He's Wrath, an ancient seven foot tall vampire who dresses exclusively in unflattering leather pants. She's Beth, a reporter who has no idea she's about to hit Vampire Puberty. All of their friends have ridiculous names! There are ten million books in this series and people are feral for it, let's find out why! We are very sorry - we are doing our best but . We recorded this before Christmas! So happy every-holidays, I guess. This one has bad dogs who die, Vampire Nonsense, murdered sex workers as a plot device (I don't think the author really treats them disposably but characters in the book certainly do), Cop Nonsense, some sex-pollen consent issues, attempted rape, and reckless use of surplus consonants. Oh, and if you want a visual of what somebody thinks these people ought to look like, check out these amazing casting announcement photos.  

He's Marius, a real piece of work! They're... it doesn't matter who they are because once they become too difficult for him to deal with he just makes another younger vampire to replace them. Yes, it's our annual Anne Rice-a-thon! This time we read Blood and Gold, a book which recaps almost every other Vampire Chronicles book including and of course especially Memnoch the Devil, the one we refuse to read. You will not break us, Anne. This seems to be the eighth book in the series and we're pretty sure she's writing them just for us at this point. If you haven't read any of the other books or listened to our episodes on them, this may not be the best starting point - this book was clearly written for the loreseekers. You gotta be up on a whole host of weirdoes for this one to make a lot of sense. I didn't even remember some of these jabronis! So, remember all the gross grooming business from The Vampire Armand? (Real grooming, the youth pastor kind.) It is far, far more distressing in this book because now you see it from Marius' perspective instead of Armand's, and it is so much worse. We found it actively distressing. Additionally, this is generally a book about an enraging sack of shit mansplainer. It has all the traditional Anne Rice mess turned up to 11 (although surprisingly she elides the "shit your pants" part of turning into a vampire in this one? Small blessings.) So, read and listen with care for yourself.  

She's Grace, the world's least qualified sex therapist! He's Julian, a sex slave who lives in a book! Together I really wish they fought crime! It's Fantasy Lover by Sherrilyn Kenyon, the first Dark Hunters book! We actually forgot to do content warnings in the recording (we are out of practice!) but this one does have some creepy stalker business, some off-screen magical "Cupid's Arrow" use by the "hero", a lot of sexual pushiness (light ravishing?), the f-slur, a white voodoo priestess, and it's also deeply stupid. This is the first episode of our Cringe Binge miniseries, where we read a bunch of books we are not calling guilty pleasures! For more info see our preview episode.

We're so back! We're so sorry we haven't been back!  We've been struggling (I think maybe we are not alone?) but we are coming back with a celebration of a kind of book we're struggling to define but we totally know what we're talking about and hope you do too. They tend to be paranormal romances, but don't have to be. They come in long series and you can usually debate for ages about where you should stop reading them. Every woman you know knows about them but almost none of the men do. They have big worldbuilding (often to the point where by book 20 they're completely different books and now everybody is a demon in hell and also a rock star but they still have killer outfits) and their fans are real fans, they get into the first one and read fifteen more in a week, they write fanfic, they want to live in the world. They somehow have a little bit of a fanfic vibe even in the original. There's something a little "guilty pleasure" about them. A little, dare I say, "cringe". Well fuck that, if we're going to meet the moment we need to smother the part of us that thinks a pleasure could be guilty or that sincerity is embarassing. We're embarking on a special mini-series we're calling the Bodice Tipplers Cringe Binge! We're reading Sherrilyn Kenyon! We're reading Charlaine Harris! We're reading JR Ward! We're sure as shit reading Nalini Singh! And before somebody pops out of a garbage can to tell me there's nothing cringey about these books, please go and look at a list of the men's names in the Black Dagger Brotherhood books and check yourself. If you truly want to overcome your instinct for embarassment you're going to have to read a book about a grown ass man named Phury, don't come complaining to me, I don't make the rules. Or the rhules. So join us starting Labor Day for our first one, Fantasy Lover by Sherrilyn Kenyon!

She's Anita, a zombie raising hate crime enthusiast! He's Jean Claude, a vampire who's in the Chamber of Commerce and shops exclusively at International Male! They do not do it until the fifth book! It's Guilty Pleasures, the first Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter book by Laurell K. Hamilton! This was a serious thing for Sara back in college, who is currently having an existential crisis about the trashbag fakeass non-intersectional feminism of the all of it. It was new to Courtney, who hated it. It's halfway to Halloween, so we pulled this one out of a musty old crypt where we honestly kinda forgot about how we recorded it! I mentioned a quote and I mentioned the author but there were, like, twenty minutes between the two in the episode, so let me clarify that when I talked about how "the master's tools will never dismantle the master's house" I was referring to an essay of the same title by Audre Lorde, from her collection Sister Outsider which is a) a quick read, go read it right now, it won't take you but a minute, and b) about being constantly asked to be the only Black woman, or the only lesbian, or the only Black lesbian, at every conference and on every panel. "As women, we have been taught either to ignore our differences, or to view them as causes for separation and suspicion rather than as forces for change. Without community there is no liberation, only the most vulnerable and temporary armistice between an individual and her oppression. But community must not mean a shedding of our differences, nor the pathetic pretense that these differences do not exist." Audre Lorde would eat Anita Blake alive. There's actually quite a bit of content-warning stuff in here - obviously there's vampire-typical violence and lack of consent and all that, but there's also a ton coming from ol' Anita - you got some fat shaming, some kink shaming, she's really got it in for sex workers, she can't stand it when other people have any kind of good time, she's Not Like Other Girls... I bet there's even a bit in here where she talks about how unfashionably big her boobs are and how unfashionably beautiful her skin is and how unfashionably thick and lustrous her mane of hair is.

We had a great time sitting down with Grace and Kate from the New York Public Library (as I explained to my husband "the one with the lions") to talk about NYPL's "Best New Romance Books" list of their favorite 2024 romance novels. We talked about everything from Johanna Lindsey cover art to the sad dearth of true pirate romances these days to romantical rubber duckies!  I cut the worst of the shop talk but it was so exciting to get to talk romance readers' advisory with like minded professionals!

We recorded this months ago, in the fall! We are sorry! He's Brendan, a DOJ attorney ferreting out white supremacists! She's Caroline, a counselor whose mom calls all the time! Will they ever buy curtains to spare the neighbors' tender eyes? Find out in Heat Wave by Barbara Delinsky, another of our "five heart romances"! If you're new to this, we're doing episodes on the list of books that Romantic Times reviewer Melinda Helfer awarded five hearts to (there are sixteen, out of ten thousand!) So far, Melinda did not miss. No real content warnings in this one except that I do not think sex scenes should ever, under any circumstances, include the word "womb". Gah.

He's Marius, a vampire who keeps getting stuck in things! She's Pandora, horny middle aged lady goals! Forget it, Jake, it's Anne Rice! We promised a special January 6 "we're not going back!" episode because... we thought it was going to be funny because we expected things to go somewhat differently! Ha! Ha! So funny! So it's a damn good thing we ended up all loving this book. We're joined by our usual Special Guest Claire and had a great time talking about ol' "yeah but can you fuck" Pandora, bless her. Content warnings are the usual vampire business, the usual Anne Rice xenophobia, and a lot of Roman-style slavery. Also, Anne Rice had a huge-ass doll collection and it was left to a museum in, for some reason, Pennsylvania! Read about it here!

Welcome to our fifth year of reading Anne Rice books for Halloween, with special guest Dr. Claire Mischker! He's David Talbot, nobody's favorite old man/young twink vampire! She's Merrick, too cool for these dusty losers, out here committing perfume crimes! In accordance with long-established tradition, this episode is rambling and yelly and has weird sound! Note: I promise we actually do know that Guatemala is in Central America, but once you make a mistake one time on a podcast it's really hard to not keep making it. As usual there are a slew of real content warnings about anything our girl Anne writes - in this one there is some really gross sexualization of a child (although she is an adult when they actually bang it out); there's somebody letting Anne Rice write about race and colorism which was, let's say, a mistake; and there's quite a lot of talk about suicide. If you need support, the new 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available by phone (just dial 988) or by text or chat at https://988lifeline.org/. You are not a fictional vampire; we are glad you are here and want you to stay here.

Aye lads and lassies and wee bairns (wait, this is no place for wee bairns!) This is our hundredth episode, to our vast surprise, so we're gonna make enemies and talk about Outlander! He's Jamie, the only feminist in eighteenth century Scotland! She's Claire, a time traveling nurse with a boring husband! Buckle up, sassenachs, because if you know this book you know you're about to trip over a giant content warning. The book, the TV show, and absolutely this podcast have a great big neon "sexual assault" warning on them. There is no ignoring the rape in Outlander - it's an omnipresent (and equal opportunity!) threat, it's not something you could just skip a few pages and miss, they probably don't even have a word for it in the way that fish don't have a word for water. Forget it, Jake, it's Outlander. It's traumatic and has real emotional and physical consequences and if it's something you prefer to avoid you definitely should not read, watch, or listen here. There's also some... I don't know how to put this, some spousal discipline? It doesn't really read as abusive, but he does hit her with a belt, which half of us were kinda into and half of us were absolutely not into, so your mileage may vary. And of course there's quite a bit of beating and murdering and witch burning and torturing, just for variety.