Join us as we talk through how to help you work on your relationship as a separate entity. Because partnership looks a lot like two people choosing to do life together, but then our inner child runs the show when the stakes are high. How to we move through that? Let’s figure it out together.Questions we ask toward the end of the episode. We recommend at a minimum journaling on these questions and talking with your partner about them. Consider doing this with takeout, on a date in a place you love.What does stress look like in my body? What does stress look like in my behavior?What do I tend to need when I’m stressed? Is it space, closeness, words, touch?What’s my go-to move in conflict? Do I pursue? Do I withdraw? Do I Freeze? What does it feel like when I don’t feel safe with my partner?What does it feel like when I do feel safe with my partner?What’s one thing your partner could do or say that would help you feel safer when activated?Thanks for reading! This post is public so feel free to share it.The Gottman InstituteEpisode with Steven ThatcherEverything Isn’t Terrible book by Kathleen SmithInstagram handles: @blackandwhiteandgold, @wildravenbreathwork, @greatsexforgoodguys Learn more about EMERGE group-coaching + retreat with Carly Get full access to Black and White and Gold at blackandwhiteandgold.substack.com/subscribe

We all have a wounded inner-child somewhere, and we find them by noticing our triggers—the things that make us so fired up—specifically when our emotional response feels a little bit over-the-top. Today, we chat about what that means for us—and how we can use it to grow the eff up instead of just stewing and re-creating toxic habits. Because you’re better that that. Inner-Child Hypnotherapy/Meditation - Use code “BWG” for 75% offwildRAVEN Somatic Breathwork - Use code “BWG” for 75% offFind us on Instagram: @blackandwhiteandgold, @wildravenbreathwork, @greatsexforgoodguys Learn more about EMERGE group-coaching + retreat with Carly Get full access to Black and White and Gold at blackandwhiteandgold.substack.com/subscribe

When your connection to your partner feels threatened, what does it feel like in your body? What kind of messages do you tell yourself when that connection feels threatened? Is that story actually true?What are you willing to do in order to work through any of those struggles to maintain a healthy connection with your partner?When we (Carly and Rob) started to recognize the way that our patterns were messaging to each other, versus what we were actually trying to communicate to each other, were very different conversations than we had intended, we can start to collaborate and actually communicate.This has changed the dynamic of our relationship in only positive ways, and only became possible because we’re starting to understand ourselves better. Attachment Style QuizFind us on Instagram: Black and White and Gold | @wildravenbreathwork | @greatsexforgoodguysLearn more about the EMERGE group-coaching container + retreat: https://wildraven.carlyallred.com/emerge Get full access to Black and White and Gold at blackandwhiteandgold.substack.com/subscribe

Setting the stage a bit to help us understand some basic needs we have and how our minds can process info and experiences. When we understand what is happening with a more expanded view, we can see things that help ground us and get us through complex issues. In this conversation, we overlay Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs with Carl Jung’s Ego/Shadow/Self to untangle some of the ways we just respond based on an unmet need, because that’s what humans normally do. When we have a different vantage point and can see more of the big picture, we can learn to work with and through stimulating experiences, rather than reacting to them unconsciously. Follow us on Instagram: @blackandwhiteandgold, @wildravenbreathwork, @greatsexforgoodguysValerie Hamaker (referenced within) Get full access to Black and White and Gold at blackandwhiteandgold.substack.com/subscribe

Season 4 is here to build something better. Personal relationship with yourself first, THEN intimate relationship with others. Let’s do this together!Instagram: Black and White and Gold @wildravenbreathwork @greatsexforgoodguys This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Thanks for reading! This post is public so feel free to share it. Get full access to Black and White and Gold at blackandwhiteandgold.substack.com/subscribe

A bit of a wrap-up to tie the loose ends as much as we can in this insanely robust topic. Stick around for Season 4 after the new year, and have the best holiday season you’re able! We’ll be around on the interwebs here on Substack, as well as on Instagram. Get full access to Black and White and Gold at blackandwhiteandgold.substack.com/subscribe

We hear about the “toxic masculine” all the time, and directly attribute the Alpha Bro poison to patriarchal society, but we don’t often talk about the toxic feminine unless we’re just flat out making fun of women…which continues to engrain the problem.In the world of cinema, few films resonate as profoundly as Mean Girls, a comedic exploration of the complexities of high school life and the sneaky dynamics of underdeveloped female relationships. In this blog post, we dissect the feminist themes embedded within the movie, particularly focusing on archetypes of toxic femininity that are ever-present in our society today. Join us as we delve into these characters and their implications on women’s roles and behaviors.Toxic femininity, much like its male counterpart, can manifest in various ways, often leading women to adopt behaviors that undermine their authenticity and self-worth. In our discussion, we highlight how this concept is underrepresented compared to toxic masculinity, yet it plays a significant role in shaping women’s experiences and interactions.In our episode, we discussed how some women choose to play along with the patriarchal structures in place, believing they cannot (or should not) change the system. This resignation can manifest in various ways, from over-accommodating behavior to avoiding conflict. The characters discussed here serve as an example of the internal and external conflicts women face when trying to navigate such dynamics.Join us in the chat or on Instagram to keep talking about this topic. We’d love your insights!Header image via LetterboxdThis Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Black and White and Gold at blackandwhiteandgold.substack.com/subscribe

SummaryIn this episode, we explore the themes of patriarchy and feminism, discussing the need for egalitarianism in society. We discuss practical ways to decenter male perspectives in relationships in order to create space for equality. Come join us on Instagram: @blackandwhiteandgold Get full access to Black and White and Gold at blackandwhiteandgold.substack.com/subscribe

Feminism is so broad, sometimes we caricature the whole movement and then steer clear. This episode is intended to continue our conversation the last two weeks about what feminism is and how it presents and impacts the world.Today, we dive into understanding how different types of feminism, as well as different manifestations of oppression affect people in ways that can’t easily be addressed from one angle. Did you learn something? Let’s chat about it!Join us on Instagram: Black and White and Gold Or join the chat:This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Black and White and Gold at blackandwhiteandgold.substack.com/subscribe

This conversation delves into the multifaceted nature of feminism, exploring its various waves and types, including liberal, radical, socialist, and cultural feminism. The hosts discuss the historical context, key figures, and the importance of intersectionality in understanding women's rights and gender equality. They emphasize that feminism is not a singular movement but a complex interplay of ideas and experiences that seek to address the oppression of women in different societal contexts.Join us in conversation on Substack, or on Instagram at https://instagram.com/blackandwhiteandgold Get full access to Black and White and Gold at blackandwhiteandgold.substack.com/subscribe