LOVE IS FEARLESS
LOVE IS FEARLESS
Janet Newberry
Most people don't realize it's possible to live a life without fear, a life where love removes anxiety and anger and shame from every conversation, every challenge, every decision. LOVE IS FEARLESS is on a mission to help create cultures of love instead of fear--in homes, schools, workplaces, communities, and churches. We believe that truth is essential, trust is crucial, and love is our great hope to build a world without fear. Join us for our podcast, where we’ll offer practical advice that will empower you to bravely choose love every day. Together, we can change the world--YOUR world.
#108 What if we don't call them bloopers?
This is our first-ever BONUS episode! As we launch Season Four we're promising great conversations about books and authors that love us well. We're admitting that books are some of our best friends and we're excited about introducing you to some of the best. We're also committing to at least one new episode every month. While we're fundraising for John 15 Academy and Doug is still working full-time, we know we can be true to that commitment. Maybe you never thought about it much, but podcasting takes a lot of time. And it can be expensive, too. So we're balancing our real needs with our passion to offer you episodes that are not just good, but good FOR you! We'd rather underpromise and over-deliver than the other way around. If you've been with us for over 100 episodes, you know us very well. But you still may have some questions about what's going on in our story right now. And, if you haven't been with us since the beginning, you may be really confused when we talk about our Airstream journey, my book, or John 15 Academy. So thanks for listening to our bonus episode. We're telling some great stories about all the twists and turns we've experienced on this trusting God road. We can either laugh about all the mistakes and celebrate the miracles, or we can feel ashamed. But ashamed is what we learned in a culture of fear, not a culture of love. Together, there is great hope. This bonus episode offers two takeaways and lots of resources:  Do you need help? Over the past 10 years, we've developed great resources to help families, marriages, and educators connect and reconnect in their most sacred relationships. Visit john15academy.com and janetnewberry.com to find access to these resources at no charge.  Will you help us? Redeeming childhood in our country and in our world is our passion and our destiny. We can't do it alone and we're excited about you getting excited about redeeming childhood, too. Here are 5 simple ways you can contribute in a significant way: (1) Share this episode. Help us share the hope that love brings to children's stories. (2) Invite Janet to speak. (3) Plan a retreat. Contact us at doug@john15academy.com or janet@john15academy.com and we'll share some amazing transformation stories from retreats we've hosted and start planning yours. (4) Talk to your pastor and your mission committee at your church. Invite us to share how we can create a hunger for the love of God in children's lives by changing the way they're experiencing childhood. It's easier than you may think! (5) Pray about joining our financial support team. We're excited about how God will lead you to be a part of making "love one another" practical in our world. One more resource that may be helpful to you: Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry Together, there is great hope.
Mar 8, 2023
49 min
#107 A Conversation About Unconditional Love
Welcome to Season Four! We're excited to share meaningful conversations about great books and maybe a few great movies, too. :) What do great books have to do with living loved instead of afraid? That's a good question. This season is all about building relationships with great authors and letting the ideas in books love us well. That means great books are good FOR US, not simply good. Powerful ideas are nutritious food for the mind, and abiding in them long enough to have a conversation is transformational. The short way to answer that question is that great books offer us love because they meet our real needs for wisdom, direction, correction, and inspiration. So Season Four offers to love you well by inviting you to let love meet your need to be inspired with us. We may even offer a bit of wisdom, too. This episode is a conversation about The Return of the Prodigal Son - A Story of Homecoming by Henri J. M. Nouwen. Listen in as we tell how a copy of Rembrandt's famous painting found a prominent place in our home and we share a few of our favorite quotes from the book. Email us* with your takeaways from this episode and linger in these ideas that inspired us -  Love isn't love if you have to earn it. Many of us have lived a relationship as hired servants with God and today is a great day to come home as His child. Yesterday doesn't predict tomorrow when we let love happen in our relationships today.  Doug's email address is doug@john15academy.com Janet's email address is janet@john15academy.com We mention these resources: The Return of the Prodigal Son - A Story of Homecoming by Henri J. M. Nouwen Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry John 15 Academy - resources for parents and teachers Join our financial support team at John 15 Academy and help us provide resources for parents and teachers.
Mar 6, 2023
41 min
How Love Meets Our Need For Acceptance
When we sit with the weight of the truth that LOVE IS A PROCESS OF MEETING NEEDS, we are reminded that if we’re going to love someone, that means we’re going to:  Notice their needs and do what is in our power and capacity to meet those needs so that the one we love can live in truth, and can experience personal growth and emotional healing.  Intentionally build a relationship of trust with the person we care about so they will let us love them.  When we sit with the weight of that truth, it also reminds us that if WE are going to experience love, that means we’re going to:  Recognize our own needs and let God and others love me so I can live in truth and I can participate in my own maturity and my own healing. Be willing to trust others in the places I am vulnerable—places like unresolved issues, immature habits, ways of relating I learned in survival mode… The takeaways in this episode are powerful:  1. What does it mean that love meets our need for acceptance with unearned love? It means that we don’t have to measure up. It frees us from the need to simply be compliant and do what you want me to do so you will accept me. It means I can have unresolved issues and you’re not going anywhere.  2. Loved unconditionally doesn’t mean I don’t own my impact and influence in a relationship. It means that I can be real and honest and vulnerable and I will not be judged or shamed or threatened with abandonment.   3. When I experience the love that stays with me, my unresolved issues begin to resolve…and I participate in my healing. When I experience protection from shame, I start believing the truth about myself and that truth becomes obvious in my behavior. And when the truth of who I am in Christ becomes obvious in my behavior, you get to experience the love that meets your needs too, even when your behavior doesn’t earn it. We mention these resources in this episode: The Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming by Henri Nouwen A movie -- The Heart Of Man
Apr 6, 2022
42 min
How Faithful Love Offers Us Hope
Hope is soul food. We can live without it for a few days or maybe a few weeks, but living without it for very long causes us to be careless about life, experience depression, feel overwhelmed by shame, and isolate ourselves in the very moments we need connection in healthy relationships. Faithful love meets our God-given need for trust and offers us hope. Faithful love reminds us we are not alone, especially when we're experiencing struggle. Living with hope, we experience emotional elasticity. We bounce back from hard times and recognize that struggle is a normal part of life on this planet. When we learn to count on the faithful love of God and others, we heal and mature. We don't get stuck in negative emotions. We remember, "There is great hope!" In this episode, Doug and I (Janet) talk about trading our moral compass for a truth compass, and we offer these takeaways: 1. God knew the knowledge of good and evil would be a slippery slope that led to confusion, self-righteousness, pride, and prioritizing behavior and performance above intimacy in relationships. He never wanted that for us. Living with a truth compass, instead of a moral compass, keeps me intimate with God. 2. There is never a time when God does not love me as much as He is going to love me. 3. There’s a difference between knowing and experiencing and it’s important. It’s the difference between knowing your Heavenly Father loves you and experiencing His embrace when you’re at the place you need Him most. The more we experience love in our human relationships, the more fluent we can become in experiencing God’s love, too. We talk about a FREE RESOURCE available on my website and recommend these books: THE CURE by John Lynch, Bruce McNichol, and Bill Thrall EDUCATION BY DESIGN, NOT DEFAULT by Janet Newberry
Mar 30, 2022
30 min
How Love Meets Our Need for Significance
In our Everyday Love series, we’re talking about our God-given needs. This episode is all about our real need for significance and attention. Love meets our need for significance with affirmation. Without trusting this love, we’ll experience a loss of identity and be driven to perform for our acceptance. Love meets our need for attention with servant love. Without letting someone love us, our lives will be characterized by low self-esteem and an unhealthy self-story.    Even though God is always loving us perfectly, our culture doesn’t often tune our hearts to God’s love. Our culture often tunes our hearts to a lot of other things that distract us away from God’s servant love and how He meets our need for attention.    In our human relationships, servant love is often the first kind of love that we trust. Listen in to hear why I (Janet) think Doug is the poster child for servant love! Because I trust his servant love, and because Doug’s love is a gift—not a transaction, I trust his words of affirmation, too. Because I trust Doug's affirmation and attention, I'm learning to trust God's love for me in these ways as well.   Listen now and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:  “I’m not a fixer or a judge, I’m a child of God. God is love, so I’m a lover, too.” What if today I consider what people need rather than what I have to say? And then I can watch for trust to roll out a red carpet to welcome the transformation that will come. Since significance is a God-given need, if this need is not met with affirmation in healthy relationships, this need will be met with power in toxic relationships. We mention these resources in this episode:  Experiencing Affirmation in Your Family by Trueface.org   The Cure and Parents by John Lynch, Bill Thrall, and Bruce McNicol Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry
Mar 23, 2022
35 min
How To Experience The Freedom Love Offers
Season 3 is all about learning how to love ourselves and each other every day in practical ways. We’re not talking about five love languages or how each Enneagram type prefers to be loved. We’re talking about the God-given needs that we wake up with every day because we are human, not because we’re weak or wounded or wired in a way that's unique to our personality.  Our God-given needs are the places we can receive love, and experiencing love makes life deeply satisfying!   In this episode, we unpack all the ways love meets our God-given need for protection. Without protection, we’ll be left vulnerable to unresolved habits because we didn’t trust the love that was offered to keep us safe--or because we didn’t recognize the protection that was offered to us as love.   Many of us don’t want to be protected. Just like a new puppy who wants to explore, we’ll dig under the fence to experience a bigger world, and most of the time, we come home wounded or confused. Or we don’t come home at all.    Love offers us a way home. Protective love is a “jealous FOR me” love that offers to keep us safe from what we’re not meant to live with, in the ways of bondage and abuse. When we prioritize building trust in our relationships, we can experience the full and free life we were created to enjoy.   Join us on this episode and linger in these takeaways:  Permission almost always happens in a conversation. It’s one reason the habit of mature conversations is a big deal. Protection often happens in the way we create the environment we live in. Love creates an environment for growth. We often don’t think of protection as love. But when we trust it and begin to experience freedom, instead of bondage, we will recognize that we have loved.   We mention these resources in this episode:  Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry   A LOVE IS FEARLESS episode with John Lynch - Why Love Is The Only Weapon Against Self-Sabotage   A ministry we trust - John Lynch Speaks boosts#toggleFormOnEscOrEnter" data-boosts-adding-class="boosts--adding" data-boosts-deleting-class="boost--deleting"> 
Mar 16, 2022
31 min
How can we experience correction as love?
Every day we wake up with God-given needs. Having our needs met is the way we experience love. One of our everyday needs is for direction and love meets this need with corrective love.    When we don’t trust corrective love, we’ll live misguided lives. Without corrective love, our children will be vulnerable and seriously affected by wrong life choices. A lack of direction will always make me a victim of my circumstances.   Sorting out the difference between punishment and discipline is worth our time and energy in this episode. Both offer corrective love, but punishment offers toxic love and discipline offers healthy love. Punishment is about rules and penalties. Discipline is about repentance and relationship.   Listen in as I (Janet) share a story about a fifth-grade boy who pushed his friend down and thought he deserved punishment. Corrective love offered discipline instead and the young man learned more clearly who he is as a person—someone who is learning how to really care for his friends and himself.    Listen in as Doug shares how he loves me well when we have vulnerable conversations about spending money. His words speak truth to me and remind me that I am a person of integrity, so I spend money in line with my beliefs instead of trying to justify or earn a favor.   We conclude this episode by talking about how we either offer punishment or discipline, even to our friends. We offer some practical examples and share some words of love that may help you reconnect with a friend you’re struggling to love right now.   This episode offers these takeaways--  When we live in a culture that offers us habits of dis-ease instead of habits of health, and that offers us a lifestyle that keeps us vulnerable, we may never experience the thrill of healing and overcoming and growing stronger.  Punishment is about behavior and making someone pay for what’s been done in the past. Discipline is corrective love and is about the person and helping them move forward, trusting the truth of who God says they are.  A diagnosis is not an identity. Resources mentioned in this episode: The Cure and Parents
Mar 9, 2022
38 min
How Love Meets Our Real Need For Security
How do I experience love, practically speaking? How can I put it into words? If I can put it into words, I can put it into action. I can recognize love when I see it if I know what I'm looking for.  Putting love into words and actions is our focus in season 3. In this episode, we're sharing how love meets our real need for security with passionate loyalty and commitment.  Without experiencing dependable love, we'll be persons who are insecure in life. Our insecurity will be evident by these symptoms: fear, anger, an attempt to control, and a need to judge the intent of others.  When we trust the commitment offered by those who love us well, our lives will be characterized by peace and calm, a desire to help others experience freedom, and a willingness to be vulnerable in healthy ways. Listen in as we share specific and practical examples of how we can offer commitment to each other as spouses, as parents, and as friends. We'll talk about how we can learn to love ourselves in dependable ways, too. In this episode, we offer these takeaways:  God is "parenting" me and one of His objectives is to free my life. When I am free, I am free to love others in the same ways God loves me. As spouses, parents, and friends, we can be mindful of the times when it is natural for our family members and friends to feel fear because of a difficult circumstance or season. We can stay in touch to protect them from lies and shame. There is never a time when God is not committed to us. There is never a time when we have to question His passion for us or His dependability. When sharing about how parents can offer dependable love to their children, I (Janet) read a selection from my book about the power of "with." The book, Education by Design, Not Default, is available on Amazon.
Mar 2, 2022
40 min
What is the impact of love?
This is episode 100! Wow! Thank you for celebrating with us!   For 100 episodes we’ve been wrestling with the differences between a lifestyle of fear and a lifestyle of love. In today’s episode, we’re laying out some clear lifestyle markers that are present when love is trusted instead of fear.  Listen in as I (Janet) tell the story of a conversation with Bill Thrall about the impact of love and the symptoms we will notice in our stories when love is not trusted. Bill says, “Love is a process of meeting needs.” It’s true!   We are all born with God-given needs. We will either trust love to meet our needs—or something less. We will develop habits and routines because we trust what love offers--that are different from the habits and routines we live with if we trust what fear offers. When we listen to fear instead of love, sin will impact our lives in the ways of bondage, dis-ease, and an unhealthy self-story.   When we trust what Love is offering to meet our needs, we experience healing and wholeness. We live with integrity and peace. Our relationships are characterized by joy!   In this episode, we offer these takeaways:  Love is a process of meeting needs. Having our needs met is the way we experience another’s love in our everyday lives. If we are compliant, trying to earn love, there is a great risk of becoming a victim of performance-obsessed relationships. I will no longer be willing to take responsibility for my choices and I will hold those in authority responsible for who I am becoming.  Most of our non-clinical problems in this life are a direct result of not experiencing love.  Bill Thrall is a co-author of one of our favorite books, The Cure. We highly recommend it!
Feb 23, 2022
40 min
What does it feel like to love someone?
Welcome to Season 3! We’re calling this season “Every Day Love” and our goal is to make love practical in our everyday lives.    Recognizing the practicality of love requires us to let go of some of the common UN-practical definitions and ideas that we have about love.   Love is so much more than an emotion or something you feel when you first start dating or when you bring home a newborn baby. Being loved is very different from being “in love.” Love is an experience that changes us…for good!   In this episode, I (Janet) share the story about the night I realized for the first time that I was more than attracted to Doug. I realized that I LOVED him! Listen in as I share how I knew the difference between admiring Doug and enjoying the time we spent together.   One of the things I realized was that I didn’t want to be someone who caused Doug more hurting or cost him more wounding. I didn’t want to be someone who let him live with more lies.   Love is something that equips us and transforms us on our journey of personal growth. Love is what heals us and it is the fuel of maturity—and without love, we will get older, but we won’t grow up.   To be alive is to be growing, not to have arrived. And without love, we simply survive. When we love one another, we get to impact and influence each other for good!   In this episode, we offer these takeaways, from Nate Postlethwait: “Stick with the ones who make you feel important. You’ve got one shot at this life and if the people who were meant to teach you about your value didn’t, then find those who can.”  “Your life is meant to be lived. Your relationships are meant to reflect love and safe connection.”  “If you don’t have access to a person, find words. Find books, find quotes, find things that make something in your feel important enough to keep looking for more.” Have you downloaded the FREE RESOURCE on janetnewberry.com? Check it out and discover 3 truths you need to build a lifestyle of love!
Feb 16, 2022
38 min
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