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June 20, 2020
This is an episode about whether to make your creative passion into your job and how to create for public consumption, especially if you are a sensitive person. I have had several people ask me about podcasting and how to get started in it. I have also mentored several people in creative fields – so this is a blend of what I have shared with those people. In sum this is for anyone making the decision to do creative work and how it should come about in your life so you can thrive. - - - - If you are currently struggling with your mental health and are interested in trying therapy, you can be paired with a therapist within 24 hours via your phone or computer. To get started, simply fill out a brief survey and you will be paired with a licensed counselor – and it’s free to switch if you don’t like the first one you get. For 10% off your first month of therapy and to support this show head to TryBetterHelp.com/HelpMeBeMe
June 4, 2020
This is an episode for those dealing with a fragile emotional state and they don’t know what to do with themselves. Who I am speaking to here are those who are overwhelmed and don’t know where to turn. The letters I am getting are not all related to one source of upheaval: Some of you are struggling to process anger and feelings of powerlessness over injustice. Some of you are struggling to deal with anxiety and sadness on top of anger and powerlessness. Some of you are feeling so many things that you feel as if you are going to break into a million pieces. Some of you feel useless and like nothing you do matters. Some of you are feeling lonely and overwhelmed by COVID and worried about the uncertainty of the future. And there is so much happening right now – so much emotional upheaval, on top of the isolation we are already suffering due to COVID, and the uncertainty of the future, there are the high levels of joblessness. There’s a lot of toxicity in the news and especially in social media right now. In short - there’s a lot to manage, understand and process - especially if you are already someone who suffers from anxiety or depression. And especially if you are someone who really cares about doing the right thing – and you feel unable to be active in that right now. A lot of you who have never experienced trauma or have never been pushed to your threshold as far as dealing with overwhelm and anxiety – now’s a difficult time to be going through that. Why? Because resources for self-soothing and grounding are limited due to COVID. So this episode is slightly different – first I will address those in an immediate state of “I feel like I’m going to explode or jump out a window!” Then I have some tools for the coming weeks for day to day negative thinking and anxiety. - - - - - - - - - - This episode is brought to you by Better Help – remote therapy with licensed counselors, which is a great option if you are emotionally overwhelmed right now. If you want to support this show and get 10% off your first month of therapy, head to TryBetterHelp.com/HelpMeBeMe xo
May 22, 2020
This is an episode that answers questions from the audience about fears around having kids, and since I am about to give birth to my second child, I thought it timely! It's a followup to an episode I did a few years back on the same topic. The questions I answer are as follows: 1. I love my life now, I’m afraid of not being able to do what I want when I want to do it. I’m also afraid of another being depending so critically on me. How do I know if I should have kids? 2. How will my anxiety be when I’m a parent? 3. What is it like to never have a break? How do you adjust and get through? 4. What joys of parenting have you found ground you? 5. What are the normal highs and lows and how do you ride them? For anyone new listening to this show, I am a regular person who has lived through a lot of random difficult shit and come out the other end pretty happy, high functioning, with healthy relationships. I am not a therapist or a scholar! So take what helps and leave the rest. A couple of books on this subject (and for once you have a baby) that I recommend are here: https://amzn.to/2yngOfy https://amzn.to/2LV5IBv https://amzn.to/2Zr4fLf https://amzn.to/2XinR1D - - - - - This show is brought to you by our latest sponsor: Better Help – licensed therapists you can see from the privacy of your couch! If you are interested in trying out therapy(at a lower cost), and you want to support this show, visit TryBetterHelp.com/HelpMeBeMe for 10% off your first month of care. xo!
May 9, 2020
This is an episode for if you have a painful obsession with an ex or a pervasive habit of fixating on relationships: they’re more important than job, personal time, family and friends. And often that relationship is one you know isn’t great – but you still obsess about that person, and it consumes your life. This might be especially painful during quarantine because you’re unable to distract yourself and do something about it. This is about putting yourself in ridiculously desperate positions, clinging to a relationship – even when you know it isn’t right for you. And that gush of fear, terror, loneliness, pain that overwhelms you and causes you to feel like you’d do ANYTHING to get someone to come back to you. It can make you act in crazy and degrading ways – but the pain of not having a person is too great. This was a request from a few different people (some of whom requested it quite a long time ago - so hopefully this is still helpful)!! The two books I mention in this episode are here: https://amzn.to/2SOD9d2 https://amzn.to/35IuJsU For more of my work and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo!
April 22, 2020
If you are one of those people who are trying to make the world a better place and that process is taking a lot out of you – causing you vicarious trauma and a deeper kind of damage that affects your ability to continue to contribute to the good of others, then this is an episode for you! You might not even realize that this is happening to you – but maybe you have noticed that you exist in survival mode all the time and it has changed you. You might be irritable, exhausted, depressed, hopeless, overwhelmed, and thinking dark thoughts that you know are not right or appropriate for a healthy happy person to be thinking. If that sounds like you – this episode is a starting point. As with all of my episodes take what helps and leave the rest. I am just a regular person – I have no certificates whatsoever. So if you are suffering in a really bad way, please call 9-1-1 or your local emergency services. For more of my writing, to work with me, make a request or make a donation, head to Yaywithme.com xo And to read more on this topic check out this AMAZING book that is a reference for this research: https://amzn.to/2XY8lKn - - - - - - - - This episode is brought to you by Ned, maker of (awesome) organic CBD products! I very much enjoy these products and they’re made from very high-quality ingredients. Go to www.helloned.com/HELPMEBEME or enter HELPMEBEME at checkout for 15% off your first order plus FREE shipping. Thanks!
April 21, 2020
If you are one of those people who are trying to make the world a better place and that process is taking a lot out of you – causing you vicarious trauma and a deeper kind of damage that affects your ability to continue to contribute to the good of others, then this is an episode for you! You might not even realize that this is happening to you – but maybe you have noticed that you exist in survival mode all the time and it has changed you. You might be irritable, exhausted, depressed, hopeless, overwhelmed, and thinking dark thoughts that you know are not right or appropriate for a healthy happy person to be thinking. If that sounds like you – this episode is a starting point. As with all of my episodes take what helps and leave the rest. I am just a regular person – I have no certificates whatsoever. So if you are suffering in a really bad way, please call 9-1-1 or your local emergency services. For more of my writing, to work with me, make a request or make a donation, head to Yaywithme.com xo And to read more on this topic check out this AMAZING book that is a reference for this research: https://amzn.to/2XY8lKn - - - - - - - - This episode is brought to you by Ned, maker of (awesome) organic CBD products! I very much enjoy these products and they’re made from very high-quality ingredients. Go to www.helloned.com/HELPMEBEME or enter HELPMEBEME at checkout for 15% off your first order plus FREE shipping. Thanks!
April 7, 2020
This is an episode dedicated to self-regulation, if you are in and out of a state of panic, you get lost in your emotions, or perhaps even experiencing symptoms of trauma. Maybe you just lost someone – or your lost something, like your sense of security or your job. Or maybe you are fear-forecasting and feeling very overwhelmed by the outlook of the future – like figuring all of this out is impossible. This episode begins with a grounding exercise and ends with the 21-days-of-Happiness challenge. (I threw that in there because it’s an effective way to train your focus away from what’s wrong – so please don’t think I’m being flip by including it!) In between, there are a lot of tools for talking yourself back into a rational headspace. That said if you are feeling like you can't emotionally handle wherever you are right now, reach out to your local emergency services or check out this hotline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ I hope this helps you and if you’re looking for more of my work, head to YayWithMe.com xo! - - - - - - - - This episode is brought to you by Ned, maker of (awesome) organic CBD products! I very much enjoy these products and they’re made from very high-quality ingredients. Go to www.helloned.com/HELPMEBEME or enter HELPMEBEME at checkout for 15% off your first order plus FREE shipping. Thanks!
March 24, 2020
This is anyone struggling with anxiety and worry right now – maybe you’re having a hard time being quarantined, maybe you are now out of work, or maybe you’re getting overwhelmed by reading the news because of the various effects of coronavirus. Whatever it is, if you find yourself in a seemingly endless state of stress and you are dooming and glooming, this is an episode for you. This episode has 3 parts but it’s mostly tools. And heads up – I couldn’t get into the recording studio thanks to said virus, so this one has a lot of background noise. Apologies in advance!! For more of my work and to make a donation you can head to YayWithMe.com or visit me on Patreon. Thanks! xo - - - - - - - - This episode is brought to you by Ned, maker of (awesome) organic CBD products! I very much enjoy these products and they’re made from very high-quality ingredients. Go to www.helloned.com/HELPMEBEME or enter HELPMEBEME at checkout for 15% off your first order plus FREE shipping. Thanks!
March 10, 2020
This is an episode all about oversharing when you start a new relationship – consciously or unconsciously, and when that negatively affects your life. So for example – if you end up disclosing everything bad that has happened to you on a first date (romantic or friend), and you end up feeling naked and awkward after the fact. Or you find that you end up oversharing as a way to get people to pay attention to you – but this leads to relationships that are less than positive, on the whole in your life. As with all my episodes there are 3 parts – the what, the why, and the how – the tools. For more of my work and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com ! xo - - - - - - - - This episode is brought to you by Ned, maker of (awesome) organic CBD products! I very much enjoy these products and they’re made from very high quality ingredients. Go to www.helloned.com/HELPMEBEME or enter HELPMEBEME at checkout for 15% off your first order plus FREE shipping. Thanks!
March 1, 2020
In this episode, I am going to tackle a question from the audience (how to deal with rejection) and then go right into some tools! How to deal with rejection is a big one! It’s a muscle you have to intentionally grow. But quite literally it’s one of the most valuable muscles you can have because it means you move through life directly – with purpose, not guided by fear. It also means you grow exponentially. There are two pains in rejection: the loss of something imagined/the sadness of mourning. And second - the injury to ego. This second pain is the one that tends to fuck us up the most. Hopefully, I will offer you some tools for managing these pains and helping yourself move through rejection more quickly and positively, in the future! For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com or visit me on Patreon xo!
February 12, 2020
This is an episode all about when you are your base level self. When you are rude, hurtful, intentionally mean, aggressive or difficult with others. Or perhaps you are sad, clingy, manipulative and controlling. In other words, when you act in ways that make you feel really bad about yourself. These states of being usually come about when you are super overworked or stressed, or you’re sleep-deprived or hormonal¬– and you end up snapping at people you love. Regardless of the conditions that set it up, it’s a state of being that perpetuates more of itself via feelings of shame and self-blame. A vicious cycle! So included in this episode are tools to help you navigate out of that state and also retrain yourself if you habitually end up here. For more of my work, to make a request, or to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo! - - - - - - - - This episode is brought to you by Ned, maker of (awesome) organic CBD products! I very much enjoy these products and they’re made from very high quality ingredients. Go to www.helloned.com/HELPMEBEME or enter HELPMEBEME at checkout for 15% off your first order plus FREE shipping. Thanks!
January 29, 2020
This is an episode all about when we start living life from our routine of “should’s” versus stopping to ask ourselves whether or not we are happy. When we get into a machine mode, going through the motions – we are on an autopilot of sorts. We are only operating from the neck up. This is when our life’s decisions are based on what we think we should do based on whatever particular responsibilities we have during that time. Yes, the brain is what serves us most in terms of survival – but it can lead us into a state of emptiness and resent if we don’t stop to listen to our heart and gut, too! (If you’re a caregiver who is not as happy as you think you “should be” based on everything you have, this is an episode for you – too!) For more of my work, to make a request, or to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo! - - - - - - - - This episode is brought to you by Ned, maker of (awesome) organic CBD products! I very much enjoy these products and they’re made from very high quality ingredients. Go to www.helloned.com/HELPMEBEME or enter HELPMEBEME at checkout for 15% off your first order plus FREE shipping. Thanks!
January 14, 2020
This is an episode for anyone who feels like self-help and steps toward personal growth haven’t worked for them and they likely won’t. Maybe that’s because you feel alienated by most of the content out there, or maybe that’s because you feel like all the change you try to make does nothing: you just can’t win. Or maybe you feel like you haven’t made enough progress in your life in the areas that matter most to you: relationships, self-control, career success, happiness, confidence… etc. So you just feel stuck in a rut. Or maybe you just feel resentful toward all the people who seem to apply self-help easily to their lives. You might think….Self-help doesn’t work for me. I never can change, I don’t take the steps, I don’t read the books. I am royally fucked in my issues – I don’t see them going away anytime soon. Most people don’t resonate with me or “get” my issues. This is also for you if you are in a place where nothing seems to work for you – if you want to believe all the touchy-feely optimistic stuff but in the past it hasn’t worked for you. Maybe you are staring at your gratitude jar and saying “Why me? Why won’t things work out for me?” As with most of my episodes, there are three parts - the what the why and the how the tools. To read more of my work, see the products and services I offer, and to make a donation head to YayWithMe.com xo!
January 13, 2020
This is an episode for anyone who feels like self-help and steps toward personal growth haven’t worked for them and they likely won’t. Maybe that’s because you feel alienated by most of the content out there, or maybe that’s because you feel like all the change you try to make does nothing: you just can’t win. Or maybe you feel like you haven’t made enough progress in your life in the areas that matter most to you: relationships, self-control, career success, happiness, confidence… etc. So you just feel stuck in a rut. Or maybe you just feel resentful toward all the people who seem to apply self-help easily to their lives. You might think….Self-help doesn’t work for me. I never can change, I don’t take the steps, I don’t read the books. I am royally fucked in my issues – I don’t see them going away anytime soon. Most people don’t resonate with me or “get” my issues. This is also for you if you are in a place where nothing seems to work for you – if you want to believe all the touchy-feely optimistic stuff but in the past it hasn’t worked for you. Maybe you are staring at your gratitude jar and saying “Why me? Why won’t things work out for me?” As with most of my episodes, there are three parts - the what the why and the how the tools. To read more of my work, see the products and services I offer, and to make a donation head to YayWithMe.com xo!
January 5, 2020
This is a set of journal prompts for you to reflect on as you orient yourself for the year and reflect back on the years previous. This is what I have done and I got a lot out of it. I think you will, too. I like it because it draws on data while really bringing out more of what’s positive. It matters WHY you do something – because if you don’t really want to in your heart of hearts, it’s much harder to do it. These are reflections that allow you to set goals focused on what has made you the happiest. I hope you enjoy it and happy 2020! If you have any requests, comments or to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo
December 23, 2019
Shame and trauma cannot be separated – they are incredibly interwoven. The reason I created this episode is shame is virtually unavoidable if you’ve been through a trauma and often times the shame is even harder to process and heal from. Why? Shame is an unseen self-authoring wound. It creates a whole slew of behaviors because we are tasked with carrying it – and as you are aware, shame is toxic. In order for us to contain it we need a wide buffer: a padding between it and consciousness. However, the way we create this is often very damaging and shame-inducing. So it’s a domino effect. And so most people avoid it for many years – why? It is too painful for us to look at. It’s also painful for others – if it tells you anything it’s often also avoided by therapists, because of how much discomfort it causes. So this is really just an entry-level exploration of possible shame in your person. Inspired by my own recent enlightenments. They happen the tiniest bit at a time. I also have some reading for you on the topic: Book 1 (for mindfulness intro): https://amzn.to/378upTT Book 2 (for more about shame/trauma): https://amzn.to/2sjyfuz reference for this piece: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1002/anzf.1275 For comments, requests and to make a donation head to yaywithme.com Yay.
December 11, 2019
If you are one of those people who debates things in your mind endlessly, shuts down, isolates – this is for you. This is for you only if you find that this is causing you issues in your communication with others, difficulty in your relationships or perhaps you notice that its affecting your confidence. This might be especially relevant for anyone out there who is heading back home for the holidays – if you return to your family of origin, all sorts of old drama can come up. You become a very sensitive organ reacting to very old wounds. There’s a lot in here about triggering family members and how to negotiate that situation. Shout out to two listeners in particular! Hope this helps! Xox For more of my work and to make a donation head to YayWithMe.com xo!
October 26, 2019
By scripts I am talking self-judgment. Negative self-talk. The things we perceive inside our heads – that tell us how to act and dictate what we believe about ourselves. We all have things we believe about ourselves and how we are perceived. However, there’s something very different that is experienced by the outside world. This episode is calling attention to that gap and examining whether or not it’s working for or against you. Because you can change everything in your life by changing how you interpret it! If you want to check it out – this is the book that inspired this episode: https://amzn.to/31PUyU8 For more of my work and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo!
October 18, 2019
This is an episode about the self-soothing habits that we have that do not help us. For some that is online shopping. For some that is eating. And for some that is getting likes or getting hit on. What these have in common is they don’t fulfill us or make us feel whole. They actually end up making us feel an ever-increasing void where it matters most: on the inside. For more of my writing, to ask a question, and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com or visit Patreon.com/sarahmayb Xox! To check out an article with more info about shopping addiction, head here: https://www.elle.com/fashion/shopping/a41845/shopping-dopamine/
September 17, 2019
This is for anyone has a person in their life who is mistreating them. For example, let’s say you have an in-law who treats you like a punching bag, or your partner is hurting your feelings on a daily basis, or you have a volatile sibling who speaks to you terribly. It can be really disorienting, especially if you’ve been taking this for a really long time. Plus, with intimate relationships there’s often a trade-off that makes this even more complicated: if this relationship also provides you with rent, or your spouse doesn’t share your hurt perspective – you might feel guilty about having the feelings that you have. Caveat: this topic has some overlap with domestic violence but I am not addressing people who are victims of domestic violence. Why? Because in your situation, your physical safety is of primary concern and some of the tools I am offering might threaten that safety. For you I recommend you head to: thehotline.org or google your local domestic violence resource. And know that if you are in a relationship that you have been unable to leave – then know that it’s HARD but it’s not impossible. I’ve read that it takes an average of 7 to 8 times to leave – so whatever you do, don’t give up. As with all my episdes, there are three parts – the what, why and how the tools. To make a donation and for more of my work, head to YayWithMe.com xo!
August 16, 2019
This was inspired by a friend of mine saying, “I’m not too many steps from a crazy person.” That really resonated with me – because it’s true. When life unravels, it’s really easy – and rapid – to get to a point of being completely leveled. Where we have no tools, where we are grasping, begging, underfoot, feeling desperate and worthless. Or crazy. Or like a mess, like life is a mess – like we fucked everything up. No one loves us, etc. So this is a preventative episode about “building your mental house right” – and you’ll hear more about that in the episode. I hope you enjoy! The book I talk about in this episode that I recommend if you are curious (but unsure) about therapy is here: https://amzn.to/33HcEtJ As with all my episodes – take what helps and leave the rest. I am not a doctor or a professional of any kind. I am a regular person who wants to help. You know you best. If you liked this episode and you would like to make a donation to support this podcast, head to YayWithMe.com and click donate or visit Patreon.com/SarahMayB xo!!
July 20, 2019
Hi friends!! Apologies for the lag in postings…I have had some super intense hours as of late. But it will lighten up very soon. This is an episode all about the deeper and perhaps more logical causes of depression and anxiety. It’s inspired by a book I just read – which is BRILLIANT. Link at the bottom of the notes. Here’s the gist: Depression and anxiety are both forms of disconnection. We are cut off from things we need as humans – they are basic needs that we don’t realize we have. Because we live in the bubble of culture! You don’t realize how much that culture affects your world view and your habits; the thoughts and feelings you about yourself. If you want to do an experiment to see how conditioned you are by the various facets of culture, I invite you to watch a movie from 10 years ago. We don’t realize the messages we are receiving all the time and the power of those messages. A lot of our cultural depression is a literal mourning of consistent life experiences that we are meant to have– things that are vital to our baseline as humans. These needs aren’t being properly recognized, addressed, and or processed. I think – because a lot of people don’t know how REAL and NECESSARY they are! Back in the day, life was kind of set up around these basic needs – we had smaller villages where everyone had a role, and you were close to your family. Community networks kind of sustained everyone in these really core human needs. The isolation that we now experience – paired with the focus on external possessions really keeps us all in a state of chasing. So if you are struggling with a sense of chronic emptiness and you cannot see a logical cause, this episode is for you. And more importantly – this book is for you – it’s called “Lost Connections.” https://amzn.to/2SxK4WM For more of my work, to send comments, or make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com – and as with all my episodes – take what helps and leave the rest!! I am not a professional. I’m just a gal who wants to help. xox
June 10, 2019
Hi peeps, this is a way to make sure you’re keeping yourself functioning at an optimal level – and not getting stuck in a stressed/triggered state or a low/depressed state. It’s basically how to widen your capacity for resiliency via grounding yourself in moments you are getting out of whack. This one is based on a lengthy training I had and it’s meant to be done in person - one-on-one, so hopefully it translates somewhat! If you need more information about this one, please let me know and I’ll post a part 2. For more of my work or to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo!
May 31, 2019
This is for anyone who get triggered around a family member or other person in their life, but you have decided that you want to continue to be around this person – despite this trigger. So really – these are management tools for tolerating these interactions. This is from a listener who has to endure some triggers around a family member. When this person is there, they feel drained and irritated – so these are some tools for a similar situation. This is a very difficult (and sadly, common) experience – the gist is how to manage the experience of being around a triggering person if you’re still working on your shit in therapy. As with all my episodes – three parts: What, why and how the tools. If you’d like to see more of my writing or make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo!
May 8, 2019
Ways to represent your best self in work and in life. Tips for asking for a raise, evolving within your workplace and growing your confidence professionally. This is more geared toward individuals who work within a company versus being your own boss. For more of my work head to YayWithMe.com xo! Here's a good article on things to think about before having a raise/promotion conversation with a boss: https://www.business.com/articles/salary-negotiation-tips-how-to-ask-for-and-get-a-raise/
April 20, 2019
You might not realize that you are a perfectionist. You might just think you have a high bar and believe in excellence. A lot of perfectionists think that there’s nothing wrong about their high standards. And I would agree with them – unless you are robbing yourself of health, wellness, and happiness. By that I mean – are you unknowingly running yourself into the ground? OR are you possibly robbing yourself of enjoyment and balance in life? Perfectionism is like a helmet you wear through life because it alters your experience of everything: it alters how you feel, how you behave, and what you can appreciate. As with all my episodes – remember I am a regular person. No degrees or expertise. This is just my opinion, so take what helps and leave the rest! To make a donation and to see more of my work head to YayWithMe.com xo!
April 1, 2019
This is a powerup for anyone who is burned out or about to be burned out – currently getting super overwhelmed by their schedule and they’re starting to freak out. A lot of the reason we start to freak out is we get stuck in a state of anticipation: we start to foreshadow negative consequences, imagining how bad something will be – we actively live suffering in our minds. What I want to remind you of is your actual physical moment is quite different. When you are stressed out and overwhelmed in this actual moment – it looks very different. If you want to make a donation or check out more of my work visit YayWithMe.com xo!
March 4, 2019
This is for anyone who is struggling with attempting to control others and/or obsessing about things in their own life, for example predicting future events and what they can do about them. The best part of this episode is def the tools! So if you're curious and also impatient, skip to part 3 - the tools. This is a request from a listener– it’s somewhat related to the self-sabotage podcast. The listener pointed out that when you are self-sabotaging you are attempting to control what will be – because the anxiety is too great. Once you know this is happening for you, how do you let go of the future and stop trying to control it? It’s a toughy, but I’m going to do my best! The audiobook I mention in this episode can be found here: https://amzn.to/2VGMySY For comments, to make a donation or to read more of my work, head to YayWithMe.com xo!
February 15, 2019
This is for anyone out there who is dating and they are struggling with letting go of the people who don’t text you back. It’s also for anyone who is dating someone you think you really like – and because of the rarity of that, you’re freaking the fuck out because you don’t know what to say or do and you don’t want to misstep. So – it’s for the mind-boggling stage of dating where nothing makes sense and there seems to be no structure or logic and you feel like a crazy person with no power. And every decision is decided by the focus group that is your friend group. This one is for Ty (‘s friend). Hope this helps! As with all my podcasts take what helps and leave the rest. xo If you are in this demographic and you’re struggling I recommend reading these two books– (at least) the first 3 chapters of this: https://amzn.to/2E9RtWL And this (but replace pronouns where appropriate): https://amzn.to/2NbzCla If the tone turns you off, I get it! But I would read it/listen to it regardless because it’s a good synthesis of very basic/clear information. To make a donation or to find more of my work, visit YayWithMe.com xox!
January 27, 2019
Do you feel like you lost all power and autonomy in your new relationship? Are you always wrong, apologizing, groveling? Does it feel like you’re on drugs because of how intoxicating this person is? Do you obsess about them and yet you also kind of loathe dating them? Then you might be in a relationship with a narcissist. This is inspired by a listener and I thought it might be helpful to someone out there. And heads up - this is all information that is widely available out there on the interwebs so if you want to know more, give it a quick google – there are tons of resources. Here are a few books that I like if you want to dive deeper: Book 1: https://amzn.to/2MxkBd3 Book 2: https://amzn.to/2Mz4BqO And a book recommended by a listener (which I haven't read yet, but looks promising): https://amzn.to/2RW4ZFC To make request, see more of my work and to make a donation head to YayWithMe.com xo
January 10, 2019
A reflection process for guiding your life versus your life living you. Happy New Year! I wanted to invite all of you to do a check in with yourself and your life – to see if you are happy, and specifically whether or not you are living it with the right “ratio.” Think of this like a screentime analysis of your life. I want you to grab your journal because we are going to reflect on specifics of what makes you the happiest. There are 3 parts. The first part is a journal reflection with 10 questions. The second part is an assignment to ensure you’re starting 2019 off on the inspired foot. The third part is a strength-building exercise for maintaining your best self. I hope you enjoy! If you’d like to check out more of my work or to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com Xo!
December 19, 2018
This is a combo Q&A episode all about how to deal with the pain and courage needed to deal with a breakup. Four people had questions about leaving a relationship and struggling with that decision. The questions are as follows: >> How can especially sensitive people stand by their decision to leave a relationship and resist urges to go back and try harder?  >> What are some healthy ways to deal with intense nostalgia when it strikes and convinces you that you left a perfect relationship? >>Despite knowing this person is not right for me, my brain goes into survival mode and has this insane desperation to continue to reach out and repair. Also is hard to see red flags when you’re in it; hindsight is 20/20 >>Is it possible to stop loving someone when you don’t want to love them anymore? I already consciously decided to leave the relationship I’m currently in but the thought of actually initiating a break up literally sounds like the worst thing ever. The book I think will help that I mention during the episode can be found here: https://amzn.to/2SaZr6f For more of my writing, to make a donation and to purchase The Break-Up Album, head to YayWithMe.com xo!
November 30, 2018
In this episode I answer the audience question: Do you any tips on what to do about "social anxiety" around applying for a new job? I get overwhelmed every time I apply, feeling that I’m not enough and that I’ll hate the job when I get it… For helpful resources around this issue check out this book: https://amzn.to/2Qwq73O And for skills around this issue, check out this book: https://amzn.to/2Qs4kdx For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo
November 20, 2018
Hi friends, in this Q&A episode I answer just one question from a college student about how to accept yourself when you're not feeling confident in life. So if you're starting out in your adult life and you feel like a fraud, this is for you! If you want to check out more of my writing or to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com and have a happy holiday xo!
October 31, 2018
This is a biggie, and the subject is not simple - however, I am going to try and chip off a small piece of the iceberg that is the issue of disordered eating. Because disordered eating is rampant in today’s society! It’s like the more we focus on ourselves, the more we pick those selves apart, and the more disconnected from our bodies and what they need, we become. What I’m covering is how to begin the process of conquering a binge-eating disorder – whether that’s just binging or binging and purging. I think it will still apply to you if you suffer from any disordered eating but it’s a request from someone asking specifically about binging. If you are on the fence about whether or not this episode will apply to you – I’ll ask you this: Are you trapped in a cycle of obsession that occupies a majority of your time and worry? Are you constantly fixated on the scale? Do you find yourself constantly needing to exercise for fear you won’t burn enough calories today? Are you living your life – or is the routine of thinking and feeling and worrying, living you? If you feel like you have a fulltime job called monitoring-my-body, then I think you’ll get something out of this episode. A few links from the episode… A few books I would like to recommend if you do suffer from this issue: https://amzn.to/2DtHxbc https://amzn.to/2Dsx1RA https://amzn.to/2SWlRJf A doctor who works with (and has cured) people who suffer from diabetes: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joel_Fuhrman
October 24, 2018
This is a power-up episode just to invite you all to become familiar with the mind machine. The “computer” that helps us, keeps us driven and safe – but at times also hurts us – in that it reduces us to a base-level self. That self that feels small and wounded when we feel slighted, or mean and bitey when we feel judgmental. The goal of this is really just to become familiar with its tendencies so that you might you’re your choices despite it when it is not serving you. By "it" I mean your inner narrative. Because yes, you are a thinking being – but you are much more than your thoughts. Your thoughts are a thing that happens to you in you’re your body. You are the passive observer behind them. When we are overly identified with our thoughts – this can bring about a lot of pain. It’s much less painful when we can remind ourselves in the moment that it’s optional – and dis-indentify with the thinking in that moment. SO here’s what this power-up is. An explanation combined with a series of thought-exercises to do so you can get to know your ego as an entity separate from yourself.
October 3, 2018
This is for the person who got ghosted, not the person who ghosts. Contrary to how it feels, a lot of thought can go into ghosting. It could be something that someone debates and replays in their mind for weeks on end. The decision to ghost comes from a very specific place. It’s not “I don’t care at all” it’s more, “I don’t know what to say…” As in all my episodes, there are three parts – the what, why and how – the tools. This one’s for Bryan! For more of my work including the blog versions of my podcasts, head to YayWithMe.com To make a donation you can visit YayWithMe.com/donate or find me on Patreon.com/SarahMayB
September 12, 2018
This is for anyone who’s in the throws of getting over a really toxic and yet, addictive relationship. I would otherwise call it the rock bottom part of your relationship loop. Maybe you’ve known this was not a good relationship for you for a very long time but you were always too terrified to leave it. Yet now that you’re mid-escape, you feel crippled by the intense pain that’s been brought on by it. If that sounds like you – first of all I want to say – get to a therapist’s office, stat. This can be a really scary thing to go through without support. Now of all times, it can be really helpful to even try meds to take the edge off. If you feel like you can’t handle your sich – dial 9-11. That’s the simplest tool. And second, know that this will not be forever – even though that’s what your feelings tell you, right now. It’s just gonna suck for a little while. You’re in the thick of it, right now. The only way to move is up. Here are some tools to help you start heading there. The book (The Five Second Rule) I mentioned in this episode can be found here: https://amzn.to/2x8pUZa For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo!
August 29, 2018
Hi peeps! This is an oldy but a goody. I posted this on my blog like 6 years ago but since someone requested, I thought I would throw it out again and also do the challenge myself. This is appropriated from a TedTalk by Shawn Achor - if you want to hear more about it you can watch that here: https://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work?language=en For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com Join me - this is my Day 1! xoxoxo!
August 15, 2018
Hi friends, this is a special power-up episode – it’s basically a list of my favorite and most frequently used tools as of late. I’m just going go through them in list format. If you’re in need of some tools for happiness, compassion, self-awareness, confidence, and energy-tuning – this is an episode for you. For anyone interested, here are the books and authors I mentioned: A book where you can find more of John Gottman’s principles: https://amzn.to/2vM4fGb A book about Loving What Is: https://amzn.to/2vN7z3K A book for fun and joy-tuning by Pam Grout: https://amzn.to/2OBeFzj If you want to check out more of my work and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo!
July 29, 2018
In this episode I talk about why people are afraid of intimacy and commitment – and I do it for both sides of the relationship: the fearers and the chasers. So this is for anyone who was in a happy in a relationship and then their partner started distancing as soon as things got close. It’s ALSO for anyone who can’t seem to stay in a committed relationship and you don’t know why you find yourself bailing as soon as someone starts to like you. This is something I see often in my One-on-One’s and I thought it warranted a podcast episode. And because I am directing this at two audiences, I jump back and forth between who I am identifying with. So sorry in advance if that gets annoying. I don’t want one side to feel left out. As per usual there are three parts: the what, why and how the tools. To make a donation and see more of my writing head to YayWithMe.com My references and your recommended reading: For Huskies: Mindsight https://amzn.to/2AjEkKN The Self-Sabotage Cycle https://amzn.to/2LsQrds For Cubs: Attached https://amzn.to/2NQ8tTQ Men Who Can’t Love https://amzn.to/2K3MGpa
July 4, 2018
Hi friends, today I answer two questions – the first is about dealing with a partner who has boundary issues with a person who is infatuated with them. The second is about dealing with unrequited love – basically, how to confront saying goodbye to someone if you’re friends and in love with them. If you’d like to ask a question or to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo!
June 9, 2018
This is for anyone who feels not good enough, like a failure. Maybe you feel like you wasted your life, money, time, heart, career, 20’s, 30’s, fill in the blank. This feeling of not knowing who you are – not knowing why you’re behind everyone else, why you can’t seem to build a life that makes you happy – and it comes with an itchy state of discomfort with self. A constant narrative of self-judgment – the voice that isolates you and makes you feel worthless and like you need to escape social situations or at the very least have something expensive or exotic to talk about otherwise everyone will see what a loser you are. Maybe you’re one of those people who feels like their skin is crawling when they’re around happy and beautiful people: you look at other people and think – they’re so much skinnier, smarter, funnier, happier or ____than I am. Whatever the voice in your head says, this one's for you if you're hating on yourself and your life path. For more of my work and to make a donation head to YayWithMe.com ! xo References: https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/voice-therapy
May 22, 2018
Today I answer two audience questions: the first from a guy who caught his BF sexting on Grindr, and he doesn’t know how to move forward. The second, a girl who got ghosted by her love of her life right after semi-losing her job – now she’s overwhelmed and panicking about life and where to go from here. Hang in there guys - I hope this helps and the book I mention for Fred is linked below: https://amzn.to/2IEh5ib For more of my writing and to make a donation head to YayWithMe.com
May 4, 2018
This is all about how to deal with the loss of a person who has been very difficult in your life: the pros and cons of getting “closure” and if that’s right for you. Hi friends, today I am talking with one of my besties, Leila, about loss and impending loss – and basically, how to prepare yourself mentally for the loss of someone you have a lot of mixed feelings about. I am going to loosely structure this in 3 parts – since it’s more of a conversation. So in short, a relationship you have protected yourself from – because it’s toxic, and now you have to deal with the fact that you are losing this person – and that brings up all the unfinished shit from growing up. Hope it helps!! If you have any questions, or to make a donation, you can find me at YayWithMe.com xo!
April 25, 2018
Hi peeps! This is a “Digital Diet Challenge” all about creating mental space for yourself and checking any harmful habits you might have around smartphones and social media. I challenge everyone to take a stab at this. I want to preface this by saying this isn’t about removing smartphones and social media – it’s just about becoming aware of how you are feeling in reaction to it. I hope this helps! For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo! The study I mentioned is here: http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/2167702617723376 A podcast about this topic is here: http://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/allinthemind/the-kids-of-today/9637570
April 12, 2018
This is for anyone who’s going through a stage in life when they are necessarily dealing with a shit-storm of really difficult responsibilities. Like life has demanded you put yourself on “managing mode” and you have to take care of others for an extended period of time. Or maybe you can’t attend to your normal self-care routine and haven’t been able to for a while, and you’re barely just dealing with the day to day – as of now. This is really for you to listen to, to remember yourself and remember where you are and feel your own hands and feet and feel okay. And more importantly – ways to take a breather and check in with yourself, in the hopes of bringing a tiny bit more balance back into the equation. This one was a request from a listener from a while back - hope it helps! For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com or visit me on Patreon.com/SarahMayB xo!
March 25, 2018
Hi friends! This one’s about building healthy friendships and relationships and how do you know if a relationship is healthy or toxic. This one’s for Heather! This is a great topic, it’s something I had to think long and hard about at one point in my life so I made you all a list of what to look for. For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo Sarah May B.
March 3, 2018
In this episode I answer three different audience questions. The first, how to stop obsessing about a person after a single date – and the other person doesn’t want you back. Second, how to deal with feeling empty and lost – like the shell of a person. Third, how to stop forcing instant closeness with new friends – including oversharing. This one’s for: “Hijacked with infatuation,” “Lost” and “Instant Besty.” The links I mention in this episode include: The book The Depression Cure: http://amzn.to/2F9PCPv The fish oil I take in DHA: http://amzn.to/2tecCvb and EPA: http://amzn.to/2oIX1iH The Lily Pad podcast episode: https://soundcloud.com/helpmebeme/episode-44-personal-priorities-pond-a-self-esteem-building-exercise And to make a donation or read the blog version of this podcast, head to YayWithMe.com xo! Sarah May B.
February 16, 2018
This is a request I got from a couple of female listeners, and I address their issue directly – so heads up, this is based on hetero relationships between a guy and a girl and the guy is the one who doesn’t want to have sex. That said, I believe you can translate this to your partnership based on the traits you share with the examples I will discuss. If you want to know more about something I do not address, reach out with an email and I’ll tack it onto the next episode (info@yaywithme.com). Most importantly, know that this is not intended to be reductive to anyone or their lifestyle – it’s meant to be helpful. Also, there’s not a whole lot of reading on this subject that I could find, so if you have some recommendations, please also reach out and lmk! I will announce up front that this deals with gender roles and therefore it’s going to generalize. I know that in my reading I found myself getting angry at several valid ideas. I am not trying to make anyone feel worse, OR tell you what is “right” “correct” or “normal” for a man and woman to be, obvi – so if you feel offended by things that reinforce gender roles, take what helps and leave the rest! End of disclaimer! If you want to make a donation or to read the blog versions of this podcast, head to YayWithMe.com or visit me on Patreon.com/SarahMayB – thanks! xo
January 26, 2018
Listen to this one with your journal in-hand! This is similar to the one I gave last year, but it’s basically a super fun journal exercise to help you focus your attention on what you love and want more of in the new year, moving forward. And yes – it’s intentionally not something I posted new years day! Hope you enjoy it! If you want more of my writing or to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com
January 10, 2018
In honor of the new year, this is all about finding your passion – facing feelings of anxiety and anticipation about the future and also what factors to consider when choosing a career path. This one is for Seema and Aja. Thanks for the topic suggestion! “The Passion Test” book I mentioned is here: http://amzn.to/2mkWYre The slashies episode I mentioned is here: https://soundcloud.com/helpmebeme/episode-51-we-are-the-slashies-5-ways-to-grow-as-a-working-creative The Freakonomics episode I mentioned is here: https://www.wnyc.org/story/how-become-great-just-about-anything/ For more of my writing and to make a donation head to YayWithMe.com
December 17, 2017
Hi friends, in this episode I answer two questions. One: "How do you trust your gut if you struggle with anxiety and perfectionistic overthinking - if your thinking gets you into messes all the time? Should you believe what other people say about you - even if you don't agree with them?" Two: "How do you stop focusing on the expectations of others, while in a relationship? I find that I neglect my needs and often focus on what I think I should do to make another person happy." For more of my work and to make a donation visit YayWithMe.com The Melodie Beattie book I mention in this episode is here: http://amzn.to/2k3jvZm The podcast I mentioned is here: https://soundcloud.com/helpmebeme/episode-44-personal-priorities-pond-a-self-esteem-building-exercise
December 3, 2017
This is for anyone who is coping with the aftermath of finding out they have an STD and what that means for you as an individual. There are some great articles on this topic – some from people who seem to be super successfully living with STD’s. I will link to those in the blog version of this post, all of which live on YayWithMe.com – along with The Break-Up Album – a breakup coach in a podcast album. There are some tools about how to have that conversation with a potential partner. How to still believe you have a chance at finding your happy with a partner. I wanted to also cover the side of this topic that has to do with your personal feelings about yourself. Because I think that’s one of the hardest parts. How we change this moment into a major meaningful milestone that somehow redefines who we are. This one is for a listener. Thank you for request! It’s a great one. With that there are 3 parts: the what, why and how – the tools! References: https://goo.gl/xff7Mw https://goo.gl/e47UYF https://goo.gl/QUAB4D https://goo.gl/Z6jmub https://goo.gl/ZHuW1Z https://goo.gl/SXqs9p https://goo.gl/cmQMRR
November 18, 2017
This is an episode answering two questions – the first: how do you deal with real fears and awareness of imminent pain, for example – the pain of a future loss of a loved one, or the fear over the current situation in the world. The second question: how do you deal with the pain of wanting someone who has broken up with you multiple times. Is it okay to go on Tinder and hookup with other people – just to help get over them? For more of my writing, to make a donation and to purchase The Break-Up Album, head to YayWithMe.com xo Sarah May B.
October 27, 2017
How to take constructive criticism well, specifically, when it comes to creative endeavors. That means hearing it, taking it in and doing something with it, without it triggering you emotionally – which can change what the criticism means to you. Like when you feel you should defend yourself, or you automatically feel like a failure, or your desire to please the person outweighs the creative truth. So if you are a creative of any kind and you have a hard time hearing constructive criticism this one’s for you! This is a topic request and heads up it has some baby ambient noise as it’s recorded from my maternity leave. This one’s for Catherine. Thank you for the request and your generous donation. It’s truly how I am able to do this work. People like you. xo For more of my work or to make a donation you can visit Yaywithme.com
October 11, 2017
This is a power-up for ambivalence about a big life decision – like leaving a relationship, trying a new career or having a baby! This is a power-up episode structured like a conversation between you and me. This is about how to decide whether or not to have a baby, but I also think it could apply to any issue. So if you’re on the fence about kids and you’re running out of time – this is for you. And I know that this is a polarizing topic – so if you listen to this, know that it’s a personal opinion, not a "should" – and i do not believe my opinion is better than others. So don’t take offense to anything I say and if it doesn’t feel right for you, leave it. It has the potential to bring up some weird feelings in some people – especially if you have issues with childhood and parents – so that is my big fat caveat. Heads up - this topically leans more toward women! For more of my writing or to make a donation, check out Yaywithme.com xo!
September 29, 2017
This is about when life becomes unmanageable – for example there’s a condition that threatens your sanity and it gets to the point that you are in serious discomfort. This is when you are feeling hopeless and overwhelmed and in a state of action-paralysis. When you don’t know how to help yourself, you are in a state of fretting. Feeling overwhelmed and unable to think past how bad things are. So if you are in that state – feeling dread and hopelessness, this is for you. Hopefully the short increment will allow it to be applicable to you in those moments – so first things first. I want you to grab a paper and a pen. From this moment right now, you cannot see the solution but no matter how bad things are or have been for a long time – something that will help – exists. Part of the paralysis is believing in the sense of hopelessness because when actions don’t impact your outcome repeatedly, we learn to believe it. We believe it’s hopeless until it’s not. The trick is to take the pain ONE notch down from what you’re in now. When it comes to really dire, hopeless situations – chronic ones, you need dramatic big change. More than a simple tweak. More than a podcast. You need a big leap. You can’t do this all on your own – you need to involve reinforcements. Today’s podcast is dedicated to Catherine. Catherine your donation has literally changed my life – I hope I am able to repay you in some small way. For more of my work or to make a donation, visit YayWithMe.com xo Sarah May B.
September 12, 2017
A shorthand version of changing a trauma or hurt from a scar into a medal. I’ve covered this in other episodes but I thought it would be helpful in this format - it's condensed for in-the-moment application. I used these steps myself recently and it works! So this is if anyone has had something really traumatic happen to them that hurts them and you can tell it’s one of those sore spots that makes you cry really hard. I want you to practice these steps around that experience as soon as it has happened. It will likely have to do with your powerlessness in the face of something excruciating – and your inability to change that. For more of my work including the blog version of this podcast, head to YayWithMe.com To donate head to Yaywithme.com/donate
August 31, 2017
When we don’t feel safe, we tend to panic. Especially if you lack the innate knowledge that you will be okay. So when external events happen that take our sense of safety away – it can lead you into a state of intense suffering that then deepens into a state of hopelessness. This is when external hardship is really damaging. However – you can foster an innate sense of resilience – by practicing steps and thoughts despite yourself. So if you are in that state, of if you want to preempt it – here are some steps for you to take. If you want to read more of my writing, to make a donation, and for more helpful resources, check out YayWithMe.com
August 6, 2017
Today I have to honor of speaking with Billy Merritt, actor, writer, improviser– and one of the founding fathers of The Swarm at The Upright Citizens Brigade, an improv comedy theater and school, well known in LA and NY. Today we are going to talk about lots of things – but in particular, how the tools of improv can help you be more present and comfortable in your own skin on and off the stage. For more about Billy, check out The Smokes - Monday at UCB Franklin in Los Angeles or The Swarm, the first Saturday of every month at UCB Sunset, or find him on Twitter @BillyMerritt Heads up! We got cut off during our first recording session so you'll hear the sound change as we pick back up about half way through. Sorry if we repeat a few things - but I think you'll enjoy nonetheless! To work with me or to find more of my writing and podcasts, check out Yaywithme.com
July 28, 2017
Hi friends, in this episode I answer 3 questions: what to do if you’re stuck and you can’t figure out what you’re passionate about. What to do when you are stuck in a pit of hopelessness and despair and you feel ashamed and can’t seem to get a break. What to do if you are stuck, depressed and you really don’t have any good friendships. I hope this gives you some relief! I know a lot of these issues are really big, chronic ones and the solutions will not be quick and easy – but if this was your question, I want to say whatever you do – don’t stop trying. I believe eventually you fill find your cocktail solution. It just takes persistence and a teaspoon of luck, which can be arrived at via trial and error. Xo Sarah May B. For more of my writing, my one-on-one plans, my books and other resources check out YayWithMe.com
July 11, 2017
It’s hard to be yourself – it takes work. There’s a lot of emotional and thought clutter that gets in the way – especially when you are so wholeheartedly pursuing your best self! This is for anyone who’s been working on themselves and feeling like they’re not happy, not where they want to be, and stuck. Simple shifts in perspective and brain vs body balance can be the difference between lightness and darkness: like changing the channel in your brain when viewing your life. For more of my podcasts and blogs check out YayWithMe.com xo!
June 24, 2017
In this episode I answer 3 audience questions: What do you do if you can’t stop focusing on your ex and whether or not they’re with someone new? Do we have multiple soul-mates and how do I know if I should fight for my ex? When can I start dating again if I went through a breakup 4 months ago? Got a question? LMK! contact@yaywithme.com If you are interested in learning more about mindfulness based therapies check out this book: http://amzn.to/2t4UHq6 And if you want more research about how to be happier, check out this book: http://amzn.to/2s1bjPy And here’s a link to some helpful ways to stop obsessive thoughts: https://www.get.gg/step6.htm And for more of my work including the blog version of my podcast, check out YayWithMe.com
June 7, 2017
This is for anyone who has a super tumultuous relationship with a sibling, one that that defies all logic. It’s to give you context for a lot of common sibling issues and also some tools for clarity and staying firmly balanced on the ground. Just a heads up, I am talking mostly about adult sibling rivalry – though you might gain something from this if you’re listening because of your kids. I will touch on how these conflicts are formed early on in life. For more of my writing head to https://www.YayWithMe.com and for my references for this episode check out: http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2009/12/oh_brother.html http://amzn.to/2skMf5r https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199301/adult-sibling-rivalry
May 29, 2017
A practice of getting closer to your original self. Analysis, ambivalence, endless "stuff." Checking, pursuing, not knowing if any of it is right. When will I finally be happy? When I finish this thing? But then there’s that other thing I have to do. Hi friends! This power-up is a set of tools all about trimming out the mental work we create for ourselves and getting closer to your playful, original self. That mental work that seems to go in circles. In favor of something deeper and possibly more rewarding. For more personal play and exploration - here are a few books I enjoyed. xo Jung on dream analysis http://amzn.to/2rOrX3U Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu http://amzn.to/2s7gwSe Bodhisattva mind http://amzn.to/2quH3aQ
May 9, 2017
Forgiveness is a monumental practice because it really guides a lot of what you believe in your life -about the world, love, relationships and also yourself. I’ve said this before but truly the reason to forgive is for you: because it’s kind of like being stabbed and then keeping that knife in your body. Forgiveness is something only you can decide you are ready to do, but it’s also something only appropriate in certain situations. It comes from a pure and genuine goal created for the right reasons, with all the practical information at hand. For example, you might want to forgive your ex for breaking your heart, but you can’t force that until you are ready to accept and move on. Another example of a situation that might be best left for processing but not forgiveness – is chronic abuse. This is a situation when we are likely to blame ourselves – so it’s really vital to lean into anger and claim that blame. When it comes to other deep wounds, when we prematurely choose to forgive it’s often because some part of us wants to skip over the pain of confrontation – looking at how bad we really hurt. When we want to forgive because the emotions associated with a certain event bring us BELOW the level of who we know we are, that is a mature and profound decision – one made from your highest self. This is something we all get to choose: basically, to align ourselves with who we know we are. What I want to do with this episode is really pose that invitation in a way that might get you closer to the reality of processing or forgiving – or knowing where you need to place a hurt from your past. References: Triumph of Heart http://amzn.to/2pt308G The science of forgiveness http://www.salon.com/2015/08/24/the_science_of_forgiveness_when_you_dont_forgive_you_release_all_the_chemicals_of_the_stress_response/ Haven’t read this myself but this is by the guy who heads up the Stanford Forgiveness Project which does a lot of good research. http://amzn.to/2qZy5Tt
April 19, 2017
Contrary to popular belief, fights are not better talked out to the bitter end and happiness and intimacy are not the result of more loving couples. It really comes down to how you manage these perpetual fights. I want to give you the main reasons people end separating or remain happy and together - based a couple different disciplines of research. Because a lot of what is the most damaging, isn’t obvious or calculated by a person. It’s totally accidental. When we have the same arguments and we start to get distant, it’s often because we don’t want to fight and we have a sense of dread around a repeated loop, so the distance is like a no-war zone between two foreign cultures. And the SHITTY news is when you get distant, your relationship is actually in the most trouble – because both parties are no longer demonstrating an investment in the bond. This is when you stop identifying as a couple and you start thinking in terms of me, the individual. And with that solo identity you start to focus on goals as an individual and not as a couple. Your focus redefines your past together as crappy – you see things from a personal interest standpoint. So if you guys are feeling distant and resentful, this is an episode for you! Caveat: I want to stress that this is NOT for people with abusive partners. Domestic violence is not something that I recommend using these tools for – if you’re in an abusive relationship, my heart goes out to you. If you like this episode, check the Gottman Institute for more! A lot of this is from his work. For more of my writing and the blog version of this post, check out Yaywithme.com (the blogs will be posted a bit later than the podcasts). Book references: Couples counselor questionnaire: goo.gl/zWndxG How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It http://amzn.to/2oOqmqP John Gottman’s most popular book: http://amzn.to/2o3HxHU The Gottman Institute – all their good, short articles. gottman.com A book by the creator of Imago: http://amzn.to/2onby1d What to look for in a couples counselor: http://www.marriagefriendlytherapists.com/whattolookfor.php
April 7, 2017
This is for those who suffer gnar PMS. I know girls who don’t go out when they’re PMS-ing because of how dangerous it is for others. It can be confusing and rob you of yourself! I hope to give you some background info about how to prep for PMS– basically all the info I could find on the internet. If you’re a severe sufferer you likely know all this stuff, but hopefully something good or at least guilt-relieving will come out of this. Disclaimer: This is my personal opinion on some preventative PMS - for the love of GOD, consult your doctor before taking any supplements. I'm not a nutritionist and I don't have any training in this area - of any kind. If anything, use this as a starting point for your own personal research. Check out these references for more complete info: https://goo.gl/IhmSpI https://goo.gl/CUkknB https://goo.gl/NWamy5
April 2, 2017
Hi friends, this is a quickie Q&A episode answering three questions: What do you do when an ex keeps trying to come back into your life?! How do you deal with a depressed partner/friend who pushes you away? How to deal with being ghosted and positive ways to overcome it? If you're looking for more please reach out! xo Sarah May B. Here’s the Reco’d Reading I mentioned: The Gift of Fear: http://amzn.to/2nMhwcL The Depression Cure: http://amzn.to/2nPCEQX Codependent No More: http://amzn.to/2oqPw16 Courage to Change: http://amzn.to/2orhFVw
March 18, 2017
Let’s say you’re not confident, which leads your to focus on others and accommodate their needs solely. Or you have been tipped off balance because there’s someone in your life that you want so bad and you feel like you can’t keep them so you’re doing whatever you can think of to keep them – but that’s creating a cycle where they pull away more. This is for you. It’s a recommended “core workout” in that it’s for regaining your inner strength. It starts with strengthening that relationship with yourself and a bond with yourself. Another term for it would be self-love. Heads up - this is an episode I recorded without a script so if something doesn't make sense, leave me a comment and I'd be happy to answer. If you liked this, please leave me a review on iTunes! For more of my work check out HelpMeBeMe.com xo
March 7, 2017
This is an interview with my bestie and go-to love guru, Alicia Marder. We'll discuss dating and courtship and how to demonstrate your value and "seal the deal" down the line. Heads up! This is most applicable for straight ladies but hopefully helpful to all! Just trade out the pronouns where necessary. I hope you enjoy! For more about Alicia, check out ilikeyourvoice.com and for more from me check out yaywithme.com - and if you like this episode, let us know if you want to ask any questions! We might do a follow-up. xo
February 3, 2017
I interview Dr. Sharon Flynn PhD on what dysregulation is, what it’s from and some ways you can treat it. When emotions overtake you and make you unable to act in ways to help yourself, this is called dysregulation. It’s something that happens to a lot of people sometimes from trauma or ptsd, sometimes from the way you’re wired. For more you can check out Yaywithme.com or DrSharonFlynn.com xo Sarah May B
January 19, 2017
If you got dumped or you didn’t get your dream job, here are some tools and insights to get you back on the wagon of awesomeness. Getting rejected is a confidence assault on so many levels because it reduces you to below the level you were before you mustered the courage to try. Especially if you don’t see it coming, it can make you feel like you can’t trust your gut and therefore, you should never try again. Well I assume you’re waiting for the typical catch-phrases like, “You can’t win if you don’t try.” But that would make me annoyed if I just got rejected so I’ll skip that part. Here are some tips to give you some grounding if this just happened to you. Looking for more? Head to YayWithMe.com xox My theme song was created by BookerHillMusic.com
January 6, 2017
This is an episode that I’ve been wanting to write for a while – because it’s something that reminds me of a very confusing and difficult time for me. When I couldn’t find my voice, or access it. It’s a thing that happens to a lot of people – you can feel the thing you have to say and it’s just stuck inside your body. You can almost hear yourself screaming it, desperately trying to get it out. But your physical body doesn’t move. It’s like witnessing a silent victim trapped behind double mirrors in prison – why can’t they see me? Why can’t they hear me? Wherever this is coming from – for you, I think I can help give you a bit of a leg up. Because I know how this feels – it’s traumatizing. The worst. Because it’s like you are doing it to yourself, and you are somehow the cause of your own horror – because of the fact that you can’t even stand up for yourself. It sets up a really heavy, powerful loop that compounds a new truth: I am hopeless. I am a liar. I am invisible. I am a coward. No one can see me suffering. No on can help me, including me. Wow – that got kinda dark, huh? Well it’s kinda that feeling – a deep, dark where no light reaches. Let’s get to some proactive information shall we? There are 3 parts, the what why and how – the tools.
December 23, 2016
This is something to do with a warm blanket and your journal, kinda like a date with yourself. Have your journal handy if you can – and your iphone calendar or a regular calendar, and take a listen. Feel free to pause as you go. This is what I’ll be doing as I go through my year. Happy holidays lovely friends! Celebrate as much as you can. xo Sarah May B.
December 6, 2016
Hi peeps! In this “experiment” I answer several questions you’ve asked – quick-fire style! Like it? Let me know! What to do when the universe is shitting on you, How to deal if you don’t get along with your parents. Dating: What to do when you can’t help but feel needy or anxious. What to do if you have the same problem in relationships: why it happens, why you should take notice. How to deal with social media when you’ve been through a breakup, and How to forgive yourself when you fuck up a relationship or you feel like you made a bad decision in a relationship.
November 28, 2016
It can be something that sets up a chain reaction: first the feelings of hate or desire or insecurity, then the shame, then the guilt. Then the loop that exacerbates it. I am writing this for all different kinds of situations, so hopefully if you’re suffering you can get a bit of relief – for yourself, and those you love. With that there are three parts – the what, why and how! Let’s do dis! For more of my work head to Yaywithme.com and to donate visit me on Patreon.com/sarahmayb
November 12, 2016
For those who have been assaulted in some way by hatred – perhaps from a person you though you were close to. Maybe a peer or a stranger on the street. Or something you heard via the news that really shocked and upset you. Or maybe you’ve been experiencing hate yourself, and you are trying to help yourself out of that. Check out yaywithme.com/love for a list of rights-support organizations – it's an ever-growing on Google docs. I also have a link to help organizations for assault. Hang in there, friends. xox Sarah May B.
November 2, 2016
This one’s all about the anxiety and stress that you might feel as soon as you end up in a good relationship. The clinginess might be painful, almost excruciating, and the anxiety of not knowing the future and if it's gonna last – might not only take you OUT of the joy state, but ruin your ability to be yourself during the courtship phase. So if this sounds like you, know that there’s nothing wrong with you, I was just like you, and you are among many. This is not forever – so take heart. As usual there are there parts: the what, why and how – the tools! For more of my writing or to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com
October 21, 2016
Get into the positive, grateful state where you are the most rational. This is to get you smiling and blow your mind a little bit. Share it with someone you love! Enjoy and check out Yaywithme.com for more smiles xox Sarah May B. mwa mwa mwa
October 19, 2016
When we promise ourselves that we’re never ever going to do the thing we hate, again. Maybe that's the thing your parents did, or the thing we already did that burned us – yet we end up right back in that exact same relationship. Or we might promise ourselves that “this is the last time I take this person back! I KNOW what I want for myself and this is not it!” It’s like being a wind-up toy in that suddenly you find yourself resetting the same loop once again, feeling powerless to stop it when its happening to you. You might say things like, “I have no idea how I ended up in this situation!!” Or, “How could I possibly have made excuses for this person and ignored the signs?” Or even, “Why am I still taking this crap? Why do I allow myself to take this person back again and again? I am MISERABLE. I know I am miserable, and yet I can’t seem to stop.” Maybe when you’re IN a relationship it just feels like love. It’s wonderful and hopeful and passionate and fun. You feel great being appreciated by this other person – they adore you and show you their best, and you feel like you’re finally able to use all your gifts. If you're looking for more of my writing head to Yaywithme.com and if you're looking for immediate help, I recommend this guy's list: http://mentalpod.com/get-help xox Sarah May B.
October 7, 2016
An interview with Dr. Sharon Flynn, PhD all about therapy and how it works. How long does therapy take? How do I find a therapist? What's the difference between all the different doctors? How much does it cost? We will discuss various techniques, plus why someone might want to go to therapy in the first place. Hopefully if you've had a "dumb" question about therapy, I will ask it for you! To find Dr. Sharon Flynn, visit https://goo.gl/Mg1yLO
October 4, 2016
Hey peeps, this is a practice to help you retrain your brain out of a negative focus. I just started it and I invite you to do the same: 1 negative-into-positive-gratitude per day! (Not in the place of your current gratitudes, in ADDITION to it!) Hope you join me. xo Sarah May B.
September 19, 2016
Hi friends, this is really about something I’ve been experiencing lately which is the great energy and ability that comes from doing things that are really challenging and not fun or comfortable for you. I guess because I see in a lot of people who become slaves to habit, a fear or perceived lack of ability when they venture outside that routine. So in many ways, this is about the danger of comfort and how to initiate flexible and changeable self. This is written in part because when you are in a state of continual growth, you can better stay connected to the fact that nothing in life is really such a big deal. Nothing can “take you out” or make you suffer, and better yet – you can do anything and everything you want. You aren’t trapped by the “learned helplessness” that is created by routine – in that you learn from your own behavior, what “you” can do. When you make a habit of trying things that are really hard and make you feel dumb, you stay connected to your “bigger self” – that is you-in-this-entire-lifetime, sense. Because it’s easy to forget when you were a kid and you didn’t care – when you tried before your brain could speak up. I want to help you grow that self a bit more. If you want more of my tools head to Yaywithme.com and if you like this, please share it! xo
September 3, 2016
It's easy to get sucked into constant self-measuring and with that, discontent. This is a recalibration for your focus - if you are suffering from Fomo or hyper-focusing on the day-to-day pursuit of better-than. What I call, the hamster seed-gathering loop that is modern day life. If you like this check out Yaywithme.com for more of my writing and tools. xo Sarah May B.
August 27, 2016
Change is tough. New relationships shift old ones. This is for you if someone close to you is falling in love – or changing their priorities. Maybe it’s a new spouse, maybe it’s a new job, maybe it’s a new habit or phase of their life – whatever it is, you can’t be intimately a part of it. What you previously had is suddenly gone: and though occasionally you try to meet them in the same way on the same level – it’s different. They’re not there with you anymore. And that hurts – it makes you sad, and cling to the past. Maybe you don’t feel loved by them anymore. You feel separate – like you don’t know them anymore, even though you know them best! Maybe even better than they know themselves. And yet – they’re going through this new stage and you’re not the same part of it. If you want the blog of my reading list check out YayWithme.com later this month. This one's for Donnie - hope you like and that this helps! xo
August 23, 2016
**Warning might make you sad! It's a story that will ground you to the earth and the scope of life, more than make you laugh. With that...This is the story of the moment my entire life changed – I am posting it to give you hope if you suffer from a trauma. Because I have grown to a place of safety and happiness – past mine. I can only see this progress, now in the process of reading it aloud – and not quivering in my voice, or being triggered by it. It doesn’t mean that this story doesn’t mean a great deal to me – it’s just the opposite. It’s that this story – for me – is not something I cannot talk about, anymore. The person it’s about is still very special to me – and will always be a part of me. This is my college essay – and a story about one of the best friends I’ll ever have on this earth. I hope you enjoy. xox Sarah May
August 15, 2016
Hi peeps! This is a mid-dance-party mini power-up episode and my invitation to you to please join me. Because you need to get out of "normal" and just be human once in a while. xo Hope you likee! Check out Yaywithme.com for all my latest blog and podcast content, and subscribe for updates on The Break-Up Album!
July 31, 2016
Hi peeps! This was going to be a power-up then I started researching and it turned into a full-length episode. So Jessica – this one’s for you. Hope it helps! And anyone who hasn’t heard already, Yay With Me.com is now officially launched. Check it out peeps. Anyhoo, if you are listening to this because you have a rollercoaster dieting style, or you tend to go into an unconscious compulsive state when it comes to food, I think this will be enlightening and helpful in some way. It’s also got some info on the effects of stress and the difference in kinds of stress that’s harmful and not – so hopefully this will be helpful outside of food. As usual there are three parts, the what, why and how – the tools.
July 19, 2016
Hi peeps, this is a cheat of an episode in that it’s about how to get closest to getting your ex back via supporting yourself. There are no cheats that will make your ex spontaneously love you if things fell apart, so think of this as a best-practices-for-best-conditions kind of thing. That feeling of pain and longing and even obsession over the loss of your relationship. Maybe it wasn’t something you were expecting, or you both kind of “decided” it was right but now you’re realizing it’s not at all what you wanted and you can’t stop thinking about getting back together. Maybe you’re internet stalking your ex, maybe you’re just super depressed and texting them when you get drunk. Or maybe you’re actively trying to convince them you should get back together – as respectfully as you possibly can, and you can’t for the life of you, figure out how to do this right. So this is for anyone who is trying to get their ex back or is holding their head up high and not admitting they want that, but still wishing they were magically back together– either because you broke their heart and you know now you screwed up, or because you were dumped and you were not ready or willing to have this outcome. If this is where you are – you’re likely in a split personality state that can be sometimes a belligerent puking of tears, sometimes a banal but painful loneliness, sometimes annoyingly obsessed, sometimes scary-obsessed, or sometimes feeling like complete and utter worthless shit – and ONLY your ex can make you feel stable and “yourself” again. If you are helped by this podcast, consider a small donation. Visit https://www.yaywithme.com/support-help-me-be-me or visit www.Patreon.com/sarahmayb
July 11, 2016
This is a power-up episode for anyone facing change that feels too hard or too painful. Take heart and remind yourself that you will do what you need to do when you're ready and in your own time. xo! Sarah May B.
June 28, 2016
This is all about how to get the most out of your capacity and your life experiences as well as how to navigate the painful stuff. I want to talk about the growing of self, as it relates to culture and society – and how it has changed. Plus ways that you can begin to maximize your growth as a human. So this is all about you – and the way you grow yourself in this lifetime. Like a self-reflective path-tuning educational episode. This one’s dedicated to Rich and Aldana. Hope you like!! xo
June 27, 2016
This is all about how to get the most out of your capacity and your life experiences as well as how to navigate the painful stuff. I want to talk about the growing of self, as it relates to culture and society – and how it has changed. Plus ways that you can begin to maximize your growth as a human. So this is all about you – and the way you grow yourself in this lifetime. Like a self-reflective path-tuning educational episode. This one’s dedicated to Rich and Aldana. Hope you like!! xo
June 10, 2016
A power-up episode for anyone dealing with the pain of sorrow of grief and they don’t know where to put the painful feelings. This is a new meditation exercise I learned and I think it’s pretty amazing. I hope it works for you, too. xoxo
June 2, 2016
Hi loves, this is a more immediate version of the Anger Fixation Relief Power-Up. This one is designed more for if you’re in the moment of an angry loop of emotion – to help you calm down and relieve the immediate effects. I think it’s good to follow up with the second “Anger Fixation relief” episode. xo! Sarah May B.
June 1, 2016
It’s really hard to stop yourself from helping someone out, doing it for them, giving your time and energy, saying what you said you wouldn’t do again, or diving in head first to a partner – especially when chemicals take over. Because that’s who you are! A giving and loving person! It can feel almost like a commitment to being true to yourself, because when you have all the understanding of someone’s voids – you feel compassion. And even if you didn’t want to try to make them happy or fix something, you feel obligated – mostly by yourself you’re your own inner voice. It’s also because you like them so much and you want to make them happy. To fight against this habit will feel wrong, unnatural. And super uncomfortable – and it makes others so happy. It’s a confusing dilemma – to NOT follow your instincts will make you might feel like you’re not being yourself. You want to be loving and give your best for someone you love. It’s a catch-22. And so the flip side of this is you end up doing it all: you’re the saver who comes to the rescue and others will continue to disappoint you on a loop. Like you’re surrounded by children. You end up feeling resentful toward others for not giving you the love and care and THANKS you deserve, but you can’t stop yourself from being there for them and helping them live better lives. It feels good to be helpful. This end result leaves you and whoever else you are stuck to in life, fighting or empty – battling for love and care and attention. And you’re not asking so much at all – just for a tiny bit of love and support at SOME time in life. Or just for them to not be so destructive. This one’s for Ty – great topic! Thank you! If this helps you in any way, consider making a monthly donation at HelpMeBeMe.com thanks!
May 18, 2016
Oh shit. This is bad. I’m not wrong, they’re wrong. Ouch this hurts. I wish this wasn’t this way. Why does everyone hate me? I hate everyone. I am dreading going to this place. I wish I never dated that person. They’re probably talking shit about me. I should be doing better by my age. I haven’t done anything with my life. No one loves me. I look like shit. These are the voices of worry, shame, fear, regret, pain of various forms – the loops that play out and push us to solve for x or act according to x. This is when you can’t find your way out of a situation and instead your life just gets smogged over by the situation: when you know that something is wrong and because of it, you feel terrible inside. Life suddenly loses its highlights. You ask for advice, you work on plans to overcome it, you wish on it, pray on it, lament it, replay it, try to aggressively work on alleviating it, or you hide from it and numb it. And it thickens. It’s the one thing that really catalyzes a whole lot of other beliefs – and you can’t seem to figure out a workaround. When an emotion sticks inside us it CONTROLS US and often pushes us to act on its behalf – like a little demon with a joystick inside your brain. So if this sounds vaguely familiar, this is an episode for you. There are three parts – the what, the why, and the how - the tools! Before I go on I wanted to let everyone know about my second podcast called “Love is Like a Plant” with Ellen Huerta of Mend. She’s building an app to get you through a breakup. Check us out – it’s all about relationships and dating. Anyhoo. The what! If you like what you hear and you want to support this show visit me on Patreon or head to HelpMeBeMe.com and click donate! xox
April 26, 2016
I did this myself and it worked for my so I wanted to offer it to you! This is a little refocusing exercise to help you let go of anger and resent - especially if you're fixating on something that bugs you. Whether it's a friend, a partner, a boss - you can train yourself to remember your kind and loving state. It comes down to a simple re-focusing practice when you need it most. xox Sarah May B.
April 23, 2016
This is also known as gas-lighting – based on a Hitchcock film where Ingrid Bergman was made to feel crazy by her husband. What I am going to talk about is what to do and how to recognize when someone is intentionally keeping you feel off-balance or pushing your buttons to make you into the bad guy. It’s a control tactic, and it’s extremely cruel – not to mention, when done overtime it can make you believe you can’t trust your own instincts. You will start to lose a connection to your own gut instincts because someone is making you believe that they might be wrong, consistently over time. It can stall you from actually reaching the solution to an issue, and even blind you to real and dangerous truths happening right in front of you – on a greater and greater scale. Because over a long period of time – no matter how rational and confident you start out, eventually you catch “the sickness” of the manipulative behavior. Long story short – it’s DANGEROUS and NOT COOL and you shouldn’t be tolerating it or be around it – at all. This is an episode to give you a starting point for helping yourself out of this situation. Three parts – what why and how, the tools. Apologies for the background sounds - I recorded this after work in the car so there are helicopters around me!
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