#71: Your Questions: Emotional Safety + Parenting
Published August 22, 2018
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40 min
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    Your questions are fuel for us for two reasons. First, you are real and desire to live a great story for your kids. Secondly, your courage to ask questions helps everyone listening to the podcast. If you struggle with something, other families struggle with it too.
    It’s an honor being in this together with you. These Q & A episodes give all of us encouragement. So thank you!
    In this episode, we had a number of questions related to being emotionally safe for our kids and why it’s important. In this week’s episode we discuss:

    * Resources for understanding our own story as a parent
    * How to connect and talk to our child with grace, especially if he / she is prone to feeling ashamed
    * If a parent is away for work, ways he / she can connect with the kids from the road
    * How to plan for a difficult conversation with our teenager (and even our kids), especially when there is a rift in the relationship
    * Championing our kids in their interests and passions, even if they have no outlets for it in our local area
    * The importance of kids recognizing and putting words to their emotions

    As a general takeaway for this episode, give yourselves grace. When we walk in grace, it’s easier to pass it onto our kids as well.
    The questions: 
    Jen: In episode 51 you talk about emotional safety for our kids and attachment. I recognize the only way I can address my own attachment style and my tendencies and my reasons for flying off the handle (or why certain things make me go to that place) is if I do the hard work of understanding my past and who I am. But I don’t know where to start. I have very little long term memory, so I don’t know how to dig in? Do you recommend any resources for helping along with this deep work?
    Annie: My oldest is 6, she is extremely independent and smart. I have raised her almost completely by myself because my husband is in the oilfield and physically absent. Over the last year or so she has developed this habit of every time I try and correct her (often my delivery isn’t with grace) she responds by saying, “It’s because I’m stupid, I’m just stupid.” She just seems so frustrated and defeated. I can’t seem to get through to her to try again or that she isn’t dumb/stupid. I know I have done something maybe to contribute to that. But since it’s already been done, what is something I can say to maybe help navigate or reframe her mindset. I also need to say I have NEVER called her that. However, I know she has heard me say things like, “This is so stupid,” talking about lots of different things.
    Lindsay: I just found your podcast in a major time of need. I just feel I’m getting it all wrong. I’ve listened to a few of your episodes and know I need to change my parenting style. I have a 16-year-old who previously to this last year was easy to raise. The last year has been a living nightmare and I’m handling it all wrong. I’m disappointing, angry, mean, and just lost. My question is, how do you suggest I start making a change? I know I need to sit down and have a conversation but I don’t know where to start.
    Shannon: My daughter is nine years old and she hates sports, exercise and being outdoors. She loves singing and performing and creating movies on her iPad. Unfortunately we live in an area where our school only offers athletics – there is no chorus, show choir, drama, or band. My daughter has a meltdown and wants to quit anytime something is difficult. She is a pleaser, is very sensitive and wants to fit in and be included. So we make her play rec sports because a) she needs the exercise and b) we are worried that if we let her quit now that she will regret it once she gets up to junior high and all of her friends are on teams. She currently complains about leaving the house to go...
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