Detailed
Compact
Art
Reverse
August 4, 2020
Dealing with Analysis Paralysis and Self Sabotage - An excerpt from This Book Will Make You Dangerous by Tripp Lanier. Learn more by visiting DangerousBookstore.com. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/08/analysis-paralysis-self-sabotage
July 28, 2020
JP Bouvet is a world class drummer that has lived through one of my recurring nightmares — twice. In this talk we explore our fear of face planting in front of others, the importance of meaning in our work, and why he’s chosen to redefine himself professionally. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/07/jp-bouvet
July 22, 2020
Comedian Kyle Kinane (Comedy Central, Trampoline in a Ditch) discusses why we need to laugh at ourselves, getting caught up in comparisons, and confronting our fear of rejection. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/07/kyle-kinane-trampoline-in-a-ditch
July 14, 2020
Jaimal Yogis (Saltwater Buddha, The Fear Project) on mindfulness, meditation, and riding emotional waves. Also discussed: fatherhood, common misconceptions about meditation, and the trap of trying to outrun what makes us uncomfortable. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/07/jaimal-yogis
July 7, 2020
Fear of failure, choosing to play big, and getting over yourself - An excerpt from "This Book Will Make You Dangerous" by Tripp Lanier. Learn more by visiting DangerousBookstore.com. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/07/this-book-will-make-you-dangerous-fear-of-failure
June 30, 2020
Erik Everhard, author of Unleash Your Sexual Superpowers has been in the porn industry for over 20 years. He’s had sex with over 4,000 women. Today we discuss what it was like to have such a unique career, how he ended up feeling lost, and how he found his way again after learning how to help others. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/06/erik-everhard-book
June 22, 2020
Kwame Christian, Director of American Negotiation Institute discusses how ego, vanity, and “calling out” get in the way of resolving conflicts with family, business, politics, and race. Plus: tips for having more effective online discussions. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/06/kwame-christian-negotiation-conflict-resolution
June 15, 2020
Recently I learned a valuable lesson: that I could actually talk to my black friends about race instead of making assumptions and relying on the media or some idealogical group to tell me what to say, think, or do. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/06/how-to-talk-about-race
June 2, 2020
The Starbucks Shootout — Why trying not to screw up has us screw things up. An excerpt from This Book Will Make You Dangerous by Tripp Lanier. Learn more by visiting DangerousBookstore.com. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/06/this-book-will-make-you-dangerous-the-starbucks-shootout
May 26, 2020
How to Use Death to Become More Powerful. An excerpt from This Book Will Make You Dangerous by Tripp Lanier. Learn more by visiting DangerousBookstore.com. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/05/this-book-will-make-you-dangerous-step-into-power
May 19, 2020
Do you ever play it safe when it comes to money or sex? Do you take risks or only go for what appears to be a “sure thing?” How to get out of your own way, stop playing it safe, and find that mojo again. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/05/playing-it-safe
May 12, 2020
The audiobook introduction from This Book Will Make You Dangerous by Tripp Lanier. A very unconventional look at why I throw most success how-to books in the trash. Learn more by visiting DangerousBookstore.com. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/05/this-book-will-make-you-dangerous-tripp-lanier
May 6, 2020
With so much uncertainty, how do you deal with the uncomfortable feelings? What if it all came crashing down? What could possibly exist on the other side of your worst nightmare? https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/05/facing-fear
April 7, 2020
Confronting Fear, Scarcity, and Pressure. Will you follow the herd that’s freaking out or find the opportunity? Plus: using discomfort to find clarity, forging your own path, and why most guys settle. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/04/fear-scarcity-pressure
March 10, 2020
What do we do when success is unfulfilling? Do you think more success and status are the keys to lasting fulfillment? And what happens when our achievements leave us feeling empty? Plus: victim mentality and our comfort zone https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/03/unfulfilling-success
March 3, 2020
If you want more out of life then what’s really getting in the way? Why do we have such a hard time making a commitment? And what’s so wrong with trying to live happily ever after? https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/03/commitment-issues
February 25, 2020
How pro coach and New Man podcast host Tripp Lanier went from very confident to very lost; how he spent years dicking around while waiting for the perfect plan; and how he finally pulled his head out of his ass and got back on track. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/02/get-out-your-own-way
February 18, 2020
Tripp and Alyson Lanier discuss a bold way to start a relationship, making commitments, and the danger of being a nice guy. Also: Way of the Superior Man by David Deida, truth vs comfort, and the danger of waiting for the perfect plan. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/02/starting-relationship
February 11, 2020
Ash Ambirge, author of The Middle Finger Project discusses how she went from growing up in a trailer park to middle class success to sleeping in a K-Mart parking lot with only $26 to her name to eventually making seven figures. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/02/ash-ambirge-middle-finger-project You don't have to settle. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, executives, and entrepreneurs. The Daily Toolkit is available for immediate download. https://thenewmanpodcast.com
February 4, 2020
Tripp and Alyson Lanier explore taking responsibility for what we want, the seduction of settling, and the one question that kicked Tripp in the gut. Also: Outgrowing your life; Feeling guilty for wanting to make a change; The fear of ending up broke and alone. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/02/blow-up-your-life You don't have to settle. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, executives, and entrepreneurs. The Daily Toolkit is available for immediate download. https://thenewmanpodcast.com
January 28, 2020
Tripp Lanier discusses being an emotionally constipated control freak, dealing with grief, considering suicide, and living a fragmented life. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/01/emotional-constipation-control-freak You don't have to settle. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, executives, and entrepreneurs. The Daily Toolkit is available for immediate download. https://thenewmanpodcast.com
January 21, 2020
Functional Medicine Health Consultant Jon Mitchell challenges the dogmatic, cookie cutter approaches to optimal health. Stop chasing fads and learn how to dial in a unique health/fitness protocol that works best for your body. #health #fitness https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/01/jon-mitchell-functional-medicine You don't have to settle. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, executives, and entrepreneurs. The Daily Toolkit is available for immediate download. https://thenewmanpodcast.com
January 17, 2020
Tripp Lanier discusses facing our fears of failure and criticism. Here are a few brief lessons learned from legendary Rush drummer, Neil Peart about living life on your own terms. #rush #neilpeart @rushtheband @rushisaband @johnwesleymusic https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/01/neil-peart-life-lessons Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. https://thenewmanpodcast.com/resistance
January 14, 2020
As someone who makes a living coaching others to accomplish goals, Tripp discusses how our goals can become a trap. Plus: Glorifying busy-ness, how our mindless pursuit of “more” is lazy, and why the need to prove that we’re not a failure is making us weak. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/01/shadow-side-of-goals Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. https://thenewmanpodcast.com/resistance
January 7, 2020
After coaching successful men for over 15 years, Tripp boils down what kills our freedom, aliveness, and peace of mind. Does success really make us stronger? How can we get off the hamster wheel of “more, more, more”? And what would it mean to define success and strength on your own terms? https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2020/01/define-success-on-your-own-terms Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. https://thenewmanpodcast.com/resistance
December 10, 2019
Following Your Passion is Hard as Hell. My friend Eric Goodman is the creator of Foundation Training. He’s built a global movement by empowering people to overcome back pain. But like many passion-driven businesses, behind the scenes it’s been extremely challenging. Today we talk about growth, failure, chaos, and the fantasy that building a business around your passion should somehow be a cakewalk. #foundationtraining #doafounder #mindset #entrepreneur #business #motivation #success #entrepreneurship https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2019/12/follow-your-passion
November 25, 2019
Are you bored with the whole left vs right, culture war gridlock? What if there was a way that this dumpster fire could make us stronger? And could you possibly find common ground with your bigot uncle this holiday season? Jeff Salzman (The Daily Evolver) discusses Ken Wilber’s integral theory and how it can help us navigate our conflicted world. #integral #kenwilber #culturewar https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2019/11/integral-theory-jeff-salzman-daily-evolver Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. https://thenewmanpodcast.com/resistance
November 12, 2019
David Perel gave up his dream of being a pro racing driver and became a tech startup founder. But dreams die hard. In this crazy story, David recalls his bold (and sometimes reckless) choices to go against the odds to race at the highest level. #granturismosport #gtsport #ferrari #lamborghini #motorsport #blancpaingtseries #lemans https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2019/11/david-perel-race-driver Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. https://thenewmanpodcast.com/resistance
October 22, 2019
Jon Zazula and wife Marsha started Megaforce Records, discovered Metallica as well as many other acts. The road to fame and fortune was very rocky road. Today, Jonny Z and I discuss his path from Wall Street to jail to metal hall of fame. #metal #metallica #anthrax #ministry #cliffburton https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2019/10/jon-jonny-z-zazula-megaforce-of-will Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. https://thenewmanpodcast.com/resistance
October 8, 2019
Could changing the way you masturbate change your life? Somatic Sex Educator Alyssa Morin discusses settling for lousy pleasure, what hipster beers can teach us about sex, and why trying to be a “sexual master” often backfires. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2019/10/alyssa-morin-masturbation-self-pleasure Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. https://thenewmanpodcast.com/resistance
September 17, 2019
How to face fear. Understanding the 3 phases of a challenge — When we’re in the creative process and we’re looking at the next scary step it’s helpful to understand what we’re really facing. Often this is where we drain ourselves and get stuck because we can only see our challenge from one perspective instead of three. In this quick podcast we break down our challenge into its three main parts so we can take action. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2019/09/how-to-face-fears Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. https://thenewmanpodcast.com/resistance
September 5, 2019
Brian Johnson of Philosophers Notes and Optimize.me discusses perfectionism, the inner critic, understanding the whole point of life, and why he blames Tripp Lanier for his $2 million dollar business “experiment.” Click here to watch, read, or listen now. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2019/09/brian-johnson-optimize-philosopher Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. https://thenewmanpodcast.com/resistance
August 20, 2019
What is your Zone of Genius and how do you find it? Do you have to blow up your life if you want to reinvent yourself? And why do some folks sabotage their success? Guest: Gay Hendricks (The Big Leap) Click here to watch, read, or listen now. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2019/08/zone-of-genius-gay-hendricks Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. https://thenewmanpodcast.com/resistance
August 6, 2019
Brian Portnoy, author of Geometry of Wealth discusses the difference between being rich and wealthy, funding contentment, and answering the question, “Am I going to be okay?” https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2019/08/brian-portnoy-geometry-of-wealth Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. https://thenewmanpodcast.com/resistance
July 23, 2019
Dr. Michael Gervais is a high performance psychologist who works with the Seattle Seahawks and Fortune 100 companies. Today we pick apart the myths of being a high performer, understand the inner critic, and reveal the key ingredient to enjoying the life we want. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2019/07/michael-gervais-high-performance-mindset Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. https://thenewmanpodcast.com/resistance
July 10, 2019
Paul Ollinger (Crazy Money Podcast) busted his ass, cashed out of Facebook, and became a stand up comic. Today we’re going to talk money being a major motivator, how our pursuit of a stress free life can burn us out, and why committing to success often makes us weak. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2019/07/paul-ollinger Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. https://thenewmanpodcast.com/resistance
June 25, 2019
Teo Alfero The Wolf Connection: Creating a life of meaning and heart. Leaving home to work with Carlos Castaneda, building a wolf sanctuary, and rigorous shamanistic trainings. Plus: what keeps us from living extraordinary lives, dealing with spiritual forces beyond our understanding. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2019/06/teo-alfero-wolf-connection Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. https://thenewmanpodcast.com/resistance
June 11, 2019
Robert Glover Dating Essentials for Men — Dating advice for guys who don’t want to be jerks. Finding high quality women, testing for interest, how to end dead end relationships with respect, and dealing with sh*t tests. https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/2019/06/dating-essentials-for-men-robert-glover Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. https://thenewmanpodcast.com/resistance
May 31, 2019
Stop making excuses and quickly pivot into power. There are 3 main excuses that hold us back and have us play small. In this quick talk coach Tripp Lanier talks about how to identify resistance, confidence, motivation, and wisdom vs knowledge. Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. https://thenewmanpodcast.com/resistance
May 10, 2019
Mark Manson Everything is F*cked What happens after you make all of your dreams come true? What if hope is just another form of evil? And are we making life harder than it needs to be? Mark Manson sold millions of copies of his last book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, and he’s back with a new one called Everything is F*cked. Today we talk about why he’s out to slaughter our sacred cows, why hope makes us fight one another, and why success tends to make us weak. In this interview: * Why selling millions of books created a big problem for Mark Manson * “What is happening to our world?” * Being desperate to hear that everything will be okay * Why hope creates conflict * Why everyone is religious to a certain extent Plus: * Why we’ll never truly escape pain * Why we need enemies to unite us * Self sabotage and why we make life harder than it needs to be * Why guys get more fragile as they get richer * Why we don’t have a masculinity problem - we have a maturity problem * Mark’s past issues with women Click here for Mark Manson's book Everything is F*cked: A Book About Hope. About Mark Manson WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHY SHOULD I TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY? Mark Manson in 2017Just some guy who reads a lot. And don’t take anything I say seriously. Unless you want to, of course. But the point is to think for yourself. If you like some of the things I say, great. If not, that’s fine too. But, to answer your question, my name is Mark Manson. I’m 33 years old. I grew up in Austin, Texas. Went to school and lived in Boston. Graduated from Boston University in 2007. A couple years later, I started an online business (and the earliest form of this blog) and traveled and lived all over the world for about seven years. Ended up marrying a Brazilian. Now I live in New York City. SO, WHY DO YOU WRITE ABOUT ALL THIS STUFF? Most of what I write is written for myself, first and foremost. I don’t share these ideas because I think I’m right and other people are wrong. I write them because I think I’m wrong, and correcting my own misjudgments on a public platform seems to help out a lot of other people in the process. HOW WOULD YOU SUMMARIZE YOUR PHILOSOPHY? We’re all wrong about everything, some just a little less wrong than others. Everything sucks some of the time, and that’s OK — happiness is learning how to appreciate the struggles in your life. There are more stars in the universe than grains of sand on the planet, you couldn’t be special even if you wanted to be, so stop trying to prove yourself all the time. Trying to prove something to yourself and others is the root of most misery. Life is about solving problems. Therefore, learn how to pick good problems. Avoiding problems just makes everything worse. Human emotions are flawed. Always be skeptical of yourself, no matter what. Let go of your identity,
April 30, 2019
Peter Gray - Why Play is the Key to Leadership, Strength, Adaptability Do you ever wonder if life is just a series of hoops we have to jump through? How much of our lives do we spend focusing on money and making sure we don’t end up as a failure? And why is it so rare to find people who can lead their own path and easily adapt to the changes in our world? If you’re one of those guys who is struggling to find what has you feel alive, it’s probably because you’ve forgotten how to truly play. Peter Gray Ph.D. is a research professor at Boston College that studies play. And today we’re going to find out how play is the key to leadership, innovative thinking, problem solving, and doing what has us feel alive. We’ll also talk about why our highly structured, competitive environment that’s meant to give us an advantage is actually making us weaker, depressed, and breeding us to become robots. In this interview: * Why play is a strength instead of a threat * Does play mean we’ll be irresponsible failures in life? * Why people can’t think outside of the box * How we can become adaptive in today’s economy * Why it doesn’t really matter what college you go to Plus: * How a lack of play causes depression and anxiety * The 4 keys elements to play * How we’re being trained to be better followers instead of leaders * What truly makes us more brave and strong * Why most folks just want someone to tell them what to do Click here for Peter Gray's book Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life. Peter Gray (born 1946) is an American researcher and scholar who is a research professor of psychology at Boston College. He is the author of a widely used introductory psychology textbook, Psychology (Worth Publishers, with co-author David Bjorklund beginning with the 7th edition),[1] now in its seventh edition. The book broke new ground when the first edition was published (in 1991) as the first general introductory psychology textbook that brought a Darwinian perspective to the entire field. He is also author of Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life (Basic Books, 2013), and he writes a popular blog for Psychology Today magazine entitled "Freedom to Learn". Gray is a well-known critic of standard educational systems and is frequently invited to speak to groups of educators, parents, and researchers about children's needs for free play, the psychological damage inflicted on children through our present methods of schooling, and the ways in which children are designed, by natural selection, to control their own education. He is a founder and current board president of the Alliance for Self-Directed Education, which is dedicated to promoting opportunities for Self-directed education for children and teenagers as replacement for coercive schooling.
April 19, 2019
Jayson Gaddis Relationship Warrior Is your relationship like tolerating a rock in your shoe? Do you find yourself looking for greener grass when a problem shows up with your partner? And do you think you could get an erection while standing on the 50 yard line during the Super Bowl? Jayson Gaddis is the founder of The Relationship School. Today we talk about what makes our relationships so draining, what it means to become a Relationship Warrior, and what your erection — or lack of one — is trying to tell you. You can learn more about Jayson’s relationship program for men by visiting RelationshipSchool.com/newman. In this interview: * Fighting, blaming, not enough sex * Taking responsibility vs blaming it all on your partner * Distracting ourselves with work, news, social media, porn * Why expecting too much from our partner kills sexual attraction * What is a “relationship warrior”? Plus: * Why we tolerate draining relationships * A quick way to find the purpose in your life * What Jayson learned from having erection issues * Why focusing on sexual performance kills good sex * Why putting your partner on a pedestal can kill sexual attraction (Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links which means that, with zero cost to you, The New Man will earn a commission if you click the link and purchase the program.) You can learn more about Jayson’s relationship program for men by visiting RelationshipSchool.com/newman. About Jayson Gaddis Jayson Gaddis, relationship student & teacher and host of the Smart Couple Podcast, is on a mission to teach people the one class they didn’t get in school–”How to do Romantic Relationships.” That’s why he founded The Relationship School®. He was emotionally constipated for years before relationship failure forced him to turn his life over to learning about relationships. Now, he’s been married to his amazing wife since 2007 (after some brutal break ups) and has two beautiful kids. When he doesn’t live and breathe this stuff with his family, he pretty much gets his ass handed to him. He gets you the relationship results you want, fast. He will teach you how to use conflict to create a more fulfilling and sustainable relationship. He teaches virtual relationship empowerment classes to students around the globe. Jayson teaches you that hidden within any and all relationship pain are the seeds of you getting more empowered in your life and more connected to yourself. Even though many of his school teachers said he sucked at writing, he writes anyway. His first book for the Smart Couple’s will be out November 2017. He has also written for The Good Men Project, Elephant Journal, Your Tango, The Jungle Of Life, Primer Magazine, Integral Life, and Recovering Yogi. You can learn more about Jayson’s relationship program for men by visiting RelationshipSchool.com/newman.
March 28, 2019
Jon Mitchell Functional Medicine Health Consultant put a lot of time, money, and energy into his career and then realized it wasn’t for him. Instead of staying stuck, Jon hired a coach, stopped hiding out, and created his own opportunities. In this interview we talked about how he shifted his mindset, turned pro, and took bold action to shift his career path. Also: How Jon Mitchell helps people optimize their bodies, brains, and energy and combats chronic disease.
March 5, 2019
Relationship Advice - How to Communicate Without Arguing. Relationships go off the rails when we believe we can’t talk about challenging things with our partner. We avoid certain topics because we’re afraid of a fight, strong emotions, rejection, or worse. Too many of us are settling and tolerating a relationship that leaves us feeling drained, trapped, stressed, or bored. In this discussion Tripp and Alyson Lanier share practical tips for getting relationships back on track.
February 21, 2019
Intuition and Trusting Your Gut - Rick Snyder author of Decisive Intuition: Use Your Gut Instincts to Make Smart Business Decisions. Why denying our instincts makes us weak. How Snapchat’s Evan Spiegel lost billions by using intuition incorrectly. How to use your gut to be more powerful in life, work, and relationships.
February 6, 2019
No Longer Passionate About Work? An excerpt from a coaching conversation with Tripp Lanier. In this call, we explore some of the reasons why my client was feeling stuck and unable to see any attractive professional opportunities in front of him. Plus: How our mindset determines whether we’ll stay stuck doing the same old thing or if we’ll expand into the next phase of our lives.
January 24, 2019
Jonathan Haidt thinks we frequently lie to ourselves as a way to rationalize emotional choices. So should we become Vulcans, living lives devoid of anything rewarding? Or can we tap into our emotions so that we’re more powerful? Plus we’ll also talk about how good intentions are creating a generation of fragile young people.
January 9, 2019
Do you depend on fear for motivation? Do you make progress but still feel anxious, tired, or under pressure? And is success really just a strategy to outrun the things that scare you? In this conversation with Craig Revord we talk about how he’s learned to find power, face major fears, and get off the hamster wheel all while growing his business.
December 19, 2018
Robert Kandell Unhidden - Reclaim Energy, Power, and Confidence What would you say if your wife asked you to go to an orgy? Would you want your partner to lie to you just so you can feel safe and comfortable? And how much of your life is spent worrying about what others may think of you? Rob Kandell just wrote a book called Unhidden where he explores why so many guys are feeling drained and exhausted in our relationships and work. We’re also going to talk about why he believes it’s a challenging time to be a man, and why there are so many “successful” guys out there who don’t feel fulfilled. In this interview: * Is your girlfriend or wife or partner the last person you want to kiss? * Is it a challenging time to be a man? * How do you care less about what others think about you? * How to claim more energy * Why we’re programmed to be in unhealthy relationships and patterns Plus: * Self imposed celibacy * Boys and men don’t know how to act or who to be anymore * Why it’s the best time to be a man * Why guys are afraid to complain * “Successful guys” who are unfulfilled Books discussed: * Michael Kimmel Angry White Guys * Michelle Masters Money Magic Click here for Robert Kandell's book unHIDDEN: A Book For Men and Those Confused by Them. About Robert Kandell Robert Kandell has been helping men find themselves for fourteen years. By creating a relationship of absolute approval with his clients he is able to see the parts, which are hidden in their shadows: fetishes, hurts and hidden desires. With a loving hand, he encourages men to accept these traits and utilize them as internal power. An expert in interpersonal communication and relationships, he has helped thousands of students find a more balanced, energized life with better relationships, more sex and more happiness. His coaching style is challenging, fraternal and highly rewarding and definitely not for the faint hearted, he has been described as “part football coach, part loving dad and part slightly crazed drill sergeant”. He is the host of the highly successes podcast, Tuff Love. To learn more about Robert and his revolutionary work, visit www.RobertKandell.com Click here for Robert Kandell's book unHIDDEN: A Book For Men and Those Confused by Them.
November 28, 2018
In May of 2007 at the age of 49, Dave Baker a competitive athlete and lifeguard went through, let’s just say, an “incident”. This is his story — what happened, how he recovered, and why he refused to just “exist” after getting a second chance at life. Guest: Dave Baker, Wrightsville Beach Ocean Rescue Director
October 31, 2018
Human guinea pig and bestselling author AJ Jacobs (Thanks a Thousand) returns to discuss what he’s learned from his latest long term experiment. This time he’s set out to explore what will make him less grouchy — and it all starts with a simple cup of coffee. Also: Year of Living Biblically, Drop Dead Healthy
October 17, 2018
Using Failure and Loss to Become Stronger What happens when we don’t accept that loss and failure are necessary for growth? What has us stay in careers and relationships way past their due date? And are we making things way harder than they need to be? On a recent coaching call, my client and I had a discussion about loss, failure, and letting go of our expectations for the future. At the time, I had recently just come back to our home that was significantly damaged by Hurricane Florence and my client was dealing with the struggles of trying to fund his startup. If you’re wondering why it feels really hard to control how things are now or the future, then I hope this conversation will be helpful for you. In this interview: * Phil Stutz and “Only the dead survive” * Trying to control the future * What’s the difference between letting an opportunity die and giving up? * What destroys success, marriages, and opportunities? * What keeps us in lousy relationships and jobs way past their due date? * Why integrating lessons learned from tough times is critical to our power
October 3, 2018
Are your goals making you unhappy? Are you busting butt to create a future that may never exist? What do our fantasies tell us about what we truly want in life? Here’s a simple way we can learn how to tap into unconscious beliefs in order to strengthen our mindset.
September 19, 2018
Midlife crisis and how to thrive as we age. Why guys can have a midlife crisis when they’re 30 or 50. Why hustling is often a symptom of an unhealthy mindset. Learning to master fear, uncertainty, and change.
September 5, 2018
Mission, Money, and Meaning. How to get your life together; How to identify the mindset that keeps us playing small; Where we find the most satisfaction; And how Joe Bernstein reinvented his life after divorce, career change, and losing 150 pounds.
August 23, 2018
Coaching Practice: Why Jerks Can Make Money Click here to download the free ebook — Why Coaches Struggle Click here to learn more about The Authority Program for Established Coaches. Below is a transcription of this podcast: Most of my clients are entrepreneurs or other coaches that want to align their business with their values. They want to make great money doing what they believe they were put on this Earth to do. After being in business for myself for over 20 years and helping many, many others do the same — you wanna know what I think one of the biggest threats is to creating what we want? Is it lack of time or money or resource? Nope. Folks that really want it figure out a way to create that stuff. Is it a lack of know-how or expertise? Nope. Folks that really want it learn what needs to be learned. You wanna know what it is? It’s a “need” to be important. To be special. To be significant. Now, I’m not gonna bullshit you and act like I don’t enjoy feeling like a big deal from time to time. Everybody does in their own way. But this kills our business when we focus on being important instead of being effective. We’re in trouble when we’re fixated on that image in the mirror instead of what really matters and what really works. We’re in trouble when we make everything personal. We’re in trouble when we’re convinced that being liked and popular is the same as being a problem solver. If being liked and popular and adored was the key to creating a thriving business, then how can we explain the metric tons of jerk millionaires on this planet? (FYI, not all millionaires are jerks — that’s not what I’m saying. There are plenty of broke jerks, too. Jerks are everywhere.) There is no magical popularity contest that determines whether or not your business succeeds. The planets being out of alignment isn’t causing your opportunities to dry up. Your prospect didn’t bail because the Universe is punishing you. No. The reason why you didn’t get the client was because your skills need to improve. Period. Don’t get lost in the “What does this mean about me?” narcissistic-trap where your results are a reflection of your self image and identity. Your results are far more about your skills — not you personally. When we make everything personal we simply amplify the problem. Focusing on ourselves keeps us from sitting back and saying “Ok, what skills do I need to develop? What do I need to learn? What needs improvement?” Jerks can do this. So why not good guys, too? If you’re a coach in my Authority Group for Coaches (and coach-types) you’ll learn — and most importantly implement — the essentials to building a thriving, sustainable coaching business. Click here to download an eBook where I talk about some of the behaviors that kept my coaching practice stuck in The Struggle. Tripp PS Click here if you’d like to learn more about the Authority Group for Coaches (and coach-types).
August 21, 2018
Why do some of the “best” coaches go broke? What else do we need other than coaching skills to have a thriving coaching practice? Plus more information about the Authority Program for Established Coaches.
August 16, 2018
What can we learn from a professional coach who experienced 10X growth within 18 months? And why are so few coaches unwilling to do what it takes to create a thriving coaching practice? Plus more information about the Authority Program for Established Coaches.
August 14, 2018
What if you weren’t that big of a deal? What if your fear of failure was a waste of the precious time you have to be alive? In this episode we discuss some ideas for how to stop taking ourselves so seriously and make the most of our lives instead. It’s all a matter of perspective.
August 9, 2018
Rejection stings. And avoiding rejection will kill professional growth, too. Today we talk about ways to take the sting out of getting a “no”. Plus more information about the Authority Program for Established Coaches.
August 7, 2018
Is it true we have to quit our job or jeopardize our family in order to create a big change? Let’s discuss resistance and the excuse that keeps us stuck at the starting line of our entire lives.
August 2, 2018
Why aren’t you getting cool opportunities and referrals? Are you stuck in the dreaded Professional Friend Zone? Plus more information about the Authority Program for Established Coaches.
August 1, 2018
Fear of Success - Nearly Pissing Away Millions Because of Fear https://youtu.be/89yEl6uPYvk Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. Below is a transcription of this video. Today I want to tell you about a client who was on track to piss away millions of dollars because he was scared and had his head up his ass. In case you don’t know who I am, I’m Tripp Lanier. For over 12 years I’ve spent thousands of hours coaching folks to get out of the rat race, become an authority in their field, and make a great living doing the work they were put on this earth to do. And for more than a decade, I’ve hosted The New Man Podcast which has been downloaded millions of times and can be found on iTunes or Stitcher. And for what I’m about to say, keep whatever works for you and discard the rest. So one day my client shows up on the call and says, “I’m burned out. I’m toast. And I don’t know what to do about it.” Now these were not the words of a corporate wage slave dreaming of owning his own company and selling it for millions one day. These were the actual words of a guy who was going to sell his own company for millions in a matter of days. Let’s call him Tom even though that’s not his real name. Tom had built this company as a kid in his early twenties. At the time he started the business he had about $75 in his pocket. For years he put his head down, created amazing growth, and now in his mid-thirties he was going to sell his baby and set his family up for the good life. Or so it would seem. In reality, this sale and the transition was bringing up a lot of fear. He had a buyer and as part of the deal he would stay on board to run the company for a few years. At the end of that time he would move on and be rewarded very handsomely for its continued growth. He was still young. He could build and sell many more companies in his lifetime. He had a wide open road ahead. The future was bright, right? Not so much. Stuck in his fear and uncertainty, Tom was driving himself straight into a wall. Instead of focusing on the value of his leadership and vision, he was approaching this opportunity as that scared kid who was afraid to lose $75. All he could see were the things that could go wrong, all the ways this deal might go tits up. He was scratching and clawing trying to control and manage everything. He no longer trusted his team or the systems that allowed the company to grow so well over the years. He was playing not to lose instead of focusing on where he wanted to go. Instead of being the asset that would usher in a greater level of growth, he was becoming a liability to the company, the buyer, and the employees he cared for. If he stayed stuck in this fear-based perspective he was going to burnout and piss it all away. So after a bit of back and forth he asked me, “What the hell is going on? Why are things like this?” I told him, “You’re not thinking big enough.” I challenged him to shift into a higher perspective. I invited him to consider that one of the reasons his company was so valuable was because of his ability to create a vision and lead. It’s just that right now fear was having him play small. Fear was keeping him away from where he was most valuable. Fear had him trying to control and manage everything and everybody. So I asked him, “How would you navigate this sale and transition if you weren’t afraid?” The switch had flipped. He saw it. The perspective had shifted.
July 25, 2018
Entrepreneur Mindset for Success - Will F-You Money Solve Your Problems? https://youtu.be/545itfdIYRc Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. Below is a transcription of this video. Today let’s talk about dragons, “F you money”, and a mindset that keeps us weak. In case you don’t know who I am, I’m Tripp Lanier. For over 12 years I’ve spent thousands of hours coaching folks to get out of the rat race, become an authority in their field, and make a great living doing the work they were put on this earth to do. And for more than a decade, I’ve hosted The New Man Podcast which has been downloaded millions of times and can be found on iTunes or Stitcher. And for what I’m about to say, keep whatever works for you and discard the rest. Recently I was on a call with a client who I’ve been working with for about a year and a half to make a professional transition. He’s changing the type of work he’s doing. And if we were to measure his progress it’s been amazing. He’s erased tens of thousands of dollars of debt. Less than two years in, he’s earning more than double of what he made before we started working together. He’s working fewer hours, and he’s loving his work because he’s spending his time helping people that are building exciting new startups. Sounds like he should be stoked, right? Well while he was certainly excited by this progress, he was far from feeling peaceful. This was because in his mind, he had believed that if he got to a certain level of success then he would be able to escape the ups and downs and fears and uncertainties of working for himself. In other words, he was upset because he hadn’t completely escaped some of the problems or dragons he’d experienced years ago. As we talked he said, “I just thought if I got to this point I wouldn’t have to deal with anymore dragons. And yet, they keep coming. How hard do I have to work so that the dragons stop coming? What do I have to do?” Let’s talk about what’s going on here. Let’s imagine for the sake of this conversation that there are two ways to orient towards life: The first belief says something like, “If I make enough money or attain a certain status or XYZ, I won’t have to deal with uncertainty or the roller coaster of life anymore.” One of my coaches, Phil Stutz calls this fantasy exoneration. As in, we’re going to finally get to some place in our lives where we’ll be exonerated from life’s scariness and bullshit. This fantasy has us imagine that there’s some velvet rope section of life where we’ll be protected from uncertainty, pain, and effort. And if you think about it, that’s the illusion we’re confronted with daily — buy this product, have this body, attain “F you money”, or become important and all of our struggles will disappear. We can live in peace. But this isn’t reality. It’s not been true in my life or the hundreds of people I’ve coached. And just listen to my interviews with Phil Stutz and Barry Michels and you’ll hear two guys who have worked with billionaires and some of the most powerful people in the world. The ones who seemingly have it all. What have they discovered? That the folks at the top of the mountain still have dragons, too. Imagine that. Bottom line, there is no escape from the dragons. They may be fewer, they may be different. They may attack your health, your relationships, your finances — doesn’t matter. They’re still gonna keep coming in some way, shape,
July 18, 2018
Victim Mindset - The False Sense of Power that Fuels Disappointment and Anxiety https://youtu.be/daPP0lK4jaA Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. Below is a transcription of this video. Today we’re going to talk about how playing the victim is natural and then what we can do to grow up. In case you don’t know who I am, I’m Tripp Lanier. For over 12 years I’ve spent thousands of hours coaching folks to get out of the rat race, become an authority in their field, and make a great living doing the work they were put on this earth to do. And for more than a decade, I’ve hosted The New Man Podcast which has been downloaded millions of times and can be found on iTunes or Stitcher. And for what I’m about to say, keep whatever works for you and discard the rest. To get the most out of this video, take a few minutes to watch another video I created on The Drama Triangle. It’ll help you understand what I mean when I talk about being a victim. For the sake of this video, when I talk about playing the victim I’m referring to a mindset for how we navigate the world vs actually being victimized in a crime or a natural disaster or something like that. Again, watch The Drama Triangle video to understand this further. So, yes, as I said before being a victim is natural. For all of us. Why? Because it’s how we first navigated the world. As infants we came into this world helpless, completely dependent on someone else for everything we needed. We were powerless to anything except our ability to cry when a need wasn’t met. We felt discomfort from a shitty diaper or a hunger pain or a burp or too many blankets or not enough blankets. We felt that discomfort and we did the only thing we could do — we cried out. We made a big racket and then someone fumbled around. They played a guessing game to try and figure out what we wanted and bring it to us so that we’d shut up. Was it a fresh diaper? More milk? Were we too hot? Too cold? Regardless, that caretaker was the one who made the effort to (1) clarify what was needed and (2) be the one to take effective action. Those are two key points right there — clarifying what is needed and taking action. Now, folks grow up physically but many never really outgrow this infantile, powerless way of trying to get what we want in life. We stick with what worked from the beginning which was crying — which now takes the form of complaining, bitching, and moaning — and hoping that someone else takes responsibility to (1) figure out what we need and then (2) deliver it to us. This sounds like “My wife should just know what I want. I shouldn’t have to say anything.” Or, “I started this company so that I could be my own boss. But now all I do is work, work, work.” If things continue to get lousy, we may turn up the flame and resort to verbally blaming and attacking. But on it’s own, this is still a powerless response. It may feel powerful to make a big fuss. In fact, the victim often confuses these self-righteous tirades as being effective because they feel a false sense of power in the moment. But if all we effectively did was make a big protest, we’re still depending on someone else or something outside of ourselves to meet our needs.
July 11, 2018
Manliness - How Good Boys Become Manly Men https://youtu.be/Anlujp1Iyiw Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. Below is a transcription of this video. Today we’re going to talk about good boys and manly men. In case you don’t know who I am, I’m Tripp Lanier. For over 12 years I’ve spent thousands of hours coaching folks to get out of the rat race, become an authority in their field, and make a great living doing the work they were put on this earth to do. And for more than a decade, I’ve hosted The New Man Podcast which has been downloaded millions of times and can be found on iTunes or Stitcher. And for what I’m about to say, keep whatever works for you and discard the rest. Ok. Good boys and manly men. Several times a year I get invited to share my thoughts on some podcast or summit about quote being a man. As if there’s this one unifying principle about what makes a quote real man and what a quote real man should do. I typically ignore these invitations, and here’s why: It’s a trap. This whole idea of being a quote real man is just another form of domestication. Let me explain domestication, and I’ll point you to don Miguel Ruiz if you want to learn more. So domestication happens to all of us. It’s not all bad or all wrong. But it’s the process we go through as we grow up to learn how to be safe and accepted and comfortable in the world. That’s not so bad. However when we become too domesticated we’re essentially playing a role. It’s bad news when we’re striving to become an image in our head instead of accepting who we really are. Cue anxiety and depression. Through domestication we become the good boy who becomes the good son who becomes the good guy who becomes the good worker, the good husband, etc. For this “good guy”, life is all about following the rules and striving to meet the expectations of others. His way of navigating the world is essentially, “Tell me what to do so that I’m acceptable. Tell me what to do so that you don’t get upset.” And living our lives in a way just to meet others’ expectations is a recipe for misery. Now the only guys I know who are concerned about this idea of manliness are the ones who are recovering “good guys”. But what they don’t realize is that seeking “manliness” is just another form of domestication. It’s simply the flip side of the same coin where we strive to meet the expectations of others in order to be accepted. And that’s what makes it a trap. Let’s come back to our “good guy” who’s now frustrated and exhausted from spending his life thus far doing what he’s been told in order to meet the expectations of others. He’s tired of giving his balls and his power to his mother or his wife or his boss or someone else. He feels shame about being neutered, so in a moment of genius he decides that being “manly” is the answer. He says, “If I was a ‘real man’ then I wouldn’t have to deal with this crap anymore.” He gets on the internet and looks up how to be manly and there’s a lot of information out there because folks are lining up to express their expectations for what a quote real man should be. And they say, “Do this, do that, don’t do this, don’t do that and then you’ll be a quote real man.” And our good guy says, “Great! I’m good at following the rules! I’ve spent my entire life practicing how to meet someone else’s expectations! I can do this!” But what our good guy doesn’t realize is that he’s still striving to meet someone’s expectations. He’s just shifted what those expectations are.
July 4, 2018
Self Development: How to Tell if Optimization Has You Playing Small https://youtu.be/7wq-7Ys3yD4 Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. Below is a transcription of this video. Today I want to talk to you about the personal growth jackass. It’s a trap I see certain guys falling into whenever they get fired up about exercise, diet, meditation, and personal growth stuff. In case you don’t know who I am, I’m Tripp Lanier. For over 12 years I’ve spent thousands of hours coaching folks to get out of the rat race, become an authority in their field, and make a great living doing the work they were put on this earth to do. And for more than a decade, I’ve hosted The New Man Podcast which has been downloaded millions of times and can be found on iTunes or Stitcher. And for what I’m about to say, keep whatever works for you and discard the rest. Alright — let’s talk about the personal growth jackass trap I mentioned. Consider this scenario: Our guy has been living life a certain way. Maybe he’s gotten overweight. He’s been in a dead-end relationship but he’s been too scared to get out. His work schedule has him feeling too tired and uninspired to do anything interesting with his free time. He’s on a lousy trajectory, and he’s bummed because he thought he would be on a different trajectory at this point in his life. Sound familiar? And then one day something shifts. Maybe he hears a podcast, watches a video, goes to some event and BAM! now he’s fired up to make some changes. He’s researching when and how to eat. How to exercise so he can maximize his effort. How to meditate the best way. He gets to work and starts to make some changes. He’s devouring information. He’s an optimization rock star. Now the good news is that he’s looking different and feeling better. But he’s also starting to get lost in all the effort to optimize himself. This is where our guy can easily fall into a trap when he allows the practices themselves to become the focus of his life. I think Kenny Powers may have said it best: Kenny Powers “I play real sports. Not trying to be the best at exercising.” There’s a name for this guy — it’s the personal growth jackass. I know this well because I’m a recovering personal growth jackass. You see, the personal growth jackass loses site of the purpose for all this growth, the reason why we tune our bodies and our mindset. The personal growth jackass makes optimization a performance — look at how well I’m meditating and working out! Look at how many books I’ve read! Look at how much I’m doing! His life becomes about the growth instead of having the growth be in service of the life he wants. Here’s an example: I was coaching a guy who loved to tell me about his exercise routines. How he had optimized his diet so that he was ketogenic. How he was meditating with the latest heart rate variability technology. He would tell me how he would listen to audiobooks and podcasts at 2 X speed — and he was devouring multiple books at a time. He loved the experience of feeling like he was doing great things with his body and mind. He loved the experience of feeling like he was smart. And that’s fine. That’s great. But here’s the deal: When it came to his life, his biggest stressors were at his business and in his relationships. He was muting his own wants and needs to keep the peace. He was out of touch with what he really wanted to create with his life. In a way,
June 27, 2018
Mindset - Are You Hunter or Prey? https://youtu.be/mOzNhYP40mQ Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. Below is a transcription of this video. Today we’re going to talk about our deepest desire and what helps us be the hunter instead of prey. In case you don’t know who I am, I’m Tripp Lanier. For over 12 years I’ve spent thousands of hours coaching folks to get out of the rat race, become an authority in their field, and make a great living doing the work they were put on this earth to do. And for more than a decade, I’ve hosted The New Man Podcast which has been downloaded millions of times and can be found on iTunes or Stitcher. And for what I’m about to say, keep whatever works for you and discard the rest. Recently I ran an experiment with one of my coaching groups. I asked them to slow down, be quiet for a while and ask themselves, “What’s the most reassuring thing you would want to hear? What’s the most reassuring thing you would most want to know?” After a few minutes we went around the room and they all answered the same thing. You know what it was? They each wanted to hear or know some version of, “Everything is okay. You’re okay. You’re going to be okay.” This was true for me, too. I wanted to hear this, too. What about you? Think about if for yourself: How great would it be to know that everything is okay and was going to be okay? So I pushed it further and asked them how they would live their lives differently if they knew they were already okay, that they knew they would be okay no matter what? And what did they say? They essentially said, “I’d focus more on what really matters. I’d focus on what I really want. I wouldn’t focus on the stuff that isn’t important.” The word focus came up again and again. And it makes sense because it’s our worries and fears that have us scanning for threats and diluting our focus in the process. This is what prey animals do. Look at zebras and antelopes and you’ll see that they have eyes on the side of their head so they can scan for threats all around them. They’re genetically designed to scan for threats. But what about our eyes? They’re in the front of our head. Like a lion. Like a tiger. We’re designed to focus forward. We’re designed to go for what we want. We’re designed to hunt. And we weaken ourselves when we forget that we’re at the top of the food chain. When we get lost in our fears, we dilute our focus, our time, our energy, and our power. Again, this is a prey mentality — animals who are afraid of being eaten alive live this way. But over here in our cushy first-world lives, so many of us are acting like prey animals — playing small and hiding out when it comes to creating the lives, the relationships, and the professions we truly want. What if we dropped the urgency and the twitchiness of a prey animal and owned our role as the hunter when it came to creating the lifestyle and livelihood we want? What if we were the ones who were slow, methodical, and purposeful? Because here’s the thing — that sense of okay-ness — that sense of peace and relief I mentioned earlier can’t exist if we’re stuck in a prey mentality — always operating from urgency and convincing ourselves that we’re in danger. There’s just no way to find peace and relief there. So I’ve got three questions for us to consider: Number one — What if most of the “threats” we’re focusing on are not really threats at all? Seriously,
June 19, 2018
When it comes to success and failure, why are some guys able to make amazing things happen while most will not? Instead of making excuses, what if we looked at our mindset? In this episode we talk about how to tap into greater power and identify the things that hold us back.
June 12, 2018
When you’re facing a challenge do you hide out and withdraw from others? In this episode we talk about why “tough guys” aren’t so smart when it comes to solving problems.
May 30, 2018
Most guys are trying to find their big, magical purpose for life — the profession or calling that will make them plenty of money and getting up in the morning exciting. In this video I talk about why that’s a recipe for frustration plus what we can do instead to reveal what our purpose is without playing the victim.
May 23, 2018
When it comes to Purpose, how do we define what’s worth our time and energy? And how do we avoid the traps of FOMO, scarcity, and always needing more, more, and more along the way?
May 16, 2018
How can you tell if you’re on the right path in life? What can you do if you believe you’re on the wrong path? In this video we discuss a simple tip to keep us from playing the victim.
May 9, 2018
Today we’re going to talk about goals, the hero’s journey, and what we can do to stay off the hamster wheel of scarcity and fear in our lives.
May 2, 2018
What I learned from watching a guy get a blow job at the beach. What do our friends talk about when we’re not there? What keeps us stuck in unhealthy patterns? And what do extraordinary guys do to keep it from happening to them?
April 24, 2018
Why would your partner want to have sex with you? How are you penetrating the world? Healthy masculine power, nice guy syndrome, and a practice that sounds insane — except it works.
April 17, 2018
How to tame our inner critic, what does self love in a practical way, how to be an ally to yourself, Kamal Ravikant - Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It
April 11, 2018
Anxiety: If You Don’t Want Anxiety Then Attack https://youtu.be/-zlef8SGHCk Below is a transcription of this video. Hey there I’m Tripp Lanier. For over 12 years I’ve spent thousands of hours coaching folks to get out of the rat race, become an authority in their field, and make a great living doing the work they were put on this earth to do. And for more than a decade, I’ve hosted The New Man Podcast which has been downloaded millions of times and can be found on iTunes or Stitcher. If you’re feeling stressed out, let’s talk about a quick way to create some ease while gaining a ton of power and energy. It just may not be the way you’d think it should be. A while back I had a guy who was interested in working with me on the phone. He made gobs of money but he was super stressed out and miserable. And he basically asked me, “So, uh, Tripp. How can you help me tolerate more bullshit from all of these assholes I gotta deal with at work?” I told him I wasn’t going help him tolerate anything. But I did let him know I’d be happy to help him if he wanted to sack up, set some boundaries, or get a new job. Typically when we are stressed we respond with wanting to tolerate or avoid. And if we’re still feeling like crap we often think we just need to get better at tolerating or avoiding. But what about a third option? Instead of avoiding or tolerating, what if we attacked? Now, I’m not talking about attacking someone. I’m not talking about lashing out or trying to hurt anyone. Here’s what I mean: When a coaching client is in a bind, he’ll often tell me, “I’m tired of this situation, but I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what to do.” But this is usually not entirely true. In that moment I want to help him clarify what he wants underneath all of that fear and stress. So I’ll ask him, “What outcome would you want if you knew it could be painless and it wouldn’t hurt anyone else?” Often there’s a very quick answer. Underneath the fear they have a deep knowing of WHAT they want. Their struggle is in the HOW or the process of getting there. From their current perspective they don’t see a way through this that won’t be painful or uncomfortable or scary. Which makes total sense. But instead of getting stuck here — what if that pain was the thing that would set us free? One of my coaches, Phil Stutz has taught me this idea. Check out my interviews with him on The New Man or pick up his books with Barry Michels. Essentially Phil is challenging us to ask, “What if instead of avoiding or tolerating, we learned to turn directly into it, we learned to attack it? And what if by going directly into that thing we would gain life force?” I’ve got a window right here in my office and in the summer time there’s all kinds of critters hanging out there. And sometimes I get to watch this lizard do his thing. A bug comes along and BAM! He doesn’t wait, he doesn’t debate. He attacks. Why? Because for him that bug is sustenance - it’s life force. So what’s the big takeaway? There’s a Buddhist quote that says, “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.” This is what I’m pointing to. Suffering comes from avoiding and tolerating. If you’re tired of tolerating something, If you’re tired of avoiding something, ask yourself what outcome you would want if it wouldn’t hurt you or someone you care about. And then attack. Take action. Do it quickly. Perhaps that action is asking for help in how to deal with someone you care about. Perhaps it’s making a bold request at work. Chances are you know what to do, and if you don’t then quickly make that bold action to get help.
April 5, 2018
Productivity Hacks: Why You Won't Need Them If You Shift Focus https://youtu.be/3eyNoY5nz7c Below is a transcription of this video. What keeps us from doing what matters? Many folks want productivity hacks, how to be more efficient. But when it comes to doing the things that matter we’re often stopped by some form of fear or resistance. And when we’re in that cloud of resistance, it’s easy to focus on the wrong thing. This means we may be busy, but really we’re just wasting time and opportunities to move things forward. I like to imagine that there’s a question we’re asking as we go through our day. And it’s critical to identify this question. Often we’re focusing on a question like: What if I make a mistake? What if this is the wrong path? What will others think of me? These questions are focused on seeking comfort, certainty, safety, or how to make sure we don’t look bad. But here’s the problem: if we’re going to be effective, if we’re really going to grow then we’re going to get out of our comfort zone. This means we’ll be going into uncertainty. This means we’ll be making mistakes. This means we’ll be experimenting and trying to find things that work. There’s no growth without risk. There’s no growth without screwing up from time to time. That’s why focusing on the types of questions I mentioned earlier keeps us from being effective. That’s why they keep us in limbo. They’re essentially favoring the illusion of short term comfort over the opportunity to grow. I said the illusion of short term comfort because focusing on these fear-based questions is what feeds anxiety, or a sense of uncertainty and powerlessness. So what can we do to become effective and feel more powerful and at ease? We shift our focus and find the effective question that is specific to the challenge at hand. So depending on the thing you want to grow these questions could be: What actions can I take to generate more income? What actions will allow me to spend more time with my kids? What do I need to do to win this campaign race? This focus has little to do with our sense of safety and comfort and self-image. This focus is all about doing the specific things necessary to move things forward. And moving things forward is what creates energy, confidence, and enthusiasm. We feel more alive and at ease when we stop waiting for comfort and we engage the process. That’s when things that seemed like a drag become fun. So let’s put this into practice: Pick one area of your life — maybe it’s simple like getting into shape. Maybe it’s bigger like writing a book. Whatever it is, figure out the question that will focus your power. What needs to be done today so that I get in better shape? What needs to be done today so that I finish my book? Spend a few minutes everyday focusing on this effective question and execute. You’ll probably notice that fear or uncertainty pops up. “What if this happens? What if that happens?” It’s okay. It’s part of the process. Make the actions as small as possible and just start doing them. See how this impacts your sense of well-being, confidence, and energy level. And if it doesn’t work, you can always go back to spinning your wheels. Now — turn off the screen and get to work. Good luck.  
March 27, 2018
What if Nobody Could Hurt You? Aubrey Marcus Own the Day Own Your Life is available now. What would your buddies think about you if they knew other men were sleeping with your wife? Are you only valuable if you’re working hard? And do you only do things that you know you can do well? Aubrey Marcus has had business success while also being outspoken in areas that challenge the ways most people think. Today we’re going to talk about lessons he’s learned from open relationships, rituals with plant medicines, and how we find true strength when we stop defending our egos. In this interview: * What is Total Human Optimization? * How most high performers are driven by their demons * Having success and wondering “Now what?” * The danger of seeking validation through success, sex, etc. * Why “tough guys” are tortured Plus: * The deep pain Aubrey felt in his open relationship * What really scares Aubrey? * Does enjoying your life threaten your ability to be successful? * “When you quit defending stuff you’re no longer vulnerable. * ”Phil Stutz: “Only the dead survive” Click here for Aubrey Marcus' book Own the Day, Own Your Life: Optimized Practices for Waking, Working, Learning, Eating, Training, Playing, Sleeping, and Sex. About Aubrey Marcus Aubrey Marcus is the founder and CEO of Onnit,  a lifestyle brand based on a holistic health philosophy he calls Total Human Optimization. Onnit is an Inc. 500 company and an industry leader with products optimizing millions of lives, including many top professional athletes around the world. Aubrey currently hosts the Aubrey Marcus Podcast, a motivational destination for conversations with the brightest minds in athletics, business, science, relationships and spirituality with over 10MM downloads on iTunes.  He regularly provides commentary to outlets like Entrepreneur, Forbes, The Doctors and The Joe Rogan Experience. He has been featured on the cover of Men’s Health, is the author of the life-coaching course Go For Your Win, and his newest (and first!) book is Own The Day, Own Your Life from HarperCollins. If you ask Aubrey the cause he is most passionate about, it is raising awareness for psychedelic medicine, through organizations like MAPS.org and Heffter Institute.  He is a 20 year native of Austin, Texas where he currently resides. Click here for Aubrey Marcus' book
March 21, 2018
Scarcity Mindset and Perfectionism: From Procrastination to Power. What makes us believe that we have to achieve perfection or have the perfect plan? And what can we do to step into power?
March 14, 2018
Motivation Hacks: Why passion is overrated. How to build your fire. Let’s take a look at the myth that says we need to be full of desire before we can do what’s most important.
March 7, 2018
A lesson learned from Dave Chappelle about quitting and giving up on our dreams. Plus why I was afraid to quit playing football, how we abandon what strengthens us, and how to stop making excuses.
March 1, 2018
Learning big ideas feels good. But what feels better than discovering the latest big idea? When does learning and preparing and researching get in the way of what’s most important?
February 21, 2018
Can you imagine if Ryan Gosling gave up on his strengths and played pick up artist games to get women? That’s what many guys are doing on a professional level. How guys are selling themselves out by playing a role in order to be successful.
February 14, 2018
Tripp Lanier shares some tough love from a group coaching call for entrepreneurs. Discussed: expecting things to be easy, how we’re getting soft as men, forgetting out power, finding the beast within.
February 6, 2018
The New Man Podcast crosses the decade mark. Host and coach Tripp Lanier shares a few lessons he’s learned about playing your own game, having better relationships, and the myth of being an alpha male.
January 9, 2018
Why can some guys flirt without being offensive? Is sexual desire going to get you fired? Is shaming and repressing your turn-on the best way to deal with it? Healthy ways to deal with sexual desire and power.
December 12, 2017
Barry Michels (co-author of The Tools and Coming Alive with Phil Stutz) discusses lessons learned from working with celebrities and billionaires — the trap that comes from the need for external validation and comparing yourself to others. Tips for finding power, freedom, and playing your own game. http://thetoolsbook.com
November 20, 2017
Alyssa Morin Somatic Sex Educator - What is your partner complaining about when it comes to sex with you? What can you do if sex is stale or predictable? Practical tips for keeping your sex life off of the back burner. - http://www.thiseroticlife.org/aroused
November 7, 2017
Alan Alda discusses why so many smart guys are terrible communicators, how bad communication makes life harder, and what you can do to be more powerful with others.
October 20, 2017
Tank Sinatra aka George Resch discusses what Gary Vaynerchuk told him about trolls, being called a sellout, and what he does to break free from negativity. - https://www.tanksinatra.com
October 10, 2017
Why do we remember specific moments and forget the majority of others? Can we design “defining” moments and experiences that change our lives? With Dan Heath co-author of The Power of Moments. Links - http://heathbrothers.com
September 28, 2017
What I Learned from Being Really at My Job This is part 6 in a short series where we’re learning why most guys stay stuck on some plateau in life and why a rare few are able to level up. This is all included in the Authority Group Coaching Program that starts in October. You can learn more by clicking here. One of the superpowers that doesn’t get talked about in personal or business development is humor. And if I’m talking to someone who tells me they want to level up their profession or relationships, I know they’re going to stay stuck if they can’t take a joke. I’m talking about the guys that believe they can’t have any fun until they’ve reached their goal. They’re rigid in their thinking which makes them fragile. They believe that if they have fun they’ll fall behind. Instead of having fun they spend their time being defensive or offended. These are the type of guys that get up on a beautiful Saturday morning to go play golf and feel like throwing their clubs in the lake. These guys are weakening themselves because they believe they need fear and high pressure in order to perform better. These guys live in a state of constant drain and deprivation. And sadly these guys are such buzzkills because most of them have attached their sense of self worth to the outcome of whatever they’re doing. In other words — they believe that if they lose this particular challenge then they themselves are a loser. Talk about thinking small. You Don't Have to Have a Stick Up Your Ass in Order to Do Your Best Work Then you have another set of guys who are able to get shit done and also bring a sense of play to their work. These are the guys that know how to make things seem more like a game. They’re willing to get over themselves and try different ideas. Because these guys are willing to experiment, they’re able to get out of their own way. They’re flexible and able to course correct quicker. Most importantly, having fun means that they’re able to recharge. They’re not going to be depleted because they’re not counting on the finish line to revitalize their energy. They have learned how to stay rejuvenated while they move forward. How I Almost Fell in to the No-Fun Trap A few years ago I realized I was starting to take stuff too seriously. I was hosting a popular podcast, talking about serious stuff, and coaching guys to make significant changes in their lives. And I was starting to feel like shit inside. I had started to tell myself that I had to be all zipped up and professional. I believed that if I joked around or had some fun that people wouldn’t take me seriously and I’d end up having to support my family by giving hand jobs in a Greyhound bus station bathroom. (No offense if that’s your idea of a cool career, but it wasn’t where I wanted to go.) So I decided I needed to stop being such a stick in the mud. I didn’t want to build a business that was so fragile that I couldn’t be myself. I didn’t want to feel drained because I was leaving my sense of humor and playfulness at the door. In fact, I wanted my business to get stronger because I was bringing my humor. So I came up with this idea to do a video for April Fool’s Day. The concept for the video was that my computer’s internal video camera had been hacked and I would be exposed as a terrible, awful coach. People would see that I was coaching guys like Brett Favre and Anthony Weiner to send private pics to women. They’d see that I was drinking Jack Daniels and watching adult entertainment while coaching clients thr...
September 26, 2017
How to Tell if a Guy is Going to Fail This is part 5 in a short series where we’re learning why most guys stay stuck on some plateau in life and why a rare few are able to level up. This is all included in the Authority Group Coaching Program that starts in October. You can learn more by clicking here. I don’t know if you’re like me, but it’s easy for me to get isolated. Even though I have thousands of so called “friends” on Facebook, and I have powerful conversations with people everyday, it’s still really hard to find the folks that can support and challenge me to be at my best. I’m not talking about a guy to just go have a beer with. I’m talking about a brother — someone who really has my back. I have to put in consistent effort and time to build and maintain these relationships. I know I’m not alone, but I find it amazing that some guys really think that they’re going to create their ideal profession and life all on their own. They really believe that they’re stronger by playing the lone wolf. And it’s easy to see how this mindset will doom a man to failure. How Do You Spot a Lone Wolf? I’m talking about the guy who: * May feel isolated or alone even though he already has a group of friends. * Is settling by choosing to hang around men who just complain and make excuses. Or he’s letting his energy be drained by hanging with guys that have no vision or drive to experience life fully. * Many times this guy is choosing to isolate himself because he wants to live in his own bubble where he feels safe. * He feels threatened by the successes of others. * This is the type of guy that believes the solutions to his challenges are all on him to figure out on his own. The world is on his shoulders so to speak. The Power of Having a Pack Now let’s look at the guy who is setting himself up for powerful growth: * He understands the value of being connected to other powerful men and women. And he knows he’s far more powerful when he’s got people supporting and challenging him. * He gets motivated by being around others who are creating and kicking ass in the world. * And he creates relationships based on shared values and interests. Instead of settling for convenience, he makes an effort to find folks that are a solid fit. How Living in a Bubble Was Making Me Weak For years I was making excuses and complaining about my life. I was really into personal development but not so much into practicing it. I lived in a secret little bubble where I was the only one I knew who was into personal development. I took a chance and went on a men’s retreat in Costa Rica. And on that retreat I was challenged to start a men’s group back in the small town where I lived. I thought this would be impossible. I was convinced no one would want to join me. I sacked up and started talking to the men I knew about joining a small men’s group. Some thought I was crazy, some just ignored me, and a few said “hell yes let’s do it.” Showing up to these meetings had a powerful effect. Within a very short period of time my life changed for the better. I stopped telling the same old stories. Because I knew the other guys were going to hold me accountable to the things I said I was going to do — I stopped making excuses and followed through. Deep down, I no longer felt alone in my desire to grow and create a great life. That was well over a decade ago, and since then I’ve participated in many groups and felt the empowerment that comes from being around other guys who were gutsy enough to stop settling and make positive changes in th...
September 21, 2017
Why Most Guys Stay Stuck in the Struggle This is part 4 in a short series where we’re learning why most guys stay stuck on some plateau in life and why a rare few are able to level up. This is all included in the Authority Group Coaching Program that starts in October. You can learn more by clicking here. Did you ever learn how to ride a bike? Before you learned, did it seem damn near impossible? How could it be possible that someone could ride down the street on two skinny-ass tires? And how was it possible that the weird kid from the next street over could ride without any hands on the handlebars? If you were like me you tried to learn to ride by starting on your own. One foot on the pedal. One on the ground. No momentum. Strain. Wobble. Fall. Repeat. Exhaustion. Frustration. Give up. This is what I see so many guys doing when they’re trying to make a big change in their profession or life. They put all of this effort to get going a tiny bit and then they stop. And by stopping they lose the most valuable part of the equation: momentum. That stopping and starting is what creates the exhaustion. It has us create a story that leveling up must be exponentially harder. After all, if we’re struggling this hard just to do a little bit, how could it possibly be any easier to do more? But if we remember the bike, we can see that momentum makes it easier to gain speed and eventually take your hands off of the bars. Momentum makes it easier to seemingly do the impossible. So what’s the key to building momentum? Consistency — that ability to stick with it. That ability to do a little bit everyday. When I’m talking to a guy who wants to level up his profession or relationship I can tell he’s going to fail if he only does things up until the point he doesn’t feel like doing them anymore. This guy will stay stuck if he allows his moods or feelings to keep him from doing what’s best for him. Are you an amateur or a pro? This approach is what the “amateur” or hobbyist does — he lets his current mood betray his deeper knowing that he wants to grow and expand what has him feel alive, free, and purposeful. This kills momentum and sets him up to fail time and time again. On the other end, the “pro” understands that getting started is sometimes the easy part. It’s staying in motion after the fun wears off that is more challenging. He expects the excitement to wear off and creates structures to keep him on track and accountable. He does what’s best for him whether he’s in the mood or not. To snap my clients out of this “amateur” mindset, I like to challenge them to literally take a professional approach — which means I ask them what they would do if they were being paid a ridiculous amount to make this particular change happen. You can see the shift in their faces when they realize they would stop dicking around and do whatever it takes to get it done. You can see that they would get bold, take the lead, ask for help, and most importantly take consistent action. This is just one of the reasons I created the Authority Coaching Group. My Authority Coaching Group is designed to help you build momentum through consistency. Each week members create agreements with the group and are held accountable to follow through. There’s no more “talking the big talk” without backing it up. The group is designed so that you’ll experience the ease that comes with momentum and the peace of mind that comes from knowing you’re going to get this thing done. There are only six total seats ava...
September 19, 2017
“The Tools” guys Phil Stutz and Barry Michels (Coming Alive) discuss how to have more energy, overcome your worst habits, what to do when you get knocked down, and the danger of getting your hopes up.
September 14, 2017
Why Most Guys Don’t Get Stuff Done This is part 3 in a short series where we’re learning why most guys stay stuck on some plateau in life and why a rare few are able to level up. This is all included in the Authority Group Coaching Program that starts in October. You can learn more by clicking here. Today let’s talk about mission; and specifically why some guys will feel like they’re going nowhere no matter how hard they work, and why others are able to be effective instead of busy. First — How can we spot a guy without a clear sense of mission? * He’s the guy that spends everyday just getting by, putting out fires, hoping that “one day” things will magically ease up and give him permission to make a change. * He may be very busy, but if you were to look at what he’s accomplished over the last year you’d see that he’s not making progress on what really matters to him. * When you ask him what he truly wants to create with his life he uses vague language or shit that sounds good but doesn’t mean anything like, “I want to make a difference or I want to make the world a better place.” There’s no real way to tell what that means or if he was being effective. * And when he’s feeling stuck he asks questions like, “Why can’t I get my shit together?” or “Why can’t I be more disciplined?” We can contrast this with a man that understands what makes him feel alive, fulfilled, and connected with the people he loves. What about the guy who has dialed in his sense of mission? * When you ask him what he wants, he’s able to articulate what he’s currently creating. * He’s got a clear objective. He’s focused on what will move the needle forward. * Instead of being scattered or frantic from juggling so many balls in the air, this guy’s life is clear, aligned, and effective. * He’s focused on what really matters and doing the things that really work. * He’s bold enough to say “no” to the stuff that doesn’t align with the thing he’s focused on creating. * When he’s feeling stuck, he’s asks questions like, “Who can help me do XYZ? What do I need to learn so that I can create ABC?” Imagine this scenario: Let’s say you were to die today and that you’d be able to witness what the survivors would say about your life. Let’s assume that at your funeral the words would be glowing, the stories entertaining, and the tears genuine. Now cut to later on that evening when your boys — the guys who knew you best — were having a few drinks in your honor. What would they say after a few drinks? Would they feel grateful that you gave your best gifts to the planet? Would they be happy that, even though your life was cut short, that you didn’t dick around with the time you had? Or would they talk about how they were disappointed that you died with your best gifts left un-given? Will they remember how you talked about your dreams but did little to make them a reality? Would they remember that you spent your time making excuses or investing your energy into stuff that just didn’t matter? Will they talk about how your life was a wake up call for them to stop being busy instead of doing what they felt like they were here to do? Years ago I figured out that “when we don’t know what’s important, everything seems important.” What I meant by that is if we don’t have a clear sense of what really matters then it’s easy for us to convince ourselves that putting out fires and dealing with drama and arguing about politics is what we’re really here to do. But when we clarify what’s most important,
September 12, 2017
How Most Guys Give Up Their Power This is part 2 in a short series where we’re learning why most guys stay stuck on some plateau in life and why a rare few are able to level up. This is all included in the Authority Group Coaching Program that starts in October. You can learn more by clicking here. In this part of the series I’m going to talk about power. Plus: Why I almost quit my career as a coach. And why most guys will stay in lousy, draining situations no matter how hard they try to “get it right.” So what do I mean by power? A guy who is not owning his power is: * Stuck in the professional friend zone where his career is stagnating. * Gets stuck in a marriage or relationship that is draining and unfulfilling because he’s afraid to tell the truth. * Playing a generic “role” instead of owning what makes him unique; this leaves him feeling boxed in and unfulfilled no matter how successful he may become. This guy is waiting for a magical time in the future when he’s able to show up as he is and do things the way he wants to do them. And he’ll go to the grave waiting for permission to do this. This is the type of guy that worries about whether or not he’s an alpha male — which is the least alpha male thing you can do. And then there are guys who have learned how to own their power in a healthy way: * These are the guys that stand out from the crowd. * These are folks who become authorities in their profession. * Instead of worrying about “getting it right” these guys are focused on delivering value. * Instead of trying to be perfect, these guys are better leaders because they bring their experiences — both good and bad — to the table. * These men create what they want. They’re not waiting to be saved or rescued from having to do the hard work. They’re not waiting for someone to discover them and provide an escape from the discomfort and risk that comes from plowing your own path. Here’s a little story about how I almost ended my coaching career because I wasn’t owning my power. When I first started coaching, I wanted to quit. I didn’t realize it, but I was trying to play the role of the good coach. Each session my head was full of critical voices focusing on my performance. I was comparing myself to other coaches, and what I imagined they might say. Most importantly, I was afraid to say things because I didn’t want to rock the boat with my clients. I was afraid to take any risks. I was afraid of being rejected. I would end the sessions feeling drained and exhausted and frustrated. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was hiding out. I was holding back my power. And it was incredibly draining. I decided to quit. And I decided that if I was going to quit then I may as well play full out. I may as well get fired for showing up how I wanted to show up. I wasn’t trying to burn anything down, I was just giving myself permission to bring myself into the session instead of who I thought I had to be in order to be the “good coach.” I thought for sure I’d get fired or piss someone off. It was the opposite. My clients were thankful. The sessions got easier. I started having fun. It took me a while to realize that I was finding my true power by bringing all of who I was — my life experiences, my mistakes, my faults — into the work instead of worrying about “getting it right.” I was focused on doing what I believed would serve my clients, and they got far better service. Imagine that. I made a commitment at that time that I still hold to this day:
September 7, 2017
How Most Guys Lose Their Balls This is part 1 in a short series where we’re learning why most guys stay stuck on some plateau in life and why a rare few are able to level up. This is all included in the Authority Group Coaching program that starts in October. You can learn more by clicking here. So today we’re gonna talk about balls or courage or intestinal fortitude. What do I mean when I talk about a guy with balls or grapes or whatever pair of roundish food objects you prefer? The Guy Who Has Lost Touch With His Huevos The guy who has lost touch with his huevos is basically seeking comfort at all costs. Every decision he makes is determined by what will give him a greater sense of comfort in the short term. He wants a free lunch: he’s expecting that he can find a way to get what he wants without having to break a sweat, take any risks, or face any uncertainty. The guy can’t take a punch. He’s convinced that if he falls down that he’ll never get back up. He’s decided he’s not going to take action until he feels confident. As if confidence is going to just fall out of the sky. This guy is convinced that his ego fears are life and death. Getting rejected or being criticized or judged has to be avoided. He’s letting his self image hold him back from expanding into the life he truly wants. And unfortunately this desire for the illusion of control, safety, and comfort is a breeding ground for anxiety and low self esteem. The Guy Who Knows How to Sack Up If we flip it around, the guy who remembers his cajones understands that everything he wants is on the other side of his comfort zone. He expects things to be challenging and scary at times because it’s part of the growth process. He understands that moving into the things that scare him actually make him stronger. He knows that building a life where he’s constantly avoiding discomfort makes him fragile and weak. He knows that confidence is a product of taking risks and learning from experience. He remembers that he’s taken punches in the past. He’s fallen down before and he was able to pick himself back up. He understands that most of the time his “terror” is usually ego-related; who he is as a human being is not in any real life-or-death danger even though his ego is telling him otherwise. Bottom line: This guy expects fear to show up and does what needs to be done even though he’s scared. Let’s put this in perspective. Most of the time when I’m talking with someone and they’re telling me they’re scared to do XYZ in their life I believe them. I feel this often. And what I’ve found to be really helpful is to remember that (a) we may be scared but we’re not in any real life-or-death danger and (b) most of the time if the shit were to hit the fan we’d be able to recover pretty quickly. In most cases when I really help this guy identify the threat, the image we get is that he’s on a balance beam — but it’s only a foot off the ground. Sure, he may fall. And he doesn’t want to fall. But if he did, he’d be able to get back up pretty easily. And yet most men will spend years of their lives avoiding that possibility of falling a mere foot. Let's Stop Pretending That We're in "Real" Danger I think it’s important for us to understand what real fear and real danger is. Years ago I was watching a documentary that followed some firefighters into the World Trade Center on September 11th. These people had been justifiably celebrated as heroes which in some ways made them seem like super-heroes. Like they were somehow immune to fear. But in this program the camera was there as these men were in the lobby of one...
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