Carl has a pretty intense talk with a hot guy in a More Life shirt after this week’s Summer House alien party, and it just might mean the beginning of his relationship. Surely it’s not the whole “she expects me to work” thing. Also, this is the first time on Bravo we’ve seen anyone get territorial over a balloon twister. Well done, show. Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens

*This is part two of a two-part recap!* Jax finds a way to profit off his baldness this week on The Valley, while still finding a way to make an already fraught situation even hairier. Don’t worry, though. Kristen is here to prove her dutifulness by not telling anyone’s deepest darkest secrets. Don’t make her do it guys! Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens

*This is part 1 of a two-part recap!* Jax finds a way to profit off his baldness this week on The Valley, while still finding a way to make an already fraught situation even hairier. Don’t worry, though. Kristen is here to prove her dutifulness by not telling anyone’s deepest darkest secrets. Don’t make her do it guys! Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens

*This is part 2 Jax returns to Vanderpump Rules (S11E13) to wreak havoc and sweat all over Lisa Vanderpump. He’s furious about having to fight rumors of cheating while at the same time in real life he’s fighting rumors of…well, cheating. We will wait for you to recover from the absolute shock of it all. Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens

Jax returns to Vanderpump Rules (S11E13) to wreak havoc and sweat all over Lisa Vanderpump. He’s furious about having to fight rumors of cheating while at the same time in real life he’s fighting rumors of…well, cheating. We will wait for you to recover from the absolute shock of it all. Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens

Chef is on thin ice on Below Deck (S11E12), but some lobster grilled cheeses could be his undoing. Plus, sexytimes on the boat for some but not others. Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens

Not much happened on Summer House Martha’s Vineyard (S02E05), but Jasmine did announce that she’s pregnant! And Shanice sprained her ankle. And Preston wore a jockstrap while he ironed. Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens

The hilarious Michelle Collins drops by to talk Summer House, and then it’s on to the latest episode (S08E09) where Danielle and Gabby vie for a balloon artist. Meanwhile, Paige has a shocking change of allegiance, and Lindsay encourages Carl to, you know, get a job. Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens

On the latest Vanderpump Villa (S01E05), a group of single men descend on the chateau for a luxury weekend of roast beef and bocce. Meanwhile, Marciano does dishes. Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens

This is part 2 This episode of The Valley (S01E05) has everything: two crumbling marriages, broken air conditioning, and some deeply traumatized stingrays. Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens