My first introduction to Dixie De La Tour was at a sex conference. Her storytelling production Bawdy Storytelling was hosting a show one evening and this fantastically dressed, vivacious woman took the stage to introduce storytellers and fluff the audience. She was kind and funny and very versed sexually. So years later at another conference I said hello and we started plotting to collaborate. When the Sexplanations Road Tour headed toward San Francisco where Dixie is based she was on board to record an episode of the podcast in the RV so we did just that, talking about her sexcapades, my ambitions, how to craft stories, and the woes of sex education when it's taught by the uninformed or unethical.
Your SEXtra Credit is to visit https://bawdystorytelling.com/ and learn more. Listen to Dixie's podcast, sign up to tell a story, invite Bawdy Storytelling to your area.
Sexplanations is on the road travelling from city to town sharing sex education. When we stopped in San Francisco we were able to do a very special episode with Amp from the YouTube channel WattsTheSafeword in a dungeon. Amp is a designer for Mr. S Leather -- a BDSM retailer, he's a kink educator, and a very clever man so I asked him about his lifehacks for sex.
Link to WattsTheSafeword: http://www.wattsthesafeword.com/
KINKY TRAVEL TIPS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_l5zLosaGbQ
Kallie studies ancient life and has a curious personality so I invited her to have fun with me on the podcast and to answer some of your questions about asexuality, dating, hooking up, age restrictions, etc. We also wondered if dinosaurs had penises. Were they external fertilizers or cloacal kissers? We also discussed how I need to go to the Natural History Museum in London; there's a book called Dawn of the Deed; knowing a little bit about a lot of stuff; things that are millions of years old; licensing parents. You can find Kallie at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzR-rom72PHN9Zg7RML9EbA
SEXtra Credit: have a good laugh looking up the cover of Dawn of the Deed. Borrow the book to read from your local library. Do an internet search of T. rex sex and see if you can find the mounted T. rex skeletons in copulation.
Tracy visibly loves multiple people. She identifies as polyamorous and knows a great deal about relationship dynamics. I have a lot of questions for her and we talk it all out. Love, family, language, and sexuality.
SEXtra Credit: Try mobile Kegels. Tracy tries to clench while walking but hasn't figured it out. Do you have a strategy or technique for moving your feet or body while simultaneously working out your crotch?
SEXtra, SEXtra Credit: Think about the last time you felt jealous. Where did the feelings come from? Where did those feelings come from? Are they something you can work through on your own or do you need to have a conversation with someone about them?
When I thought about the task of reviewing 22 different sex topics in one setting, I knew I needed to talk to an expert. Who would have a sex positive, well-researched, and open-minded perspective of such a broad range of topics? Allison Moon!
I met Allison in San Francisco. She and her partner Reid (episode 11) invited me to stay when I was in town and made me a fantastic dinner. I was immediately intrigued by them both.
Allison is the author of Girl Sex 101, Bad Dyke, and a lesbian werewolf series Tales of the Pack. She's also considered a leading sex educator and excellent human being. In this episode we discuss vaginismus, demisexuality, polyamory, BDSM, and cock rings. We didn't make it through all 22 on the list but were able to have a meaningful conversation about most.
SEXtra Credit: Masturbate and if you already masturbate, masturbate in a new way. Get your genitals attuned to different kinds of touch. Read Allison Moon's book Girl Sex 101.
Dave and Hank Green created a syndicated pub trivia game hosted YouTube style with hosts from the internet asking and answering questions on the TV screen of your favorite bar or college hangout. There are similar models but this one is done brilliantly to account for different learning styles, abilities, and people's love for cyber-personalities. In this episode trivia connoisseur, Dave helps me understand how to frame questions more effectively and I test him on sex trivia. Anteater penises. Pubic wigs. To learn more and to signup for Dr. Doe trivia in your future go to truthorfail.com.
SEXtra Credit: Play free trivia at http://www.truthorfail.com/
Rachel Grant coaches survivors of abuse on boundaries and trust and how to find joy in surviving. We talk about her upbringing in Oklahoma and our shared fondness for San Francisco as a locality for really comprehensive sex education. To learn more about her program, sign up for help, and or access some of her online resources for free check out: http://rachelgrantcoaching.com/beyond-surviving-more/
SEXtra Credit: sing about something or all the things you're struggle with, so like "la la la I created more work for myself than I'm able to do and doe ray me, I keep getting stung by state dependent memories."
Over the years I've taught thousands of students. Emily is one of a small number who impressed me with how much she learned and grew. In this episode Emily shares part of that journey and how it continues to in her conversations and career pursuits. I share what is new in my world and we end up doing Kegels to her operatic voice.
SEXtra Credit: Think about how you imagine yourself right now. Who you are, who you share you life with, what you create, where you exist. Write it down for a you six years in the future to review. What are you going to learn that influences who you are?
Let's talk about gender and biosex and sex assigned at birth and anatomy and surgery and language. In this episode Blake, FTM, and I a ciswoman pull apart what we experience on a day to day basis to develop a better world for the future. For part of the episode I go through the criteria of gender dysphoria as outlined in the DSM 5. Here there are if you'd like to follow along: In adolescents and adults gender dysphoria diagnosis involves a difference between one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, and significant distress or problems functioning. It lasts at least six months and is shown by at least two of the following:
1. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics
2. A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics
3. A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender
4. A strong desire to be of the other gender
5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender
6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender
Why does Blake identify as FTM rather than a transman?
"While I’m not offended if someone refers to me as a transman, I prefer to say I’m FTM, or a female-to-male trans person. The main reason is that the term FTM just feels correct. It sounds right when I say it. It feels authentic.
I don’t get that “it fits” feeling with transman, non-binary, or any other gendery word. However, it’s okay if my experience seems familiar to you and you do use a different term than I do. Or if you’re FTm and your experience is nothing like mine. We’re equally valid. I just know what fits for me.
I don’t feel that my gender is particularly “man”, and I struggle to relate to most men, cis or trans. I know that I get the “it fits” feeling with my current name, Blake, but not with my birth name. He/him/his pronouns fit too. They/them doesn’t bother me, but doesn’t feel as correct as he/him. Being called she/her causes me pain. When I had breasts, I knew that I’d feel more correct without them, so I removed them, and I do indeed feel more at home in my own body now. I was similarly confident about not wanting my uterus and ovaries.
I have mixed feelings about the idea of having/obtaining a penis. I rarely feel pain/dysphoria when I see my own genitalia, but I do wish that I didn’t have to worry about having this genitalia - I wish men’s bathrooms had more stalls, I wish my genitals weren’t remarkable or confusing to doctors or potential sexual partners, but I don’t hate having a vulva. I’m not always comfortable with other people interacting with it, though I often am, but I find that the most emotionally fulfilling sex for me involves me penetrating another person with a “realistic” phallus. It’s how I feel most sexually fulfilled, even if that means my genitals aren’t stimulated by another person and/or I don’t have an orgasm. But having a penis 24/7 seems really inconvenient, honestly, and I don’t like the feeling of wearing a packer. I like the look of a bulge on me, but not enough to wear a packer.
I like that I was “born female” and I wouldn’t change it. I like using a term that has female in it. I am thankful to have been raised as a girl. I didn’t feel like anything but a girl, until I realized that I’d never thought about it. But by then, I’d spent 18 years avoiding boys. Boys were mean to me. Men scare me. So using a term with “man” in it feels less authentic, and I don’t want to be them or be like them. Manhood isn’t appealing to me, even though much of “male”-ness feels essential to me."
Join me and Amanda for a conversation full of gender speculation, personal observations, and sitting spread legged. We go through some of the tactics used throughout history to determine one's sex. How do we look at our fingernails? How do we take off our shirts? How do we sit on the couch? Can we lift a chair with our lower legs against a wall? Amanda and I use 'male' and female' as markers but all of this non-binary. Then we talk about our experiences as women in workplaces, our name journeys, and how we choose to express ourselves.
Sexplanations YouTube episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0AQ_c_5UcY&t
SEXtra Credit: practice sitting spread-legged in public spaces and inspire curiosity about gender, watch the Sexplanations' episode about how we seek a binary that doesn't exist. Try on clothes that you wouldn't normally wear and see how you feel about them. Come out of the dressing room and see how you feel. Then post them on social media #sexplanationspodcast.
TO SUPPORT THE SHOW: patreon.com/sexplanationspodcast
In this episode my past self (Lindsey from September) gives my future self a pep talk. I check-in on how the podcast is going and review our latest big project, the Sexplanations Road Tour. Why am I going to live in an RV for the next five or so months and travel the country sex educating whoever shows up to learn?
SEXtra Credit: check out Sexplanations.com and visit the Tour links. Click around and see if there's anything you're interested in helping out with like meetups, volunteering, marketing etc.
Here's a link to the Indiegogo campaign: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/sexplanations-road-tour#/
Here's a link to the Patreon page: https://www.patreon.com/sexedroadtour
Four years ago I made a video about using less harmful language, avoiding words that were exclusionary, offensive, or inaccurate. Soon after this Seththinksthoughts, a vlog-style YouTube channel posted a video adding the list of harmful words and suggesting alternatives. I loved it and reached out to Seth. Over these years we've kept in touch and tried to encourage intellectual growth in each other. So when it came time to revisit the Sexplanations episode about less harmful language, I knew exactly who I wanted to talk to about it! Seth is in Hong Kong (not Japan) teaching music and was willing to do a video call at 5 AM his time to pull this off. It was delightful!
Here are some of the things we reference in the podcast:
Joyful Heart Foundation
Sexplanations' Less Harmful Language: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNMToK5tqBA
Seth's Less Harmful Language: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3l6FSQdAX1M
SEXtra Credit: find a word or sequence of words that rubs you the wrong way and come up with five other options.
Why are some people heterosexual? What informs this identity? What was it like to come out to your family? Have you ever been treated differently because of your attraction to men, as a woman? Have you ever seen Hysterical Literature? How do you imagine attraction to a woman to be? What narratives and representation do you have in media? How did attraction develop for you? Why do I like kissing this person? Silvia and I investigate a lot of the questions surrounding sexual orientation.
SEXtra Credit: Practice coming out in one or more of your identities with different groups of people who share different kinds of spaces with you.
Logan is a gregarious, handsome, young hipster with a lot of ambition. He just finished building out a high-end touring van with the ability to play concerts out the back and he's traversing the country now to learn from others about life. I know him in a few ways but mostly that he's a well-connected friendly face. So I asked him to talk with me about coincidences and fate and whether or not the world is oriented more sexually for some of us more so than others. We tried some off-the-top-of-our-heads experiments and came up with some great hypotheses.
SEXtra Credit: If you have a partner and there's someone you want to incorporate in your life, make this week to actually speak about it. If you don't have a partner, tell us in the comments, we'll be your surrogate. Also, play the free association game and see how quickly your brain networks to sex.
Stella and I first met on the set of Sexplanations How to Touch a Boob episode. As a model and a burlesque dancer she was comfortable working with me to demonstrate breast healthcare and pleasure. What I didn't know is that she's made a career out of removing pubic hair for people and this brings up many opportunities to help clients embrace their own unique genitals. Stella and I talked about her experiences in the salon and revisited some of the questions I've been asked about oral sex (not that those two are related). She was really easy to talk with and took the Main Squeeze Kegels segment to a new level: the floor. I hope you enjoy our sex curious conversation and learn something new. I'm still learning.
SEXtra Credit: Perform oral sex on someone with consent if you have a partner who is menstruating and or try putting some of your own menstrual blood on your face. Acquire, offer, and or use dental dams. Bonus: experiment with different pubic hairstyles.
Sexplanations Podcast is not intended to titillate but it may lead to physiological changes. I would prepare yourself on this one. Jonathan and I hooked up when I when we were 20 and now, over a decade later, we're checking in on what that was like. We discuss oral sex, simultaneous orgasms, height differences, power dynamics, communication, raking dicks with teeth, sexual finesse workshops, Costa Rica, tightness, and then talk for about 15 minutes at the end about the controversy of circumcision. It's a whirlwind of sexual literacy and I hope you enjoy it! To support the show please visit our Patreon page: Patreon.com/sexplanationspodcast and for SEXtra Credit: find a time in the next week or two to perform oral sex on someone and see what it feels like to be passionate about doing it for yourself. More broadly receive something non-sexual with passion, or if you're doing something for someone, make it with passion and pleasure for yourself. Make something for your own benefit. Don't get fired; ancora imparo.
Anal sex video link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sp9MT1di9as&t
Before this conversation I hadn't talked with Sam about anal sex. I invited her to be on the Sexplanations Podcast and gave her the topic but we didn't say anything else. When we sat down to record it was really fun to hear how much she had to share about her own experiences, her interest in anal porn, and her feelings on negotiating anal in future relationships. We also talked about vibrators, masturbation, healthy lifestyles, meditation, pussy massage, trauma, and the difference between g-spots and prostates. Hopefully this episode serves as a model for how to talk about sexuality, specifically anal play. Anal is growing in popularity and traditional sex education hasn't kept us. We need resources like the Sexplanations Podcast to serve as a resource for people who are curious and or experimenting. If you're able to help support our project please go to patreon.com/sexplanationspodcast.
SEXtra Credit: Look into a somatic body meditation. What is your body trying to tell you? A second assignment is to try a finger in your anus or someone else's with permission.
Jessi runs an animal rescue and care center in Montana. She also has an educational YouTube channel called AnimalWondersMontana. Who better to talk about anal prep then someone who works daily with many many species including the care of their anuses? We discuss prolapsed rectums (aka trunk butt), lube, irritable bowel syndrome, taking temperature anally, how beavers mate, anal sex in sheep, inter-species relations, and from 26:30 to 27:40 rape. Jessi is full of great tips on anal preparation! My favorites are giving treats and asking your doctor to explain what they're doing during a pelvic exam. Many thanks to Jessi for being on the show! I'm still learning.
Here are Jessi's projects: http://www.animalwonders.org/
SEXtra Credit: Be gentle with others. (And if you know how beavers mate, please tell us).
Troy or Kujmous as you may know him from social media is what I like to call the 12th man of the Internet. He cheers on creators like the fans of a football team and on regular basis positively impacts my emotional health. This is why I asked him to talk with me about cognitive dissonance, a psychological conflict brought on when one's behaviors are different than one's beliefs. This happens a lot in my life: killing animals is unethical/eat meat; abstinence is the only 100% effective method/use other protection methods; our government is really unhealthy/live here anyway. Troy accepts me in my wobbly attitudes and actions which makes it easier for me to continue doing what I do for others. We're a team.
SEXtra Credit: Select clothes, shows, jewelry etc. for the following day and lay them out nicely folded or hang them up prepared to put on in the morning. This way the first bit of energy you give to your day is for you. See if this energy and kindness inward projects energy and kindness outward. Is there a stronger continuation of kindness if it starts from yourself?
Reese has entertained me for years. He has a great stage presence and a hilarious bit about the ridiculousness of the phrase 'gold star gays.' I appreciate how comfortable he is talking about sexuality to new audiences and that there is a component of education built into the laughs. In this episode of the Sexplanations Podcast, it's no different. Reese has me laughing and learning as usual.
SEXtra Credit: learn more about asexuality (asexuality.org), tell someone you are aesthetically attracted to them.
I went on a date with Amy in 2017. She tells the story of how we met and how it went. Then I do. I basically didn't know how to flirt with her beyond the scientifically prescribed steps and she points out that yeah, she didn't know I was trying to make advances. Is it because I'm heterosexual? Am I baby gay? How much of it is fear? What can I do to signal that I want to be hit on by women? Why don't I hit on women?
SEXtra Credit: The next time you're out with friends, ask a friend to choose a person in the room for you to talk to/flirt with. Then switch and identify a person for your friend to talk to/flirt with.
If you want your brain rocked this is the episode for you. Soft science whimsical sexologist Dr. Doe talks with hard science genius-type Henry Reich. How are relationships and sexuality going to look as technology progresses? Will human beings have precocial young that are born able to care for themselves? How will internet interacting come into the real world? Can artificial intelligence mimic human touch? What is going to happen to match-making in the future? What is going to happen to our measures of attraction in the future?
SEXtra Credit: Take one step that increases the diversity of peoples' experience of other peoples' appearances.
Sexplanations YouTube episode on attraction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQp43ozsP3c&t
Henry's YouTube channel Minute Physics https://www.youtube.com/user/minutephysics
Neil and I were classmates in our human sexuality doctoral program and we've been supporting each other professionally since then. In this conversation we discuss our careers, the similarities and differences. He's a sex therapist. I'm a sexologist. He teaches in a classroom. I teach online. We're both really passionate about serving others and love welcoming newcomers to the field. Join us for a chat on facing challenges, fulfilling dreams, and starting a sex school.
SEXtra Credit: Catch the important people in your life doing good things and notice that out loud or in a note.
Roe and I know each other in a lot of different capacities. That's the nature of Missoula, Montana where we live. Roe's been a friend, a colleague, and most recently the director for the outdoor leadership camp my kids have attended. Roe is impressive and in this episode you'll hear that. We talk about one of the smartest approaches to healthy relationship education and how to make moon bags. We plot our own programs and ask questions about some of our curiosities. Ancora imparo; I'm still learning.
The brain is trained to find shortcuts in sex and theater and education. They're called heuristics and we use then in all aspects our lives to make things easier. Unfortunately because they aren't the whole story they end up messing things up for us a lot. Brit Garner prides herself on failing (as do I). We both see it as a measure of our efforts to live and learn a lot from the experience. This episode is about some of those fails, the psychology behind them, and what our take-aways are.
SEXtra Credit: Find three things you've assumed incorrectly. Challenge your assumptions.
What it's like to have mom who is a sexologist? Can an ace have a sex blog? How would you describe sexual attraction? Should I feel bad if my partner doesn't come? Tips for long distance relationships? Advice? Talk.
SEXtra Credit: Get involved in your community by volunteering at Planned Parenthood or another sexual organization. And if you can't do that go and pick up trash along the river or highway. Do the best you can to improve the community in some way. Go hand out condoms. Be safe, kids!
To support the Sexplanations Podcast existence go to patreon.com/sexplanationspodcast
When we first started Sexplanations YouTube channel Nick Jenkins and I were putting out two videos a week. Two videos?! I think back on those days when I was also teaching at the university, seeing clients, raising kids, and three dogs. It's mind-blowing to me that we made twice as many videos in a year then, as we've made podcasts in just this last year. It explains why the topic of today's podcast is about a Valentine's Day villain, Anthony Comstock. To give a quick summary: Comstock convinced the U.S. government to let him regulate the postal system with a gun. He was responsible for keeping information about contraception, sexual health, erotica, sex ed etc out of circulation. Nothing lacivious was permitted in the mail so hundreds of thousands were left without access to information or if they sent it or got it anway -- they were jailed. What an evil baby!! There are things happening now that censor of sexuality too -- demonetization of channels by LGBT and sex educators, denial of comprehensive sex education in schools, outright lying about our bodies and our identities. I hate it. It's harmful to withhold what we all need to protect ourselves. So this episode of the podcast is all my feelings on it and a quick run through of solutions.
SEXtra Credit: watch past episodes of Sexplanations. Anyone who has seen them all may call themselves a Sexual Scholar.
Link to the Comstock episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYY1wr4lBMc
Link to support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/sexplanationspodcast
Link to the tank top: https://store.dftba.com/products/stay-curious-rainbow-shirt
Mija (pronouns they/them/their) and I have worked as sex educators together for a long time. They're one of the most sex positive people I know, very conscientious about prevention and consent; they're incredibly experienced and care a lot about the sexualities of others. It was difficult determining which topic to discuss with them because I knew that a really powerful conversation would ensue. I chose condoms because it's such a strong part of Mija's identity -- they use condoms consistently and happily and in a way that makes latex and polyisoprene sexy.
SEXtra Credit: Put condoms on household items that won't hurt your body and use them for self-stimulation. Mija's favorite pervertible is the cucumber.
To support Sexplanations Podcast please visit our Patreon page and subscribe.
Turns out Chase is a penis expert, or an expert on what he calls peens. This month we were lucky enough to have him here in Missoula and I sat down with him in the recording studio to learn what he does with his knowledge. Hopefully after just one minute of listening you'll enjoy Chase's spirited banter the way I do and find through the hour how much this carefree YouTuber is doing for sexual health.
SEXtra Credit: Look up genital prosthetics; go to Chase's website and channel and watch some of the videos in his Trans 101 series.
In the early days of Sexplanations I traveled to Iceland, visited their phallological museum, and recorded my experiences there. To revisit this topic I invited warehouse manager, Caenaan to talk about penises and organizing things, seems like curating. Our conversation becomes a when-has-Caenaan-dick episode (which I'm pleased with) and a tangential adventure into opening our own sex museum, the value of positive body image, shipping sex dolls, and his wonderful definition of good sex.
SEXtra Credit: Watch the episode of Sexplanations on the Icelandic Phallological Museum here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9L_qB3pdjk&t and write a letter that declares whether or not you'd like for your reproductive organs/genitals to be donated.
To support the Sexplanations Podcast go to Patreon.com/sexplanationspodcast
Four years ago the original videographer and director of Sexplanations YouTube channel made a video for the channel on identity. Other creators picked it up and soon it was a phenomenon. Ashley is a creator who makes a lot of content on identity so I asked Ashley to unpack it all with me. We talk about whether or not we can have identities, change them, and what to do with them.
SEXtra Credit: Have a conversation with someone from the LGBT+ community who experienced "queer" as a slur.
To support the podcast each week please go to: patreon.com/sexplanationspodcast and subscribe.
Zack is a nice guy and a funny guy so I invited him to talk about masturbation. In this episode of Sexplanations Podcast he shares his personal experiences of overcoming sexual shame, his thoughts on dry-dogging, where to put the semen, third-person stories of his penis, and responses to this episode of the Sexplanations YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaHudJWwM8I&t.
SEXtra Credit: Masturbate using coconut oil with and without porn (and tell us which fictional character or celebrity your genitals are).
In this episode we reflect on our memories of masturbation, how we like it best, and the many ways we want to keep learning how to do it. When did we first discover masturbation? What are our favorite techniques for getting off? How did we navigate society's anti-masturbation messaging? What's best to say to kids who masturbate? Sex Toys. Mutual masturbation. Anatomy. Clit lock. What do you masturbate to?
SEXtra Credit: Masturbate in an upright position, standing, sitting, racing someone, while in traffic, while reading, using your non-dominant hand, in the shower, with penetration, in the garden, on the beach, and in the bath.
To support the show and get your own shout-out, visit patreon.com/sexplanationspodcast
Marcia teaches sex ed in the Midwest. She has been teaching in many capacities for decades, preschool to college, physical education and health courses. Now human sexuality at a university in a suburb of Chicago, Illinois. I sat down with her to ask the most common question I get -- how did you choose this career path and what advice would you give budding sex educators and sexologists? We compared journeys and suggestions, the adversity, and the rewards, and as the conversation went deeper I wondered what her thoughts were on restricted education that only teaches abstinence or false education that offers up incorrect information/lies. Which is worse?
SEXtra Credit: Interview a relative about their sexuality education. Should it change or not change for today's youth. AND come up with a trivia name that's sex related.
I've been so fortunate to work with incredibly talented and hilarious people on Sexplanations' projects. Maia is one of these magical people and so I sat down with her to talk about our days together, our show, how we get things done, and the many other interests we share or encourage each other to have. It is a precious conversation full of emotion and laughter. We visit about what it's been like working together and some of the ideas we have for future episodes. Trans history, brothels, travel, juggling... Thanks, Maia!
Sextra Credit: Write down 10 new ways you can be kind to yourself and enact them.
To support the show: patreon.com/sexplanationspodcast
Count Boogie and I met in the Los Angeles area when I visited his dungeon called Threshold. He gave me an interactive tour which we recorded for the Sexplanations YouTube channel and taught me about some of his kinks. Kinks aren't synonymous with paraphilias (non-traditional attractions) but there's a lot of crossover so I asked the count to talk with me about his world -- the paraphilias, specifically fetishes, consent, desire versus behavior, male Kegels, and communication. One thing I learned is that skin gets more sensitive just before one's menstrual period! Very useful information!
To support this podcast please visit Patreon.com/sexplanationspodcast
Sextra Credit: find an inanimate object, put a condom on it, and explore sexual arousal with it.
Teenage boys, mind-blowing consent, new bodies and old bodies, monogamy, and sexual therapy for reasons besides dysfunction -- it's a jam packed episode starring Elke, the founder of Mamalode (website and magazine), citizen extraordinaire, and my client. With her permission we discuss her first appointment almost eight years ago, what it was like seeing a clinical sexologist for the first time, and her answers to your questions about whether or not to see one yourself.
Sextra Credit: Create a WANT/WILL/WON'T list t-shirt in the shower
Sexplanations YouTube episodes referenced:
1st Appointment: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOXXgH3AqH4&t
Getting the Sex You Want: https://www.youtube.com/watch?annotation_id=annotation_1570565553&feature=iv&src_vid=jqnkXufLM4A&v=jqnkXufLM4A
150 Sex Acts: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqnkXufLM4A&t
Among the many influential people and experiences in my life, my mother has been responsible for a great deal of the permission I've had to be exactly who I am. She instilled me a belief that it's okay to call out sexual abuse, to express my passion for sex, and to be sex curious. I asked her to recount with me my childhood and the memories I have of how my sexuality development during those formative years. We discussed sex education in school, sex before marriage, dating, sexual harassment, career choices, and the playfulness of our household. New word: disturbation.
Sextra credit: Call your mother or a similar relative and have a discussion about sex. Ask them if they want to do Kegels together or listen to this episode of the Sexplanations Podcast.
Some of the things my mom has shared with me on Facebook:
Last year I met charismatic wonder woman on the plane returning to Missoula named Princess. We both had similar fast-friends personalities and joie de vivre so a year into our friendship I asked her to be on the Sexplanations podcast and talk about mania with me. How do we as passion people navigate the ups and downs? Where do we find stability? How do hormones play a role in the destruction of love, or is it not that at all? What would we tell our past selves? Are we bigger fans of penetration or vibration? Thoughts on oral sex? Thoughts on being single? We discuss fantasies about veins and water masturbation. We discuss friendship and romance and sex. That's what you're here for, right?
Sextra Credit: Identify unhealthy manic behaviors and contemplate how you want to turn them into positive behaviors. If you don't have mania in your life, do an evaluation of mania in songs or films.
Dustin and I met on a rideshare and talked about love and relationships on that drive together. Then he spoke on a panel in my human sexuality class, photographed me for a calendar, and acted out 30 orgasmic sex positions in a green-suit for a Sexplanations episode. The two of us have a very playful connection and I wanted that for today's podcast on love. Going through an 18-question assessment of love styles, Dustin and I talk about passion, romance, dating, honesty, and intimacy.
Sextra Credit: Take the love style test yourself
Learn at least one new sex term for each letter of the alphabet, all about tucking technologies, the history of A. Mick, a co-founder of polyamorous programming in Montana, and now founder of an undergarment company goes through every letter of the alphabet from Z to A sexology-style. This episode of the podcast is based on this episode of the Sexplanations channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9dAOeblsA0&t
Sextra Credit: Journal about your relationship to gender and body hair.
To support the podcast go to patreon.com/sexplanationspodcast
On the Sexplanations YouTube channel there are three episodes about HIV which I’m really proud of. As someone who served as the the HIV prevention coordinator of an AIDS council doing what I can to encourage that people get tested and protect themselves is important to me. To revisit those episodes on the podcast I invited Jennie who does a version now of what I did ten years. She walks us through the latest on prevention, discusses some of the misinformation still being passed around, and gives us a quiz on our knowledge of the virus. Note at one point she refers to an activist named Kerry Washington. She meant Kerry Thomas.
Thanks for staying curious with us on the Sexplanations, I’m still learning.
Callie does all the recording and editing of the Sexplanations Podcast and does it well. I'm pleased to sit down with her in the studio and record our getting to know each other, to have a none work conversation about allies, orientations, sex education, religion, love, and elevator Kegels. Turns out Callie is a sex-positive Ravenclaw with a great outlook on romantic relationships and a strong value for personal choice -- my kind of person.
To support Callie and me in making this show possible please consider going to Patreon.com/sexplanationspodcast and checking out cool perks.
Sextra Credit: List 10 identities that you have. Here are 10 of mine: ENFP, Gryffindor, Yellow on the Color Code, Nerdfighter, Faculty Brat, Mom, Educator, Clinical Sexologist, Doctor of Human Sexuality, YouTuber
The fact is the audience of Sexplanations has consistently been amazing. When we started fundraising for the show, to create something sustainable, you were onboard right away to see that this never had to be a financial or professional burden for me. Jamie who is today's co-host and I witnessed from the beginning your outpour of support and generosity. We cheered for you as you cheered for us. We built care packages for you together and organized your messages and questions so we could show our gratitude. So I wanted to talk to Jamie about what it's been like to create the funding side of the show, how it's changed over the last four years, how I've changed. We also discuss Jamie's relationship to sexuality, the religious conflicts with sex before marriage, cognitive dissonance, and the value of prioritizing our sex lives so we have passion and knowledge to share with others.
Sextra credit: Give money -- patreon.com/sexplanations ;oD Be kind yourself. Take a bath, squirt something like beet juice into the tub for every shame you can think of, and then drain the tub and let the shame wash away. Urinate shame too!
**There's a clicking sound during the replay of the Sexplanations YouTueb episode, that's because there's a timer counting how many hours go into each portion of creating the show.
Description: The topic is pulling out --withdrawing the penis before ejaculation -- but the take-home message Jeff wants you to have is "don't fuck Trump supporters!"
We discuss our best and worst experiences, bukkake snorkeling, "getting caught", and responsible lessons on STI prevention.
SEXTRA CREDIT: In the coming week help your partner get off or get yourself off as often as you can. Identify the point of no return and the length of time until climax.
Louey first heard my voice orgasming in the apartment below his in 2002. We became friends. He asked me to perform in a sensual silent film he made for film school. I asked him to photograph a 1000 sex positions for an online course I was writing. We taught at the same university. We picked apples together for cider. We drove five hours with our partners to the hot springs. We took another road trip to swing dance. I was around when he took a job with Complexly to work on the SciShow team. He cheered for me when I started Sexplanations for the same company. Now we're back in the studio together talking about sex. It's a comfortable place to be and I'm thrilled to share our friendship with you.
Sextra Credit: Fake orgasms with your partner (or on your own).
I invited sex geek, former Navy, soon-to-be librarian, and dear friend Peter to talk with me about the benefits of sex. It turns out there isn't just a health list of benefits, so much more of our lives have been beneficially impacted thank goodness!
In this episode Peter and I talk about our meet cute. We discuss leftover sperm in the urethra and review a past episode of the Sexplanations YouTube channel. What's the drill metaphor? Do the benefits of sex outweigh the disadvantages? Are we going to continue having it? How should we respond to our partners shitting the bed? Why do we admire Kenton? How can we access high quality sex education?
Sextra Credit: Invite a friend to talk about sex with you outside of sexual spaces.
Peter's contact: @the_musser
To support the Sexplanations Podcast: https://www.patreon.com/sexplanationspodcast
To acquire the FunkitToys we discussed: https://www.funkittoys.com/
Kenton founded Sex Geekdom in the DC area, he revolutionized the sex toy industry, and when asked what his future goals are they mainly consist of supporting other creators. What a cool guy! In this conversation I get to learn about Kenton's manufacturing process, how to stimulate the A-spot, and whether or not silicone on silicone is problematic. It's sex geeky and I love it! To learn more about Kenton check out https://www.funkittoys.com/ and to get monthly toys sign up for his Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/funkittoys/posts
In this episode we start talking about building sex toys and sex shows. Then we go into vibrators versus dildos, Kegels, rainbows, pornography, sexual ethics, a review of Dan Savage's Hump Fest, and our thoughts on sanitation and blood play. I'm grateful that Shande took time with me to explore my sexual curiosities and share her's with me.
Sextra Credit: Unlock your clit, unlock your mind
To support future episodes of Sexplanations: patreon.com/sexplanationspodcast
To acquire the FunkitToys we discussed: https://www.funkittoys.com/
Lauren is an author and body positive activist. She's an educator and a powerhouse woman who knows how to motivate people to be their best selves. We met years ago at a sex conference and I wanted to check-in, how is she doing, what have we learned? We discuss sapiosexuality, love after death, journaling, self care, and the pronunciation of Kegels. And Lauren generously has a giveaway for you -- a copy of her book Bawdy Love: 10 Steps to Profoundly Loving Your Body and a spot in her course Journal Through It: From ”Oh $#@!” to ”I’ve got this!” in 30 Days. Extra entries are given to those of you who share with friends – preferably with compliments about how amazing you think they are.
To acquire the FunkitToys we discussed: https://www.funkittoys.com/
My 17 year old daughter generously sat down with me to talk about consent -- her personal experiences with it, humor of it, nonverbal versions, and how to respond to rejection. We talked about her thoughts on the Dear Boy Who Likes My Daughter episode, how she perceives my romantic relationships, what makes a good cuddle partner, and being resourceful after trauma. There's laughing and crying and lots of proud mama.
To support Sexplanations podcast, please visit: https://www.patreon.com/sexplanationspodcast
To acquire the FunkitToys we discussed: https://www.funkittoys.com/
Why not take two episodes of Ask Lindsey sex questions from the Sexplanations' YouTube show and ask my friend how he'd answer. Erik and I met in college and have been friends since our freshman year. He's a smoke jumper who lunges out of planes to fight fires. I'm a sexologist who tells people online about my orgasms. Our answers are practically the same. *wink* Actually, Erik's might be better. He brings a beautiful point of view to the conversations of attraction, consent, and romance. His projection for our world in the future is incredible and his sincerity is precious. Use dams. Stay curious. Keep learning.
Sextra Credit: Work on communication by discussing the following questions with another person.
"Are there different vagina options?"
"Yes, but HOW to get a woman?"
"Have you read, and do you have an opinion on Mary Roach's book, Bonk?"
"I would love for you to go more in depth on the harmful to minors book idea, what is appropriate and why? What information are they missing and what does this do to them? How candid should we be?"
"In what situations is it okay to not use a condom?"
"How important is protection in lesbian sex?"
"Do I really need to use a dental dam when hooking up or is it just super precautionary?"
"I'm only attracted to other girls, but recently I've realized that I want to kiss Harry Stiles on the mouth, what does this mean?"
"How do you envision sexuality changing in the next 50, 100, or 1,000 years?"
"Are you gonna keep answering questions?"
This episode of the Sexplanations Podcast is based on this episode of the Sexplanations YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=19&v=v0y1KDqyX_M
To support one or both shows please visit us on Patreon.com
To acquire the FunkitToys we discussed: https://www.funkittoys.com/
Ash is one of my teachers, author of the book The ABCs of LGBT+, and incredibly thoughtful vlogger. I think the world of Ash and I'm so grateful to share their knowledgeable and caring mind with you. In this episode we 'ace' a trivia quiz on asexuality and talk about a least a dozen new terms related to identity and sexual expression. To follow Ash on YouTube check out: https://www.youtube.com/user/HeyThere005/videos
Eva has a sex education YouTube channel she's built from the ground up. No Green-Brothers golden ticket for her. She's doing it and she's doing it well! In this episode we talk about our favorite sex things, how we're both nerdy in our collection of sexual objects. It's a shout-out to this episode of the Sexplanations YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpWn6Hf_5OI
It's time to revisit sex book recommendations and I thought "Hannah Witton" of course! She recently published her book Doing It and heads up the Banging Book Club that group reads sex books and reports back via the internet. In many ways Hannah is the go-to person for sex book recommendations. In this episode of the Sexplanations Podcast she reads an excerpt from her book and gives us some ideas about what other helpful resources there are topic of sexuality, one of our favorite topics.
I love hanging out with Aaron. He's smart and easy-going, he's a great conversationalist, and values not doing harm. In just shy of an hour I asked him some of your sex questions and tested his knowledge. He passed with flying colors, of course. What a great feeling to hear about sex positivity in the medical field and learn the doctor's thoughts on somewhat controversial topics such as aphrodisiacs, circumcision, and testing protocol.
Stevie Boebi is a popular YouTuber based in Los Angeles. She came to visit me in Missoula, Montana and I asked her to talk with me about sexual injustices. In her words everything about her life is political because she identifies as a lesbian, and so there are a lot of injustices: sex education, relationships, advertising, and the media. Check out her channel youtube.com/stevie and keep learning.
While re-visiting Sexplanations' discussion of Alfred Kinsey's scale of sexual orientation it becomes increasingly apparent how out-dated the model is. Join Ashe and Lindsey as they unpack the textbook charts of sexual orientation and flop around designs of their own ideas. A dot in space, a code, a name, nothing at all? What will become of the words homosexual and heterosexual? Are they presently accurate? What's a better replacement?
Heterosexuals were by definition the original perverts which is why I invited poly-pan-trans-grandma Anne to share her thoughts on all things sexual and gender oriented. Are homosexuals really heterosexuals? Is it too much to change a person's pronouns? What does industry have to do with labels? Does anyone on the Sexplanations Podcast not do Kegels when I start talking about the Main Squeeze? My follow-up questions after talking with Anne: who determines which language is political correct? What if those decision makers disagree? How many words have been coined in the last 100 years and how many of them relate to gender and or sexuality?
I asked Michael to hang out with me because he's quick-witted and endearing and all sorts of lovely qualities. My goal was to talk about dry humping, which we did, but we also got to delve into one of my deepest passions -- sex and disabilities. I learned about sex in the desert, how willing I am to divulge details about my personal life, and how orgasmic things can get if you really do the Main Squeeze every week.
If you're typically frustrated or even outraged by religion you might enjoy learning that there are clergy members out there with the same emotions. My uncle is a minister in rural Kansas. He believes in Jesus Christ, he believes in waiting until marriage to have sex, and he reads about religion as much as a I read about sexuality. In this episode I get to have a very loving and gentle conversation with him about masturbation, anal sex, homosexuality, sin, grace, and judgment. We laugh, he tears up, I challenge scripture, he shows compassion. I hope you enjoy. Ancora imparo.
Charley identifies as non-binary. Lindsey loves words. Together the two of them go through sex terms they've heard of and ones that are new all the while making up their own language for the gaps in language. To follow along with the original Sexplanations video episode where Lindsey sings Red Rhapsody visit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-54bcNJOIYc&t
And to support our unscripted educational conversations, please become a sexpla(i)naut at patreon.com/sexplanationspodcast.
Sarah Aswell is one of the leading ladies in our local comedy scene and a captivating freelance writer. She sat down with me and we got to talk about being orgasmic, whether or not vaginal orgasms are real, what suggestions we have for people with anorgasmia, our thoughts on vibrators, our thoughts on food, and how not all of orgasm's history is as good as they feel.
Sextra Credit: Talk to others about orgasming nonchalantly and draw vulvas on the windshields of your car's dirt. Or not, we're all about consent and safey here on the Sexplanations Podcast. Ancora Imparo.
Book I referenced: What Wild Ecstasy: The rise and fall of the sexual revolution by John Heidenry
Michael Aranda is curious. He wants to know why he has two testicles instead of one or three. He wants to know why biosex females are more likely to experience a sex flush than biosex males. Why does his erection look different than an Chinese heuristic? But Dr. Doe can't convince him to investigate the change in color of vaginas. Keep learning with us. Ancora imparo.
This consensual conversation about sex includes correlations between sex and college, how throws play parties, what asking for what you want sexually can look like, and pubic muscle building. Sextra Credit: 1) Learn the Inverted Vulcan by going to reidaboutsex.com/vulcan and sign up for Reid's newsletter to get a free video about how to perform the Inverted Vulcan. 2) Share this episode of the podcast with a friend
Dr. Doe and Dr. Chaves went to sex school in their twenties and they've enjoyed being sexologists. This episode is a reflection on the paths they took and their recommendations for those who are curious about the career.
Clinical sexologist Dr. Doe gets the giggles listening to the producer of Sexplanations, Matthew Gaydos, answer your sex questions.
Sextra Credit: Answer the questions yourself.
Q: What does "sexually active" mean?
Q: Who do you have sex with?
Q: Is there something people do in their sex lives that they think is good but you think is dysfunctional?
Q: How do I get my sex drive back?
Q: How can I learn about sexuality without experimenting?
Q: Can you explain asexuality?
Q: Does anyone else think speculums look like a duck?
Q: What can I do if I'm allergic to latex?
Q: How do I get started masturbating?
Q: What is the how-to on vaginal hygiene?
Q: What is the difference between an STI and an STD?
Q: Do I have to do anything differently with a condom if I have a foreskin?
Q: How can we know we're being safe and doing it right?
Q: What do you masturbate to?
Q: What should I know about choosing a dildo?
Q: Can you talk about periods?
Q: What are the pros and cons of the birth control pill?
Q: Where do I go to talk about my asexuality?
Q: What's the best way to clean out sebum before it turns into smegma?
Q: Can you eat smegma?
Q: How come when I finger myself, it feels completely different than when my partner fingers me?
Q: Can you get pregnant from a handjob or a blowjob?
Q: Can you lose your virginity to a speculum?
Q: What is BDSM?
Q: What do you think about sapiosexuality?
Q: What are your thoughts on shaving pubic hair?
Q: How do you feel about sex for recreation?
Q: How do you feel about the legality of prostitution?
Q: How do you go about choosing a dildo?
Would you put your sperm under a microscope? What are you thoughts on porn? How about masturbating in the Oval office? Hank Green of SciShow, CrashCourse, VidCon, and Vlogbrothers shares his answers with doctor of human sexuality and host of Sexplanations Lindsey Doe. Please leave your comments and questions for future episodes. Ancora imparo -- I'm still learning.
Richelle has had some traumatic urinary tract infections and Dr. Doe is no stranger to them herself. Listen to these two friends talk about their woes and creative ways (and sex positions) to mitigate UTIs.
Join Dr. Doe and her longtime friend, Tori in a conversation about the vagina’s neighborhood. They discuss their vulvas, childbirth, yeast infections, kegels, going to the gynecologist, and squirting in a free-dialogue for your listening pleasure. Note: Some of the experiences described are shared with cisgendered wording, please know Sexplanations' tries to be body-positive and inclusive, and has no intent to harm. Ancora Imparo.
Curious about how to find your g-spot, healthy relationships, and crush fetishes? What are the worst and best parts of being a sexologist? Join Dr. Lindsey Doe and one of her dearest friends Heidi Sedivy in a sincere conversation about humping stuffed animals, among many random sex topics. They answer questions from the audience, do group Kegels, and review sex toys for your (listening) pleasure.
This week Dr. Lindsey Doe and comedian John Howard discuss sex shields -- what they are, if they use them, audience thoughts, and hopes for sex shields in the future. Are you familiar with the Pronto Condom? What do you think of dams for oral sex? How would you handle missing latex? Join us and keep learning.
Join Dr. Lindsey Doe, clinical sexologist and host of the popular YouTube channel Sexplanations in a conversation about sex with filmmaker and video producer Nick Jenkins.
To support the show go to patreon.com/sexplanationspodcast.
For news and updates, follow us us on twitter @elleteedee
Special thanks to Count Boogie from the Perverted Podcast for jingles, Synema Studios for editing, and Nick Jenkins for co-hosting.
Ancora Imparo (I'm still learning)