresses, you can tell how Aya went from shambles to enlightenment to shambles again, and vice versa. Let's be very honest here, growth is never linear, sometimes it's ups, sometimes it's downs, and even worse..... if it's both up and down. Aya named this episode a "venting-machine" because she felt like all these rants, challenges, and mental breakdowns were all cooped up like Pepsi-cans inside her mind, and each time she vents out and lets off some steam, she also dispenses a part of her psyche. Hemlo, it's me, Aya. A gentle reminder that this podcast is my safe space, it took me a lot of strength and bravery to upload an episode like this. However, I wouldn't want to keep it to myself alone, because maybe.... someday someone would need my words.

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya speaks up about one of the topics that are often overlooked and ignored. Hard pills to swallow is a phrase referring to an unpleasant fact, disappointment, or humiliation that is difficult to endure or accept. It is something that you deeply believe you lack the strength to take in and acknowledge that it is, indeed, true. Watch how Aya unfolds different 'hard-pills-to-swallow' stories of her Facebook friends who helped her make this podcast here today.  [How ironic, it's summer but it's also the start of the rainy season.. which means I'll be uploading as much as I can while the rain pours! The downside of this season is that... we are currently experiencing climate change ;(( I know I shouldn't be happy with the thunderstorms because there are people who are suffering from it.. but I can't help it,, I feel calm whenever it rains T_ T ]

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya, at last, manages to squeeze into her schedule this long overdue episode for the month of April. She's been having very little time for herself lately that the only time for her rest is either for sleep or for distracting her anxiety by watching K-dramas. Regardless, this episode talks about a specific trait of Aya—which is her, detaching from people once she enters her self-destructive mode AKA when her life hits rock bottom. Plus, she realized a seasonal anxiety that occurs whenever a situation is badly affecting her daily life e.g. every time she wake up—enough spoiling. Watch Aya spill more quick April rants and teas that happened in a span of a month.  P.s. I realized my title is "M.A.D."    :D

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya summons her second guest! Kuya Miles, a sophomore psychology student/friend who Aya met on a few mutual organizations the same as hers. Both of these 'studyholic' psychology majors settled on one topic that is very relatable to almost all students—Burnout. It is a form of exhaustion caused by constantly feeling swamped and/or drained. It's a result of excessive and prolonged emotional, physical, and mental stress. In spite of this term being always seen at a negative light, burnout isn't always bad and kuya Miles is here to tell us otherwise and of how it can be a possibly good thing to experience even with its awful effects to our mental health. Once in our life, we experience burnout; we tell ourselves we are so tired and we can't even move a single muscle to pass our homework because we are emotionally drained and overwhelmed with requirements, with that said, sit back and let's all talk about burnout with our valuable guest for today.

[Warning: Sensitive Content] Hmm...The clouds are crying today, and so is Aya. In this episode, she faces an abrupt trauma. Abrupt meaning very sudden or unexpected; and Trauma meaning an emotional response to a distressing event where you experience an extreme series of fear, shock, and panic. This incident not only worsened Aya's anxiety but her mood shifted from one to another in a rapid state and opened a deep wound from her childhood. The episode talks ONLY about her experiences and not about what to do when trauma happens, because even she, does not know what to do after experiencing it yet again. Her segments were divided into two: 2 hours after trauma and 9 days after trauma. Watch how Aya deals with her post-traumatic stress and midnight panic attacks just as she tried to conquer her own silent battle in the midst of her finals week. 

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya explores the cavern of academic validation. As students, it is our worst nightmare to fail subjects but how about the overachievers? They are those who feel like a single mistake on a quiz will crumble them to death—which brings us to our topic for today which is the good and bad side of academic validation. While it may become a motivator for many, it can also be the worst enemy you will ever have once you are so comfortable with it, making it so that instead of you, studying hard for the purpose of learning, you are studying not to fail. Add the factor of the online setup we have today, where it feels like a sin to absent one class because you're extremely sick just for the fear of failing. "There is no harm in self-improvement, but there is harm in overworking yourself; you must learn to take time for your own well-being. Academic validation is a poisonous, unforgiving mindset that extends to the limit of your ability." (Kloza, K. et al., 2021). Watch how Aya punches herself with her own talk whereas she makes academic validation soOOO important for her as an achiever and yet she lowkey knows that she will gradually suffer from it. PS. Are there even people who reads this description corner? hahaha XD.