Show notes
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Elana Auerbach about her book, “The Sure Thing: A Pleasure Practice to Revive the Spark,” and how a consistent weekly intimacy ritual can rebuild connection in long-term relationships. Elana shares her background as a “good girl” who followed an expected life path, her divorce after realizing a lack of chemistry, and later meeting her husband Bill through a San Francisco pleasure community. After years of desire mismatch, resentment, and trying typical sex advice without success, they created a weekly “sure thing” practice focused on intention, closeness, and taking 100% responsibility for one’s own pleasure rather than performance goals. They discuss responsive desire, preparation cues, the guiding question “what would be most pleasurable right now?”, working with partner resistance, addressing shame, and Elana’s “love ripples” actions to spread connection beyond the bedroom.00:00 Show Intro00:46 Meet Elana Auerbach01:43 Good Girl Conveyor Belt02:45 Marriage Without Chemistry04:06 Choosing Divorce Truthfully05:27 Pleasure Community Awakening07:22 Parenthood Desire Gap09:30 Shabbat Sure Thing Idea11:08 Starting Weekly Practice12:34 Why It Works Fast13:34 Embodied Sexy Music14:07 Midshow Coaching Break14:35 Intentions Not Sex Goals16:32 Creative Pleasure Mindset17:22 Know What You Want18:19 Sure Thing Ritual Ideas19:30 Most Pleasurable Now20:29 When Partners Resist22:48 Shame On Who24:14 Love Ripples Practice25:27 Can Pleasure Change World26:33 Where To Find Book28:09 Final Thanks And OutroHow to work with Jessa: https://www.intimacywithease.comBio:Elana Auerbach is a lover, mother, mentor, activist, and priestess. She spent her childhood and young adulthood on what she calls “the conveyor belt of life,” being the good girl and doing what others expected of her. This looked like graduating Phi Beta Kappa from UCLA, working on Wall Street for a Japanese investment bank, and marrying someone with whom she felt no chemistry.It all fell apart in 2001 when Elana realized she’d been living a lie and found the courage to leave her marriage. She entered a world of sensuality and sex in a San Francisco pleasure-centered community. This is where she met Bill, who would become her loverman for life.While Elana has a wealth of professional experience guiding people deeper into their bodies and their pleasure, The Sure Thing comes directly from her personal life. After years of frustration and failed gimmicks to try to respark the passion in her 20-year marriage, Elana created The Sure Thing. She wrote this book because she wants everyone to have access to this life altering practice.www. surethingexperiment.comWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe
