The Single Mom Podcast is dedicated to inspiring and supporting single moms. Heather Wells is a single mother of three children (two with special needs) who spent years struggling just to make ends meet. Now she is a successful business owner and is dedicated to helping other single moms find the tools, resources and mindsets to navigate through the craziness of raising children alone.
After a recent interaction with someone who accused me of 'emotionally abusing' my daughter because I was expressing my hurt and frustration I started wondering something... Why do moms get treated like we are no longer people? Why are we supposed to keep our feelings, emotions, anger, frustrations etc all bottled up? When we need to go out to let off steam, why are we judged? If we breakdown because we are so tired and emotionally drained, out parenting abilities are questioned. Or when we let our child know that they hurt us we are accused of emotionally abusing them... When did it stop being ok for us to be human?
I quit smoking 8 years ago, and after I did I gained a lot of weight. What started out as 10 additional pounds grew into 50. I have been trying for YEARS to find the motivation & commitment to lose all those extra pounds.I have tried various diets, Nutrisystem, Weight Watchers, and other fad diets I found online. I joined a couple different gyms – and barely went. I tried working out with Beach Body videos at home.I gained it all right back!I finally found something that worked for me - the Keto diet. This episode covers my journey on this diet.
For single moms, Mother's Day can often end up being just like every other day. We don't always have someone to take over for us - allowing us to sleep in, taking over our daily responsibilities and obligations, etc. So for some of us Mother's Day really isn't any different that yesterday or the day before that or the day before that. But it SHOULD be different. Even if there isn't another adult to help you feel that you are amazing for all you do, your kids likely do! And YOU should do something to make yourself feel wonderful on Mother's Day. Because as a single mom you are EXTRA awesome and should be treated as such.So, this podcast episode is dedicated to finding ways to treat yourself this Mother's Day! A quick random list of easy, inexpensive or free ways to do something for yourself this Mother's Day. Don't let it just be another day!
Today's podcast is all about parenting agreements and why you should ABSOLUTELY have one. Making sure that all the details of your co-parenting arrangement with your ex are all laid out and legal is so very important. Having a parenting agreement helps keep all the rules and guidelines of how you will raise your child will actually help to keep things civil with your ex. Well, hopefully.There are so many different things to consider when creating a parenting agreement and today I will cover several of those things. Some of them PROBABLY aren't what you think...
Too often we as single moms will undervalue ourselves. We may not do it on purpose, or even realize we are doing it but it happens more often than not. I recently came to this conclusion after having someone try to use the fact that I am a single mom as some form of insult. This of course does not work on me - because I am happily single. But it does make me realize that there are people who think that all of us single moms are just miserable and looking for a man. Which is often times not true. However, I do know that there are many of us single moms out there who are lonely and who do want to find someone to love and love us in return. Unfortunately, sometimes we end up lowering our standards and undervaluing ourselves just to find someone to fill that void. And that is something we should NEVER do! This episode goes deeper into why you should NEVER undervalue yourself.
Self-contentment... remember what that feels like? Do you remember who you were before you had kids? Do you remember what you loved to do and the things that brought you joy? As a single mom I know that for many years I felt like there was nothing more to me than just being Mom. It was a feeling that is hard to nail down sometimes. The best way I can describe it is a sort of hollow feeling inside. Like there is a part of you that just isn't there anymore.All those things that I used to do, that brought me happiness, I simply stopped doing after my kids were born. Because I was a single mom with little to no help it just seemed impossible. There was no way I would have the time or energy to work on self-contentment. I had kids to feed, boo-boo's to patch up, clothes to wash, events to drive to, homework to help with, doctor's appointments... There was no TIME for anything more, and even if there was time - I was too damn tired to try and do it. 'I'll do that later. When the kids are older.' But something happened, and it happened so slowly - in small increments, that I didn't even realize it ... I lost myself. So many things that had to be done to care for my kids and give them full lives, that I forgot about my own life. I became simply mom. Nothing more to me than that. And I thought that was how it was supposed to be.I felt guilty if I tried to go and do something for myself. How could I possibly justify spending even a dollar on something special for ME when I should dedicate everything to them? What a horrible mother I must be for wanting some time away from my kids!How could I possibly follow my dreams and still be a good mom? So everything was pushed aside and my dreams tossed aside so I could be the best mom I could be. Or so I thought...You see, after a while that hollowness - it starts to become all consuming. You start to feel lost somehow. Yeah, you are still doing everything you need to do in order to be super-mom. But it feels like a chore. Like you have to force yourself to continue with the day to day. You still love your kids more than anything but your life...you don't really love that.Which is NOT a good thing, because whether you realize it or not, your kids can feel that. You may try to hide it - but they instinctively know. Somewhere along the way we decided that we needed to put ourselves last in order to be good moms. We don't. We need to be right up there in the top two! First the kids, then right along side them - US! We need to feel that we are just as important and our goals and dreams are also just as important. Now, I am not saying you should ditch your kids and run off to Paris to become and artist. BUT - if art is something that you love, then it should STILL be a part of your life.Music, art, fashion, architecture, guitar, dance... if you love it, and it feeds your soul, it NEEDS to be a part of your life! You need to feel like a whole person if you want to be the best mom you can be. Even if you can only take 30 minutes a day to feed your passion - at least that is something. Do the things that bring you joy (provided they are not bad habits). You will feel better. You will be better. You will feel part of your self return, I promise!And you will be a better mother for it.
For many couples with children it has been typical that the woman would be the primary care giver. Often times staying at home to care for the kids while her husband worked. However, over the years this dynamic has changed a bit. A 2013 Pew study revealed that 40% of women were the main breadwinners in their homes. It is likely that number has risen over the years. So what happens when a mother, who has always been the primary breadwinner, becomes a single mom? When you haven't been the primary care giver for your child it can be quite a change. In this weeks podcast interview I talk with Rachel who has recently become a single mom. After separating from her husband, she found herself struggling with being the primary caregiver. Rachel had always been the breadwinner for her family while her husband took care of their baby. When they separated Rachel had to learn how to be both breadwinner AND caregiver. Not many of us can understand what it's like to find ourselves in tears at the grocery store because we don't know what foods our baby likes. Rachel's husband had always taken care of the shopping. Not only did she have to learn all about her baby's habits and routines, she had to find a way to move past the guilt she felt because she didn't know these things.In the past several months Rachel has been able to get into the groove that many of us is simply the norm. It took her quite a bit of work but things are finally going great for her and her daughter. She is settling into the single mom life and I have no doubt she will be very successful.
If you know me, or have listened to some of my podcasts, you know that one of the things I dislike more than most anything is stereotypes. I do not like it when people put other people into a certain box, or judge them based on preconceived notions. Assuming they know a person's situation before actually getting to know them.This happens all to often to single mothers. I know that personally I have been stereotyped in the following ways:- a slut - a whore - a welfare queen or scammer - just lookin' for a daddy for her kids - mooching off the system - your kids must be in jail - you were probably a drug addictAnd there have likely been more over the years.So it stands to reason that I would absolutely despise when people just put stereotypes of single moms out there in the world. Especially people with large platforms.People like Tucker Carlson.Recently on his show Tucker did a piece on 'Men in Decline'. In this piece he talked about how women were less likely to marry men who made less money than they did. How they SHOULD want to marry them but they more than likely don't. Now, setting aside how insulting it is to women as a whole to assume that we are all money hungry gold diggers only interested in what a man earns. I mean god forbid we marry for something as stupid as love.There was another statement that he made right after that one that REALLY got my attention.“Over big populations this causes a drop in marriage, a spike in out-of-wedlock births and all the familiar disasters that inevitably follow. More drug and alcohol abuse, higher incarceration rates, fewer families formed in the next generation."A spike in out-of-wedlock births and the familiar disasters that inevitably follow.That my friends is a dig as single mothers. That is the stereotype that is thrown around so often about children raised by single moms. And yes, I know that there have been studies about it, and yes I know that it can and does happen. However, I also know that there are thousands upon thousands of children who are raised by single mothers who turn out just fine. No jail time, no drug habits, no alcoholism.
It is almost the end of 2018 and I don't know about you but I am ready to kick last year to the curb!Last year seemed to be the most BLAH year I have experienced thus far. Now, it may be due to the political BS that has been going on ALL YEAR LONG. It could be my struggles with depression. It could be any number of things.Whatever the cause, I know that I am ready to close it out and bring in a bright new shiny year.I don't know about you, but I personally have routines and rituals that I go through every New Year's Eve. Not the party till I pass out kind of rituals but the kind that help me prepare myself for success in the coming year.Now some of these may be a little too woo-woo for you, and that's ok. BUT I highly recommend that you also close out your year in a way that helps you make 2019 an amazing year!This episode covers my list of rituals and routines for closing out the year...
It's CHRISTMAS TIME!!!!! I don't know about you, but this is my favorite time of year! However, this is also the time of year where I tend to drive myself a little bit crazy and drive myself into the ground. I also used to deal with an overabundance of guilt because of my need to compare myself to other moms or families. In this episode I talk about why you shouldn't try to live up to the idea of a 'perfect' Christmas.
The holidays are here again! With Thanksgiving just around the corner, I keep seeing people posting on social media all the things that they are thankful for. And while I think that expressing gratitude is always a good thing; I always wonder why people only seem to do it around a specific holiday?Why only think about what you are thankful for around Thanksgiving? Why not do it all year round, every day? Today's podcast talks about why remembering to be thankful every single day is so important. Now I know that for many of us single moms it can be hard sometimes to be thankful or show gratitude. When things seem so hard or stressful. When you aren't sure how you are going to pay the bills this month or if you will have enough food. When your ex decides to stop paying child support. Or maybe you are recently divorced and it seems hard to see how you could possibly be thankful for your world falling apart at the seams. These hard times can make it very hard to find things to be thankful for.But it's these times when it is more important than ever to work on being thankful. Because that is how we bring ourselves back to the light and the good times. By finding the good in the bad.Creating a daily gratitude practice for yourself can be so helpful and will often get you through those hard times with a better outlook.This episode covers a few ways to help yourself in your gratitude practice
A few days ago I was scrolling through my Twitter feed trying, and failing, to ignore the political nonsense that has overtaken literally all social media platforms. I posted some pithy comments and re-tweeted some of the dumbest things that I came across. Realizing that by doing so I was totally contributing to the din, but apparently unable to stop myself.When I came across a post by a father Twitter handle: @daddyfiles, that caught my attention and made me stop in my tracks. It was a post about his little boy being bullied at school for wearing nail polish. His post railed against the toxic masculinity that caused this little boy to question himself and want to stop being who he was. And this dad was PISSED! I read through his entire thread and all I could say was BRAVO!Seriously, I gave that man a standing ovation in my damn living room. It made my heart so happy to see this father do what ALL parents should do - accept their children for how they are. Could it be a phase? Of course it could. Could it mean more? Of course it could. But ultimately this little boy ended up knowing that his father supported and loved him no matter what! Isn't that what we as parents are supposed to do? Raise our children to know that no matter how they dress, what they look like, who they love, how they wear their hair - that we will love them. That we support them. We don't have to always LIKE what they do or wear BUT they aren't us and we aren't them. Giving your child the ability to express themselves (as long as no one is being physically harmed) is so very important. I don't want my child to grow up hating me because I couldn't bring myself to approve of who they were at their core.I would never want to lose a relationship with my child simply because I couldn't accept their differences. It made my heart happy to see this dad just blast the toxic masculinity that caused his poor little boy to suffer at school. Thank you @daddyfiles for all you did to support and love your son!
The Pros & Cons of Working From HomeAs a single mom I struggled for years trying to support my family while working full time. I had to apply for government assistance to afford the child care I needed. I knew that the only way I was going to get out the struggle I was in was if I didn't have to pay for child care. The only way I would be able to do that was to work from home.I had no idea what I was going to do or how I was going to do it but I dove right in. I made a lot of mistakes and stumbled along the way, but I was able to create a successful business for myself. I have been self employed for 10 years now. It has been the best thing I could have done for myself and my family. Working from home has given me back control of my time and allowed me to be more present in my children's lives. Working from home has plenty of perks but it can also have some downsides as well. It isn't always for everyone. In this weeks podcast I cover the pros and cons of working from home.
As single moms we are more often than not running in 5 different directions, going a million miles an hour with our hair on fire! We take on so much every day just to keep our small humans alive and kicking. But when we do this it can take its toll on us. Hell, who am I kidding, it kicks our asses most days. We spend so much time taking on all the things that need to be done that we often neglect to take care of ourselves.We put ourselves last. And by the time we finally have time to MAYBE do something for ourselves, it is really just one more thing that takes up our time and energy and we just don't do it. OR we feel guilty for doing it. For the simple act of taking a moment to care for ourselves, we feel bad because we could be doing any number of the other things that are on our to-do list. And yes, I KNOW that you know how important self-care is. And yes, I KNOW that you have heard me talk about this before. But if you are anything like me, even knowing how important it is, it almost always ends up falling WAAAAAAAY to the bottom of your list of priorities. We have to stop letting ourselves do that. Our well being is imperative to our children's well being. If we are too stressed and too tired and too overwhelmed - it reflects in our parenting. No matter how hard we try to hide it. We aren't at the top of our games as moms when we allow ourselves to get to that point. We need to relax and recharge!Now I know that many of you are saying 'I don't have time!' .... none of us have time! BUT we need to find a way to make time. Even something as simple as taking a bubble bath and reading for 30 min while your kids take a nap. OR giving yourself a pedicure after the kids go to sleep for the night. Instead of doing that load of laundry, that will still be there when you are done (it's not like it's gonna self destruct if you wait an hour to put it in) - go for a walk to a park and just enjoy the out doors before you pick up your kids from school.It doesn't have to cost a ton of money, it doesn't even have to take up much time - just find something that helps you recharge your batteries, feeds your soul/spirit and keeps you SANE!
As parents we have so many different things that we have to worry about and deal with on a daily basis. Making sure that these little humans grow up safe and secure and turn into hopefully productive members of society! But let's be honest - they can REALLY test our patience and our sanity! Who among us hasn't ended up in a battle royale with their kid over something completely ridiculous? I know I have! We all struggle with it, and we all know that in the end it leaves us feeling emotionally and physically drained. So over the years I have learned to pick my battles when it comes to my kids, rather than spend time and energy on arguing. Now don't get me wrong - I still stand my ground on the important things but I am not willing to get into a 30 minute argument over whether my daughter should wear matching socks or not. If my son decides he wants to make a peanut butter sandwich rather than eat spaghetti for dinner - fine by me. I am not going to argue and make myself insane over little things, because life is too short and I have only so much energy and patience to get me through my day.Having a child with special needs definitely can complicate this but it is something that I also implement with my son. Picking my battles with him is very necessary because my son LOVES to battle. If he can get me to step in that arena with him, he is in his element. And I end up feeling like I just went 10 rounds with a boxing pro - even though I "won" the battle. Today's podcast discusses why it is so important to your own well being and mental health to learn to pick your battles. Is it REALLY worth the argument? Or is it better for you if you can just learn to let it go?
There was a recent story about an actor who used to work on The Cosby Show who is now bagging groceries at a Trader Joes. Fox News posted this "story" with a picture of the man carrying grocery bags with a dirty shirt on. The backlash that they received from this story was epic. Because the story was positioned in a way that made it seem they were slamming the man in a sort of "look how far they have fallen" piece. People from all walks of life came out in defense of this man. Railing against Fox for degrading a man for simply working a job. How dare they make it seem like this man was any less because he is not acting anymore and instead working a regular job like the rest of us. As of now, there has been no retraction or apology from Fox but it made me think about the subject of today's podcast.How often do we look at someone and make a snap judgement about them? How often is it done to us? For all we know this actor DECIDED to leave acting behind and is happy as a clam bagging groceries, and to try and belittle him for it is simply wrong. I know that I have been treated poorly by those who make snap judgments about me as a single mom. I've had people assume I was on welfare even when I wasn't. I have had people assume that because I am a single mother I must be a whore. Hell, my ex (my daughter's dad) even told me once that I was trying to trap him. In his mind apparently, because I was a single mother, I was looking for a man to come and take care of me and my kids. That I specifically targeted him because he owned a home and a business and therefore was a good 'target'. Never mind the fact that I had been single for 7 years prior to meeting him, had my own place, paid my own bills and never once mentioned anything about marriage or moving in. Really nothing I actually did would imply that I was looking to 'trap' him. But he made his snap judgement. Today's podcast is about these types of judgments. Do others do this to you? Do you do it to others? We shouldn't but we do. Let's try to be better so we don't end up like Fox News, trying to embarrass some guy who is just trying to live his life.
Many of you have heard me talk about my son and his traumatic brain injury but I have never fully shared the story of how he was hurt. My son is a shaken baby survivor, both my boys are. I am returning to my podcast after taking a break to manage my life with the story of how Gage was hurt, what followed and a new issue that has come from his brain injury.
The newest 'challenge' that is on social media is out there for our kids to be subjected to. The Tide Pod challenge is trending right now because kids are ACTUALLY recording themselves EATING Tide Pods and posting it online. As parents we seem to have new things every day that we need to protect our kids from. Now we need to protect them from themselves and reinforce the need for basic common sense.This weeks podcast covers social media challenges and the absolute ridiculousness of children harming themselves in an effort to get more clicks, shares, tweets and likes.
If you are not sure who Mayim Bialik is, you may not have been a young girl growing up in the 90’s watching Blossom dancing on your TV screen listening to her on screen brother Joey say “Whoa!”You are more than likely familiar with her role as Sheldon’s love interest Amy on the Big Bang Theory. What you MAY not know however is that she is a scientist in real life. Like a really real scientist with a B.S. in neuroscience.She also created a site called GrokNation which caters to women and includes wide-ranging topics such as religion, popular culture, parenting, and Hollywood. Man this lady has a lot going on – including launching a brand new book!Girling Up: How to Be Strong, Smart and Spectacular looks to be an amazing book and one I will likely be purchasing for my daughter. It tackles a lot of issues for little girls from a scientific perspective breaking down many of the things that as a little girl I wondered about.Hell, some of them I still wonder about.The book has 6 chapters:How Our Bodies WorkHow We GrowHow We LearnHow We LoveHow We CopeHow We MatterAnd that last chapter is one that I am so very excited to read to my daughter.
Who you allow into your life, mind & heart are among the most important decisions you will ever make. It took me some time to fully understand this and how important it was in my life. I am one of those people who will always try to see the good in people. I usually end up ignoring the bad when I do though. Quite often I would ignore or disregard bad qualities or behavior because I thought that the person was a 'good person underneath it all'. With my boys' father I chose to look past all of the blatant signs that he was not good for me, or my boys. I tried to make something work with my daughter's father that would never work. The whole time telling myself that I could fix things that simply weren't fixable. The realization of how important this decision was for my life finally hit home when I had to completely sever my relationship with my best friend. We had been friends for almost 10 years when I had to walk away. For some time I had suspicions that she had started using drugs. But I found myself making excuses and talking myself out of those suspicions. My friend couldn't possibly be using, she wouldn't lie straight to my face when I asked her. She wouldn't use drugs while me and my children were in the house. I just couldn't make myself believe it no matter what my gut said. Finally, I couldn't ignore the signs and people telling me that she was using. I had to tell my best friend, a woman I considered a sister, that she could no longer be in my life.It took me a while after that to finally realize that it took me far too long to cut my friend out of my life. I allowed her around my children when I shouldn't have because I wanted to believe my friend. That I stayed for too long in a 'relationship' with my daughter's father because I wanted believe that he would change. I ignored all the signs and it effected my life.Have you ever heard the phrase 'You are who you hang with'? When you allow toxic people into your life they will poison it. It may not happen right away, and you may not even realize it. Until it's too late. They can effect your outlook on life, the way you behave, activate bad habits. When I was with my daughter's father I drank a whole lot more than I normally do. I felt that in order to be with him I had to drink like him. I was the worst version of myself when I was with him. Since that relationship and losing my best friend I have made sure to only allow positive people into my life. People who will bring out the best in me. Push me to be a better person and help me enforce a positive and healthy lifestyle. It took me many years to fully understand how important this was for a healthy life for myself and my family. Since making that decision life has been much more of a blessing than a burden. I have had less drama to deal with. There is no longer a constant feeling of BLAH looming overhead. Making sure that only certain people are allowed into our family and into my life has been critical for our happiness and peace. It is the most important thing.
The most recent controversial decision by the Trump administration (because there have been quite a few to choose from) is taking aim as transgender youth in our schools.In May of 2016 the Obama administration stated that Title IX protects the right of transgender students to use the restroom and locker rooms that coincide with the gender they identify with. However, recently the current administration has decided that they didn't really like that idea.Stating that they believe that it should be something each state and local school district should develop policy on. Basically passing the buck to the states, which means that many transgender students in conservative states are screwed.Now putting aside all of the politics that come along with what should be a basic human right issue it does bring up the topic of how are we addressing this with our children? I mean it does effect them doesn't it?So I thought I would share how this issue has effected our family because:we actually know a trans child,she goes to my daughter's school.she rides in our carpooland we simply adore her!
Valentine's Day. A day that, for some, brings more misery than happiness. Those who are single and long to have someone to share their life with may find this day to be horribly depressing. I however, am not one of those people. Valentine's Day is just another day for me. Nothing special about it. I don't feel better or worse about myself on this day. Nor do I long for something that I am 'missing' in my life. I realized that for many this day is not so simple. For many, they feel lonely or like they are missing a piece in the grand puzzle of their life. This led me to think about the difference between being alone and being lonely.
HAPPY 2017!!!!I hope that the first few weeks of the new year have been good for you. I know that this has been a scary couple of weeks for me. As many of you listening know I am not a huge Trump fan. To be honest he scares the hell out of me and I find him kind of childish. However, like it or not, he is the new President of the United States. That being said I decided that this would make for a good topic for this podcast. Not Trump per say BUT my ability to manage how I feel about Trump.What does any of this have to do with New Year's Resolutions you may ask? Well, here's how.I have always had an issue with making New Year's Resolutions mainly because of the mindset around them. The fact that we are supposed to tell ourselves that the very first day of a New Year holds some secret power over us to make us do things that we haven't done ALL YEAR LONG! Like some sort of ass backwards Cinderella - the stroke of midnight is going to somehow make us magically become better at doing shit!? Um-no. That isn't how it works. We can tell ourselves that all we want but if we are truly being honest, the second we make that resolution we already have a part of our brain ticking down the time until we break them. The simple idea of a New Year's Resolution brings that idea of when we are going to break it into our minds.
ARE HATCHIMALS EVEN WORTH IT?! It seems like every few years or so there is a toy that comes out around Christmas time that sends parents into a consumer frenzy. A toy that their child simply HAS to have. Like I will totally DIE if you don’t get that for me Mom!When I was a child it was Cabbage Patch Dolls. Those were the must have toys for that year back in 19- cough cough! I realize I just totally dated myself because I remember when Cabbage Patch Dolls were new and special. That is the very first toy craze I remember though. I was lucky though, because around the time that the Cabbage Patch dolls were in high demand my father worked as the manager of a toy store! So you can guess which little girl got the hook up on Cabbage Patch Dolls.When people were running around like crazy trying to find a doll, ANY doll my wonderful father had already shipped me THREE! Well, actually it was two dolls and one Koosa. Now if you aren’t familiar with Koosas they were the ‘pets’ of the Cabbage Patch dolls. There was a dog, a cat and a lion – those are the only ones I remember. They were basically Cabbage Patch dolls with animal heads and tails. Now let’s forget that the way this product was marketed they were basically trying to tell little children that if they had this Koosa doll they would be lucky. I wanted one just so my other dolls could have a pet. During the Cabbage Patch rush these guys were just as hard to find as the others. So I was REALLY lucky to have gotten one for Christmas that year.Moving forward the next real toy craze I remember was that damn Tickle Me Elmo doll. Remember that one? People were going CRAZY about that toy back in 1996. People were stampeding each other, parents were getting into fights in the stores… it was ridiculous! I remember as a teenager thinking they were all insane!
The fallout from the election last week has been an interesting one to say the least. There have been protests for the last few days by those who are genuinely fearful of a Donald Trump presidency and there are those who say the should just get over it. The only thing that can be agreed upon at this point is that we are all just hoping that this won't screw up the country. We hope that after every election though don't we?The biggest concern though for many is the hate and fear based campaign run by Trump and how that will now translate to his presidency. Will he follow thought with all his promises? Or will we see him walk back many of the things that he said - which we are already witnessing a bit of in the past few days. Today's podcast I talk about:why those protesters have every right to do what they are doingWhy there needs to be just a bit more understanding on both partsHow we are handling the election and resulting fall out in our homeEncouraging my children to be champions to those who feel threatenedWhy it is important to make positive LOUDI also will address the fact that I sometimes swear in my podcast and why that won't be changing any time soon.
In this podcast I will be discussing my feelings on the 2016 Presidential election and how I am talking about it with my children. There is no doubt that this election has been the most divisive and ugly election that I and most every one else have ever experienced. There wasn't just mud slinging and scandal - those happen in every election sadly. No in this election it was much worse. Because in this election we had Donald Trump.Not only was this man completely unqualified to run for President, he ran the most horrifying campaign that I have ever witnessed. From calling Mexicans rapists, to insulting women and people with disabilities he ran the gambit of offenses. All the way up to having a tape surface of him bragging about assaulting women. And somehow, this man won.I spent the better part of the day after the election in utter disbelief of what had occurred. How? How did hate and divisiveness win the highest office in our country? How did a pompous reality tv star get elected to be our next president?And how - how am I going to explain this to my children? My babies who I have tried to raise to be good people. I have brought my kids up to know that bullying is wrong, racism is wrong, bigotry in all forms is wrong, touching people without their permission and sexual assault is wrong. Yet here is a man who did all of those things, is a GLARING example of all of those things - and he was just elected president. I am horrified that such a vast majority of our country believed that this man, this horrible man, was the answer to our countries problems. Now I know that many people simply didn't want Hillary Clinton to be President. I get that. I understand. She has had her fair share of scandal and problems. I don't discount them. However, she was categorically more qualified to lead our country than him. I also know that many people voted for him because he wasn't a politician and they felt that the establishment was responsible for all their ills in life. So they decided to burn it to the ground. And I also know that many voted for him because they themselves are racists and bigots and horrible individuals and they felt that he was their champion. And that disturbs me on a very deep level. But, like it or not, he was in fact elected. So now what? Now what do we do? As a nation we are more divided than ever, a lot of that due frankly to the campaign that Mr. Trump ran. So how do we who did not support him come to terms with this? How do we move on? Well I for one told my children that no matter what, the most important thing was for them to still be good people. To love others. To include others. To support understanding and not hate. And to stick up for those who they may see being persecuted. To be the good guys and not the bad. To be positive and hopeful. And to hope as hard as they can that Trump doesn't screw it up.
In this podcast I discuss the upcoming election, perspective and how our perspective of things can cause us to be blind to how other people view things. Going through life with blinders on and never trying to see things from another perspective can cause so much dysfunction and so many problems. As parents, as people - it is so critical, especially now, to be able to at least TRY to view things from another perspective.Currently in this election season - having been one of the worst that I personally have ever seen I am faced with new problems and new issues to look at. New things that I unfortunately now have to discuss with my children. When they come to me and ask:"Why are those people yelling mean things about Mexicans?""Mommy, my friend at school is crying and scared that if Donald Trump wins the election that she and her family will be sent home because they are Muslim""Mommy, why does he hate Muslims?""Why are all these people so mean to each other?"And then, having to explain and discuss the vile things that were spoken on a bus by a grown man who should have known better. Having to have a discussion with my teenage boys about assault and why what he said was so offensive to me as a woman. And to ensure that they knew (which they already did but due to these circumstances I felt I REALLY needed to drive the point home) that is it NEVER ok to touch a woman without her permission. Trying to explain why someone running for the highest office in the world is acting less mature than my 9 year old is not an easy thing to do. Much less trying to explain why he is that odd orange color. And as much as this election has enraged me at times I do have to take a step back and realize that some people who follow and support Trump maybe just don't get it. Maybe they don't understand why some of the things that he says are so terrible to most of the rest of us in the country. Perspective.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT KAEPERKICK NOT STANDING? Unless you have been living under a rock somewhere you know about the recent to-do involving San Francisco 49er’s Quarterback Colin Kaepernick not standing during the National Anthem.Kaepernick stated in an interview later his reasons for not standing – https://youtu.be/laG1y6FpAhc&vq=1080 Since his decision to sit during the National Anthem there have been many who have spoken out both for and against his decision. Those who are against his choice have been, let’s just say – colorful in their comments against him. Many who say an athlete who makes millions of dollars shouldn’t or can’t say anything about being oppressed or injustices. Many who say that because of all of the success he has had and the fact that he was raised by adoptive parents who are white he has no right or reason to say anything. That because he clearly hadn’t suffered any indignities that he has no room to talk. Many who say that because of the opportunities he has had that he shouldn’t be disrespecting the flag and anthem of the country that gave him those opportunities.However, there are many people who feel that Kaepernick is justified in his protest. Using his platform to bring attention to an ongoing problem in our country. Keeping the discussion and awareness current to try and bring about much needed change.There are others still who may not agree with him not standing but they agree with his right to do so!Including many veterans who started the #veteransforkaepernick that started trending across the internet. Many of whom have stated that they fully support him in his actions. President Obama even stated his support of what the pro-athlete has done, stating that he is exercising his constitutional right. Which of course made many conservatives in this country practically stroke with outrage.Jim Wright an author and vet who posted an essay on his Facebook page with his response to the issue which has since gone viral also supports Kaepernick.“IF Kaepernick doesn’t feel his country respects him enough for him to respect it in return, well, then you can’t MAKE him respect it.You can not make him respect it.If you try to force a man to respect you, you’ll only make him respect you less.With threats, by violence, by shame, you can maybe compel Kaepernick to stand up and put his hand over his heart and force him to be quiet. You might.But that’s not respect.It’s only the illusion of respect.” WHAT DO YOU TELL YOUR KIDS ABOUT KAEPERNICK?I have had several people ask me how I have approached this topic with my children.“What do you say to them about his lack of respect?”“Would you allow your children to sit during the anthem?”“Are you telling them that what he is doing is wrong and unpatriotic?”Sigh.Many of my friends think like me and believe what I believe; however there are many friends and even family who are a little more – a lot more – conservative than me. Knowing that about me I am not sure why they would think I would agree with their line of thinking but… My response to those who ask what I tell my children about what Kaepernick has done is this…
Ahhhh, it’s that time of year again. The time that children and teachers alike dread but parents celebrate. Back to school! The time of year when as a stay at home mom I finally take back my house! After spending two and a half months with two teenagers and a 9-year old who THINKS she is a teenager I finally get to have the house all to myself!And not a moment too soon to be quite honest with you! You see, summer vacation is one of those grand ideas that is fabulous in theory but not always so wonderful in practice. It starts out great, don’t get me wrong – trips to the pool, to the zoo, vacations to destinations that are beautiful and maybe even educational. Getting to sleep in, no more alarm clock blaring in your ear at god awful hours of the morning. No wondering if you remembered to pack their lunches the night before and then throwing them together last minute while half asleep because you hadn’t. It definitely has its perks…. For about the first month to month and a half.Then the chaos starts. All those fun trips to the pool and the zoo they are now booooring because ‘we’ve been there a hundred times Mom!’ Now that the amazing vacation to exotic destinations is over everything else seems to pale in comparison. They’ve read all their books and NO they don’t want to go get more because ‘reading is booooring’. Your teenager is now sitting on the couch for hours on end mercilessly slashing and stabbing through a mob of zombies, or vampires or whatever strange creatures are in his latest video game.The idea of going outside isn’t interesting because ‘there’s nothing to dooo out there Mom’. And any suggestion you could possibly make is either boring or is greeted with that ‘look’. You know the one that says ‘I can’t believe you even suggested something so childish and stupid’. Yeah, that one. You have either experienced it or given it in your lifetime. (And if you haven’t gotten it yet from your kid, juuuust wait, it’s coming).Then just when you think it couldn’t get any worse – they turn on each other. Like mad rabid dogs over the last bone. Things that really shouldn’t even BE things all of the sudden are the topic of hour-long arguments and discussion. Things like – sitting too close to each other. Seriously. I am not kidding. An hour long argument because one of them sat too close to the other and then wouldn’t move. Arguments over who has been on the television too long. Arguments about who went into who’s room without permission. Arguments about whether or not the lizard is a girl or a boy – I swear to GOD! AT SOME POINT I THINK THEY WERE JUST MAD AT EACH OTHER FOR EXISTING! The remaining weeks of summer vacation are some of the longest that a parent can face. So when those back to school sections start going up at the local Target and Wal-Mart we all do a back handspring of joy in our minds.
After taking a month off from The Single Mom Success Podcast I guess I should explain why I went MIA for a bit. There were many things that I was struggling with - lack of motivation, lack of focus, lack of interest and just a general BLAH feeling.I brushed it off for quite some time thinking that if I just powered through everything would be ok and I would get back to 'normal'. I mean, I'm a single mom and a strong independent woman I can totally make myself better right?Well that didn't happen. Things just got worse. I was at the point where I didn't care if I showered for the day, or 2 days or 4 days... I was losing clients because I wasn't focusing on my business. I was losing my temper with my children on a regular basis, for little to no reason. I was a hot mess.For the longest time I thought depression was something that other people dealt with. I mean, I'm not depressed. I'm not sad, I'm not lonely, I'm not unhappy - well not REALLY unhappy. I'm not suicidal and I don't cry all the time. That's what it means to be depressed right? WRONG!
This episode covers bullying and how it can not only hurt other kids, but how parents can now be held responsible for their child's bullying.Recently a town in Wisconsin passed an ordinance that has started to cause a little bit of controversy. Focusing on the bullying that has been on the rise in the past few years this new bill will now fine the parents of the offender. That’s right, the bully’s parents will have to pay if their child’s bad behavior.
As single mothers we often will take on the weight of the world. We take care of everything, do everything and worry about everything. It is so easy for us to become so busy caring for the kids and everything else that we forget to take care of ourselves. We don’t do the things that we need to do for ourselves.Sometimes it’s because we feel like we can’t or shouldn’t. That it would be selfish of us to take time that could be spent doing other things. I know that too often I feel guilty if I do something for myself or take time for myself. If ever I get a day to just sit and do nothing I feel bad because I SHOULD be doing something.But taking time for yourself and caring for yourself is so important!
This episode is all about STEPPING OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONEOne of the people that I really pay attention to and follow pretty religiously is Gary Vaynerchuck or Gary Vee. He is this amazing entrepreneur who has really perfected his hustle. This man is a machine when it comes to his business and his life. He built an extremely successful business (actually multiple businesses) by learning as much as he could and simply out working his competitors. If you ask him he will tell you that he “day trades in attention and builds businesses”.Recently Gary posted something on his Instagram account – ‘One life. One time. Way too many people aren’t acting this way.’And I have to say this simple little meme really spoke to me. After going to Infusioncon this year and listening to the speakers talk (and Gary Vee was one of those speakers) I came home and started thinking about all of the things that I simply put off in my life. I started asking myself –‘WHAT DO I WANT OUT OF MY LIFE?’‘WHAT AM I DOING TO MOVE MY DREAMS AND GOALS FORWARD?’
This episode is all about accountability. Seems a simple word really; but in practice it can be difficult at times and sometimes even harder to teach. In my life and in my family it is something that is so very important though. Being accountable for the things we do, the things we say, and how we feel are things that I try to teach my children because they are so very important.In today’s society I feel that many people have stopped teaching this concept to their children. That they need to be accountable for themselves, in their actions, in their words and all throughout their lives. The world will definitely hold them accountable so why wouldn’t we teach them to hold themselves accountable?It’s not always easy and quite honestly sometimes it just plain sucks but being accountable for yourself is so key to your success. Going through life with the ability to say “I did that” or “Yes I messed up” or “I will complete this by a certain day or time” and then DOING IT – all very important. Too often it is easier to just let things slide, to just shrug off your accountability and that is where we end up getting into trouble. That is when we start allowing ourselves to shirk our responsibilities.
So I recently decided that I wanted to do a Q&A segment where I would answer some of the questions that my readers and podcast listeners have asked. To get started though I asked my 8 year old daughter if SHE would like to be the first guest.I decided today would be a great day to do it since we were stuck at home due to a local blizzard here in Colorado. (Yep that’s how we roll here in Colorado in the spring.)She was very excited to do this and I gotta say I was too. I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of it before! It was so much fun. She asked me some great questions and some that I didn’t expect.My daughter’s questions were:When you were my age did you want to be a single mom?What was your reaction when you found out you were having twins?What was your reaction when you found out you were having another kid?What did you guys do for fun before I was born?When you were a kid, did you want three kids?What did you do for fun when you were a kid?How old were you when you got your first phone?
This podcast covers the trap of government assistance programs and how it holds people hostage. Anyone who has ever been on government assistance programs (or welfare) can attest that is isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. For most people it is never intended to be a permanent solution but only a short term boost until they can get back on their feet again.
Are you living your life deliberately on purpose? Or are you simply reacting to what life throws at you? I recently had to ask myself this same question…Every year I attend a conference in Phoenix hosted by Infusionsoft. If you haven’t heard of Infusionsoft don’t worry, you’re probably not a marketer or small business owner, BUT I guarantee you that if you have ever filled out a form on someone’s website and then started getting emails from them – you’ve at least experienced a small part of Infusionsoft.Every year the good folks at Infusionsoft throw a big conference for us geeks and marketing people to go to; and every year I go I learn a whole truckload of new things. This year though was a little different. I still learned all the great marketing tips and tricks that I use in my business and I still met a TON of really amazing people. But this year they had a new MC for the event – Scott Harris.I came home from that conference with a renewed sense of purpose AND the drive and desire to break free from the things I have allowed to hold me back. I have created my goals and am now working on building out my process for accomplishing those goals.The reason that I decided to post and podcast about this is that I know that there are many of you out there who also have goals and dreams and visions that your are not accomplishing. Are you allowing something to keep you from those goals? What excuses are you making for not starting today? How much MORE time to you think you will get?Because like Scott said at my conference – you aren’t getting more time in your life, you are losing time every second of ever day. One day you will look up and another year has gone by and you are no closer to your goals than you were before. What is keeping you from doing those things that you want to do? And don’t say your children or your ex or your job… because those are not it.Your major block is YOU and your mindset and your ability to take action. So how will you live your life? Just sitting there waiting for it to happen to you? Or will you go out and live with purpose?Will you live your life deliberately on purpose?I know I am going to!
Yep, this podcast is all about how I am a terrible, horrible, awful mom. At least I would likely be labeled as one by the paparazzi and social media if I were a famous person. If I was a mother who’s parenting style was constantly under scrutiny like many of the celebrity parents out there I would definitely be tagged with that headline.Recently one of my favorite blogs – Scary Mommy – addressed an “article” from another site calling actress Charlize Theron a ‘monster mom’ because she was “dragging” her son into her car.I love the Scary Mom blog because they have a sarcastic and smart ass type of style that mirrors my own. Their article reflected exactly what I was thinking when I saw that nonsense – that isn’t dragging that is “getting an immobile child into the car”.Teaching my children this does not make me an awful mom. Just like Charlize Theron trying to get her child into the car when he is doing the whole ‘limp noodle’ thing does not make her a ‘mad mother‘. It makes her a parent, just like you or I doing the best that she can.But like I said before, if teaching your child that they can not get away with behaving poorly without consequence makes me an awful mom, then I guess I’m an awful mom. And I will wear that badge proudly if it means my children will grow up as decent kids with the knowledge that they can’t just be jerks.
Growing up and letting go… sounds a bit like an after school special title doesn’t it?Regardless of what it sounds like it is in fact what I am currently struggling with. It seems like it wasn’t that long ago when my boys were just little kids and now I am coming face to face with the reality that my little boys aren’t little anymore. They will be 16 this year, and to be quite honest I’m scared shitless about it.I have openly admitted in the past that I am very protective of my children, probably more so than most mothers because of what happened to my son Gage. Having a child almost die is one of the worst experiences I have ever gone through. After that I have just dreaded even the possibility of something else happening to any of my children.This episode covers my struggles with letting go as my kids get older.
If you have been following my podcast for a while you know that I am the proud mama of two amazing special needs boys: Gage and Connor. Both areShaken Baby Syndrome survivors and are two of the most important people in my life.As you may have heard in previous podcasts I mention briefly about my son being hospitalized when he was only 5 months old and that he spent over a month at Children’s Hospital here in Colorado. But I never dove too deeply into what happened to him or how it impacted us as a family.In this episode I talk about Gage's injury, how it happened and the journey we have been on.
Every year when New Year’s Eve and the New Year roll around everyone starts talking about resolutions and how the New Year will bring a ‘New Them’. Which is great in theory – but when you start the New Year with these big plans or ‘resolutions’ but you are still the same you inside then you will likely fail.For example, if your resolution is to lose weight but you don’t really change any of the bad habits that helped you gain the weight in the first place then you won’t be successful. If your mindset isn’t right then you will ultimately fail.How often have you found yourself saying “I’ll start my diet tomorrow.” or “I’ll exercise tomorrow.” and then you make another excuse and another. I know that I myself have been very guilty of it. I often times feel like the amount of weight I have to lose makes me feel like it’s impossible so I give up before I even start. And unless I change that mindset for myself I will never lose the weight. Changing your habits, replacing things instead of cutting things out and other various ‘tricks’ can help you on your journey.
The holiday season is by far my favorite time of year. I absolutely love seeing all the lights and decorations and putting up the Christmas tree with the kids. This time of year just always gives me that warm fuzzy feeling, but for some it brings a lot of judgement.Recently a mother came under fire over social media for providing TOO MUCH for her children.Emma Tapping, mother of three and savings blogger, posted an image on her Instagram account showing her Christmas tree almost engulfed in presents. Soon after the image was taken and used to create a meme stating“It’s nearly time for all the materialistic parents to compete and broadcast how many presents their kids have. Just remember, there are a lot of children who won’t get much.”This set off a social media frenzy of people criticizing and casting judgment upon this mother for her post.
Unless you have been living under a rock you've probably heard about the recent strike in the 'War on Christmas'. That's right! Yet another company is guilty of taking the 'Christ' out of Christmas. Starbucks recently unveiled their holiday cup and apparently there is a bit of an issue with it.It's RED.That's it, nothing more - just red.Now for most of us rational and non-nutbag people this is not an issue. Red cup with a green logo, that's pretty festive to me. (Maybe next year they can make it plaid - I like plaid.) In the past Starbucks has had cups with reindeer, snow flakes, ornaments and such as decor on their mugs. This year they went with something basic and yet still Christmas-like. Just plain red.
Today’s Single Mom Podcast discusses a topic that has really started to bother me lately.As a parent I completely understand that there are times when our children will push us to our absolute limits. Times when we will be so angry that we have to walk away from them and count to eleventy-billion before we can even think of speaking to them again. Often times this will result in the child being grounded or punished in some form or another.However, there has been a steady increase over the past few years of parents utilizing social media to dish out what some are calling tough love and others call emotional abuse. Parents who take to Facebook or YouTube and post videos of them basically humiliating their children for all the world to see.
As a single mother I am always looking for various ways to save money and one of my biggest expenses is clothing for my kids. Especially with how quickly my daughter is growing. As a baby she was growing out of her clothes every few months it seemed.So when I found out about a local consignment sale I was very excited to see what that was all about. I had looked into consignment stores in the past, where you take your items in and they stay at the store until someone comes in and buys them – but I was never really a fan. There is no guarantee of if there will be customers coming in and where will your items be stored or displayed? And on top of that, how long will it take for my items to sell (if they ever sell at all)? So when one day I found the ad for the Denver Just Between Friends sale I became very interested. JBF is a franchise that runs consignment sales across the country where people can buy and sell gently used items twice per year. (Other locations may have sales more often – I can only speak to the Denver sale on frequency.)The very first time I logged into their site I was very impressed with the way they ran the sale and decided that I would try it out and have participated in every sale since!Here are the top 5 reasons I love consignment sales.
Recently one of my lovely children brought home a nasty little bug that they happily spread around to our entire family, not once but twice! Yep that little germ decided that it was having such a good time making us feel yucky that it stuck around for a second round of phlegmy shenanigans.Now I am fairly certain that this pesky germ was introduced to our family from one of their friends from school. There have been a multitude of sick kids in my daughter’s class as well as at my sons’ high school; children are just little walking petri dishes. This is normally where you see people posting about how people should keep their sick kids home so they don’t make everyone else sick. If you were expecting that kind of a rant then you should stop reading at this point. I am not one of those people who will complain about people sending their kids to school sick, because I have in fact in the past sent my children to school sick. Yep, I have dosed my child with cough medicine and Tylenol and sent them on their not-so-merry ways all the while hoping that they remember to cover their mouths when they cough and to wash their hands.
You hear all the time about things like fat shaming and body shaming and all those horrible instances of one person making another person feel bad about themselves. Recently a woman named Nicole Arbour gained a great deal of infamy due to her "Fat Shaming" video where she basically insulted overweight people everywhere. Now I understand that she felt that it was a bit of satire, which I almost always enjoy, however it was done in very poor taste and while MAYBE her intentions were to give some 'tough love' to people who struggle with their weight it ended up simply pissing a lot of people off. (I will not be posting a link to the video because it is really quite offensive - but I'm sure you can find it if you really want to search for it.)But this brought up a topic that I have found to be a huge problem in the parenting community.Parent Shaming
Don't give up! Never give up! Don't quit! We constantly hear this in our lives. That you should never give up on anything, that you should keep fighting, keep working hard, keep pushing if you want to get ahead in life, if you want to be happy, if you want the outcome that you desire you CAN'T QUIT!Sometimes when you let go or give up on something that has been causing you so much stress and unhappiness it allows you to be open to new experiences, more positive and happy experiences. Staying in a situation that continues to cause you misery simply because you don't want to give up, or feel like you failed is not good for you. In this weeks podcast I go into this a little more in depth.
I posted a few weeks back that I was going to start on a new challenge: Lose 40 pounds. Yep – 40!That’s a lot of weight to lose for me, especially since the last few years I have been packing it on instead of losing weight. I mentioned how I had gained the weight and why it was so hard for me to lose. The biggest reason being that I REALLY like food. That and I had lived a fairly sedentary lifestyle for quite a few years now.In this podcast I talk about my weight loss struggle and different ways that may help you lose weight....
One of the best books I have ever read is the 4 Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It has brought me a great sense of clarity through my life and helped me get to a better place internally.Reading this book and learning this concept of not taking things personally really helped me develop a better relationship with myself AND with my ex if you can believe that!Today's podcast is about remembering not to take things personally and how I had to remember this lesson very recently.
I have to say that I absolutely love summer, it is by far my favorite season. After a Colorado winter (that lasted until late May this year) and a fairly dreary spring - all 2 weeks of it (it's been a weird year weather-wise for us in Colorado)... I am soooo excited to see the sun and be warm finally. I love spending time outside, going to the pool, grilling burgers and brats while drinking the occasional margarita and doing all kinds of fun things with my kiddos.There are many pros AND cons though to being a work from home mom during the summer.
Getting fired was the best thing EVER!Wait, WHAT?Yep you heard me; getting fired was the best thing ever.This podcast is all about how I decided to work from home, my decision to become a VA and how I got started down the path of self-employment. If you have been thinking of working from home and aren't sure if it would be a good fit for you I encourage you to download the free report I created "Is Working At Home For Me? 7 Things to Consider Before Starting A Home Based Business".
I know that everyone has bad days, and times when they feel just terrible or are unhappy or sad, and that is normal - again we are human. What is important is that those feelings do not start to take over and become the norm. So in today's podcast I discuss some of the things that you can do to help you get back to your happy place when you find yourself becoming lost...
My daughter just turned 8 and my boys will be 15 this year and none of them have a social media account of any kind. They also do not have cell phones.I have had several people ask my if I worry about stunting them socially, to which I very quickly reply – no.See what I worry about is my children being influenced by the idiocy that seems more and more previlant in today’s society. I recently saw images on my own Facebook page of young ladies who did physical damage to their faces by trying to plump up their lips. Have you seen this?!?! The Kylie Jenner challenge? Girls (and some guys too) sucking on a jar or glass until their lips are swollen, basically trying to get the plump lip look that this woman has. It’s asinine! And it is causing damage to people’s faces. Seriously?!?! Who decided this was a good idea? You can see an article done about this here.
WARNING! THIS PODCAST IS ABOUT A SERIOUS TOPIC AND MAY BE HARD TO LISTEN TO.Last week I received some horrible news. News that I hoped that I would never hear. A young girl, someone I had seen grow up and had been very close to, passed away. She died at the age of 21, not quite making it to her 22nd birthday.Today's podcast is not a happy one. It is not funny or sweet, but it is something that I feel is so very important. Making sure that our children know, TRULY know, how much they are loved is important. Whether they are getting straight A's in school or are grounded for breaking curfew... they need to always know. Because I have seen what can happen when they don't...And if you or someone you know is struggling with addiction please please find the help that you or they need. It is an awful disease that kills people, breaks up families, destroys lives... and most importantly causes major trauma for the children in our lives.Visit Recovery.org for help.
As a single mother I believe that there are many different things that contribute to feeling overwhelmed. It's not just the fact that we are single parents, there are often more contributing factors than that. The first one being that we feel like we have to be all and do all... that there is no one else to do it so we have to be the one to make it all happen. It's up to us to keep 8 million balls up in the air at all times. And we can't ever drop any. Ever. That's a lot of pressure to put ourselves under.The next thing that adds to the state of overwhelm is expectations. Having expectations that are not realistic can lead to a feeling of overwhelm because you aren't meeting them. Trying to live up to some idealistic idea of what a mother should be doing or how your house should look or the things you should have accomplished is going to always make you feel like you aren't doing enough. That you aren't enough. And it will often cause you to try and do more and more than you are able to at this moment. Some days I can do a million different things and be completely successful at them all. Some days the only success I have had is getting the laundry out of the wash and into the dryer before it starts to smell. I realized long ago that I would never be June Cleaver - and I'm totally ok with that.There are many other factors that contribute to that feeling of overwhelm and in today's podcast I discuss how we can create those feelings by setting unhealthy or unrealistic expectations on ourselves. By not accepting help when available or offered... and more.
There is a lovely woman who's blog posts I follow because she is on the same mission as I am to help and empower other single moms in the world. I have chatted with her online a few times and really think she is fantastic. I enjoy reading her articles and the things that she puts out because they align so much with my thoughts and mission for single moms. However, recently she posted an article on her blog that I fully disagreed with and to be honest got my back up a little bit.Originally when I saw her post "I Love Being a Single Mom" - I thought to myself oh great I can't wait to hear why she loves being a single mom, because I know I do... the article was not what I thought it would be at all! She starts off the article saying she hates it when people say that they love being a single mom because they are in denial.DENIAL!?!I am in denial stating that I am happy being a single mom and that I love it? Um... I don't think so.Basically she states in her article that if we were truly honest with ourselves we would admit that we want to have a relationship with someone, that we aren't really happy with our lives or we can't possibly love our lives as a single mom because we don't have a man.Excuse me your honor but I object!Today's bonus podcast discusses why I actually DO LOVE LOVE LOVEbeing a single mom and my differing opinion on this article. You can find the article written by Jessica Rector on The Single Mom Movement by clicking here. Once again, I do love most of what she puts out and think she is a fantastic woman but on this particular topic, we definitely do not see eye to eye. (Doesn't mean she's not awesome though.)
Ok let's be honest ladies, baby mama drama - are you guilty of it? Have there been times when you made more of an issue than needed? I know that I have been guilty of it many times! After many years of working on myself and how I deal with my ex I found a few things that I believe were at the root of my personal baby mama drama....1. I was still hurt/angry - causing me to want to lash out2. Ego - the belief that I knew more than him, was a better parent than him3. Other people's input - allowing others to cause drama in our relationship as parentsIn today's podcast I dive into how these things increased the drama that I was bringing into our co-parenting relationship....Have you ever caused drama? Have you been guilty of it? Have you been able to realize when you were causing more drama than needed and were able to adjust?Like it or not, if your ex is involved with your child's life then you will always need to have a relationship of some kind with them - wouldn't it be nice if it was at the very least civil? And let's face it, we already have enough drama in our lives to bring any more into it.
Learning how to deal with toxic people, or simply cutting them out of my life completely, has been one of the best ways that I have improved my life as a single mom.We all have those people in our lives that just suck the life right out of us! Whether it is our ex, our mother, or friends and co-workers... there is always those few people who are just draining to be around. Or worse the ones that push our buttons on a regular basis in order to bring us into their misery.Today's podcast discusses several ways that were identified in this article on Entrepreneur.com - '12 Ways Successful People Handle Toxic People' written by Travis Bradberry. I happened to stumble across this article today on my Facebook feed and I simply LOVE it.I decided to go into a bit more depth on how I believe his points relate to me as a single mom and the people in my life. I had to learn in order to be successful I needed to distance myself from those who were toxic AND how to not turn into one of those people myself!
Do you always feel like you are gearing up for battle any time you face the possibility of dealing with your ex? Do you always argue? Is it a constant power struggle with him? If so you may need to take a look at the way that YOU treat your ex. Sometimes we need to analyze the way that we treat others and how that in turn causes them to treat us.How can we build a good co-parenting relationship with our ex when we are always arguing? Well sometimes we have to take the high road and change the way we react, talk to and relate to our ex's in order to develop those relationships. Today's podcast dives into why this is so important and how to figure out what we can do to start treating our ex's as equals...yes I said equals, even if it kills us!It took me quite a while to realize when I was overstepping as a parent and treating him like he was less of a person/parent because he wasn't living up to my standards and how that was causing more problems than there needed to be. It also wasn't fair to our daughter....Today's Single Mom Success podcast talks about how changing the way that I treated my ex helped us form a better, more civil, co-parenting relationship.
Ever have a day that starts out bad and just gets worse from there? Ever wish that there was a reset button?Well THERE IS!It may not be a real button but being able to hit the reset button in my house is something that has helped my family stop being so angry and frustrated all the time. Now we are able to work through the things that have upset up and then reset out day from there.Being able to reset your day is crucial to your success! Let's face it, no one wants to be angry all day, or frustrated all day... we all want to be happy. We strive for calm and peace in our lives and that has to start from within. You can't run around screaming "WE'RE GONNA BE HAPPY DAMMIT!!!" and expect people to actually be happy.Today's Single Mom Success podcast talks about why we use the 'reset' button and how it has helped our family.
"When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves." - Viktor E. FranklThis weeks podcasts focuses on one of the keys to creating your own success. Change.It's often a very hard thing to do but one of the things that I have found in the last few years is that being able to change the way I deal with things, the way I view things and the way I handle things has brought about a large amount of my success.Being able to realize that we may not be able to control the things that happen to us or around us but we can control how we deal with them. And if we allow the world to dictate how we feel and react then we will never be able to change our lives for the better. Changing is important in order to move forward in life.
Valentine's Day seems to be quite an ordeal for many single moms. I see many posts in my Facebook and Twitter feeds and even hear it from my friends. They hate Valentine's Day because they are alone. I have never had that problem. I love being single and so when Valentine's Day rolls around I'm ok with being alone. I think that so many of us tend to hang our happines on whether or not we have a significant other. Why? Why should one day make you feel bad? Maybe I am crazy but I don't feel that way. In this episode I talk about how I feel about Valentine's Day and how society has turned what would normally be just a regular old day into a day where many women feel like crap. Simply because they are single.
Recently there was a post on a single mom Facebook group where the mom said "I just realized that I never forgave myself for being a single mom." and that comment really struck me as odd. This comment made me really want to dive into why anyone would feel the need to forgive themselves for being a single parent. Is it forgiveness that is needed, or acceptance? I don't feel the need to be forgiven by anyone for being a single mother so this idea really had me confused. Do they feel guilty for being a single mother? Why would they need to be forgiven?
Heather Wells the founder of Single Mom Success School starts out her podcasting with a quick intro of who she is and how she became a single mom of three amazing children. Parenting twin boys with special needs and a little girl with advanced abilities and the challenges that can bring. What her vision is and how she hopes to help other single moms out there stop struggling and start building their own success! The podcasts will help educate, inform, inspire and help single moms.