Send us Fan Mail A random sound, an awkward moment, a “too trendy” habit, a loud chew, a cringe caption and suddenly your attraction falls off a cliff. That snap reaction gets labeled “the ick,” but I keep coming back to a sharper question: is it really just pettiness, or is it your gut trying to keep you safe? We walk through what the ick actually is, why it can feel so visceral, and why small things can start to look like deal breakers overnight. I dig into the research notes around common...

Send us Fan Mail Free use is one of the most misunderstood kink terms on the internet, and that confusion can lead to real harm. We sit down around the campfire and define free use in plain English: a consensual dynamic built on pre-arranged consent, clear rules, and the absolute right to stop. If someone tries to sell you “blanket consent” with no safeword, we call it what it is: a red flag. We also sort out the definitions people keep mixing together in BDSM and swinger spaces. Consensual ...

Send us Fan Mail Labels can feel like boxes until you realize they’re also doors. We get real about BDSM roles and kink labels like Dom, sub, switch, top, bottom, and “right side of the slash,” and why those words can make it easier to find compatible partners without pretending a profile tag tells the whole story. I’m opinionated here: if you’re using labels to make snap judgments, you’re doing it wrong. If you’re using them to start better conversations, you’re on the right track. We break...

Send us Fan Mail You can be asexual and still love sex spaces. That’s not a contradiction, and we’re done pretending it is. We’re talking about sex-favorable asexuality and what it looks like when you genuinely enjoy the vibe of kink events, swingers spaces, and even orgy rooms while not feeling the same kind of primary sexual attraction that allosexual people assume is “the whole point.” We share real-world stories from hotel takeover style swinger environments, the difference in how people...

Send us Fan Mail Somebody on Reddit is always asking, “Am I the asshole?” but the better question is usually: where did consent get replaced by pressure? I’m Julius, and I’m bringing three alternative relationship and sex questions to the campfire with zero sugarcoating and a lot of care for the people getting pushed past their limits. First up, we dig into a messy polyamory moment with a nesting partner and a friends with benefits. If you bought sex toys and kink gear to explore together, t...

Send us Fan Mail Half the year is gone, and I’m not letting 2026 blur by on autopilot. Around the Kinky Campfire turns into a midyear self-review where I lay out my real do’s and don’ts, the habits I’m retiring, and the goals I’m doubling down on. It’s honest, a little chaotic, and way more useful than a polished highlight reel. I talk about relationships and the uncomfortable truth that some “messing with your partner” behavior can cross into emotional harm, even when you think it’s playful...

Send us Fan Mail Bourbon Street is loud, hot, and chaotic, so it’s the perfect backdrop for one of the biggest swingers conventions in the country. I’m back from Naughty Nollins with a fresh, boots-on-the-ground recap from my first time in New Orleans and my first ever swingers convention and I’m not sugarcoating the logistics, the surprises, or the stuff I’d do differently next year. I went as part of the Smut Lovers crew, juggling vending, volunteering, and trying to stay socially fu...

Send us Fan Mail FLASHBACK EPISODE 4/11/24 We open with a ridiculous little “negotiation minute” over snacks and ASMR rules, and it turns into a surprisingly useful example of how boundaries actually get made in real time. From there, we dive into a rant that hits a nerve: why so many people grow up without any clear roadmap for relationship stages, then get judged for struggling when the honeymoon phase ends. We use language from Polywise and talk through symbiosis (New Relationship Energy...

Send us Fan Mail Dating in 2026 has a vibe, and it’s equal parts hopeful, messy, and chronically online. We’re halfway through the year, so I’m taking a lighthearted but honest look at the dating trends popping up everywhere and giving you my real commentary on what actually helps you build connection. We get into political deal breakers and why people treat them like instant character tests, plus how I’d rather ask “why” than slam a door without context. Then we talk about therapy lingo in ...

Send us Fan Mail Your heart races before a difficult talk, you overthink a text, you walk into a crowd and your whole body scans for threats and then you shame yourself for being “ridiculous.” That combo is exactly what we’re unpacking: the shame of small fears, and why it can quietly run your relationships, your confidence, and your daily peace. We dig into the stress state many of us live in, from fight or flight to freeze and fawn, and how hypervigilance can make normal public life ...