On the Divorce Survival Guide Podcast we have open and honest conversations about co-parenting, separation, divorce, and the hardest question of all, should you stay or should you go?Hosted by Kate Anthony, your Divorce Survival Guide.
This week, Dr. Elizabeth Cohen and I discuss how to cope when your partner has an active addiction. Underneath everything you are going through, there is so much fear and a lack of belief in yourself. Everything about a divorce is uncomfortable. Dr. Elizabeth Cohen helps people get a little more comfortable with something so painful. When you’re living with or divorcing a partner who has an active addiction, you may find yourself acting out different behaviors like the need to control every situation. You may become (or already be!) codependent, and you focus on their healing instead of your own. When you finally take the focus off of them and towards yourself you can begin to see light at the end of what may be a very dark tunnel. Show Highlights When women share themselves openly and honestly, the world begins to split open. (9:21) Focusing on your growth and healing is how we change the world — and our circumstances. (11:06) The issue with wanting to control a situation while being in denial about what the real problem is. (17:21) Sublimating your own needs for someone else. (23:00) Breaking the cycle of codependency. (24:15) The core issue about a person abusing any substance is the difficulty sitting with emotions. (34:41) A partner should never be responsible for healing the other. (38:36) Some advice for those who are living with an active addict. (47:33) Learn More About Dr. Cohen:Dr. Cohen is the CEO and founder of the online divorce course and membership Afterglow: The Light at the Other Side of Divorce. This 14 week course teaches women how to heal, grow and thrive after divorce no matter how difficult the process has been. Dr. Cohen offers a monthly membership program to provide 1:1 coaching, expert support from divorce professionals and an engaged community of like-minded people. Dr. Cohen received her PhD in clinical psychology from Boston University. She was the recipient of the prestigious American Psychological Foundation Research Award for her doctoral research. She has been featured on the Tamron Hall Show, the Wall Street Journal, NBC News, Women’s Health, Huff Post, Thrive Global, Daily Beast and Good Housekeeping. Dr. Cohen is a weekly contributor to Psychology Today with her “Divorce Course” column. Resources & Links: Dr. Cohen’s website Dr. Cohen on Instagram Facebook The Divorce Doctor- Elizabeth Cohen,PhD 14 Day Step-By-Step Guide To Make Any Tough Decision While Going Through Divorce 3 Steps to Take Right Now for A Stress Free Divorce Our Happy Divorce Livestream, Drugs, Alcohol, and Divorce with Kate and Elizabeth The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
I am excited to bring you my interview with my dear friend, Wendy Sterling. Wendy and I are talking about healing and reclaiming ownership of your voice and identity after divorce. Wendy is a Divorce Recovery Specialist, a certified life coach, writer, author, and speaker who founded The Divorce Rehab™. Wendy and I are book-ends when it comes to divorce and coaching. I work with women before their divorce, and Wendy works with women after divorce and helps them build their life back up. In this episode, we discuss the idea that divorce can be an empowering experience. Yes, it’s emotional and downright hard. And, when we get to the heart of the matter - divorce is a breakdown. But to get to the breakthrough, you have to sit through the breakdown first. I hope that this episode is a reminder to allow yourself to experience the pain and work to get to the other side. Because it may just be the best thing to ever happen to you. Show Highlights Wendy’s story of divorce and the realization that divorce can be an empowering experience. (3:59) Comparing your relationship to other relationships is unhealthy and unnecessary. (14:01) When Wendy’s marriage was over, she realized she no longer needed to continue doing things that didn’t fulfil her. (19:09) Why you should get curious about what is coming up when you are working to find your voice and identity. (24:27) What inspires Wendy to do the work she does with divorced women. (28:11) The Divorce Rehab™ - a five-step process that focuses on using tough love to move through the pain and fear of divorce more quickly than if you do it alone. (33:11) Learn More About Wendy: Wendy Sterling is a Divorce Recovery Specialist, a certified life coach, writer, author and speaker who founded The Divorce Rehab™. Wendy helps divorced women recover from their divorce by remembering who they are and what they are capable of by ending their pity party, mourning their marriage and MOVING FORWARD with dignity to see how much better life is afterwards. She believes divorce can be an empowering experience that women go through to find their true identity and voice to create the life they want instead of the life they feel stuck with. Wendy is a graduate from UCLA and a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC) from The Co-Active Training Institute. She is also an Associate Certified Coach (ACC) through International Coach Federation. Wendy is a divorced, single mom who transformed her own life from Corporate America employee to entrepreneur and currently lives in Sherman Oaks, CA with her two boys and dog. Resources & Links: Wendy’s website Wendy on Facebook Wendy on Instagram Free 15-minute Divorce Recovery Call The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Today, Kimberly Nelson, Financial Advisor, CFA®, and CDFA comes back to the podcast to discuss financial resources and strategies to help you maneuver through divorce and debt during COVID-19. The global pandemic has created an uncertain financial time for many. Instability in employment and, directly related, instability in spousal or child support you may be receiving, are just two of the financial concerns those going through divorce face.And holy cow, it’s a lot to process. Going through a divorce during this extra tumultuous time adds a layer of complexity to everything. Kimberly walks us through how to manage your debt, your finances, and what to do if/when you lose financial support from your ex or stbx due to his or her loss of income. She also leaves us all with this reminder: There is no shame when it comes to your finances and COVID-19; nationally we are all dealing with this. Show Highlights What to do if you receive spousal or child support and are no longer receiving it due to your ex-spouse’s change in income due to COVID-19. How to prepare for a drop in income. If you have a pending divorce, keep debt lines separate. Plus, some other strategies for when you are carrying a lot of debt. The different types of debt - revolving debt vs. installment debt. The benefits and disadvantages of refinancing. Rent and eviction moratoriums. Kimberly answers the question: Are any of the financial programs available during COVID-19 available to those who may have been unemployed prior to the pandemic? What you should know about auto loans and student loans. Why you should have all agreements - between you and your ex - in writing. Negative interest rates - what they are and why they are used. Learn More About Kimberly:Kimberly has been working with high net worth divorcees in the LA area for more than 15 years. She understands the challenges women face when navigating an overwhelming bevy of attorneys, accountants, insurers, and other advisors during the dissolution process. Kimberly’s team at Coastal Bridge Advisors prides itself on its ability to organize all the advisory elements in a coordinated manner and ensure that the advice their clients receive is clear, constant, and in the best interest of the family or individual. Resources & Links: Coastal Bridge Advisors Kimberly on LinkedIn The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week I am sharing the story of Miry Whitehill, a divorcee who founded the non-profit organization Miry’s List. During a painful time in her marriage, Miry found herself in a spot where she could help a refugee family who just arrived in the United States. Today, she shares how volunteering and starting Miry’s List filled her life with gratitude and love, which she had lost so long ago. MIry’s story is one of self-reflection, growth, and compassion - for herself, for her sons, and the community. At a pivotal moment in her life, she asked herself, “What if today I am going to see myself the way the world sees me and not the way one person sees me?” And that was the day Miry decided she was going to live life on her terms. Show Highlights Why the refugee experience is not one built on informed consent. The survive, hive, and thrive phases of Miry’s List. The story of how Miry’s List began, her battle with Postpartum Depression, and her deteriorating marriage. Turning the idea of seeing divorce as a failure into realizing life in a bad marriage would be the failure. How Miry began to support herself - a former stay-at-home mom - after her divorce. Learn More About Miry:In July 2016, Miry Whitehill founded Miry’s List, a nonprofit helping families resettling in America as refugees get the support they need to start over by connecting them with their new American neighbors. As Executive Director, she’s had the opportunity to learn about refugee resettlement through the eyes of the families we work with. She has spoken at universities, companies of all sizes, schools, and nonprofit organizations helping people learn about how the refugee resettlement system in America works, how it feels for families, and how they can help. She is the mother of two boys and is passionate about helping people of all ages and abilities become better neighbors. With a background in digital marketing and video advertising, Miry has a thorough understanding of digital and social media, how to create impact using crowdsourcing, and how to turn your life’s passion into a movement. Resources & Links: World Refugee Day Miry’s List The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
“If you think what’s going on all across the U.S. doesn’t have anything to do with what’s going on inside your marriage, you’re dead wrong.” That’s a line from one of my recent Instagram posts about this week’s podcast topic. So what do racism and systemic racism (AKA white supremacy) have to do with your marriage, exactly? The same systems that are oppressing and killing black men right now, this entire system of white male supremacy, is the exact same system that we are fighting against in dismantling the patriarchy. And that has everything to do with your marriage. In this episode, I explain how and why in detail. I decided to just turn on the microphone and address these topics head-on. We need to pull this poisonous weed of white supremacy up at its root. Let’s get to work. Resources & Links:Anti-racism resources
Though their marriage has been over for nearly a decade, Ben Heldfond and Nikki DeBartolo still share a happy life with their son Asher and their spouses and children. As we continue Parenting Month on The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast, Ben and Nikki join me to discuss their happy divorce story. Yes, happy. There is no villain in their story. As you’ll hear in this episode, they came to a spot in their divorce where they took accountability for their actions and worked together to create a new life for their separated family. If you’re thinking, "This could never happen to me," I’d like to offer a word of caution: please don't compare where you're at in the divorce process with Ben and Nikki's journey. Instead, use their story as inspiration. We hope that you end up in a place where you see a happy divorce as something you can work to achieve. Show Highlights The red flags that came up on their wedding day, about getting married. (12:20) The story of their divorce, how it went from what looked like an ugly divorce to one of agreement and solace. (14:52) Divorce doesn't screw up kids. It's how we do our divorces. (20:39) We all take responsibility; we both have to take responsibility for our parts. (30:18) Ben and Nikki' s negative experience going to divorce class. (36:06) Advice for those getting divorced who may not be in the same place as Ben and Nikki, what you can do if you are on one side of divorce and not being met on that side by your partner. (53:50) New relationships after divorce, Ben and Nikki got their new significant others on board with your unique link. (57:40) Learn More About Ben and Nikki:From weeknight dinners and homework sessions to Christmas card photos and vacations, Nikki and Ben have created a tight-knit, enviable family. They work and play well together, from the smallest daily tasks to the biggest life events—and it only took a divorce to get them there. Though their marriage has been over for nearly a decade, they still share a happy life with each other and their son Asher, along with their spouses and children. Resources & Links: Our Happy Divorce WebsiteOur Happy Divorce on FacebookOur Happy Divorce on InstagramOur Happy Divorce on TwitterMy Band was Featured on The Voice - Watch! Eagle Rock Isolation Band The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week Christina McGhee, a divorce parenting expert whose practical advice has been highlighted both online and in print, is on the show. She is also the author of Parenting Apart, a book for divorced or separated parents. Christina is helping me kick off Parenting Month and I couldn’t think of anybody better to do so! She is an advocate for keeping the focus on kids even during the most emotional and tumultuous time of your life — divorce. Co-parenting through a divorce is, for most of us, uncharted territory. We don't know what to expect. We’re dealing with so many strong emotions that it's not an easy road to navigate — even under the best of circumstances. In this episode, Christina provides some insightful advice and guidance for divorced or separated parents who wish to keep the focus on family, even after the marriage ends. Show Highlights How to maneuver parenting after divorce, and putting yourself first. (7:00) How you can move forward in the best possible way and have happy, secure, resilient kids. (21:00) Watch your messaging: you are sending a really powerful message to your kids about what they should expect out of a relationship. (22:00) How to bring the best version of who you are to your job as parents. (26:07) What to do if your ex is resisting a co-parenting relationship or plan. (32:00) Developing a guiding principle for when things get tough. (48:00) What to do when your child tries to play both sides of the co-parenting fence. (49:00) Learn More About Christina McGhee:Christina McGhee is a “media savvy” divorce-parenting expert whose practical advice has been highlighted both online and in print. Over the years, she has been featured on television, radio, podcasts, tele-summits and webinars. Some of the places you may have seen her are, Today Parents, Parenting Magazine, The Times, Channel 4, the BBC, NYU Doctor Radio and The Dr. Laura Berman Radio Show on the Oprah Network just to name a few. Christina is an informative and engaging guest who brings insight and strategies to help separating families deal with “real-life” challenges. As a zealous advocate for children she does an excellent job of keeping the focus where it belongs…on kids. Christina speaks on a wide range of topics from what to do in the beginning stages of separation to dealing with issues years down the road. She is also skilled at addressing tough issues like discipline differences, dealing with a difficult ex, high-conflict personalities, badmouthing, and neutralizing divorce drama. Resources & Links: Christina’s website Christina on Facebook Parenting Apart by Christina McGhee The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week I’m bringing you a solo episode, and I’m talking all about negative intimacy and forgiveness. First, let’s talk about negative intimacy. In a nutshell, negative intimacy is the continuation of unhealthy dynamics of your marriage long into your divorce — something I engaged in for about five years post-divorce! In this episode, I offer some questions to ask if you think you’re in a negatively intimate relationship with your ex or soon-to-be-ex, such as: “What is the connection you are trying to keep alive?”Understanding why you’re seeking this connection and then moving on from it is all part of the letting go process. Letting go happens over time, and often in waves. And it is a process. Extricating yourself from past relationship patterns is where the real divorce happens. I also sound off on the difference between forgiveness and resentment. And, know this, you don’t have to forgive someone. However, you should work through and process your resentments. Listen in, reach out if you need guidance, and stay well! Show Highlights How to hold your boundaries and you shift the relationship dynamic. Why negative intimacy typically revolves around your children. You don’t HAVE to forgive someone. Why you should process through your resentments. A Mother’s Day message reminder - ask for what you need. Resources & Links: Me in the New York Times! Podcasts Inspired by Love and Relationships The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week Erin Levine, entrepreneur, legal innovator, and Certified Family Law Specialist, joins me on the podcast. She’s here to help close out Legal Month. (Don’t worry, I'll surely be revisiting legal topics in the future!) Erin is the founder of Hello Divorce, a modern breakup service, offering affordable, convenient, and online divorce options. I'm thrilled to have Erin on the show. Most of the world is in some form of lockdown right now. It feels like life is at a standstill for many. As I discussed a few weeks ago, you may be stuck and isolated with the person you have either asked for a divorce or were in the midst of divorce proceedings already. So, now what? Do all the legal proceedings and preparation stop? Well, no. In fact, in this episode, Erin shares several divorce planning strategies you can do while in the middle of a global pandemic. You can keep moving forward, even during times of uncertainty. In fact, the actions you take today can help you to feel empowered. Times feel scary and anxious right now, but you can still gain power, grow, and stretch yourself in meaningful, new ways. Show Highlights Be aware of divorce legal companies' scams or misrepresentations. (7:11) How to know whether you should pause divorce proceedings or continue to move forward during a pandemic. (9:14) Now is an excellent time to reflect: Sometimes we need to sit back, take a deep breath, look at the facts and decide: was the settlement proposal previously made in my best interest? (11:00) If you don’t have anything hammered out, it’s important to put a temporary order in place, even just to get you through this period. (12:47) Get organized: see what it is you have, what you don't have, and what you need to get in order. (14:00) Get educated: what do you need to do in your state, and what does the entire divorce procedure look like where you’re located? (16:00) Meet with a legal coach or a certified divorce financial analyst. (22:00) How to know when you should slow the process down and take a break. (30:11) Learn More About Erin Levine:Erin Levine is an entrepreneur, legal innovator, and Certified Family Law Specialist. She is the founder and CEO of Levine Family Law Group and Hello Divorce, a “modern breakup service” offering an affordable, convenient, and online divorce option. Erin is also the co-founder of Love & Real Life, a platform designed to empower women by helping them to craft postnuptial and prenuptial agreements that comport with their values and way of life. Her awarding winning legal technology and access to justice work has been recognized by the legal industry and beyond – with recent features in Above the Law, Forbes, Entrepreneur, Ozy, Brit + Co, and Mind Body Green. Resources & Links: Erin’s websiteErin on InstagramErin on Twitter Erin on PinterestErin on FacebookErin on LinkedIn The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Last week we talked about mediation with Susan Guthrie. This week, as we continue Legal Month on the pod, we’re exploring the concept of Collaborative Divorce with Andrea Vacca. Andrea Vacca is the owner of Vacca Family Law Group, a law firm in Manhattan that focuses exclusively on non-adversarial divorce and family law matters. Andrea describes Collaborative Divorce as a team approach to divorce. And it is a legal process. The process includes creating a roadmap for your divorce and specifically details the jobs for each member of the team, including: How you will be working together The need for transparency and honesty How the process will come to an end When you’re getting divorced, you’re looking to the adults in the room to help you through it. Many times, the adults are litigators who are committed to an adversarial process. When that’s the case, they may not be looking for what’s best for you or your family. And here’s the thing: just because your marriage is ending, your family can remain intact. It may look different, but it doesn’t have to be fraught with anxiety, or animosity. Collaborative Divorce offers a way to bring respect to the divorce process and work with professionals who model the behavior you wish to express. In the end, everyone’s going to be better off; you, your spouse, and most importantly, your children. Show Highlights Collaborative Divorce - what the hell is it? (7:37) The difference between mediation and Collaborative Divorce (10:25) How Andrea came to work in Collaborative Divorce (11:00) Collaborative colleagues offer a different mindset to divorce (21:00) How to know whether you should meditate or do Collaborative Divorce (15:26) Andrea shares the story of her parents’ divorce and how it affected her family (30:04) How to start a conversation about Collaborative Divorce with your spouse (40:00) What is positive psychology and how it plays into Andrea’s work as a Collaborative professional (43:16) Collaborative Divorce can help high-conflict couples through the divorce process (48:00) Learn More About Andrea Vacca:Andrea Vacca is the owner of Vacca Family Law Group, a law firm in Manhattan that focuses exclusively on non-adversarial divorce and family law matters. After practicing traditional, litigation-focused family law for many years, Andrea’s firm now works only with clients who want to keep their divorces out of court and want their prenuptial and postnuptial agreements negotiated in a non-adversarial manner. Andrea regularly lectures, writes and blogs on the topics of collaborative law, mediation, and topics related to non-adversarial family law. In addition to having a B.A. and J.D, Andrea also has a Certificate in Positive Psychology and regularly applies what she has learned to help her clients navigate their divorces, including having a growth mindset, being resilient and encouraging mindfulness. Andrea is the author of the recently published ebook Divorce Without Court: A More Peaceful Solution and is a co-author of the book, Onward & Upward: A Guide For Getting Through New York Divorce & Family Law Issues. Resources & Links: Andrea’s websiteAndrea on LinkedInAndrea on Facebook Andrea on Instagram Andrea on YouTube Andrea’s Blog Sign up for Andrea’s ebook, “Divorce Without Court” and my monthly newsletter The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
April is legal month on The Divorce Survival Guide podcast. Today, one of my favorite people on the planet returns to the show. Susan Guthrie joins me to talk about mediation and divorce. Susan is a nationally recognized Top Family Law and Mediation Attorney, and has been helping individuals and families navigate separation and divorce for 30 years. When it comes to your impending divorce, if you have children, you and your spouse are going to be tethered to each other for the rest of your lives. Litigation is often the default choice for divorce, and with it comes animosity, anger, and bitterness. What do you want your future to look and feel like? You can be bitter and angry, but who gets stuck in the middle? Your children. Mediation allows for you and your soon-to-be-ex to choose to work together to restructure your family or relationship going forward. You have an opportunity to share information, identify the issues you need to discuss, and get help from your mediator. Mediation offers you the opportunity to advocate for you and your family, and sets the foundation for a lifetime of collaboration. Show Highlights Susan explains exactly what mediation is and why it works well for many families (9:24) We discuss some myths and benefits of mediation (13:00) In mediation, the only people making decisions are you and your spouse (17:00) What to do when your spouse doesn’t want to consider mediation, including knowing what motivates your spouse and why mediation suits their motivating factors (28:00) Susan’s online mediation process and how it works (36:00) Mediation can be used for high-conflict divorce cases too, such as domestic violence cases (42:00) Learn More About Susan Guthrie:Susan Guthrie, nationally recognized as one of the Top Family Law and Mediation Attorneys in the country, has been helping individuals and families navigate separation and divorce for 30 years. Susan has a fully online practice and provides online divorce mediation and legal coaching services to select clients around the world. As a leading dispute resolution professional, Susan is honored to serve on the Executive Council of the American Bar Association’s (ABA) Section of Dispute Resolution as the Membership Officer and to be a Co-Chair of the Section’s Mediation Committee. Susan is also one of the leading experts in online mediation in the country and trains other professionals in the practical and ethical considerations of conducting their mediations online through her business Learn to Mediate Online (www.learntomediateonline.com) Susan is the creator and host of the iTunes top podcast, The Divorce & Beyond Podcast (www.divorceandbeyondpod.com) and recently launched The Learn to Mediate Online Podcast (www.learntomediateonline.podbean.com) for online mediation and dispute resolution professionals. Resources & Links: Divorce in a Better Way The Divorce and Beyond Podcast The Learn to Mediate Online Podcast Susan on The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Susan on Instagram Susan on Facebook Susan on Twitter Susan on YouTube The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Trauma may not be what you think. We all have it and we all suffer from it to varying degrees — especially those who are in abusive relationships. There’s so much trauma that comes along with abuse and also so much trauma that led us there in the first place. In this week’s episode, we’re talking about complex trauma with Gwynn Raimondi. Gwynn defines complex trauma as anything that happened when we were young. Gwynn is a therapist specializing in complex trauma, grief, embodiment & intersections. We discuss the various ways trauma can show up and how it impacts relationships. Plus, Gwynn has an amazing approach to self-regulating your nervous system and how doing so can help you to reclaim your life. Show Highlights Gwynn defines trauma and offers several different examples of trauma (6:39) Complex trauma: anything that happens when we were young (8:00) We discuss the trauma response and what is happening in our brains (10:00) How trauma impacts your relationships, plus Gwynn describes the four attachment styles (22:35) Body-centered mindfulness work and nervous-system regulation helps create a window of tolerance (15:11) Addiction is a coping mechanism (31:23) Collective relational trauma and how it impacts the way we relate to other people and impacts our relationships (43:22) How trauma affects our physical bodies (56:00) Learn More About Gwynn Raimondi:Gwynn is a therapist specializing in complex trauma, grief, embodiment & intersections. She is systems focused and explores how the greater world impacts and influences individuals, how the trauma we have experienced influences our relationships with others, ourselves, and the world, and how living in our current patriarchal, authoritarian, white supremacist culture exacerbates the lived experience and ancestral trauma that lives within us. Resources & Links:Gwynn’s websiteGwynn on InstagramGwynn on FacebookGwynn on MediumGwynn’s Facebook Group Trauma Informed Embodiment The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week I’m sharing my recommendations for co-parenting during the COVID-19 pandemic. If you’re a member of my Facebook group or follow me on Instagram, you may have heard me talking about how there are no shelter-in-place or quarantine guidelines for divorced families, especially those with blended families. We are told to stay home or to shelter-in-place, but what is a quarantine when you have children spread out across multiple households? The government can’t necessarily mandate how blended families react to quarantine, but they can make guidelines. Unfortunately, I haven’t heard one politician or infectious disease expert say a single thing about our demographic. As it stands right now, co-parenting guidelines are simply, “Comply with your court orders.” And, in many cases, that can be dangerous for everyone’s health. In this episode, I’ve put together some ways that co-parents can deal with the current situation. Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: Why communication with your co-parent is crucial now, more than ever What to do when you have an ex who is not taking the pandemic seriously The importance of talking to your children in age-appropriate ways about COVID-19 How to cope with being stuck cohabitating with your soon-to-be-ex and how to continue with divorce proceedings If you are in an abusive relationship in quarantine, you are in danger. Resources and Links: Susan Guthrie, Divorce in a Better Way Hello Divorce (for the State of California only)It’s Over Easy National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1- 800-799-7233 1:1 Coaching with Kate The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
It’s therapy month on the Divorce Survival Guide podcast! ICYMI: I’ve decided to organize podcast episodes into monthly themes, and right now, we’re in the middle of Therapy Month! Joining me to discuss all things Imago Therapy for couples is Dr. Sarah Schewitz. Dr. Sarah Schewitz is a licensed psychologist specializing in love and relationships and is the founder of the successful online psychology practice, Couples Learn. Imago therapy is a specific style of relationship therapy designed to help conflict within relationships become opportunities for healing and growth. My ex-husband and I were in Imago therapy before our divorce, and well, it didn’t save our marriage. But what it did do was provide us with a way to communicate compassionately and lovingly during our divorce. Imago therapy opens compassion wells, and it allows for a deeper level of communication. Sarah is an expert on the subject. In addition to discussing Imago, we also chat about why therapy (individual or couples) is so vital for your healing. Sarah puts it perfectly when she says, “Most of us are just unconsciously reacting to circumstances that are triggering our past childhood wounds without realizing it. If you can gain that awareness, you can then choose, ‘Do I want to react this way or not?’ And that’s healing.” Show Highlights How remote couples therapy works (4:28) Misconceptions around childhood trauma and how they impact current relationships (6:59) The definition of trauma and conflict trauma (9:11) How Sarah addresses the panic-stricken husband who didn’t realize things were ‘that bad’ (14:15) Imago therapy and Imago dialogue: what it is and how couples can use it for a more profound level communication (16:58) More on the Imago dialogue and why the respect for your partner’s availability is so important (22:00) Sarah shares how she approaches therapy with someone who has been in an abusive relationship after abusive relationship (25:12) How to elicit a conversation about childhood wounds using Imago Dialogue, with a real-world example (51:26) “Whether the relationship stays together or not, investing in yourself is never a loss.” Dr. Sarah Schewitz Learn More About Dr. Sarah Schewitz: Dr. Sarah Schewitz (pronounced Shevitz like Manischewitz wine) is a licensed psychologist specializing in love & relationships and is the founder of the successful online psychology practice, Couples Learn. She has been working with couples and individuals to improve their love lives for over 10 years now. In 2019, Sarah was named one of Datezie’s most influential dating experts and one of the top 3 marriage counselors in Los Angeles. Sarah has been featured in articles for outlets such as Readers Digest, Playboy, Bravo TV, AskMen, Self, and more. Dr. Sarah’s private practice is relatively unique in that she is one of the only doctoral-level couples therapists whose practice is 100% online. Resources & Links: Dr. Sarah’s website Dr. Sarah on Instagram Dr. Sarah on Facebook Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, Harville Hendrix Ph.D Getting the Love You Want Workshops The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week I’m talking about how to deal with the other woman in your ex or soon-to-be ex's life. The woman he cheated on you with, or the one he met after you...you know, the one he’s introducing to your kids…? You have a lot of feelings about this, most of which are perfectly valid, but are you acting on those feelings in the right way? What are the boundaries here? What’s a reasonable request for you to make about all of this? And how exactly are you supposed to feel about this woman?? In today's episode, I’m going to share why compassion is so important — compassion for yourself, for your children, and yes, even for her. If you're a mom, it's part of your job to expand your capacity to be with uncomfortable, painful, and conflicting feelings, especially ones you never fucking wanted to have ever at all. Learn how to process them in appropriate ways so you can show up in this new paradigm in the best and healthiest way possible for your kids. Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: Why name-calling, blaming, and shaming aren't the way to go How to practice compassion towards the other woman Dealing with and appreciating the other woman in your child's life 1:1 Coaching with Kate The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Not all therapists are good. Not all therapists have the advanced training necessary to help you as an individual or as a couple. Not all therapists have your best interests in mind. If you are contemplating divorce, want to work on past trauma, or work on your relationship, you need a good therapist to guide you. So, how do you find a good therapist? That’s the topic of this week’s episode. If you’re a member of my Facebook group, then Katie’s name is probably familiar to you. She’s a member of the group, is an incredible asset and I am so grateful to have her voice there, as well as in this podcast episode. “Going into therapy with the wrong person is not going to help you,” says Katie. My loves, this is so true. But choosing the right one most certainly will. Show Highlights The many layers of how to go about picking a therapist (6:08) Tips for researching your therapist options including how to research finding a good couples therapist (16:29) EFT: Emotionally Focused Therapy takes the understanding of attachment theory and applies it to how we come together and fall apart in our relationships (18:02) Everybody has dysfunction and we all can choose to (or not to) deal with it. The more we put work into healing our attachment injuries the more value we are going to get from our relationships (21:30) Schema therapy - what it is and how it helps change your relational behavioral patterns (19:46) In looking for a couple’s therapist, you should be looking for someone who has experience in several advanced therapies (27:00) Who should NOT be in couple’s therapy: active abuse or addiction by someone who is not willing to address and work through it (27:55) When therapists act in dual roles (individually and as a couple’s therapist) (28:09) Trust your gut! If you don’t feel like a therapist is the right fit for you, they’re probably not. (33:36) Trauma bonds: the theory of trauma bonding and how they can lead you to repeat old abusive habits (38:15) Learn More About Katie: Katie Thompson LPC, CEDS is a psychotherapist in private practice in St. Louis, Missouri. Katie specializes in treating eating disorders, anxiety disorders, PTSD and complex trauma and has a special interest in treating binge eating disorder. She is skilled in implementing DBT, CBT, IFS, ERP, EMDR, EFT and group therapy. Katie is trained in EMDR, Exposure, and Response Prevention (ERP) and has earned her certification in Internal Family Systems, Level 2. In private practice, Katie balances individual, family, couples and group therapy with supervising provisionally licensed therapists. Katie is also a current member and the past Board President of the Missouri Eating Disorders Association (MOEDA) Board of Directors and is a past member of the Binge Eating Disorder Association (BEDA) board of directors. Katie can be seen in local media appearances and lecturing regionally and nationally in her areas of specialty. Katie is married and has a daughter, a bonus daughter, and a bonus son. She has been a part of her blended family since 2011 and is familiar with the complexities that come with living in a blended family as a spouse, bio parent and step-parent. Katie specializes in clinical intervention within blended family systems in her specific areas of expertise. Resources & Links:Katie’s websiteKatie on Facebook The Gottman Institute The Seven Principles Making Marriage Work Trauma Bond Experts: Patrick Carnes Dr. Christine CourtoisPeter Levine Understanding Attachment Styles Trauma Bonds The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Today's sponsors: LOLA Feminine care products you can trust, delivered to your door. Made by women, for women. Use code “dsg” at checkout for 30% off your first order! When you choose LOLA, you’re making a lasting impact on women’s reproductive health. We partner with leading nonprofits, donate millions of period products, and spark meaningful conversations. THRIVE CAUSEMETICS Conscious beauty, 100% vegan + cruelty free Use code “dsg” at checkout for 15% off! Your purchase directly impacts the lives of women, animals and communities around the world. Join our movement by purchasing today + share why you love giving back on social using #thrivecausemetics.
This week I wanted to expand on a topic I discussed in my Facebook group and on an Instagram IGTV video. It’s around the topic of forgiveness entitlement. In this episode, I also talk about addiction or abuse, and why you can’t force someone to get help. So, your spouse says they’re doing the work and they seem to be doing all the right things. But you still can’t trust them and they don't understand why. You wonder, “What’s wrong with me?” There is NOTHING wrong with you. You’ve been betrayed and hurt, and you’re not healed yet. If your spouse is telling you that you need to get over it already, here’s what I want to say to you: the only person who gets to say when they’re ready to move forward is the person who has been the victim of the offending act — in this case, you. When someone says they’re doing all the work, remember that actions speak louder than words. And if they are truly doing the work, they’re opening the door so that you can be okay, so you can heal and eventually, you can forgive. But, know this: Nobody is entitled to your forgiveness. Tune in to hear why this is so important for your healing, your journey, and your relationships (now or in the future). Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: The only time you should forgive someone. Emotional abusers or active addicts know exactly what they are doing. YOU are the person who needs to understand the truth of what’s going on. The importance of not controlling the situation and allowing him or her to find their process to recovery.
This week we are talking all about sexuality and intimacy after divorce. My guest is Leslie Morgan Steiner, a New York Times best-selling author, columnist for The Washington Post, speaker on work/family balance, successful corporate executive – and domestic violence survivor. Two truths can co-exist. You can be relieved your soon-to-be ex is moving out and grief-stricken at the same time. You can be happy and sad, at the same. This is part of the complexity of human emotions. There’s nothing wrong with you for experiencing a wide range of them. There is nothing wrong with you. Nobody knows this better than Leslie. Leslie’s memoir, Crazy Love, is an account of her violently abusive first marriage. It's about this kind of complexity, how we can deeply love and deeply fear one person at the same time. Her latest memoir, The Naked Truth, explores these dualities as well as she writes about female sexuality, self-esteem, and dating after 50. Show Highlights The power of sisterhood and how women are always an inspiration to other women (3:18) Coming out of a marriage desexualized and losing touch with your sexuality (6:00) Perfection has nothing to do with sexuality (12:00) Getting to a point where you can enjoy and love sex (15:00) The stigma and shame around having sex after divorce if the divorce has not been finalized (22:38) Women who are vulnerable to abusers, how to break the cycle; and Leslie shares her story of domestic abuse (28:14) Why learning how to trust yourself again rather than trusting others is paramount following an abusive relationship (33:23) Leslie drops this truth bomb: “I can’t look for a man to heal me.” (38:00) Men struggle with intimacy just as much as women do (39:00) Leslie shares her thoughts on coaxing a man to fall in love with you (42:00) The myth of Prince Charming is destructive to women and unfair to men too (49:09) Learn More About Leslie: Leslie Morgan Steiner is the author of four nonfiction books: the New York Times bestselling memoir Crazy Love; the critically acclaimed anthology Mommy Wars: Stay-at-Home and Career Moms Face Off on Their Choices, Their Lives, Their Families; The Baby Chase: How Surrogacy is Transforming the American Family; and her latest memoir, The Naked Truth, which explores female sexuality, self-esteem and dating after 50. From 2006-2008 she wrote over 500 columns for the Washington Post’s popular on-line work/family column, “On Balance.” She currently writes the Two Cents on Modern Motherhood column for ModernMom.com and MommyTracked.com. Her writing has appeared in Glamour, Psychology Today, Redbook, The Washington Post, the New York Times and other publications. Steiner holds a BA in English from Harvard College. Her first job was writing and editing for Seventeen Magazine. After graduating from Wharton in 1992 with an MBA in Marketing, she launched Splenda Brand Sweetener internationally for Johnson & Johnson. She returned to her hometown of Washington, DC in 2001 to become General Manager of the 1.1 million-circulation Washington Post Magazine, a position she held for five years. Steiner is a regular guest on The Today Show, National Public Radio, ABC, NBC, CBS, and cable news networks. She has appeared in Newsweek, BusinessWeek, Elle, Parents, Self, Vogue, Vanity Fair, The Los Angeles Times, and CNN.com. She is a frequent speaker and consultant on the subjects of marketing to moms and ending family violence. Her 2012 TEDTalk about domestic violence has been viewed by over five million people, and in 2014 she completed her second TEDTalk exploring the ethics of global surrogacy. She serves as a board member for the One Love Foundation, in honor of slain University of Virginia senior Yeardley Love. Leslie Morgan Steiner lives in Washington, DC, New York, and New Hampshire. Resources & Links:Leslie’s website Leslie on FacebookLeslie on InstagramLeslie on YouTubeLeslie on LinkedInLeslie on Twitter Trauma Bonds: How to recognize them, break them, and co-parent through themThe Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
I asked a friend who is going through a divorce what I should talk about on this week’s episode. He said I should talk about cravings. And he offered what he meant by saying this, “Given the shit happening in the world, we turn to safety, fantasy, and imagination to numb our true selves and we give up the authentic fight.” How beautiful is that? There is so much happening in the world right now. And my friend is right, we numb out as a way to escape. We numb with food, drinking, or shopping. When it comes to relationships, we numb out by fantasizing about other people; hoping they are the cure for a troubled marriage. Turning to other people, places, or things will not lead you to true fulfilment. Doing so simply covers up the pain, momentarily. Succumbing to cravings is giving up the authentic fight. What happens if you just sit still with all of the shit that is happening in your life; what if you gazed into all of your own holes and examined them for what they are? What if? What might be possible for your relationship, for your marriage, or most importantly, for you? That’s what I am talking about this week on the podcast. I hope you tune in. Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: Why a marriage is not responsible for fulfilling you 100% Discernment work is so complex, but necessary The importance of recognizing your own ‘made-up’ stories and changing the narrative The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Wouldn’t you just love the superpower of letting go? If so, you’re in luck! Jill Sherer Murray is a TEDx speaker and influencer, author, blogger, coach, and founder of Let Go For It®, a lifestyle brand dedicated to helping individuals let go for a better life. Jill is my guest on the podcast this week and she’s going to share all about harnessing the power of letting go. Yes, letting go can feel risky and downright scary. And, letting go is a challenge. Especially when you’re contemplating divorce or going through divorce. Jill said something pretty powerful during our time together, “If you figure out how to let go, you can find your way out of or to anything.” So today she’s going to share some ways that you can begin to move forward in your life. Afterall, this is your one wild and precious life. If you’re waiting for someone to give you permission to live it, you’re not gonna get it. You have to take permission to live it yourself. This includes permission to let go, permission to immerse yourself in self-love, and permission to live your life as you see fit. Show Highlights How ending a 12-year relationship was eye-opening and transformational for Jill (6:15) What letting go truly is and the importance of acknowledging what you need to let go of before you can take action (14:36) We talk about a simple yet powerful exercise which walks you through the process of letting go (26:41) Why letting go is real freedom and how the act of self-love empowers us to act boldly (29:37) Where women struggle most when it comes self-love and letting go (36:33) When we don’t do the work, we are agreeing to let other people to decide what we have and what we don’t have (44:51) Let go of being so hard on yourself, let go of other people’s expectations, and let go of being afraid of what you truly want (50:03) Learn More About Jill: Jill Sherer Murray is a TEDx speaker and influencer, author, blogger, coach, and founder of Let Go For It®, a lifestyle brand dedicated to helping individuals let go for a better life. She is also an award-winning journalist and communications leader who can trace practically every success she’s had in her career, love life, and more to letting go. Her TEDx talk, “The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go” has been viewed by almost two million people – and grows by the thousands each day. Her book, which comes out in May and is available for pre-order on Amazon and Indiebound, is called Big Wild Love: The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go. She wrote it in response to the countless numbers of viewers who’ve reached out to her for help and inspiration after seeing her TEDx talk. Jill spent a year studying improvisation comedy at the famous Second City Training Center in Chicago. And another five years writing a popular blog called “Diary of a Writer in Mid-Life Crisis” for www.wildriverreview.com. She also let go of just about everything to put her weight in Shape Magazine—12 times—as part of a year-long assignment to document her weight loss journey for millions of readers. Resources & Links:Jill’s websiteJill on FacebookJill on InstagramJill on LinkedIn The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go TEDx A Special Gift from Jill: If you’re struggling like I was in a relationship, not sure whether to hold on or let go, take comfort in knowing that the truth inside you knows the answer. And I have something to help you crack that truth. It’s a simple exercise you can do in just 11 minutes. Get it here: https://bit.ly/31Z9G1UThe Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Recently in my Facebook Group for women deciding if they should stay or go in their marriage, I asked the members to share their most burning questions about divorce. And I received an overwhelming response. The topics ranged from, “How can I leave my marriage if I have no emotional support and can’t support myself financially?” to “What do I do if I don’t have the courage to leave him?” And, every single topic or question had an underlying theme, all relating to doing work on yourself first. When you are making a decision to leave your marriage, you're making a decision of great love for yourself and for your children. That power needs to carry you through to the other side. When you do the self-work, you can come from a place of neutrality, process your emotions, and grieve what needs grieving. You can work hard to bring yourself to a place of calm, peace, and lack of blame or resentment so you can make difficult choices. Without focusing on self-work first, the choices you have to make will be much harder (and trust me, they are hard enough as it is). In this episode I go over some of the topics the women in my Facebook group mentioned (btw, join us!). Plus, I share how you can become deeply rooted in your own sense of power. Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: Getting rooted into your deepest power and grounded in your confidence How to start fresh on your own when you’ve never been on your own before Knowing you are worthy and you are enough ROOTED LIVE is coming! If you think you might want out of your marriage, but you can’t seem to find the courage to make a decision once and for all, and you’re scared you won’t have the strength to get through all that comes after you say those four words,"I want a divorce,” then ROOTED is 100% for you. ROOTED is my online coaching program which I will be taking LIVE in February. It’s designed to help you FIND YOUR STRENGTH, BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE, AND STEP INTO YOUR POWER. Learn more here.
This week I welcome Jennifer Butler to the Divorce Survival Guide podcast. Jennifer Butler, MSW, is a certified Calling in “The One” coach, certified health coach, writer, and podcast host dedicated to helping people fall deeply in love with themselves and awaken to their own internal power to create joy, love, and freedom in their lives. In fact, Jennifer recently interviewed me for the podcast she hosts for Worthy, Divorce and Other Things You Can Handle. Let’s talk about showing up and being a victim for a moment. When it comes to divorce, it doesn’t matter how much of a ‘victim’ of your circumstances you are, you still have a personal responsibility to show up in the world with grace and dignity. The work that Jennifer and I talk about in this episode will help you to stand in and reflect on your own truth. When you show up in your life in a different way and when you allow yourself to dream about what is possible; you will begin to learn how to believe in your ability to create it. Show Highlights This week I welcome Jennifer Butler to the Divorce Survival Guide podcast. Jennifer Butler, MSW, is a certified Calling in “The One” coach, certified health coach, writer, and podcast host dedicated to helping people fall deeply in love with themselves and awaken to their own internal power to create joy, love, and freedom in their lives. In fact, Jennifer recently interviewed me for the podcast she hosts for Worthy, Divorce and Other Things You Can Handle. Let’s talk about showing up and being a victim for a moment. When it comes to divorce, it doesn’t matter how much of a ‘victim’ of your circumstances you are, you still have a personal responsibility to show up in the world with grace and dignity. The work that Jennifer and I talk about in this episode will help you to stand in and reflect on your own truth. When you show up in your life in a different way and when you allow yourself to dream about what is possible; you will begin to learn how to believe in your ability to create it. Show Highlights What Calling In “The One” is all about (4:16) One big shift that’s really important is to move from needing a connection from a wounded place to wanting to share a connection from a place of abundance within yourself (8:11) The 7 week process to attract the love of your life; including letting go of any blocks standing in your way of harnessing your internal power (9:00) The stories we show up with in our lives that are holding us back (11:06) Some common misconceptions around doing the work; plus learning to fall in love with the process of discovering (20:04) The labels and toxic ties we make that carry weight and keep us from moving forward, like labeling someone as the love of your life; plus how to navigate away from a label (26:00) Build on and nurture our deeper truths by learning new ways of showing up; like learning to be vulnerable and asking for help (30:00) Healing the disappointed dream, setting bold intentions, and creating a vision for your future (34:00) Learn More About Jennifer:Jennifer Butler, MSW is a certified Calling in “The One” coach, certified health coach, writer, and podcast host dedicated to helping people fall deeply in love with themselves and awaken to their own internal power to create joy, love, and freedom in their lives. Beyond an extensive education, Jennifer has also gone through a very powerful transformation, overcoming obstacles and challenges in her own life that greatly inform and influence her work. As a love and relationship coach, Jennifer teaches clients to identify and transform internal obstacles and expand their capacity to love and be loved so they can create the happy and healthy relationships they deeply desire. As a writer, Jennifer provides an honest and authentic account of her own life experiences with the intention of inspiring others. Her work can be found on JennJoyCoaching, Worthy, ESME, LiveThroughTheHeart, DivorceForce, and Instagram. Jennifer can also be found hosting the very popular Worthy Podcast, “Divorce and Other Things You Can Handle.” Resources & Links: Jenn’s website Jenn on Instagram Jenn on Facebook Jenn on LinkedIn The Worthy Podcast Calling in “The One” ROOTED LIVE is coming! If you think you might want out of your marriage, but you can’t seem to find the courage to make a decision once and for all, and you’re scared you won’t have the strength to get through all that comes after you say those four words,"I want a divorce,” then ROOTED is 100% for you. ROOTED is my online coaching program which I will be taking a small group through LIVE in February. It’s designed to help you FIND YOUR STRENGTH, BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE, AND STEP INTO YOUR POWER. Learn more here. The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
A few weeks ago, I posted in my Facebook group that I was going to write a flip book called, Not Your Fucking Job. And it was going to be a very simple book about all the things that are not your fucking job to do for your spouse or partner. You know, things like: Helping him heal his childhood wounds?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB. Teaching him how to be a good parent?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB. Proving your worth or proving your love to him?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB.Or keeping him from cheating on you?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB. You get the idea. Well, in this week’s episode I am going to go through about 8-10 scenarios of things that are not your fucking job and explain why you need to stop carrying allll of the weight in your relationship. After you listen to this episode; if you realize you are doing these things, understand you are doing them out of some need to control. So what IS your job: to uncover why you’re doing these things and then work to fix it, for you — not for him or for anyone else, for you. Only in this way will you have a chance at healing your marriage, or having an amicable divorce. Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: Why it’s not your job to heal your partner’s childhood wounds Allowing your partner to make mistakes and clean up his (or her) own messes A reminder that it is not your job to beg him to love you or treat you well Why it’s not your job to lose weight, gain weight, dye your hair or get a boob job in order to feel as though you are enough for someone. Only do these things if you WANT to, for you! What IS your job in your relationship Resources & Links: ROOTED LIVE is coming! If you think you might want out of your marriage, but you can’t seem to find the courage to make a decision once and for all, and you’re scared you won’t have the strength to get through all that comes after you say those four words,"I want a divorce,” then ROOTED is 100% for you. ROOTED is my online coaching program which I will be taking LIVE in February. It’s designed to help you FIND YOUR STRENGTH, BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE, AND STEP INTO YOUR POWER. Learn more here. Fed Up, Gemma HartleyCo-Dependent No More, Meldoy Beattie DSG Episode: NOW...he wants to go to therapy?
They say that January is “Divorce Month.” As the new year rolls in, you may be ready to finally make some changes. And if you are, you’re far from alone. This is because of the number of women who hit the ropes following the holiday is enormous. In fact, that was me, on Christmas Eve, eleven years ago. If you believe your impending divorce is going to involve a high-conflict co-parenting situation, this week’s episode is going to shine a light on some important issues for you. My guest, Megan Hunter, is an expert on high-conflict disputes, complicated relationships and Borderline Personality Disorder. She is co-founder of the High Conflict Institute along with author and speaker, Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., who developed the high-conflict personality theory. She is also the author of The High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival Guide. In this episode we explore how to maneuver in a high-conflict divorce. We discuss understanding the high-conflict personality, their motivation, and how to protect yourself. Megan also shares insight and wisdom about how to survive co-parenting with a high-conflict personality. She also offers a great reminder: take care of yourself first, get therapy, work with a coach (hi, that’s me!), and focus on getting your head straight. Then, focus on the rest. Show Highlights High-conflict divorce and disputes on the rise (4:45) Gender stereotypes and high-conflict behaviors (9:02) The four traits of a high-conflict personality (11:44) Understanding the motivations of a high-conflict personality (15:25) Conflating acceptance with continuing to be victimized; it’s NOT your job to fix your spouse! (21:52) How to survive a high-conflict co-parenting situation (25:45) Some other co-parenting relationship techniques, including using the BIFF technique (47:26) How getting unhooked from emotions can be helpful (and what that means) (52:02) Learn More About Megan: Megan Hunter, MBA, is an expert on high-conflict disputes, complicated relationships and Borderline Personality Disorder. She is co-founder of the High Conflict Institute along with author and speaker, Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. who developed the high-conflict personality theory. Megan developed the concept of the Institute after 13 years in family law as the Family Law Specialist with the Arizona Supreme Court, and Child Support Manager of the Dawes County Attorney’s Office in Nebraska. She is CEO of Unhooked Media, a U.S.-based media company and is the author of THE HIGH-CONFLICT CO-PARENTING SURVIVAL GUIDE (2019), DATING RADAR™ (2017) and BAIT AND SWITCH. Resources & Links:Megan’s websiteMegan on FacebookMegan on LinkedInMegan on TwitterMegan on YouTubeThe High Conflict Co-Parenting Survival Guide ROOTED LIVE is coming! If you think you might want out of your marriage, but you can’t seem to find the courage to make a decision once and for all, and you’re scared you won’t have the strength to get through all that comes after you say those four words,"I want a divorce,” then ROOTED is 100% for you. ROOTED is my online coaching program which I will be taking LIVE in February. It’s designed to help you FIND YOUR STRENGTH, BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE, AND STEP INTO YOUR POWER. Learn more here.The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
As you know I’m a huge fan of the co-parenting app, FAYR. Today I have FAYR’s founder and CEO, Michael Daniels, as my guest. (ICYMI, FAYR is a collaboration app for co-parents, available for both iPhone and Android.) I adore Michael and his app because he’s not just a tech-dude trying to ride the app wave. He’s a divorced dad who has personally shared the experiences of FAYR’s users — including those navigating complicated and contentious litigation. Michael literally created FAYR out of his own personal need. In this episode we talk all things divorce, co-parenting, and working with a legal system to create a smoother transition for all parents and their children. Show Highlights Why Michael created FAYR, plus he explains what the acronym FAYR means (2:39) Some of FAYR’s features including geo-tracking, screenshots, and expense tracking (6:18) Why communication is the key to bettering any situation (10:00) The importance of keeping your side of the street squeaky clean, how a co-parenting app can help you do that, as well as how the app can aid with divorce proceedings (14:31) Some advice for co-parents who are just at the starting line of their co-parenting journey (16:00) The transition from being a married couple to being co-parents is hard (20:00) The difference between FAYR and other co-parenting apps (26:42) How using an app like FAYR can help ease co-parenting anxiety (27:00) Learn More About Michael: Born in Syracuse, N.Y., Daniels grew up traveling the world while his father served as a United States Army Officer. An All-American athlete and avid outdoorsman, Daniels set a world record at age 12 as the youngest person to hike the 135 mile Philmont trail in New Mexico. He now lives in Weston, Fla. A custom homebuilder by profession, Daniels, 39, created FAYR to provide parents with a simpler, more effective way to track and keep logs that are required to prove custody schedules and events, child expenses incurred, written correspondences, and timely arrivals to pickup or drop-off children all while saving time, money and anxiety. Michael is uniquely and strategically suited to successfully bring Fayr to a national market. He is a divorced dad who has personally shared the experiences of Fayr’s users, including and especially those navigating complicated and contentious litigation and living the day to day life of a co-parent. His personal experience enables him to personally connect with Fayr’s end users and their lawyers who are Fayr’s primary clients. What is equally important is Michael’s prior success and commitment in business. It was the same kind of commitment, drive and determination Michael brings to Fayr which rapidly propelled him to a senior management position while in his mid-twenties with the Miami-based Lennar Corp. After Lennar, Michael spent ten years creating a thriving business building and designing one-of-a-kind multi-million dollar homes. The same focus on precision and quality that was the cornerstone of Michael’s successful home building career, is now brought to Fayr. This focus along with his personal experience ensures that the Fayr business model is built with equal attention to success and quality. Resources & Links:FAYR.com - Use Code: KAnthony for 20% off your subscriptionFAYR on Instagram FAYR on FacebookFAYR on TwitterThe Inspiration for FAYRGwynth Paltrow and FAYRThe Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week I am taking some time off to celebrate the Christmas holiday. If you celebrate Christmas, well then, Merry Christmas to you! A break this week means no new podcast episode. But, I still got you covered. Instead, I am re-airing my interview with Lindsey Ellison. Lindsey is the author of the book, MAGIC Words: How To Get What You Want From a Narcissist. Navigating co-parenting any time of the year can be difficult, but during the holidays it can be especially hard. In this episode, Lindsey and I discuss her step-by-step formula for creating a communication plan and script of empowering magic words that can help neutralize the power struggle that you have when you are co-parenting with a narcissist. She details exactly what to do, how to do it, and why it works. After you listen to this episode (and maybe even grab her book) you’ll be armed with information you can use to engage with your narcissistic ex with confidence and authenticity. Here are just a few of the topics we touch on in this episode: Providing your children with the tools to empower them and help them communicate with a narcissistic parent, without labeling the parent as one (to your children) Breaking the cycle of narcissism No contact messaging and why it’s confusing For show notes and more visit: https://www.kateanthony.com/podcast-1/co-parent-with-narcissist-lindsey-ellison
Today I am bringing you an interview with Adèle Théron. Adèle is an author, trauma and divorce specialist, founder of Naked Recovery and runs an award-winning 21-day divorce recovery program called The Naked Divorce. We have an amazing conversation about anger and how powerful of an emotion it can be for women to embrace. So, let’s talk about anger for a moment. It is such a misunderstood emotion. Anger management is really just anger suppression. In emotional abusive situations there is shame around anger. But as Adele explained, anger is a very important emotion for restoring self-esteem, self-love, getting out of depression and more. The beauty of anger is that it can blast through all of the noise. It gives you passion again. It cuts through all the deadness and resignation. Your anger might just be your greatest gift this holiday season. Tune in to find out more. Show Highlights The goal in going through a divorce is to get to a place of genuine forgiveness (4:31) Divorce is shame-based trauma and what that actually means (5:48) What is required to heal from divorce (9:38) The unbelievable weirdness from your community in the face of your divorce (14:07) The relationship between anger and trauma (16:35) The most dangerous aspect of divorce trauma is avoid healing from it (21:14) Catharsis therapy and how women can work with their anger (29:06) There is no dial for your emotions, if you suppress one emotion you suppress them all (31:58) To genuinely forgive somebody you have to work out what you are angry about first (37:53) Learn More About Adèle: Adèle Théron is an author, Trauma and Divorce specialist. She is the founder of Naked Recovery which provide online treatments from PTSD and she runs an award-winning 21-day divorce recovery program called the Naked Divorce. She resides in Thailand, New Zealand and the United Kingdom and serves her clients globally. Resources & Links:Nakedrecoveryonline.com Nakeddivorce.com Adèle on FacebookNake Divorce on YouTubeNaked Recovery on YouTubeAdèle on TwitterAdèle on InstagramAdèle on LinkedInThe Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week’s episode is about trauma bonding. I’ve been doing a lot of research on trauma bonding recently because it comes up with so many of my clients and members of my groups. In doing the research I realized that I had a trauma bond in a relationship that ended only five and a half years ago. What this means is that a good five years into my coaching career, fifteen years into my codependency recovery, and well into my divorce, I slipped down this rabbit-hole myself. According to Shahida Arabi, author of the amazing book, Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare, a trauma bond is: “A bond that forms due to intense, emotional experiences, usually with a toxic person. Similar to Stockholm Syndrome, it holds us emotionally captive to a manipulator who keeps us “hostage” – whether that be through physical or emotional abuse.” Trauma bonding can happen to anyone, especially those of us who are pre-conditioned to be drawn to relationships that are abusive or in some way reflective of past or childhood traumas. And let me be absolutely clear: There’s no shame in this, but there is great power in seeing the trauma bond for what it is, because only then can we begin to break free of it. Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: How to recognize a trauma bond: I share the story of my own trauma bonded relationship, which, surprisingly, was NOT with my ex-husband. How to heal from a trauma bond: To break free of a trauma bond, professional help in the form of psychotherapy and life coaching is always highly recommended. How to co-parent when healing from a trauma bond: when parallel parenting is better than co-parenting. This is a deep, dense, and intense topic. Please be gentle with yourself as you process this, and be sure to let me know if you need help breaking a trauma bond. Resources & Links: Private Coaching Consult with MeShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Becoming the Narcissist’s NightmareThe High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival GuideBIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email, and Social Media MeltdownsHigh-Conflict Divorce for WomenMagic Words: How to Get What You Want from a Narcissist DSG Episode: Surviving Abuse with Mickie Zada
This week, Jonathon Aslay, America's Leading Mid-Life Dating Coach, joins me to discuss the importance of learning how to love yourself. In this episode, Jonathon shares his divorce story and his journey to self-love, and how that journey prepared him for the biggest hardship yet to come. His story is a powerful testament to personal development and self-work. As you’ve heard me say before, there was a (large) part of me that died in my marriage. And I will say it again and again, the greatest gift to myself (and to my ex) was to leave my marriage. As Jonathon so eloquently put it, “This experience called life, is our experience first.” It’s okay to end a relationship that does not serve you or your partner. Our conversation today is a great reminder that there are ways to coexist but not stay married, and ways to begin a journey of experiencing life on your own terms. I’ll leave you some of Jonathon’s words of wisdom, “Divorce is the unraveling of one’s former tapestry and that takes its toll. If one chooses to begin to work on themselves, they will be much more prepared when it happens.” (And, shameless plug, this is exactly what we do in my program!) Show Highlights Jonathon’s experience with divorce and what he had hoped he learned about marriage beforehand (5:00) Through relationships we learn about ourselves (9:29) Some things men and women do that scream, “I’m wounded and haven’t healed yet!” (10:00) His online dating addiction after divorce and how he transformed from living life from an egoic place to how he now sees and experiences life; through the eyes of love (13:18) If you are on a spiritual path and your partner is not, what do you do? (17:06) Staying in a marriage ‘out of obligation’ and why that’s not enough (21:03) Men are nesters in a relationship and women are the container of the heart for a relationship; plus what that all means (21:33) Emotional connections and why communication is a skill we don’t readily have (27:00) It’s a daily practice to invest in oneself, because it begins to strengthen us from the inside out (32:31) How the daily investing in himself prepared Jonathon for a devastating loss, the loss of his 19-year old son (35:41) Whether we’re grieving loss of child, parent, loved one, job or marriage, the work we do on ourselves prepares us (38:00) Personal development is not just for women, self-love and self-help is for everyone (43:00) Learn More About Jonathon: The focus of one of America's Leading Mid-Life Dating Coach has expanded into a deeper, essential philosophy of what it truly means to LOVE. After losing his 19-year-old son Connor in 2018, Jonathon Aslay’s grief led him on a soul-searching inner journey, where he became aware of an often-overlooked dimension of the dating conversation. He realized that the process of dating reveals the most common emotional health issue faced by many singles seeking a partner: a distressing lack of self-worth, self-regard, and self-love. Today, he is on a mission of encouraging both men and women to fully love themselves with a new book, "What The Heck Is Self-Love Anyway?"—packed with fun, engaging spiritual and personal growth practices—and his dynamic Mid-Life Love Mastery mentorship program, that inspires hundreds of people daily, around the world. Resources & Links:→ This episode was sponsored by FAYR, the easiest, most intuitive and conflict-diffusing co-parenting app on the market today! Sign up at: www.befayr.com Use code KAnthony for 20% off! Then download the app from the Apple’s App Store or Google Play. → Register your ring at www.worthy.com/thedivorcesurvivalguide and get a $500 gift card when you sell with Worthy on or before 12/20. -------------- Jonathon’s websiteJonathon on InstagramWhat the Heck Is Self-Love, Anyway - Free Chapters Download GOOD NEWS!! ROOTED is back! And now it’s an online course that you can do on your own, in your own time! If you think you might want out of your marriage, but you can’t seem to find the courage to make a decision once and for all, and you’re scared you won’t have the strength to get through all that comes after you say those four words,"I want a divorce,” then ROOTED is 100% for you. ROOTED is my online coaching program that’s designed to help you FIND YOUR STRENGTH, BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE, AND STEP INTO YOUR POWER. Learn more here.The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Today I am talking about what to do when your husband or spouse tells you, “NOW, I want go to therapy….” And boy, this is a big one. In fact, it is very common too. And I have thoughts, I have so many thoughts. Here's the scenario: You've been unhappy for a while. Maybe a long-ass while. You've told your husband you're unhappy. You've asked him to go to therapy with you. Often multiple times. Maybe you’ve begged him to go with you but he’s still said, “No”. He may even have said, "I'd rather get divorced than go to therapy." So you continue to suffer, to make the most of it, to care for yourself and your children, to put on a happy face to the world, all the while suffering inside. Until one day you just can't do it anymore. Until one day the switch flips and you JUST.FUCKING.CAN'T. That’s the day tell him you're done. And you mean it this time. And he knows it. He feels it. And he panics. And he tells you he'll do anything. He tells you, “Now, I want to go to therapy. Maybe he means it, but more often it’s a last ditch attempt to get you to stay. If you have one shred of a fuck left to give, even just one corner, go to therapy. Watch him carefully. See what he's willing to DO. Remember ACTIONS 👏🏻 ACTIONS 👏🏻 ACTIONS 👏🏻. You cannot fix what’s broken in your marriage on your own. You need help. So today, I am offering some help on this podcast in the way of advice so you know what to do if or when your spouse utters those famous words, “Now, I want to go to therapy.”. Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: What to do when your spouse says they want to go to couples therapy, after you’ve told them you want a divorce The credentials and attributes to look for in a good couples’ therapist Why you feel guilty when you know you’re done and your spouse is pulling every play out of the ‘please don’t go’ book Listening to and understanding your personal truth Resources & Links:→ This episode was sponsored by FAYR, the easiest, most intuitive and conflict-diffusing co-parenting app on the market today! Sign up at: www.befayr.com Use code KAnthony for 20% off! Then download the app from the Apple’s App Store or Google Play. → Register your ring at www.worthy.com/thedivorcesurvivalguide and get a $500 gift card when you sell with Worthy on or before 12/20. -------------- GOOD NEWS!! ROOTED is back! And now it’s an online course that you can do on your own, in your own time! If you think you might want out of your marriage, but you can’t seem to find the courage to make a decision once and for all, and you’re scared you won’t have the strength to get through all that comes after you say those four words,"I want a divorce,” then ROOTED is 100% for you. ROOTED is my online coaching program that’s designed to help you FIND YOUR STRENGTH, BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE, AND STEP INTO YOUR POWER. Learn more here. The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week on the podcast I am joined by CDC Certified Divorce Coach®, Debra Doak. Debra specializes in helping women make hard decisions about marriage, divorce, money, and life. She is also an author, speaker, and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® who loves giving women the confidence they need to speak up in their relationships or at the negotiating table. Her new book, High Conflict Divorce for Women, comes out today! Her work and her words truly resonate with me, which is why I wanted to have her on the show. Today we talk all about the preparations women need to take before pursuing divorce, including creating an exit strategy, getting your financial house in order, and more. We also talk about how we help women understand who they are in the world and provide them with the tools needed to be their own best advocate. Because when it comes right down to it, you are the decision maker in your divorce. As Debra said, “You know what is best for you and make your own decisions. I don’t want anyone to punt that responsibility to somebody else who doesn’t have to live with the consequences.” Today, Debra offers sound advice and coping skills for maneuvering through a high conflict divorce. Show Highlights The knowledge that women can co-exist and lift each other up in all aspects of life and business (6:00) Debra’s path to becoming a CDC Certified Divorce Coach following her own high conflict divorce (8:26) The things we normalize in relationships; when what is happening really is NOT okay! (11:15) Debra’s book High Conflict Divore for Women: Coping Skills and Legal Strategies for All Stages of Divorce (16:00) The importance of preparation (or creating your exit strategy) before pursuing divorce (17:00) If you don't have access to your household financials, change that NOW and the power that comes when you can, “wait with intention” (19:00) Using child support and child custody as the worst form of revenge (25:00) Having your BFF backup and support system ready (27:00) The biggest mistake people make in divorce is forgetting who the decision makers are; you are in charge of your divorce and you get to make the decisions (31:22) If you don’t feel safe or protected by your lawyer, go find another lawyer (32:00) Emotional regulation: what it means and how it can help you with a high conflict divorce (37:00) The importance of processing your pain first so you don’t pass it on to your children (48:18) Equipping your children and giving them agency so they can navigate co-parenting relationships and for life, in general (52:00) Learn More About Debra: Debra Doak specializes in helping women make hard decisions about marriage, divorce, money, and life. She is an author, speaker, CDC Certified Divorce Coach® and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® who loves giving women the confidence they need to speak up in their relationships or at the negotiating table. Debra believes that knowledge is the antidote to fear and that planning well for divorce creates better outcomes for everyone. Most of her days include messy buns, tons of coffee, cats and Zooming with clients. And she has 2 kind, resilient, adult children who are out changing the world. Resources & Links:This episode was sponsored by FAYR, the easiest, most intuitive and conflict-diffusing co-parenting app on the market today! Sign up at: www.befayr.com Use code KAnthony for 20% off! Then download the app from the Apple’s App Store or Google Play. ------------Debra’s websiteDebra on FacebookDebra on Instagram Debra’s book: High Conflict Divorce for Women Debra’s Know Your Numbers Starter Pack Get a head start with this bundle of tools, tips, and worksheets I use with clients every day to help them take charge of their financial lives. Because knowing your numbers means making smarter decisions. YogaClub - use this link and get $20 off your first order! The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group ------------ GOOD NEWS!! ROOTED is back! And now it’s an online course that you can do on your own, in your own time! If you think you might want out of your marriage, but you can’t seem to find the courage to make a decision once and for all, and you’re scared you won’t have the strength to get through all that comes after you say those four words,"I want a divorce,” then ROOTED is 100% for you. ROOTED is my online coaching program that’s designed to help you FIND YOUR STRENGTH, BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE, AND STEP INTO YOUR POWER. Learn more here.
This week I am bringing you a solo episode! As I continue to roll out weekly episodes, you’ll hear more solo episodes, like this one, from me. And of course, I’ll continue to produce interview episodes as well. Weekly episodes means more support and resources for you; and more fun for me. Win-win! This week I’m bringing you a training I did as a webinar last year about whether or not you should stay in your marriage for your kids. This is one of the BIG topics I get asked about all the time. Of course it is. It’s the biggest conundrum we all face If you’ve been mulling over this particular question, I know you’re feeling a lot of uncertainty — about your future, about your present. You’ve heard horror stories and maybe people in your family and community are telling you you’re selfish for even thinking of leaving, and you think surely you should just suck it up and stay for your kids. And despite everything everyone’s saying, more than anything you just want to know that whatever you choose, your kids will be ok. As a mom, you put them first in everything. Every move you make for yourself and your life you put through the filter of “what’s best for my kids?” So how can you possibly make a decision about your marriage without putting them first? Without considering how this will affect them? Without the deepest fear that if you decide to leave your marriage, you’re going to break them? If the idea of leaving is just as terrifying as the idea of staying, what should you do? In today’s episode I’m going to reveal 3 vital truths about whether or not leaving your marriage will screw up your kids, and then I’m going to dig deeply into each one. Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: You deserve to be happy, and why your happiness is actually vital for your kids’ mental health Divorce doesn’t screw up kids. How we do divorce screws up kids. Why I had to leave my marriage, for my son Keeping your own side of the street squeaky clean (aka co-parenting with integrity) Resources: This episode was sponsored by FAYR, the easiest, most intuitive and conflict-diffusing co-parenting app on the market today! Sign up at: www.befayr.com Use code KAnthony for 20% off! Then download the app from the Apple’s App Store or Google Play. _____ GOOD NEWS!! ROOTED is back! And now it’s an online course that you can do on your own, in your own time! If you think you might want out of your marriage, but you can’t seem to find the courage to make a decision once and for all, and you’re scared you won’t have the strength to get through all that comes after you say those four words,"I want a divorce,” then ROOTED is 100% for you. ROOTED is my online coaching program that’s designed to help you FIND YOUR STRENGTH, BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE, AND STEP INTO YOUR POWER. Learn more here. The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233 or TheHotline.org
This week I am joined by the fabulous, Gabrielle Hartley, Esq. Gabrielle is a leading divorce attorney and is the author of Better Apart: The Radically Positive Way to Separate. Gabrielle founded the positive divorce movement and is known for keeping 99% of her cases at the negotiation table and out of the courtroom. With her book, Better Apart, she has created a complete Bible on how to get through your divorce in the most positive and elegant way possible. And I just love that word, elegant. Can you imagine your divorce being described as elegant? Her book is the first of its kind to combine the life-changing and healing wisdom of mindfulness, meditation, and yoga with practical advice and legal wisdom to get the reader through and beyond divorce. I cannot recommend her book highly enough. Gabrielle joins me to talk about the five elements of the Better Apart Method. She answers the question, “Can divorce really spark joy?” and talks about how to create an elegant divorce for you and your children. Show Highlights The positive divorce movement can spark the change we need in the world of divorce (3:10) Can divorce really spark joy? (4:02) Clearing the emotional clutter can help regulate your response to common divorce triggers (6:03) If you struggle with responding versus reacting, give yourself the permission you need to make space in your body first (8:20) Creating an elegant divorce for you and your children (13:50) Many of the relationships we have are dictated, partially, in how we interact with those people; plus understanding we are not responsible for others behaviors or choices (16:46) The five elements of the Better Apart Method and some exercises to put them into practice: patience, respect (respecting the process and yourself), peace (noticing the neutral), clarity (where we go from blame game to active visionary), and forgiveness (forgiving yourself will provide emotional freedom). (18:52) In order to move forward, we need to take a big step back; plus how reflective listening and marriage counseling can help you even if you do decide to divorce (37:24) Learn More About Gabrielle: Gabrielle Hartley Esq. , is a leading divorce attorney, mediator, case closer, author and speaker. She founded The Positive Divorce Movement and is the creator of The Better Apart Method. She is known for keeping 99% of her cases at the negotiation table and out of the courtroom. Her new book, Better Apart; The Radically Positive Way to Separate (Harper Collins) is the first book of its kind to combine the life changing, healing wisdom of mindfulness, meditation and yoga with practical advice and legal wisdom to get the reader through and beyond the divorce. Better Apart was named “the conscious uncoupling how-to” by People Magazine. She been featured throughout media channels including The New York Times, U.S. News and World Report, The New York Post,Yoga Journal, Mind Body Green, The Hampshire Gazette, The Brian Lehrer Show. She is a regular guest and blogger featured on local television and radio as well as dozens of podcasts and blogs around the world. Gabrielle is on the faculty of The American Bar Association (ABA) Mediation Institute and is a sub-committee chair at the ABA Dispute Resolution Section. She is also a member of the Association of the Bar of the City of New York, The Hampshire Bar Association and the Massachusetts Council on Family Mediation. Gabrielle is committed to wellness and technological innovation in the divorce space. She serves as advisor to the FAYR co-parenting application. She is former Court Attorney to Judge Jeffrey Sunshine. Gabrielle maintains a private law, mediation and coaching practice in Northampton, Massachusetts and in New York City where she offers live and online consultation and mediation. Work with Gabrielle at gabriellehartley.com. Links:Gabrielle’s websiteBetter Apart Masterclass - Listeners Use Code BETTER30 for $30 offGabrielle on InstagramGabrielle on LinkedInGabrielle on Facebook Resources:NEW! The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Divorce coach Karen McMahon joins me on the show this week. In 2010, after discovering that the pain of dissolving her marriage had been the very stimulus for her personal transformation, she started Journey Beyond Divorce. Her practice allows her to help men and women navigate the emotional difficulties of relationships, breakups, and divorce. You must know, I am down with that story. In fact, our coaching styles, beliefs, and teachings are very much aligned, as you’ll hear in this episode. When you’re going through a divorce there isn’t much that you can control. You can’t control the attorneys, you can’t control the court proceedings, and you certainly can’t control your ex. The one thing you do have control over is you. You can control the decisions you make, the actions you take, how you change your thought patterns, and how you change your behaviors. If you can take that kind of control over your life and your journey, holy shit, that’s powerful. That’s the kind of transformation we are talking about today on the podcast. Life-altering, life-affirming, and deeply transformational changes to help you move beyond divorce with compassion. Afterall, the only way over is through — and it starts with you. Show Highlights Leaning into the feminine and intuitive guides (6:36) As painful as the divorce journey is, it’s more about us getting to a new place than just getting to the end of divorce (8:15) Turning “Why does this keep happening to me?” into “What is it that I continue to do to create and draw this relationship type to me?” (aka falling for the same type of man or woman you just divorced) (9:35) Looking at your part in where you are and where you want to go; it’s not about fault or blame, it’s about personal responsibility (10:11) Karen’s 12-step divorce recovery program to help men and women keep focus on themselves during divorce (12:00) Understanding resistance and suffering during divorce and how to shift away from it (12:13) The many faces of conflict and how to learn to curb the conflict (16:19) What it means to slow a reaction or put space between you and a problem (18:08) Finding the opportunity in the trigger and how to let go of what is not serving you (23:30) The importance of sitting with all the feelings, processing them and releasing them, realizing that grief is not linear and movement through denial (25:42) Success after divorce doesn’t always mean meeting someone new and getting married; instead what if your happiness was not attached to another person? (37:30) Learn More About Karen: Karen’s passion is to help men and women navigate the emotional difficulties of relationships, breakups and divorce. Your work together will open up the possibility that your current relationship challenges can lead to a rewarding voyage of self-discovery and an immensely more pleasing life experience. Karen founded Journey Beyond Divorce in 2010, after discovering that the pain of dissolving her marriage had been the very stimulus for her personal transformation. Karen is the mother of two emerging adults, a graduate of the world’s leading coaching institute, Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC) and a Certified Member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF). Karen’s other accomplishments include work as a NYS Lobbyist, Health Advocate, Community Organizer, and Chairperson of a NYS non-profit organization, Director of Sales and Marketing, and successful small business owner. Links:Karen’s websiteKaren on Facebook Karen on TwitterKaren on LinkedInKaren on Instagram Rapid Relief Call - FREE 1 hour call with one of the coaches on Karen’s team Journey Beyond Divorce Podcast Resources:NEW! The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Dr. Natalie Jones is a licensed professional clinical counselor specializing in helping women overcome abusive relationships with narcissists. I really hate that this is so prevalent in my work, but it is. I also dislike that narcissism and narcissistic abuse take up so much time in my practice. However, they do and I am a true believer that understanding narcissism and how to navigate divorce and later, co-parenting with a narcissist is so very important. And so I have turned to an expert in this for a conversation about all things narcissism. Dr. Jones and I cover many topics related to narcissism including the hallmark characteristics of a narcissist, setting healthy boundaries safely and effectively, and even the ever-puzzling question, “Why do we date or marry the same type of person over and over again?” I’m excited to share our conversation with you. Show Highlights The spectrum of narcissism and hallmark characteristics of a narcissist What it’s like to be in a relationship with a narcissist, being “love bombed,” and not stepping outside of the “bubble” How to set healthy boundaries safely and effectively with a narcissist Things to consider when it comes to safety and leaving How Dr. Jones suggests you approach leaving a partner when kids are involved How to go from being manipulated and controlled, to a person that has solid boundaries Addressing grief of the broken fantasy Why we date or marry the same type of person over and over again and how we can rewrite our relationship story Tools to help build up self-esteem, looking at inner dialogue, inner critic and inner child Learn More About Dr. Jones: Dr. Natalie Jones, PsyD., LPCC is an Licensed professional clinical counselor and a post doctoral intern. She currently has a private practice called Lifetime Counseling and Consulting in CA where she specializes in working with women who have been in emotionally and psychologically abusive relationships with narcissists, as well as with individuals who were previously incarcerated for various crimes. Dr. Jones has a podcast called A Date With Darkness Podcast, which specializes in providing education and tips from healing from narcissistic relationships. Dr. Jones received her masters in clinical counseling psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology in Chicago, IL, and her doctorate in clinical psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology in San Francisco, CA. Dr. Jones has also written blogs for the Mind Journal and PsychCentral. Links:Dr. Jones website: https://www.drnataliejones.com Dr. Jones’ social media links Dr. Jones on Instagram A Date with Darkness Podcast Instagram Dr. Jones on Facebook A Date with Darkness Facebook Page A Date with Darkness Facebook Group Dr. Jones on Twitter A Date with Darkness on Twitter Resources: The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week’s episode is a companion episode to my last episode with Rebecca Zung (which you can find here). This week Rebecca’s partner, Susan Guthrie, is my guest. Susan is the Chair of the American Bar Association's Mediation Committee and founded, along with Rebecca Zung, Breaking Free Mediation which provides mediation services across the country through an online platform. If you’ve listened to their podcast, Breaking Free: A Modern Divorce Podcast, then you know that Susan and Rebecca are a super badass team of divorce legal professionals. I’m honored to be collaborating with them on our podcasts—and beyond. In this episode, Susan and I dig into mediation and divorce. While we’ve said it before, it’s worth mentioning again: divorce is a time when you are making emotional, financial, family, parenting and other important decisions for your future. You should not be making them in a turmoil of negative emotion, which litigation often brings. With their online mediation platform, Susan and Rebecca bring mindfulness components to the mediation process so that you can think responsibly when making these tough life-impacting decisions. We also discuss the difference between litigation and mediation, what to do if your partner isn’t on board with mediation, and more. While mediation isn’t the only way to do divorce, it can definitely be a better way. Show Highlights Susan’s experience being a litigator, litigation as the institutional conflict cycle and and why she made the switch to mediation practice (4:11) How mediation differs from litigation and understanding that both parties need to agree to the mediation process (10:49) Why most people avoid mediation and the benefits of virtual mediation (13:00) The importance of going through a cooling off period before deciding between mediation or litigation, plus combining a mindfulness practice with the practice of mediation (19:00) What to do if you really want to mediate, but your partner won’t agree to it, and how understanding the benefits of mediation may help motivate them (28:30) Walking through the “I want a divorce,” conversation and allowing the other party time to process everything before moving forward (36:00) The mindfulness component of Susan and Rebecca’s Breaking Free Mediation platform (40:29) Susan’s legal coaching practice, what it is and how she helps clients (43:24) Learn More Susan: Susan Guthrie, honored as one of the top family law and mediation attorneys in the country, has been helping families to navigate the process of divorce for 30 years. She is the current Chair of the American Bar Association's Mediation Committee and founded, along with her business partner and fellow top attorney, Rebecca Zung, Breaking Free Mediation which provides mediation services across the country through an online platform. They are the first mediation service to offer a mindfulness track for their clients to help them to manage the difficult emotions of divorce. Susan and Rebecca are also the co-hosts of the iTunes Top 10 podcast, Breaking Free: A Modern Divorce Podcast which recently surpassed 1.3 million listens in less than a year and is one of the top divorce podcasts in the world. Links: Divorce in a Better Way Breaking Free: A Modern Divorce Podcast Rebecca and Susan’s Mediation Platform Susan on Instagram Susan on Facebook Susan on Twitter Susan on YouTube
Divorce is a transactional process. You are making decisions about property, money, and time. It’s not a referendum on the emotional state—who did what, who’s right or who’s wrong. “If that's what you're litigating, you’re setting yourself for financial and legal disaster,” this week’s guest, Kimberly Nelson, says. Kimberly has been working with high net worth divorcees in the LA area for more than 15 years. She understands the challenges women face when navigating an overwhelming bevy of attorneys, accountants, insurers and other advisors during the dissolution process. Let’s talk finances and divorce. Some of us are better at making money than we are at saving money. And some of us are certainly better at spending money than anything else (um, hi). But what happens to your finances when you get divorced? It’s a super important conversation to have and I am happy to have Kimberly Nelson, an expert in this area, join me to talk about all things money related. Kimberly has sat next to countless divorcing spouses facing significant financial challenges during an overwhelmingly emotional time. Emotional turmoil tends to cloud decision-making. Our hope is that this episode will provide a roadmap for detangling conjoined financial affairs and allow you to move forward with divorce with peace and empowerment rather than fear. Show Highlights What the financial goal for divorce should be (8:29) Keeping track of your expenses, what and how (including daily living expenses, health insurance and more) (10:40) Stash cash: what is it and how to make sure you have access to cash that’s available to you, when needed (13:16) The importance of letting the dust settle before making these financial decisions (21:08) Focus on divisions as transactions that you're trying to negotiate instead of marital rights and wrongs that you're trying to litigate (22:04) Why it’s really hard to be a grownup about money (25:46) Inventorying and splitting up assets and debt, why it’s important (28:11) What you need to know about personal credit, especially if it’s wrapped up with your spouse and marriage (38:55) House negotiations, If you need to let go of the house, realize wherever you go, you are home to your children (42:09) Learn More Kimberly Nelson: Kimberly has been working with high net worth divorcees in the LA area for more than 15 years. She understands the challenges women face when navigating an overwhelming bevy of attorneys, accountants, insurers and other advisors during the dissolution process. Kimberly’s team at Coastal Bridge Advisors prides itself on its ability to organize all the advisory elements in a coordinated manner and ensure that the advice their clients receive is clear, constant and in the best interest of the family or individual. Links:Coastal Bridge Advisors Kimberly on LinkedIn Join me now: Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group for Women Should I Stay or Should I Go - Get the Program
The prospect of divorce is daunting. And with it comes some very harsh realities: deciding whether you should stay or go, fears surrounding your child’s well-being, and even what life will look like after divorce. Wouldn’t it be great if science could help us with life’s hardest decisions? Well, this week’s episode is allll about the science behind love and divorce. Duana Welch, author of Love Factually, joins me to talk about those harsh realities of divorce, and helps us take a look at love, relationships, and divorce from a scientific perspective. She holds a PhD in psychology, contributes to Psychology Today, eHarmony, and others. All of her books rely on science rather than opinion to help men and women find and keep the right partner; or decide when it’s time to call it quits. In this episode we talk about the social science to help solve real-life relationship issues, some of the circumstances that occur when a divorce needs to happen and even why there are better and worse times for re-marriage. Plus, we even talk about why family blending is so hard, the act of forgiveness and boundary setting. Duana reminds us that, yes, life after divorce will be awful for a while. But it will get much better, especially once you can understand, embrace and practice the science behind it all. Show Highlights What gives people pause when considering divorce, from a scientific perspective (5:58) How women can avoid being a ‘sex object’ following divorce (10:27) The fail rate for second and subsequent marriages is worse than first marriages and some of the reasons why (15:17) Why children may be the reason subsequent marriages don’t work and some ways to help children work through being a member of a blended family or deciding when it’s the right time to marry again (16:53) Sometimes you just have to leave your marriage, understanding some circumstances where divorce needs to happen (20:40) Duana shares the shocking stat of how long couples actually wait before they go to marriage counseling & the kind of counseling that is effective (33:56) Evaluating the severity of the damage in your marriage (35:38) Forgiveness and divorce, the barriers to forgiveness and the science behind it (41:21) How to effectively set and maintain your boundaries (43:53) Learn More Duana Welch: Dr. Duana Welch is the original Love Factually author and coach known for using social science to solve real-life relationship issues. Following her PhD in psychology, she taught at universities in Florida, California, and Texas across 20 years. She is the author of the original Love Factually book series worldwide, and contributes to Psychology Today, eHarmony, and others. All her books rely on science rather than opinion to help men and women find and keep the right partner; and they all have a blue cover, for easy identification. Her Love Factually client practice is global, via Skype and other technologies. Thanks to science and Vic Hariton, she is happily married. For more information and free content, visit www.LoveFactually.co. Links: Duana’s website Duana on social media: Facebook Twitter Instagram For a free chapter of Love Factually for Single Parents [& Those Dating Them] and other free stuff, visit www.LoveFactually.co. Resources:Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group for Women
Hey everyone, I am away this week, taking a short summer break. While I am away, I am re-airing one of my most downloaded and popular episodes. And don’t worry, I will be back with a brand new episode in a couple of weeks. ======== This episode features guest Quentin Hafner. Quentin is a Marriage and Family Therapist who works with couples and men in his private practice in Orange County, CA. In this episode Quentin and I dissect the biggest question of all: Should I Stay or Should I Go In the course of this conversation we cover: Quentin's 6 non-negotiables in a relationship and what they should really mean for you. Quentin's view of the 3 most common reasons people leave marriages—and if they're actually good enough reasons to leave. My view of the 3 most common reasons people leave marriages and—if they're actually good enough reason to leave. Why the fact that 68% of second marriages fail and 73% of third marriages fail really matters to the choice ahead of you right now. Why 69% of marriages are ended by women, and what men can do to not be a casualty of that. And MUCH more!! ******************* Quentin Hafner is not your ordinary therapist. He works tirelessly to help husbands and wives in relationships to feel massively more content, greater levels of peace, and overall more satisfied to be together than ever before. If you’re struggling with: – A marriage on shaky ground and you can’t seem to stop fighting. – Issues of infidelity or feeling suspicious of trusting your partner. – Feeling stagnant or that your marriage is stuck in a rut. – Not sure if you should stay together, or end your relationship. As a licensed therapist, Quentin combines his experience, education, and proven results with real-world practical guidance, easy-to-implement tools, and measurable solutions to help people reach their goals and dreams. Website Facebook Instagram
This week’s episode is centered around relationships - surprise! Okay, while it’s not really a surprise that we are talking about relationships on a podcast about divorce, we do talk about a phrase that is a hot button topic and one I haven’t explored in the show much yet: toxic masculinity. I searched far and wide for the perfect person to have a conversation about this topic and I found him. I am pleased to introduce you to Matthew Solomon, a relationship and empowerment coach, specializing in intimacy and communication and the author of "Man School: Relating with Women in the #MeToo Era." By the way, everyone needs to get this book. It’s amazing. In this episode Matthew and I share our views on the definition of toxic masculinity. And then we dive deep into the waters of relationships, intimacy, connection, and communication and how to make it all work, by doing the work. And I know, it’s painful to live without connection. If this episode does one thing, I hope it helps you realize that connection in a relationship is possible. Show Highlights Matthew’s definition of toxic masculinity and my perspective on the term (plus why I think it needs a “rebrand”) (7:22) The importance of adjusting the way you communicate so others can receive it (11:14) Women are not men, we have different experiences and when we acknowledge those differences we can better communicate (19:20) Sex and relationships: we’re not taught about sex and intimacy; it’s an important part of relationships, yet we don’t know how to be intimate or settle in with each other (25:32) Why consent is HOT (33:37) Chivalry is honoring womanhood (38:14) The four steps of listening and listening beyond the words (49:25) The future of marriage, relationships, and communication as described by Matthew (53:12) Learn More About Matthew: Matthew Solomon is "The Coach for the Modern Soul," a relationship and empowerment coach, specializing in intimacy and communication. He is the author of "Man School: Relating with Women in the #MeToo Era," which was an Amazon #1 new release in 6 categories, writes the weekly column, "Too Sensitive," for The Good Men Project, is an award-winning filmmaker and father of 3. In addition to his private coaching practice, Matthew is regularly invited to speak on panels on the topics of diversity and inclusion. Links: Matthew’s website: http://www.CoachwithMatthewSolomon.com Matthew on social media: facebook.com/coachwithmatthewsolomon intsagram.com/mattytheglue twitter.com/mattytheglue Man School: Relating with Women in the #MeToo Era Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group for Women: https://www.facebook.com/groups/shouldistayorshouldigo/ Should I Stay or Should I Go - Get the Program: https://www.kateanthony.com/stay-or-go-group
This week I am excited to bring you a conversation with Emma Johnson. Emma is a business journalist, gender equality activist and a bestselling author of, The Kick-Ass Single Mom. She's also the founder of WealthySingleMommy.com, the world's largest platform for single moms and Moms for Shared Parenting, an activist organization aimed at making shared parenting the norm. And today, shared parenting is the topic up for discussion. We tackle how equally shared parenting is the ticket to gender equality, the gender pay gap, and empowering men to parent in a 50/50 shared parenting arrangement. Plus, we talk about letting go of your identity of being “just” a mom and embracing every aspect of being a woman. If you take anything away from this episode, I hope it’s this: anyone can be an activist for gender equality and shared parenting, it all starts by having one honest and open conversation about gender and parenting. Show Highlights Shared parenting is the ticket to gender equality (6:17) Why dependency is not a good look (11:21) The gender pay gap and why it is not going to be solved unless women are in places of power (12:18) Children need to have 50% equal time with their parents...period. (17:57) How shared parenting allows for a mental recharge (22:30) Empowering men to parent on their own (without the help of a partner or spouse) (25:08) Being scared to give 50% parenting over to a partner who is narcissistic and abusive (26:48) Authentically grieving your divorce and the importance of working through it (30:04) Everyone can be an activist for gender equality, challenge people around you or take steps to equalize parenting (30:53) Emma brings up the question, “Do we really need child support if childcare is split 50/50?” (33:30) Learn More About Emma: Emma Johnson is a business journalist, gender equality activist, #1 best-selling author of The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin), and founder of Wealthysinglemommy.com, the world's largest platform for single moms. A former Associated Press reporter, Emma has been featured on New York Times, Wall Street Journal, CNN, Headline News, CNBC, NPR, TIME, O, The Oprah Magazine, The Doctors, and many more. She was named Parents magazine's “Best of the Web,” “Top 15 Personal Finance Podcasts” by U.S. News, and “9 Overachieving New Yorkers You Must Date” by New York Observer. Emma frequently speaks on women's issues, including at the United Nations Summit for Gender Equality. She is the founder of Moms for Shared Parenting, an activist organization aimed at making equally shared parenting the norm. Emma grew up in Sycamore, Ill., and live in Astoria, N.Y., with her kids, Helena and Lucas Links:Emma’s websites:http://momsforsharedparenting.org https://www.wealthysinglemommy.com Emma on Social Media: https://twitter.com/5050moms https://www.facebook.com/momsforsharedparenting/ https://instagram.com/wealthysinglemommy/?hl=en Jump on my Email List for Invaluable Divorce Survival Guide Resources: https://kateanthonycpcc.activehosted.com/f/17
This week I welcome Debra Rogers to the podcast. Debra is a writer, blogger, break-up coach and speaker. She is the author of, He Did You A Favor. And she is also one of my real-life friends! Fun-fact about today’s episode, this is the first face-to-face interview I’ve done. And it was so.much.fun! In this episode, Debra and I talk about divorce (obviously), more specifically how she handled the break-up of what she refers to as a “ fairy-tale marriage.” Plus, she shares openly about her 5-year journey to self-discovery following her divorce. Finally, she teaches how to overcome rough break-ups and grow into the person you were meant to be. Show Highlights The knowledge that your spouse can be doing the best they can and it still not be good enough for you. You can move on from it (7:22) How Debra dealt with the break-up of her fairy-tale marriage and being in denial (11:32) Debra talks about her book, He Did You A Favor, and what the title really means (14:15) The anagram GIFT and how it can help, plus knowing that there is a choice—you can either stay in victimhood or choose to redirect and look for the favor or the gift (17:45) Debra’s interesting and eye-opening journey of hiring (and firing) a divorce attorney (21:14) How to become a good friend with your ex: yes, it is possible, but you have to be ready (31:23) Getting triggered, ongoing therapy, and the act of healing (42:27) Holding your intention for having a healthy co-parenting relationship (47:05) Learn More About Debra: With years of dating and break up experience, including one crushing break up at eight months pregnant (which evolved into a supportive divorce and loving friendship), Debra has earned her relationship MBA. As “The Ex Expert™” she’s passionate about helping others get over their ex, take back their life, and become the person they’re meant to be. Debra offers her relationship expertise as a regular blogger on the Huffington Post and Digital Romance. She’s also contributed to Gal Time, Relationship Headquarters, and has been recently featured in The Washington Post, Fit Pregnancy and Never Liked It Anyway. She’s appeared at the LA Festival of Books, the Women’s Journey Conference, and The Ultimate Women’s Expo. She’s also guested on 25+ radio shows and has helped hundreds of men and women get over their breakup and get past self-doubt. Debra’s heartfelt, humorous, tough-love advice has guided others into stepping into their power, passion, and purpose. Her book, He Did You a Favor has won high praise as well as numerous awards including: The Independent Publisher Award, the Next Generation Indie Award, and the Indie Reader Discovery Award (named as “One of the best books of 2014”). He Did You a Favor has been featured in Shape Magazine as one of their “Top 10 Winter Reads” and in She Knows as “One of the top 7 books to read on Valentine’s night.” Before He Did You a Favor, Debra worked the studio circuit for years as a script analyst and Development Associate for both film and television. Her passion for story was further expanded as a writing consultant for numerous motion picture and television writers through her company Your Best Writing Now. She’s been a beloved board member for ScriptWrights, a prestigious LA writer’s group and is currently on the Creative Advisory Board at West LA College. She’s also built a successful voiceover career in 25+ film and television shows including: Disney’s Lilo & Stitch and Leroy & Stitch. She’s voiced strong, powerful women in Giant Robo, Streetfighter and Xena: Warrior Princess. Through her life experience, she discovered her own inner warrior and found that the strong heroines she’d been voicing were also within her. Debra’s now a warrior for others. She’s become a catalyst for change in people’s lives, both as a writer and as a coach. Debra currently lives in the Los Angeles area with her amazing daughter and has finally found true love. She is currently writing the follow-up books in her Did You a Favor series. Links:Debra’s website: https://hedidyouafavor.comDebra on Social Media:https://twitter.com/HeDidYouAFavor https://www.instagram.com/hedidyouafavor/ https://www.facebook.com/HeDidYouAFavor https://www.pinterest.com/hedidyouafavor/
Today I have a great interview with Dr. Natalie Jones, who is a licensed professional clinical counselor specializing in helping women overcome abusive relationships with narcissists. I really hate that this is so prevalent in my work, but it is. I also dislike that narcissism and narcissistic abuse take up so much time in my practice. However, they do and I am a true believer that understanding narcissism and how to navigate divorce and later, co-parenting with a narcissist is so very important. And so I have turned to an expert in this for a conversation about all things narcissism. Dr. Jones and I cover many topics related to narcissism including the hallmark characteristics of a narcissist, setting healthy boundaries safely and effectively, and even the ever-puzzling question, “Why do we date or marry the same type of person over and over again?” I’m excited to share our conversation with you. Show Highlights The spectrum of narcissism and hallmark characteristics of a narcissist (3:29) What it’s like to be in a relationship with a narcissist, being “love bombed,” and not stepping outside of the “bubble” (5:04) How to set healthy boundaries safely and effectively with a narcissist (18:40) Things to consider when it comes to safety and leaving (21:03) How Dr. Jones suggests you approach leaving a partner when kids are involved (25:09) How to go from being manipulated and controlled, to a person that has solid boundaries (27:25) Addressing grief of the broken fantasy (31:34) Why we date or marry the same type of person over and over again and how we can rewrite our relationship story (35:13) Tools to help build up self-esteem, looking at inner dialogue, inner critic and inner child (42:01) Learn More About Natalie: Dr. Natalie Jones, PsyD., LPCC is an Licensed professional clinical counselor and a post doctoral intern. She currently has a private practice called Lifetime Counseling and Consulting in CA where she specializes in working with women who have been in emotionally and psychologically abusive relationships with narcissists, as well as with individuals who were previously incarcerated for various crimes. Dr. Jones has a podcast called A Date With Darkness Podcast, which specializes in providing education and tips from healing from narcissistic relationships. Dr. Jones received her masters in clinical counseling psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology in Chicago, IL, and her doctorate in clinical psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology in San Francisco, CA. Dr. Jones has also written blogs for the Mind Journal and PsychCentral. Links: Dr. Jones website: https://www.drnataliejones.com Dr. Jones’ social media linksDr. Jones on Instagram A Date with Darkness Podcast Instagram Dr. Jones on FacebookA Date with Darkness Facebook PageA Date with Darkness Facebook GroupDr. Jones on TwitterA Date with Darkness on Twitter Resources:NEW! The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Today I am happy to bring you my conversation with Laura Wasser, a family law attorney, author of It Doesn’t Have to Be That Way, entrepreneur, and family law expert. She is also the founder of the online divorce platform, it's over easy. Through her platform she provides an online divorce solution that guides men and women through every aspect of divorce, saving them tons of time and money. During our conversation, we discussed the varying aspects of divorce; from the outrageous price tag it can have (and why that may be) to the legal aspects of it all. Plus, we talk about the importance of communication and collaboration throughout the divorce process. Show Highlights The divorce price tag can be outrageous; the more conflict there is, the more you pay (7:49) The number one difference between those that can divorce amicably and those who can't, and why time and acceptance matter (11:36) Why emotional decision making is often a terrible idea (14:12) California cooling off period—what it is and what it means (15:02) Figuring out a better way of communicating pre-and post-divorce (19:45) Laura talks about her first book, It Doesn’t Have to Be That Way, and why she was moved to write it (22:43) Divorce culture, then and now, and cultural distinctions in divorce (26:23) Premarital counseling and why it can be so healthy and important to a marriage(33:44) Stay-at-home moms and their fear of not being able to support themselves after divorce (36:17) Being financially aware of what is going on in your marriage and how marriage is a partnership, so you need to treat it like one (39:38) Learn More About Laura: Attorney Laura Allison Wasser is an author, entrepreneur, and Family Law expert. She is the founder of the online divorce platform, it’s over easy. Laura is frequently called upon as the preeminent voice on TV, in print and across the media landscape in newsworthy matters regarding Divorce and Family Law. In 2018 Laura participated as a featured speaker at both the Women In The World Summit and Girlboss Rally. Profiles and interviews on Laura can be found in Vogue, Bloomberg News, Porter Magazine, Interview, The Wall Street Journal, Vanity Fair, The Hollywood Reporter, People Magazine, The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, Town and Country, Parenting magazine and more. Links:Laura’s websiteLaura’s Podcast: Divorce SucksLaura on social media:https://www.instagram.com/laurawasserofficial/ https://www.instagram.com/itsovereasy/ https://twitter.com/itsovereasy https://www.facebook.com/itsovereasy/ Resources:Should I Stay or Should I Go Self-StudyLaura’s Online Divorce Made EasyOur Family WizardCoparenterPolicy GeniusWorthy
The topic of boundaries often comes up in my Facebook groups and with my clients. If you're in an unhappy marriage, getting divorced, or already divorced, boundaries are constantly shifting and changing. As you maneuver through divorce or get acclimated to life after divorce, you might be having to hold your boundaries more firmly than ever before. Or maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “I really need to get me some boundaries.” Whatever the case may be, I’ve got you covered with today’s podcast episode! The ever-lovely and kind Randi Buckley is joining me to talk alll about boundaries. Randi is an internationally-recognized coach, author, and mentor, whose work helps women find their truth and be at peace with it. She is also the creator of Healthy Boundaries for Kind People. When I first started out trying to set my own boundaries, it was god awfully messy. Randi’s perspective offers a new, healthy and unique take on boundary-setting. What she teaches and how she teaches it has allowed me to make sense of a topic that previously escaped me. Today, she explains how to set healthy boundaries that are kind both to ourselves and to others. Show Highlights Randi’s unique view and definition of healthy boundaries: “Boundaries are the infrastructure for who you want to be and the life you want to live.” (3:51) How values and boundaries go hand-in-hand (5:50) Turning a value into an action and how doing so can help instruct what your boundary needs to be (8:01) When we honor our boundaries it becomes really clear who in our lives are not respecting them (9:25) How to set boundaries that are safe and healthy for yourself and also allow for communication and collaboration in service of your children (13:28) How to set a boundary with someone who sees the boundary as an obstacle to overcome, plus Randi’s garden analogy (22:01) Boundaries are an extension of kindness plus why “nice” and “kind” are fundamentally different (28:05) Handling resistance or push-back to your boundaries and the importance of allowing the other party to communicate their concerns while still standing by your boundary (30:47) Why kindness is a two-way street (38:02) Learn More About Randi: Randi Buckley is an internationally-recognized coach, author, and mentor, whose work helps women find their truth and be at peace with it. She is the creator of Healthy Boundaries for Kind People, Maybe Baby, and The Viking Woman Workshop. She is mama to Ravn and in her free time, untangles whales from fishing gear, in the Monterey Bay. Links:Randi’s websiteRandi on Instagram Free Healthy Boundaries for Kind People group Should You Stay In Your Marriage for Your Kids Webinar
This week my colleague, Lindsey Ellison is joining me to talk all about how to co-parent with a narcissist. She is the author of the book, MAGIC Words: How To Get What You Want From a Narcissist. If you have an ex who’s a narcissist, you've probably read every book out there about communicating with one. And the advice always given is, go no contact. But for those of us who have to actually co-parent with a narcissist, that’s not an option. So what do you do if you have to continue to have a relationship with someone with whom you’ve struggled to have a relationship for, like, ever?In this episode, Lindsey and I discuss her step-by-step formula for creating a communication plan and script of empowering magic words that can help neutralize the power struggle that you have when you are co-parenting with a narcissist. She details exactly what to do, how to do it, and why it works. After you listen to this episode (and maybe even grab her book) you’ll be armed with information you can use to engage with your narcissistic ex with confidence and authenticity. Show Highlights Lindsey’s divorce story, how we’re divorce twins and when she realized she was married to a narcissist (4:00) What drove Lindsey to write a book about narcissism (7:27) No contact messaging and why it’s confusing (10:12) Act as though every engagement with your narcissistic ex as if it were a business transaction (11:09) Realizing you are the CEO of your life, the captain of your ship and in charge (12:53) Lindsey’s book and the MAGIC formula for getting what you want from a narcissist (17:45) You can have guarded compassion and boundaries with empathy (24:04) Assessing their fears and mapping their persona; and why doing so is in service to your children (27:06) The importance of identifying goals in every engagement you have (28:17) Narcissists and mom issues and how nurturing phrases can help with communication (31:03) Providing your children with the tools to empower them and help them communicate with a narcissistic parent, without labeling the parent as one (to your children) (46:33) Breaking the cycle of narcissism (45:53) Learn More About Lindsey: Lindsey Ellison is a relationship coach and founder of Start Over Coaching, Inc. She helps people navigate their divorce or break-up and also helps people break free from narcissistic abuse. Her newest book, MAGIC Words: How to Get What You Want from a Narcissist, offers a step-by-step formula on how to create a communication plan, and provides a script of empowering “magic” words that can neutralize the power struggle. Links: Lindsey on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/ThriveWithLindsey/?ref=bookmarks Lindsey on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/startovercoach Lindsey on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDQRnkwWkOxZcTNbSEx_q8w Her book, MAGIC Words: How To Get What You Want From a Narcissist: https://amzn.to/2WfARDF Start Over and Find Happiness Podcast: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/start-over-find-happiness/id1074313116?mt=2 Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/shouldistayorshouldigo/
This week I’m thrilled to introduce you to Tracey Coates. Tracey has been practicing family law for over 15 years. She is also the host of the podcast, The Divorce Chronicles, a practical resource for those thinking about or in the midst of a divorce. That last part, it sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Yes, Tracey and I have a lot of similar ideas about the divorce process, which is just one of the many reasons I wanted to have her on the show. In this episode you’ll hear us cover a wide range of topics including the emotional, financial, and legal aspects of divorce. We also talk about the importance of setting the tone for divorce proceedings and keeping your children’s wellbeing in check, always. We also drop a few reality checks, like how divorce is never a cookie cutter process. Finally, we wrap things up by talking about how to start a discussion with your spouse about wanting a divorce. All of that and more, in this week’s episode. Show Highlights Setting the tone for divorce proceedings, especially if you are the one handling most of the process and paperwork (10:36) Divorce is a dissolution of a legal contract (your marriage) and managing people throughout the process (11:32) Divorce is not a cookie cutter process - legally or emotionally (13:00) Legal proceedings, what to do and not to do, plus looking forward to your day in court (is it really all you think it will be cracked up to be?) (14:36) Collaborative divorce is NOT the cheaper way to get divorced (24:13) DIY Divorces, what you need to know and why they may not be the best approach (25:36) Budgeting for the end of marriage, including housing, utilities and more (31:07) Navigating your emotions during divorce and beyond (34:02) How to approach the discussion with your spouse about wanting a divorce (36:20) Learn More About Tracey: Tracey Coates is a partner at the law firm of Paley Rothman in Bethesda, Maryland. She also serves as the Co-Chair of the Family Law department and a member of its Litigation practice group. In addition to being a trained mediator, Tracey volunteers and is a member of the Board of Directors for the D.C. Volunteer Lawyers Project (DCVLP), an organization whose mission is to provide high-quality, free legal services to low-income D.C. residents in family law cases. She provides pro bono legal representation, doing custody, divorce and guardian ad litem work for survivors of domestic violence and children in high-conflict custody cases. Tracey is also the host of the podcast, The Divorce Chronicles, a practical resource for those thinking about or in the midst of a divorce. Links:Tracey’s website: www.thedivorcechronicles.com Tracey on Instagram: instagram.com/thedivorcechronicles Tracey on Facebook: The Divorce Chronicles For those in the MD/DC area looking for legal advice/representation -- email@example.com or (301) 968-3418 (Tracey’s assistant) The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast - Divorce Financial MistakesMy new program just for men is going into beta on April 1st - Sign up for details!
Today I have a very special guest on the podcast. Well, I feel like all of my guests are very special. I rarely have anyone on my podcast that I don’t know well, either personally or professionally. It’s important to me to bring to you people I know, trust and believe in their message - today is no exception. It is my pleasure to introduce you to Annie Grace, creator and founder of This Naked Mind. I came to know Annie about five months ago when I found myself questioning my relationship with alcohol. You see, I never drank in my marriage. My ex-husband didn’t drink, so it was never really part of our life together. After my divorce, drinking was one of the first things I turned to and over the years my drinking increased, pretty steadily. About five years ago I first began questioning my relationship with alcohol and checked out a bunch of different AA meetings. I realized pretty quickly that AA wasn’t for me. I just didn’t relate to the stories I heard in AA, and my sober friends and I deemed me, “Not an alcoholic.” At that point I figured I didn’t really have a problem, so I continued on my way. Fast forward to five months ago (about five years after my experience with AA and yes, I was still drinking in excess), I started reading Annie’s book, This Naked Mind. As soon as I started reading her book, I quit drinking. Why? Her book helped me to understand why I felt the way I did, why I was depressed and why I kept turning to alcohol to get through, well, anything. It was a very eye-opening experience. Of course, I started following Annie’s work religiously and even joined some of her programs. Her work has changed my life in a huge way. And now, she’s here on the podcast! In this episode we talk about the prevalence of drinking in divorce and in mom-culture at large. Plus, we talk about the science behind alcohol use and and its effects on your brain, how your children may be viewing you when you are drunk (and the effect it has on them), as well as navigating your feelings once you’ve quit drinking. When you start to learn about becoming alcohol free (or, AF), you realize it’s less about deprivation and instead about wanting more for your life. Show Highlights Annie describes what This Naked Mind and The Alcohol Experiment are all about - “We’ve completely coupled and married alcohol with all the pleasant experiences in our lives. It’s really hard to tell if it’s the alcohol that is fun or if we would be having fun anyway.” (7:49) When the label “alcoholic” feels unrelatable to someone who drinks, it can lead them to feel like they are “off the hook” with their drinking (13:24) The stigma around saying, “I think I drink too much,” and how people assume, when you say that phrase, that you’re an alcoholic (16:18) The truth about alcohol as a substance: it’s addictive no matter who you are, and it’s an anesthetic (17:20) Alcohol is more addictive when the body and the brain are stressed (18:55) Some real-life examples of how major life transitions can lead to a relationship with alcohol that is not comfortable - becoming a “gray-area drinker” (20:15) Alcohol and depression - the science behind alcohol use and your brain (25:25) How to navigate the wave of emotions that come after you’ve quit drinking (35:02) The importance of becoming unafraid of silence - “If we can be in silence with ourselves, even if it hurts, so often we discover some really beautiful truths. Alcohol numbs that entire experience and the ability to really get to know and love yourself.” (40:05) An important distinction between sadness and depression - they are not the same thing (42:51) Mommy juice messaging: the messages aimed at women about alcohol and wine (45:43) The lowdown on all the studies that say alcohol is good for us (53:28) REGISTRATION FOR MY SIGNATURE GROUP COACHING PROGRAM IS OPEN! Should I Stay or Should I Go? THE 12-WEEK GROUP COACHING PROGRAM THAT WILL HELP YOU MAKE THE BEST DECISION ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE…ONCE AND FOR ALL! MORE INFO HERE Learn More About Annie Grace: Annie Grace grew up in a one-room log cabin without running water or electricity outside of Aspen, Colorado. She discovered a passion for marketing and after graduating with a Masters of Science (Marketing) she dove into corporate life. At the age of 26, Annie was the youngest vice president in a multinational company, and her drinking career began in earnest. At 35, in a global C-level marketing role, she was responsible for marketing in 28 countries and drinking almost two bottles of wine a night. Knowing she needed a change but unwilling to submit to a life of deprivation and stigma, Annie set out to find a painless way to regain control. Annie no longer drinks and has never been happier. She left her executive role to write her first book, This Naked Mind and share This Naked Mind with the world. In her free time, Annie loves to ski, travel (26 countries and counting), and enjoy her beautiful family. Annie lives with her husband, two sons, and daughter in the Colorado mountains. Links: Annie’s website: http://thisnakedmind.com Annie’s book: This Naked Mind The Alcohol Experiment Annie on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thisnakedmind/ Annie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thisnakedmind/?hl=en
This week’s guest is Silvy Khoucasian. She is a Relationship Coach who specializes in attachment styles as well as creating healthy boundaries. I invited her onto my podcast with the hope of having a rich conversation about attachment styles. Oh and we absolutely did have a rich and amazing conversation! If you are thinking, “Alright, Kate, what’s up with attachment styles and why are they important?” Well, our attachment styles are deeply rooted and can have a dramatic impact on the way we relate to someone as an adult. Yes, it always goes back to relationships, doesn’t it? Speaking of relationships… do you find yourself feeling triggered by your partner? Do you then project past hurts onto them (or maybe it’s the other way around)? If so, learning your attachment style and that of your partner can help you understand why you both react in certain ways (and what you can do about it). Silvy also takes us through the three different attachment styles and explains why they matter. Plus, we talk about why owning our needs is so important, including creating healthy boundaries, and what role family culture plays in attachment styles. Attachment styles can make or break a relationship without awareness of them. So let’s become aware. Show Highlights The main framework for attachment styles and the three primary styles (06:25) How attachment styles manifest later in life, what they have to do with our current relationships and why attachment styles even matter (8:18) Why we tend to choose partners that trigger us and what we can do about it (13:34) Making sense of our story, allowing ourselves to grieve pain, neglect, and abandonment we experienced as a child (14:12) How to you figure out your attachment style (16:19) The importance of getting curious about your partner’s attachment style and validating him/her for their attachment style (21:34) Why owning what we need is so important (23:53) Understanding attachment styles help us create healthy relationships, plus having empathy for their opposite style (30:40) Modeling vulnerability opens up more influence with your partner (33:36) The importance of having your partner show up in the work with you (38:10) Starting the conversation about boundaries (38:39) How family culture influences our attachment styles (49:52) What avoidant or anxious attachers struggle with the most (57:07) Learn More About Silvy: Silvy has a long-running love affair with helping struggling couples create genuine connection. She has a Master’s Degree in Psychology (Marriage & Family Therapy) and a bachelors in Sociology. Growing up in the USA as a young immigrant from the Middle East, Silvy has always been fascinated by the critical role family cultures play in intimate relationships. She specializes in her work with attachment styles as well as creating healthy boundaries. Silvy also has a background in theatrical arts, which allows her to use art & drama therapy in helping clients reclaim lost or suppressed parts of themselves. Links: Silvy’s website: http://www.silvykhoucasian.com/ Follow Silvy on Instagram for some free, daily relationship advice: https://www.instagram.com/silvykhoucasian/ Grab her Practical Communication Program, here: bit.ly/PracticalCommunication Attachment Style Test recommended by Silvy:http://secureinlove.com/my-love-style-quiz/
This week I am so excited to introduce you to Cynthia Loy Darst. Cynthia is a Co-Active Coach, relationship worker and keynote speaker. She is also the author of the book, Meet Your Inside Team: How to Turn Internal Conflict into Clarity and Move Forward with Your Life. Cynthia holds a very special place in my heart. She was my first coach and mentor when I began my own coaching journey. The entire foundation for what I do today, I owe to her. Having her on my podcast is such a special treat. So do you ever have that inner voice that says, “Who the hell do you think you are?,” when you are about to make a massive change (like say... divorce)? It’s a nasty voice, one you don’t want to hear. Well in this episode Cynthia teaches us how to turn towards that inner voice ( which she calls the inner bully) and ask it, with compassion, “What do you need? What’s going on here?” She teaches us how to slow down our inner dialogue and start to find our way forward with kindness, clarity, and grace. In addition we talk about navigating myth change (moving from one phase of life to the next), transitioning relationships and grieving the disappointed dream. This week’s episode is definitely one that asks you to look inward and do the work to uncover the many aspects of yourself. Show Highlights The concept of her new book, Meet Your Inside Team and the importance of slowing down your inner dialogue (10:21) Tuning into the players that make up your inside team (aka inner dialogue) (13:34) Knowing when to slow down and listen to your inside team (15:26) Grounding yourself in your adult self and listening without getting freaked out (22:27) Cynthia shares some examples of exercises you can find in the book Meet Your Inside Team that will help uncover your different inside team players (27:30) Being curious and the importance of curiosity for each player (28:54) How to stay in an objective frame in mind when you are scared or triggered (29:58) Honoring the process of divorce (42:20) Transitioning relationships and myth change; when we change a narrative there is something we gain and something we lose (44:11) The disappointed dream: mourning the loss of the dream and myth change (49:35) Any large transition like divorce requires a lot of patience (55:22) Learn More About Cynthia: Cynthia Loy Darst is a Co-Active Coach, a relationship worker, keynote speaker, author, provocateur (emcee), course leader, coach trainer, talent scout, leader developer & trainer, team and large group facilitator, business consultant, media guest, and workshop creator. She has been a Front of the Room Leader for CTI (The Coaches Training Institute) and CRR Global, since each of them began, and has played an active role in leader development for both schools. Whether she is working with individuals, partnerships, leaders or teams, she is always focused on awareness, growth, and development. Cynthia works with people from all walks of life: CEOs to chiropractors, singers to Silicon Valley pros, teams that produce documentaries to sales teams in the insurance industry. She loves to explore their unique strengths and challenges and work with them to become ever more effective in their work and their world. Links: Cynthia’s website: TeamDarst.comCynthia on social media: Facebook, LinkedIn, and TwitterTeam Darst on social media: FacebookCynthia’s TEDx Talk: Safe Inside Yourself Meet Your Inside Team: How to Turn Internal Conflict into Clarity and Move Forward with Your Life ---------- REGISTRATION FOR MY SIGNATURE GROUP COACHING PROGRAM IS OPEN! Should I Stay or Should I Go? THE 12-WEEK GROUP COACHING PROGRAM THAT WILL HELP YOU MAKE THE BEST DECISION ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE…ONCE AND FOR ALL! LEARN MORE --> https://www.kateanthony.com/stay-or-go-group
I am so excited to share with you my guest interview with Isabel Foxen Duke. I have to admit to being a little bit of a fangirl of Isabel and her work. I have struggled through a lot of the stuff that Isabel is so brilliant with working with women on like weight-cycling, food issues, and emotional eating. She helps women stop feeling crazy around food. So, are you always on the diet wagon or waaaay the f**k off it? I myself have zero neural pathways around healthy thinking or belief systems as far as food goes. Sure, I’ve learned a few things through therapy and from doing the work, but I still am really early in my own weight recovery journey. I can guess that many of my listeners are in a similar boat. And that’s why I invited Isabel to the show. She shares her expertise on letting go of the struggle with food and also offers great insight on weight recovery and its effect on relationship dynamics. Show Highlights Isabel shares openly about her experience with diet culture starting at the age of 3 years old (yes, you read that correctly - she was put on a diet at the age of 3) (5:42 seconds) Letting go of the struggle and how Isabel came to the work she is doing now (21:22) Surrendering to ‘bottoming out’ and understanding that eating a cookie when you are sad is a-okay (28:55) The delusion of control and how recovery is the process of surrendering over and over again (29:27) What surrendering actually looks and feels like (32:00) Weight restoration, understanding that gaining weight when you stop dieting is completely healthy and recovering from post-diet trauma (33:31) Shame over clothing sizes, body image issues and cutting through your own B.S. rationalizations (45:19) Healthy weight gain post-recovery, its effect on relationships, and being with someone who does not support your recovery (47:20) Dealing with family and friends who you can’t divorce and do not understand your weight recovery journey (1:03:20) Learn More About Isabel: Isabel Foxen Duke is the Creator of Stop Fighting Food — a free video training program for women who want to "stop feeling crazy around food." After years of trying to overcome emotional eating, binge-eating and chronic weight-cycling through "traditional" and alternative approaches, Isabel discovered some radical new ways to get women over their "food issues" once and for all — not just by shifting the mindsets of individuals, but by challenging the dominant diet culture as a whole. Her writing and free guide, How To Not Eat Cake, can be found at isabelfoxenduke.com and you can watch her free video training series at stopfightingfood.com. Links: Isabel’s websites: http://stopfightingfood.com and http://isabelfoxenduke.com Be sure to check out Isabel’s Free Video Training Series, Stop Fighting Food ********* I mentioned in the intro that I have a new webinar coming up: Should You Stay In Your Marriage For Your Kids: Three Truths Revealed. Here's the link to sign up for that!
This week I welcome back returning guest and friend, Quentin Hafner. You may have first heard Quentin in the episode, Should I Stay or Should I Go, which is my most downloaded episode to date! So, since he is such a likeable guy (and a serious rockstar therapist), I thought it would be great to have him back.I often get emails from men who don’t know where to turn after being told by their wife that they want a divorce. And, you know what, sometimes I don’t really know what to tell them. But I do want to help them. So Quentin joins me to talk about some things men can do (or mindsets to adopt) that may help them save their marriage. Show Highlights Evaluating whether or not there is something you can do to keep your marriage together; aka determining if the “door” truly is closed (8 minutes and 15 seconds) Some reasons a husband may resist fighting for his marriage (10:55) Quentin shares why going through his own divorce was one of the best thing that happened to him (14:12) We learn incredible life lessons through pain; and sometimes there is no way to get through to a partner other than devastation (14:52) Take the early warning signs, seriously (16:39} When your wife asks you to go to therapy with her, go because she may not ask again (18:03) There is a right way and a wrong way to fight for your marriage (20:20) Be willing to work through issues, to change, and to ask for help (23:07) There is nothing more lonely than the feeling of loneliness in a marriage (34:13) Most men are conflict avoidant and why knowing that can help women bring their partner closer to them rather than push them away (36:07) Women need to feel safe and secure before engaging sexually, it is in their DNA (40:42) Quentin shares a little bit about his book, The Black Belt Husband (42:46) Learn More About Quentin: Quentin Hafner is not your ordinary therapist. He works tirelessly to help husbands and wives in relationships to feel massively more content, greater levels of peace, and overall more satisfied to be together than ever before. Quentin helps those struggling with: A marriage on shaky ground and you can’t seem to stop fighting. Issues of infidelity or feeling suspicious of trusting your partner. Feeling stagnant or that your marriage is stuck in a rut. Not sure if you should stay together, or end your relationship. As a licensed therapist, Quentin combines his experience, education, and proven results with real-world practical guidance, easy-to-implement tools, and measurable solutions to help people reach their goals and dreams. Quentin is currently launching a month-to-month group coaching program for husbands in which he’ll walk men through the Black Belt Husband system, month by month. More info here. Links: Quentin’s website: http://quentinhafner.com The Black Belt Husband - the book! Get Her Back freebie Links to Quentin’s social channels: https://www.facebook.com/QuentinHafnerTherapy https://www.instagram.com/quentin_hafner
I always love talking to professionals who have been through the process of divorce. So I'm really happy today to have Christina Lynn, of Lynn Financial, join me on the podcast. Christina was a stay-at-home mom until she got divorced. After her divorce, she re-invented herself and went from having nothing to creating a thriving financial practice. She and I have a really great conversation today about some of the biggest financial mistakes that people tend to make when getting divorced. Christina has some really good advice and tips to offer you. She also has a really great story to tell, so listen in! Christina used to be oblivious to her family finances. After reaching her lowest point while unraveling a really complex divorce, however, she decided to invest in educating herself so that she could become the person she needed to be for herself and her kids. She chose to specialize in divorce financial planning. And this changed her life completely. She became a financial consultant, Certified Estate Planner®, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst®, tax preparer, and retirement planner. The mistakes Christina made in the past now inform and have been translated into solutions for her customers at Lynn Financial. Listen in today to find out what Christina has to share with you about divorce and money. Show Highlights: When Christina filed for divorce, she did pretty much everything wrong. She wanted other people to learn from her experience and from the mistakes she's made. Christina's experience of custody issues. Some mistakes she made at the time of her divorce. Giving dads the space to figure things out for themselves. Being objective about a father's parenting capabilities. Finding your second career later in life — like a phoenix rising from the ashes! Some common financial mistakes women tend to make when getting divorced. Collaborative divorce as an alternative — and it can save you a lot of money too! Christina gives her best financial tip. Employing a team of professionals could cost you less than only relying on your attorney. Some tips for protecting your kids through the divorce process. Christina explains the way that she helps people through the process of divorce. Links: Christina's website: www.lynnfinancialllc.com Christina's email: firstname.lastname@example.org Links to all Christina's social channels: https://www.facebook.com/lynnfinancial/ https://www.instagram.com/lynnfinancial/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4S9-c9ngRYtjgiaf-j_1LQ https://twitter.com/LynnFinancial?lang=en https://www.linkedin.com/in/christina-lynn-365633a0/ For Christina's promotional offer for the educational course, she offers for individuals facing divorce, to help protect their credit and avoid common financial pitfalls. https://lynnfinancialllc.com/overcomer-course-49-promotion/. For listeners, she has reduced the price from $99 to $49.
I am really happy to welcome Robert Kandell as today's guest. Rob has authored a book, called unHIDDEN - A Book for Men and Those Who Are Confused By Them, that will be available very soon. In the meantime, you can download a sample chapter on his website. I did, and something that really struck me about it was the idea of 'coming out'. On the show today Rob explains how you can bridge the communication gap between men and women and really up-level the conversation. He also explains what it is to live an unhidden life and specifically what that means to him. So listen in and find out what Rob has to share about his revolutionary idea of living life unhidden. Rob, who is also an accomplished teacher, coach, and lecturer, has done a lot of different things. He worked in corporate America, started a business, and owned a small computer shop before going on to build an international eight-figure business based on relationship, intimacy, and sexuality. Rob currently runs a successful consulting firm that is focused on helping small businesses become marketable and profitable. For the last fourteen years, Rob’s mission has been to help men find themselves and use their internal power to live their best lives. Rob is the host of the well-known podcast, Tuff Love. Listen in today to find out how it's possible for you to have a life way beyond the life you're living now! Show Highlights: Robert gives a rundown of what it means to live an unhidden life. Why you really need to be smart about the way you live your unhidden life. Robert's recommendation for how to live an unhidden life. Your whole life can grow on one decision to change your status quo. The story of how one honest conversation with his wife in 1998 changed his whole life. Creating a conversation path for the truth to be told- and rewarded. Opening One Taste, an organization about relationship intimacy and sexuality. How to bridge the communication gap between men and women and up-level the conversation. How to know when it's time to change. Taking 100% responsibility in your communication. A different approach to relationship. The difference between the masculine and the feminine in communication. What a guy can do to get back into a woman's good graces. 6000 years of habits and 50 years of epic change for men. We're seeing an epic change in terms of what masculinity used to be, and what it is now. Resources: Recommended books: Angry White Men: American Masculinity at the End of an Era by Michael Kimmel End of Men: And the Rise of Women by Hanna Rosin Man, Interrupted: Why Young Men are Struggling & What We Can Do About It by Philip Zimbardo Website & Social Media Links: Website: https://www.robertkandell.com Email: email@example.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kandellconsulting / https://www.facebook.com/robert.kandell Twitter: https://twitter.com/Robertkandell @Robertkandell Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/robert.kandell/ @robert.kandell Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robertkandell/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCA4BLzufNXxgKGUsLVDTnlQ Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/robertkandell/pins/
I'm super excited to bring you my latest podcast episode with my dear friend Andrea Owen of Your Kick-Ass Life. I've been a guest on Andrea's podcast quite a number of times now, so I feel honored to finally have her on mine! Andrea and I have spoken many times privately over the years about the grief that goes along with divorce, most importantly the unexpected grief of losing precious extended family. For both Andrea and me, our in-laws were very much like a family we'd never had, and we were both completely taken by surprise by how much losing them in our divorces ripped us apart. (Spoiler, the fact that I have a kid has helped me stay connected to my in-laws, while not having kids with her first husband gave no reason for Andrea to stay connected to hers.) Andrea is a life coach, an author, and a hell-raiser, with a passion for empowering women to value themselves and to fiercely love who they are. She helps high-achieving women to let go of perfectionism, control, and isolation- and choose courage and confidence instead. Listen in today to hear what Andrea has to share with you about dealing with the difficult emotions that result from going through a divorce. Show Highlights: Andrea shares her divorce story. Coping with the grief of losing a dream — and a family. The idea of conscious uncoupling was not yet on the table when Andrea and I got divorced and that impacted both of our experiences. Most of us don't want to deal with grief so it follows us everywhere and becomes a weight on our shoulders. The importance of communicating through transitions — including with your in-laws. The importance of setting and holding really firm boundaries throughout your divorce with all the various people in your life and family. Coping with guilt and shame. Taking responsibility for your mistakes can help prevent creating negative patterns in future relationships. We talk about how 12-step work has helped both of us, and how learning about our character defects has been really helpful to our growth. Andrea, who is certified in the work of Brené Brown, teaches Shame Resilience. Resources: “The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving.” Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Links: Andrea's website: www.yourkickasslife.com Andrea's podcast: http://yourkickasslife.com/blog/ Kate’s episodes on Andrea’s podcast: An Honest Conversation about Body Image with Kate Anthony An Honest Conversation about Body Image with Kate Anthony, Part Deux Andrea and Kate on Rape Culture Andrea and Kate on Rape Culture, Part Deux
The hits just keep on going, don’t they? I’m recording this show a few days after the shooting in the synagogue in Pittsburgh. I’m realizing that by the time this show airs, we will have probably been hit by even more atrocities. This is relevant to today’s show because I will be discussing trusting your intuition; trusting your gut, and knowing where to find that. I’ve never specifically identified as Jewish, but I am. I’m half Jewish. Part of the reason I never identified as Jewish is because, at a very young age, I was told I wasn’t really Jewish because my mother wasn’t Jewish. I learned this partly because I dated a boy at the age of 14 and his parents sent him to Israel for the summer to get him away from me. To be fair, his family members were Orthodox Jews. As many of you know, I am an empath and I am really trying to tap into my intuition, which is linked to my empathy. After the synagogue shooting, I shut down. I actually slept for 10 hours straight, and on Sunday, I was dead to the world. I could hardly function because I was so exhausted. I asked myself in my innermost knowing why I was being so deeply affected by the shooting. The answer I heard was that even though I don’t normally identify as Jewish, there was a generational trauma I was experiencing. I looked at the pictures of my Jewish relatives on my wall and thought about my great-grandfather studying the Torah, and about my Russian grandmother who escaped on a refugee ship. The idea that none of this lives in my DNA is silly. I was able to tap into my family history so I could mourn and grieve. Show highlights: Kate shares how the rise of anti-semitism in our country is negatively affecting her personally. Rhian Lockard’s class, Divine Communication, is helping Kate to tap into her inner guide, or “inside team.” Kate says to reach down deeply inside yourself to answer difficult questions. Ie. Should I leave my relationship, or should I stay? Call in your guides, and ask them the question. What is the first thing that bubbles? That will be your answer. Listen to the part of you that bubbles up. Kate says that when you ask yourself the difficult or scary questions, they will be the most important questions/decisions you will ever make. Hear the bubble pop and just listen. That’s how you connect to your inner guides. Trust yourself and trust your inner voices. Connect with Divorce Survival Guide Website Facebook Instagram Watch for Kate’s new class coming in 2019. You can sign up now to be one of the first people to find out when it begins. Sign up here.
On the show today, I am thrilled to be joined by my great friend and colleague, Rhian Lockard. Rhian Lockard is a multi-certified life coach, an empath, an ordained interfaith minister, a certified life coach, and an expert on emotional abuse. She currently runs a program called Divine Communication, in which I am enrolled, and it helps you connect with your spirit guide, your intuition, and so much more. Rhian seeks to support people in courageously cultivating their best lives with gentleness, guidance, and love, and feels a calling to her work. Show highlights: Rhian discusses how you can recognize if you’re enduring emotional abuse including having a sense of never feeling like things are ok in your relationship. Rhian says one way to judge whether or not a relationship is abusive is to ask yourself if it feels safe to bring up problems you see in the relationship and to be aware that an abuser will seldom admit any fault or will not follow through on working on solutions. Emotional abusers will use your vulnerability against you and will shame you for the ways in which you’re asking them to uplift you. Rhian says an abuser wants something different from a romantic relationship than the victim does. An average person wants true connection, true intimacy, and love. Abusers seek someone to be subservient. Emotional abusers may make you feel like you can’t spend time with family and friends you love.They want to isolate you from voices of reason. Rhian says that often times, your abuser will strip away your own sense of belief in yourself and make you not trust your own reality. Kate shares that it can be incredibly difficult to leave an abusive relationship and that it often takes someone 8 tries to leave. Kate and Rhian discuss the Kavanaugh hearings and show the dynamics of emotional abuse during them. Rhian suggests to break away incrementally because it may just be too much for you to handle all at once. Tell yourself that you’re being emotionally abused, sit with it a while, and tell yourself it is not ok. Rhian says there is no playbook for how you handle this, it’s just about what works for you. Kate shares that the very last thing you should do is to go to your abuser and tell him/her that you’ve figured out they’re an abuser. Rhian tells us that your abuser wants all of what you have to give and they do not want you to give it to anyone else. Rhian suggests that if you’re serious about getting help, then get help. Don’t tell your abuser you’re getting help or he/she will dismantle it. Remember...it’s not your fault that you’re in an abusive situation, but it is your responsibility to save yourself. Seek assistance. Connect with Rhian Lockard: Website Rhian on YouTube Facebook Instagram Am I the Abuser? A video in which Rhian tackles the idea that people have made mistakes in their relationships and therefore feel like they deserve abuse — or worse, might be abusers themselves. Connect with Divorce Survival Guide Website Facebook Instagram To find out more about how I work with clients, click here. To take the two-minute Should I Stay or Should I Go quiz, click here.
In this episode I interview psychologist, author, and speaker, Dr. Valerie Baker who pioneers healing Patriarchy Stress Disorder™ (PSD)--the trauma of 1000s of years of oppression imprinted in women's DNA.
Dr. Valerie calls PSD the invisible inner prison that keeps women from experiencing their ultimate success and happiness.
This week I bring on a Divorce Coach who specializes in the legal aspects of divorce.
Jason Levoy is a former divorce attorney turned divorce coach who helps people navigate the divorce process from an attorney's point of view. He works with both people who have attorneys and those who don't. He is the creator of the most comprehensive online divorce coaching resource on the internet, DivorceU.
In this episode, I discuss the top reasons marriage end, and break down what I believe are deal-breakers in each category:
*Lack of support
*Lack of individual identity
I also tell you about my wine-tasting vacation with my mom, and how my ex-husband helped me get a brand new $3,000 mattress FOR FREE!!!
In this solo episode, I talk about coming out of a pretty dark depression, and then move on to how taking personal responsibility can be the most empowering thing you can do for yourself.
I tell the story of when I was in nursery school and was told to apologize and literally couldn't, do a pretty amazing impression of my mom, and tell a really personal story about what having been molested as a child taught me about personal responsibility and growth.
My guest this week is Quentin Hafner. Quentin is a Marriage and Family Therapist who works with couples and men in his private practice in Orange County, CA.
In this episode Quentin and I dissect the biggest question of all:
Should I Stay or Should I Go
This week on the podcast, I interview Jessa Zimmerman, a licensed sex therapist and couples’ counselor.
We had a great chat about whether or not an unfulfilling sex life is reason enough to end a marriage, and how to jumpstart it without it being too fucking awkward.
We also talk about mis-matched libidos, the sexual avoidance cycle, porn and so much more! Needless to say, it’s a juicy one!
I brought my friend Deb Cooperman on to talk about what she calls her blended, extended upended family.
When Deb met her ex husband, he had a one-year-old son, and in this episode she talks about the experience of co-parenting as a step-mom, and how her relationship with her ex, her step-son and his mom evolved over the course of their marriage, through their divorce, and beyond...
n this episode, I interview Lyena Strelkoff. Lyena is a transformation coach, storyteller, and speaker passionately dedicated to advancing the way humans respond to change, challenge, and adversity.
A lifelong dancer paralyzed in a hiking accident, Lyena’s entire life was elevated, not in spite of paralysis but because of it.
Lyena is the creator of The Shero’s Way™, a modern, feminized approach to adversity that turns challenges into catalysts that catapult us upward.
This episode is about holding strong boundaries when telling your spouse that you want a divorce.
I lay out how I work with clients to prepare for this really difficult conversation, how not to allow your spouse to hijack and control the narrative, and how to not take responsibility for things you know aren’t yours, even when your ex insists they are.
I keep hearing women say that their husband is a really nice guy, he’s a great dad, a great provider, they list their husband’s great qualities and then berate themselves for their own misery and usually end up in a wail of “why can’t i just be happy?”
And often it's because they've changed over the course of time.
You are allowed to change. You are allowed to grow. And you are allowed to choose to leave your marriage if it no longer fits who you are.
This episode gives top-tips for talking to your kid about an absent father, and at the end of the episode I break down the difference between divorced and single moms, and why I no longer EVER call myself a single mom.
In this episode I look at dating after divorce, and how hard it can sometimes be to be the new person coming in when the exes are "besties."
I look at this from the angles of all three people involved, and give a prescriptive for how best to make this often difficult shift work.
When I first got divorced I sought out a mediator who asked us an important question that set the tone for our entire divorce and mediation proceedings:
Do you want to put your son at the center, or in the middle, of your divorce?
This episode tells the story of how I almost got caught up in ugly litigation, and how I gave up my house in service of my son.
My friend and colleague Sandi Herrera joined me to talk about how she married and divorced the same man twice, everything she learned in the process, and how understanding and honoring her core values has helped her evolve as a woman, mother, and business-owner.
What no one tells you when you sign on for that “partnership agreement” (or “joint venture” as one of my friends calls it) of being at SAHM, is that you end up deeply subjugating yourself. As a stay-at-home-mom, you relinquish almost everything in service of raising your children, while your husband’s path remains fairly unaltered.
I received an email not too long ago from a reader who asked: I cheated on my husband. It wasn't a one-time thing, but it's over now. I'm wracked with guilt, but I also know that if I tell my husband, it will destroy him. But I also feel like I should be honest and like I'm keeping a terrible secret, even though I actually feel closer to him now than ever. What should I do? This is certainly a complicated issue many of us have faced. There's a spark of attraction with someone new. Things haven't been quite "right" in your marriage for a long time, and you get swept away in a moment. Or two, or three... Now you're left with the question: should you tell your husband? Here's my take on this, shared by the always awesome Dan Savage, and I'll warn you, it's a bit controversial, and not a perspective shared by everyone.