In this second part of the conversation, Coletta and Tammy will build off of the processes and tools we learned in “Infidelity in Your Ministry Marriage”. We’ll look specifically at how a pastor’s wife can walk alongside someone else going through infidelity. When a marriage comes to this cliff, it is common for a pastor and his wife to be the ‘first on the scene’ and are faced with helping them find their way through. There are so many things we can do to help, but often with good intentions, can say and do things that harm. Get some new ways to think about this sacred space of someone’s pain that God has asked you to enter into.

Coletta and Tammy Gustafson (LPC, trauma specialist, founder: betrayalhealing.com) talk about dealing with infidelity when it's your own marriage. This conversation is specifically for those in ministry because there aren’t many resources for us. But much of the process Tammy walks us through is helpful if you are walking through it with someone else. She helps ministry/pastors’ wives to walk in wisdom in this, helping them do it in a way that is healthy. If this is something you are facing, there are many practicals to help you take the next step for long-term healing and some encouraging words to help you see you aren’t alone.

Coletta talks with guest LeighAnn Brisbin (LPC, ministry trauma specialist) from FreeToBe Ministries about how pastors and ministry wives can walk with people through crisis. They’ll talk about the uniqueness of a Pastors’ wive’s spot, where you are often given trust you didn’t earn, simply because of who you are married to – and invited into very difficult and painful situations – but places where God has led and will use you. Coletta and LeighAnn dig into how to manage your own heart, managing the tension between healthy boundaries and loving sacrificially, developing your team, and compartmentalize. And finally, how to navigate when multiple crisis come at the same time – and finding your lifelines. (I wish I’d had this 30 years ago)

In this episode, Coletta and Heidi talk about why criticism is such a challenge for pastors and their wives and how to deal with it, when it comes. You’ll learn how to manage your heart in the moment and how to manage the situation with wisdom. They’ll also talk specifically about dealing with criticism when your loved one, your husband is the target, why that is so difficult, and how to invite the Lord into that, so that the pain is not in vain. They’ll introduce you to a principle that will help when you have to tackle the question, “Is this true about me?” and how you, as a wife, can work with the Holy Spirit, as you both come alongside.

Coletta talks with guest Carrie Pancratz (PW in Utah) about the challenge of the constant need to embrace and release relationships as a pastor’s wife. They wrestle together through the need for a stable friendship that doesn’t depend on people’s happiness with the church but also the need for us to hold our friendships with an open hand. Carrie talks about seasons of plenty and seasons of drought and how to get through those. They also tackle the reality that people often have agendas in their initiation of friendship with us and how to think about that. You’ll be encouraged that God sees your need and is in the process of fulfilling it.

Coletta and Julie invite you into their conversation about navigating yucky emotions, especially anger. Julie vulnerably shares about her struggle with overwhelming stress, anger and rage as a pastor’s wife. They talk about how our pasts give us a natural bent that needs to be understood, surrendered and rewired by the Lord. They also dig into why this struggle is more difficult when we have to do it publicly, with a congregation watching. You’ll be encouraged by hearing that you aren’t alone in your struggle with anger and grab ahold of some healthy ways to surrender it in a way that honors others and points people to Jesus.

In this overview conversation about raising a ministry family, Coletta, and Heidi peal the first layer of the onion in the challenge of raising our ministry/pastor’s kids to love Jesus, authentically and from the heart. This can be tough when ministry is difficult and they equate Jesus and our work for Him. Our kids have a unique perspective because they have a front-row seat to God’s chosen way of working in the world, through His Church. But when His Church doesn’t behave well, we have to coach our kids carefully in order for them to come out the other side. We’ll dig into some practical ways to help our kids buck the PK syndrome. This is the first in a series of more specific conversations about raising a ministry family and serves as a good overview.

During this first episode of the Alongside Podcast, Coletta and Heidi will talk about the importance of creating a space where we hold each other’s arms up with courage, where we are safe to dig into issues that don’t have easy answers, and where we can ask questions that others are afraid to ask. They’ll also talk about the value of vulnerability but why it is so difficult for ministry and pastors’ wives. You’ll learn to distinguish the difference between authenticity and transparency and how to navigate each of these as we follow Jesus. They’ll share moments of doing that well and when they have failed and what they learned.