Setting Healthy Boundaries
Published February 22, 2019
47 min
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    Setting healthy boundaries is a vital skill that protects our identities and self-esteem. Without healthy boundaries, we open the door for others to determine our thoughts, feelings, and needs, losing a sense of self. Strong boundaries give us the confidence to make our own choices without yielding to a sense of sacrifice or obligation. Lessons about boundaries begin early in life, first with our parents and then with our peers. Adult upset language becomes a child’s self-regulatory voice, which in turn sets the child’s boundaries. Attempting to teach children who they should be, what they should think, and how they should feel creates unhealthy boundaries. In addition, helping children create healthy boundaries requires that we model healthy boundaries ourselves. Listen in as Master Instructor Jill Molli and her daughter, college freshman Meg Molli, share their experiences with setting healthy boundaries. While Jill has sometimes struggled with healthy boundaries, especially around work, Meg is not easily influenced by outside forces. The mother-daughter duo discusses why this difference exists, how Meg sets effective boundaries, and how Jill has learned to do the same through conscious effort. You’ll also hear tips on how you can set and strengthen your own boundaries. Essential Takeaways • Healthy boundaries protect us from manipulation, violation, and being used. They express our values of respect and responsibility, keeping us safe because they allow us to separate who we are and what we think from the thoughts and feelings of others. • The adult’s upset language becomes the child’s internal self-regulatory voice, which in turn sets the child’s internal boundaries. • Parenting or teaching that tells a child who they should be, what they should think, and how they should feel creates unhealthy boundaries. Unhealthy boundaries can also stem from fear: fear of abandonment, being judged, losing the relationship, or hurting another’s feelings. • Keys to healthy boundaries include confidence and the ability to notice, name, and manage your feelings. Show Outline :30 What is Conscious Discipline? 1:05 What are healthy boundaries and why are they important? 4:08 Internal and external boundaries 7:37 Introduction of special guests Jill and Meg Molli 10:20 Jill and Meg’s different approaches to setting boundaries 18:36 Confidence as a factor in setting healthy boundaries 25:50 Inner speech and healthy boundaries 27:40 Naming and taming emotions 38:30 Reaching out for support 43:16 Recap: Tips for setting healthy boundaries 46:25 What’s Becky up to? 46:48 What’s Becky celebrating? THANK YOU FOR LISTENING There are many ways you could have spent this time today, but you chose to spend it with me and I am grateful. If you enjoyed today’s show, please share it with others via your favorite social media platforms. Also, would you consider taking 60-seconds to leave an honest review and rating for the podcast on iTunes? Your feedback is extremely helpful when it comes to the ranking of the show and I love to hear your feedback! And don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes to get automatic updates every time a new episode goes live! On behalf of our Conscious Discipline family, we wish you well.
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