123: The Good News About Bad Behavior with Katherine Reynolds Lewis
Published August 9, 2018
35 min
    Add to queue
    Copy URL
    Show notes


    If your kids always do what they're told, consistently treat others with kindness and never over-react to unintended slights, you can skip this episode.

    If not -- WELCOME! Your child is 100% normal, and you're going to love this conversation with Jen, Janet and Katherine Reynolds Lewis, author of The Good News About Bad Behavior. In her book, Lewis writes:
    If you look around and see misbehaving, undisciplined children everywhere, it's not just imagination. Children today are fundamentally different from past generations.
    They truly have less self-control. Simply put, we face a crisis of self-regulation.
    Lewis's observations of her own children, and comments from other parents, led her on a six-year exploration of behavior, parenting and neurobiology -- and points the way toward parenting techniques we can begin adapting right now to improve our children's behavior.
    In this episode, Jen, Janet & Katherine discuss:

    * The dramatic increase in mental health problems in today's youth
    * What self-regulation is, why it's important, and how to develop it in our kids
    * How to shift your mindset from "How do I control my children?" to "How do I teach them to control themselves?"
    * Progress, not perfection
    * How to shift from a reactive model of parenting to thoughtful, deliberate parenting
    * The "mumble and walk away technique" (Trust us: this can change your parenting for the better!)
    * 3 common characteristics of research-backed models of discipline: connection, communication & capability
    * How to use physical touch to help your child self-regulate
    * Why kids need to do hard stuff -- & the link between failure & self-esteem
    * The relationship between risk & capability ("Early risky experiences seem to inoculate kids from later phobias & anxiety," Lewis says. She also says, "Kids should do something a little bit risky every day.")
    * Why you should watch out for the word "should"
    * How to find support as you practice a new model of parenting

    Links we mentioned (or should have) in Episode 123:
    katherinereynoldslewis.com -- Katherine's author website. Contains a lot of info about her book and a complete list of her speaking gigs.

    Teaching Consent to a 12-Year-Old Boy -- the backstory behind the "bathroom email" referenced at about 7:16

    Why Boys Do What They Do -- blog post about Jen's son pulling himself around the bases (referenced at 8:00)

    Episode 111: Self-Esteem & Boys

    Episode 116: Why Risk is Important for Boys

    BuildingBoys private FB group -- Jen's online parenting community. We welcome parents of boys of all ages, but seem to specialize in helping each other navigate the tween and teen years. A consistently supportive community, filled with tenderness, honesty and compassion.

    Boys Alive! Supporting Parents and Teachers of Boys at Home and in School FB group -- Janet's online community. This supportive community stands ready to answer your questions, share their hard-won wisdom, and commiserate and send virtual hugs when needed.

        0:00:00 / 0:00:00